TO Ben,
This journal entry I have to decicate to Ben.
I use to wake up with a smile on my face knowing that you were there for me, that you loved me for me. Now, In this past week, I wake up with a tear in my eye. and sometimes this week that one tear has turned into many. I have realized that I can not be as strong as I want. There is just a great big hole in my heart. But, soon after I wake up I look at our homecoming picture and think about that weekend and thanksgiving and me tears they turn in a smirk just with tears falling still.
'
I can't figuare out what happened. If I had done anything wrong, or what. I'm still so very confused that I'm not sure what I'm doing. Besides driving my self crazy and trying to keep my mind off the pain that has been unleashed on my heart. I want to talk to you about everything. But, I can not do that until you are also ready. The weird part about this is.. I should be the one that doesn't want to talk yet. But I'm not, I think thats because there are alot of unanswered questions. concerns and worries... everytime I hear our song.. a real fine place to start... I think about you and homecoming. I just Want to know what is wrong, and happened.
Just once you think you have everything under control and you think you have a grip on life.. it always seems to throw a curve ball. This time i was not ready for it. I guess I was getting a little confrontable being on my toes and god decided something. But the pain is real even though I want it to be a dream. I really want it to be the dream that I have been having the past week. actualy I kinda hope that dream comes true. I'm not going to hold my breath or anything like that. ALL I know is that the only thing I wanted for christmas I don't think I'm going to get... which was time spent with you while you were home... that was the only thing That I wanted for Christmas. I'm not even going to have any presents to open tomorrow morning. and I didn't want any.. Just you. But, as of right now, that can't be possible. Its ok though. I guess you can't always get what you want.
I just want answers, and the truth not matter if it hurts me worst then I am now. at least I will know the truth!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Well everyone, right now I have no clue what i'm doing this week hopefully hangout with people. I also have a couple things left for homework that I have to complete too. Fun fun fun.. not really. I hope to find time to have fun and not be all depressed.. Oh yeah.. Party this weekend.. New years!! Also, ONE MONTH TILL ME B-DAY!!!! YAY!! please no one forget it this year!!!!! just send me a card or say happy b-day is all I ask..
I use to wake up with a smile on my face knowing that you were there for me, that you loved me for me. Now, In this past week, I wake up with a tear in my eye. and sometimes this week that one tear has turned into many. I have realized that I can not be as strong as I want. There is just a great big hole in my heart. But, soon after I wake up I look at our homecoming picture and think about that weekend and thanksgiving and me tears they turn in a smirk just with tears falling still.
'
I can't figuare out what happened. If I had done anything wrong, or what. I'm still so very confused that I'm not sure what I'm doing. Besides driving my self crazy and trying to keep my mind off the pain that has been unleashed on my heart. I want to talk to you about everything. But, I can not do that until you are also ready. The weird part about this is.. I should be the one that doesn't want to talk yet. But I'm not, I think thats because there are alot of unanswered questions. concerns and worries... everytime I hear our song.. a real fine place to start... I think about you and homecoming. I just Want to know what is wrong, and happened.
Just once you think you have everything under control and you think you have a grip on life.. it always seems to throw a curve ball. This time i was not ready for it. I guess I was getting a little confrontable being on my toes and god decided something. But the pain is real even though I want it to be a dream. I really want it to be the dream that I have been having the past week. actualy I kinda hope that dream comes true. I'm not going to hold my breath or anything like that. ALL I know is that the only thing I wanted for christmas I don't think I'm going to get... which was time spent with you while you were home... that was the only thing That I wanted for Christmas. I'm not even going to have any presents to open tomorrow morning. and I didn't want any.. Just you. But, as of right now, that can't be possible. Its ok though. I guess you can't always get what you want.
I just want answers, and the truth not matter if it hurts me worst then I am now. at least I will know the truth!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Well everyone, right now I have no clue what i'm doing this week hopefully hangout with people. I also have a couple things left for homework that I have to complete too. Fun fun fun.. not really. I hope to find time to have fun and not be all depressed.. Oh yeah.. Party this weekend.. New years!! Also, ONE MONTH TILL ME B-DAY!!!! YAY!! please no one forget it this year!!!!! just send me a card or say happy b-day is all I ask..