Why the fuck is it always me?
Ok so i just need to vent so this could be very long...
The only good thing in my life right now is Samantha. I just found out on friday that my stepdad has to start chemothrapy... I have never shared so much in common with anyone as i do with him. He has always been there for me no matter what I needed or what I have ever done. And now hes slowy leaving me and my mom. This cancer shit has slowy ate away at not only him but my family as well. I love him like a father. I cannot loose him to this selfish dieasese. Why the fuck is god so fuckin sick. Why does he have to do this to him? Im so confused.. My mother has no help at her house and I cant even stay there without breaking down and loosing it. I hate to see him sick and I hate to see my mother upset. The one thing that i have to look forward to every single saturday morning is Kevin Taking me to lessons and he hasnt two times in four weeks because he has been so fucking sick. I hate "god" right about now. I dont want kevin to leave our family. He is such a great guy. Today my mother was practically begging me to stay there tonight. But I physically cannot do it. I couldnt stay there from 2-8 without breaking down. Im so sick of beeing tired and tired of beeing sick. This whole situation just ties my stomach into knots. The past two months have been hell.. I havent really had a weekend to do what i wanted in so long, im going crazy. Like for example last weekend i was at the hospital from 6:30 pm to 4:00 am Waiting for my brother to get through his surgery and to bring him home. Then I had to get up and go to my guitar lesson get back home take care of my brother again because he was in so much pain... Then this weekend I find out about kevin. I just want to fuckin scream. Just when i think my life couldnt possibly sucker a bigger cock then it allready has i get slapped in the face and find out that kevin is sick and has to go through chemo.... FUCK!
Last night my father got drunk again. in his eyes his only kid is Bud. not kyle cody or kelsey. The other day i told him i stole a base at my game and i get how did your fat ass steal a base. Great huh? Thats just what any 15 year old in my shoes would love to hear. Hes so immature..Lets just get drunk yea thats really cool dale.. You fucking washed up looser asshole.. What a fucking has been.. I hate him sometimes.
Now dad a tracey are getting married in like 3 weeks... I dont even want it to happen sometimes because just the preparations are causing so much trouble and i want to FUCKING SCREAM!! Tracey sometimes tries to play the mom role a bit to much. I hate that shit...
I feel like i let sam down today by not going to the speedbowl but right now i am nothing but a fucking head case and she doesnt need to deal with that. I am crying typing this and i NEVER cry. Im so mentally fucked right now.
PArt of me is glad that i typed this but then again i feel like im bitching. I just want everything to be ok. It seems like my life is like an old baseball right now and it is falling apart at the seams..
I learned alot in life today and that is treasure everything you have ever and will ever have in your life. Because i never ever thought that kevin would be this sick. I never though my dad would get married three times. I never thought about all the bad things that have happened to me this week could have happened... I guess thats pretty much it for now. Im going to lay down and think about things for a while....
The only good thing in my life right now is Samantha. I just found out on friday that my stepdad has to start chemothrapy... I have never shared so much in common with anyone as i do with him. He has always been there for me no matter what I needed or what I have ever done. And now hes slowy leaving me and my mom. This cancer shit has slowy ate away at not only him but my family as well. I love him like a father. I cannot loose him to this selfish dieasese. Why the fuck is god so fuckin sick. Why does he have to do this to him? Im so confused.. My mother has no help at her house and I cant even stay there without breaking down and loosing it. I hate to see him sick and I hate to see my mother upset. The one thing that i have to look forward to every single saturday morning is Kevin Taking me to lessons and he hasnt two times in four weeks because he has been so fucking sick. I hate "god" right about now. I dont want kevin to leave our family. He is such a great guy. Today my mother was practically begging me to stay there tonight. But I physically cannot do it. I couldnt stay there from 2-8 without breaking down. Im so sick of beeing tired and tired of beeing sick. This whole situation just ties my stomach into knots. The past two months have been hell.. I havent really had a weekend to do what i wanted in so long, im going crazy. Like for example last weekend i was at the hospital from 6:30 pm to 4:00 am Waiting for my brother to get through his surgery and to bring him home. Then I had to get up and go to my guitar lesson get back home take care of my brother again because he was in so much pain... Then this weekend I find out about kevin. I just want to fuckin scream. Just when i think my life couldnt possibly sucker a bigger cock then it allready has i get slapped in the face and find out that kevin is sick and has to go through chemo.... FUCK!
Last night my father got drunk again. in his eyes his only kid is Bud. not kyle cody or kelsey. The other day i told him i stole a base at my game and i get how did your fat ass steal a base. Great huh? Thats just what any 15 year old in my shoes would love to hear. Hes so immature..Lets just get drunk yea thats really cool dale.. You fucking washed up looser asshole.. What a fucking has been.. I hate him sometimes.
Now dad a tracey are getting married in like 3 weeks... I dont even want it to happen sometimes because just the preparations are causing so much trouble and i want to FUCKING SCREAM!! Tracey sometimes tries to play the mom role a bit to much. I hate that shit...
I feel like i let sam down today by not going to the speedbowl but right now i am nothing but a fucking head case and she doesnt need to deal with that. I am crying typing this and i NEVER cry. Im so mentally fucked right now.
PArt of me is glad that i typed this but then again i feel like im bitching. I just want everything to be ok. It seems like my life is like an old baseball right now and it is falling apart at the seams..
I learned alot in life today and that is treasure everything you have ever and will ever have in your life. Because i never ever thought that kevin would be this sick. I never though my dad would get married three times. I never thought about all the bad things that have happened to me this week could have happened... I guess thats pretty much it for now. Im going to lay down and think about things for a while....