(no subject)
"...Last spring Greg asked me how I defined friend. I couldn't answer right away, I had no idea. Month or two later I had a rough idea. I wrote an essay about it, sort of, maybe more of a journal, filled with my thoughts on the matter. If I can find it I'll attach it after I post this some time. For whatever reason this question lingers on. I don't feel I really answered it, nor that I still can. Quite honestly I don't know a way to really define friend. Seriously think about it a few moments. If you automatically had an answer and it was short and sweet, I honestly think you need to re-evaluate your definition of the word. Anyways, its an important question to me and whenever I think about it I just think of my friends, past and present. I realize I don't hold a very good record of friends, to be honest. My first real friend, Kyle, was my friend for years and years. We had a great time, but decisions made on both our parts lead us to where we are now. I haven't talked to him in a few years, even when I see him around. My second real friend, Jeff, I had a blast with too. He lived in the apartments with me. He moved after 4th grade, and I regret my actions the last time I saw him. After Kyle and Jeff I became friends with David and Brent. I'm still friends with them. They are really the only people I've really had a lasting relationship with...and I treated them like crap sometimes (still do sometimes, I'm sure). Brent made an observation one time, and after some time it got back to me, as stuff side about other tend to do. He said I don't keep friends, I just use them and then throw them away when I'm done. Now, thats not word for word, but damn close. I see where he gets that. I could defend myself, but I'm not. Looking at it that way, its true. Well, seems I'm just rambling at this point, sorry, but I'll press on.
...
Happy in friends. As mentioned above I've been at home alone the last few weeks. Not by choice. I don't really fit in with my friends oddly enough. I have fun with them a lot of times, but only doing certain things. And its hard to have fun with them when they don't talk to you. I haven't IMed any of them lately because, frankly, I'm sick of doing it all the time. This is why some of my past friendships ended. I eventually realized that if I didn't IM them, they didn't IM me. What the fuck kind of friendship is that! Greg told me NOT to IM him if I didn't have anything to say other than "hey." Given he was a little hot at the time I guess, and he claims to have not meant it that way, but thats how I took it and I'll be damned if I haven't stuck to that pretty well. We used to be the best of friends until he went on that trip to the Bahamas. After he came back he suddenly quit playing XI, was rarely online, claimed to be quiting games altogether, and was really only interested in his new friends. Or at least thats how it seemed when he spent a while not talking to anyone. Posted on his journal not to try and contact him. And for a while before that wouldn't even say "seeya" or bye or anything after we talked on AIM. Haven't had a good relationship with him ever since, which is a shame, cause I loved that. He was an awesome friend.
During that time Greg wasn't talking to anyone I found a new friend in Laura. we were both bored one night so I picked her up and her, Brent, and I went out to find something to do. That was a great night. After that me and her did a lot of stuff together, met Cindy, she joined in, too. Eventually Greg started talking to us again, and was pissed at me for hanging with them and not taking the lead and inviting him. Also sorry for that, but alas, I stick with my defense on that one. I could have done more, given, but its not all my fault. So now we're all hanging out, BJ shit happens and suddenly its "The Cult." My question to you all, who's in TheCult? Why did you include those people? (I'm sure someone will try to claim credit to those questions as well, so let me pre-empt that and say "you didn't ask me, I don't care.") My answer (at the time this was on my mind most): Laura, Cindy, Brent, Me, and occasionally Tony. My answer now: Brent, Laura, Cindy, Greg. With touches of Brad, David, maybe Megan, and Tony takes precident if he's in town..."
Ammendment:
Greg also said this in his LJ: Then towards the end of the summer, Kevin kind of broke away. I don't really know what led to it, but he just kind of faded out of the picture.
I'll tell you now, I didn't go anywhere. Reread my previous section about how you got mad at me for not inviting you to hang with me and Laura and then think about how many times you guys have invited me anywhere in the last couple months. (If you say even one time you're lying.) I "broke away" because I stopped getting invited. You know a good way to tell who's really a friend? Count how many times they IM you instead of you IM them. I realized that with my friend Terri. I always IMed her, she wouldn't IM me, so I just stopped one day. Today was the first time I've talked to her since tenth grade. Not to mention I can count the IMs I've gotten in the last couple months that weren't from my friend Chris on one hand. I guess thats a few more friends lost, eh?
~Kevin
...
Happy in friends. As mentioned above I've been at home alone the last few weeks. Not by choice. I don't really fit in with my friends oddly enough. I have fun with them a lot of times, but only doing certain things. And its hard to have fun with them when they don't talk to you. I haven't IMed any of them lately because, frankly, I'm sick of doing it all the time. This is why some of my past friendships ended. I eventually realized that if I didn't IM them, they didn't IM me. What the fuck kind of friendship is that! Greg told me NOT to IM him if I didn't have anything to say other than "hey." Given he was a little hot at the time I guess, and he claims to have not meant it that way, but thats how I took it and I'll be damned if I haven't stuck to that pretty well. We used to be the best of friends until he went on that trip to the Bahamas. After he came back he suddenly quit playing XI, was rarely online, claimed to be quiting games altogether, and was really only interested in his new friends. Or at least thats how it seemed when he spent a while not talking to anyone. Posted on his journal not to try and contact him. And for a while before that wouldn't even say "seeya" or bye or anything after we talked on AIM. Haven't had a good relationship with him ever since, which is a shame, cause I loved that. He was an awesome friend.
During that time Greg wasn't talking to anyone I found a new friend in Laura. we were both bored one night so I picked her up and her, Brent, and I went out to find something to do. That was a great night. After that me and her did a lot of stuff together, met Cindy, she joined in, too. Eventually Greg started talking to us again, and was pissed at me for hanging with them and not taking the lead and inviting him. Also sorry for that, but alas, I stick with my defense on that one. I could have done more, given, but its not all my fault. So now we're all hanging out, BJ shit happens and suddenly its "The Cult." My question to you all, who's in TheCult? Why did you include those people? (I'm sure someone will try to claim credit to those questions as well, so let me pre-empt that and say "you didn't ask me, I don't care.") My answer (at the time this was on my mind most): Laura, Cindy, Brent, Me, and occasionally Tony. My answer now: Brent, Laura, Cindy, Greg. With touches of Brad, David, maybe Megan, and Tony takes precident if he's in town..."
Ammendment:
Greg also said this in his LJ: Then towards the end of the summer, Kevin kind of broke away. I don't really know what led to it, but he just kind of faded out of the picture.
I'll tell you now, I didn't go anywhere. Reread my previous section about how you got mad at me for not inviting you to hang with me and Laura and then think about how many times you guys have invited me anywhere in the last couple months. (If you say even one time you're lying.) I "broke away" because I stopped getting invited. You know a good way to tell who's really a friend? Count how many times they IM you instead of you IM them. I realized that with my friend Terri. I always IMed her, she wouldn't IM me, so I just stopped one day. Today was the first time I've talked to her since tenth grade. Not to mention I can count the IMs I've gotten in the last couple months that weren't from my friend Chris on one hand. I guess thats a few more friends lost, eh?
~Kevin