(no subject)
Well Today i am scrambling to get ready for the baby shower my play group is giving for a friend. However, i got stuck with doing absolutely everything! Don't get me wrong, i love doing that kind of stuff and i know it will bring joy to her heart when she finds out (its a suprise)i think that is my gift, making others feel special, i rarely miss out on hosting this or that, or organizing birthday parties, girls night out's and what not. I just wish i could do more! It really makes me happy. But this time the date is approaching fast and nothing is done yet, i feel like since i have to scramble to do everything that it won't be as "Special" because i dont have the same time to put lot's of thought into it, and in doing that i'll let her down..I know it's dumb, i should have let other people help me. Well they are, everyone is piching in 10 bucks, but i didnt enlist anyone to help me prep, im a control freak that way. If i have a "vision" for a party, i just get distracted if someone is trying to help me come up with idea's if it doesn't fit into my box, so i do it myself, which i like, but i think im feeding a selfish part of me by doing that. Im basically saying "i can do it better than you, so just let me" But people in Steamboat do the bare minimum! Its always a pot luck and none of the dishes match and it drives me crazy...theres no theme, no orginazation,no decoration, nothing! I probably sound like a self centered brat, and i hate that! But i can't help but think part of my strain for perfection in parties is so that the person im doing it for feels special, becuase no one else takes the time to put together such special events in Steamboat...But i do know some of it also comes from me wanting to appear like the premier party thrower, and that i HATE! It is slowely changing though, just not a fast as i'd like. I guess i have pride issues. Thats an ugly thing to have and i want no part of it. But i have this nagging (i dont know what it is) inside of me...For instance, last November i threw my sisiter in law a birthday party. I decided it would be a "Dancing Disco Bash" Everyone had to come dressed up in 70's attire (everyone looked Fab) i moved all the furniture back so it was dead space in the living room, and covered...i mean covered every wall with tie-dye print and huge flower-power cuts out's, peach symbols and what not. I put glow in the dark door beads on the door seperating the kitchen and dance floor, and the kitchen was only lit by black lights and had an open bar and food area. Then i bought a disco light (the kind that changes color and moves to music) and hoisted it up on one of the beams so it shot down on the dance floor. Then played only disco all night............and it was sooooooooooooooo much fun. But that is not where the prolem lies. I had trouble, i mean real trouble keeping it to that minimum. I cant do things like that un less im going to go all out, or else i dont do them. God is teaching me such moderation in that area! Im telling you all this because i hope you'll pray for me. my people pleasing side is huge, it's a fault. Anyhow, im going to denver later today to get my car tuned up. But i get to go to the mall so that's awesome. I have gift certificates to some of the stores there from my wedding!Im excited. I must go get my sweet daughter ready for the day. Im readign the book "Creative Correction" and i love it, it's teaching me so much about discipline and growing kid's to know the Lord. Cheerio.