Partial explanation.
I think I have partially figured out why I have such cold feet with getting married (thank god!! haha). It scares me shitless to essentially have to put your full trust into someone. Until you get married it seems like it is so much easier to just up and walk away. As of a month however, I will no longer have that option. Not that I WANT to walk away. I mean, John has not demonstrated anything to make me doubt it. With way my mind works though, feels like a ticking bomb with some things. Hard to explain without FULLY explaining somethings but it makes sense in my head. ;-)