No way to contact any of my friends...
And thus - Here I am once again, alone on a weekend in my sweltering bedroom, listening to Ani DiFranco as loudly as I can possibly manage before members of my family break down my door and throw my stereo out my window.
I have so much anger in me today...and I can't seem to think why. Well, of course there are many reasons, but they're so silly and pointless - therefore I will blame my current disposition on my lack of sleep.
Last night, after I posted my livejournal entry, I went out in my backyard and sat on a lawn chair. It's so dark back there - but it was so comforting all at the same time. The moon had came out from behind some of the houses nearby, outlining the tips of the roofs with a silver glow.
And I felt comfortable -- in the middle of a storm of anger and sorrow, and confusion and hope, I'd found a moment of stillness and peace.
And then of course, I didn't want to go back into the house....back up here, to my room. But eventually, I did - when the sun began to show it's face. And up here I came, crawling into my covers and staring at my ceiling fan, the blades moving so fast, but doing relatively nothing to help the air flow.
I wish that he would call me....give me some indication of what's going on in his life...give me the chance to take in his voice.
And then when my eyes were barely open -- I rolled over and my eyes focused on a postcard that he'd sent me so long ago....and I felt the inexplicable pull of the past, which had begun to draw me in anyway, despite my own inclinations...away from the moment...away from the drowsiness that was overtaking my body.
And that's when I had the thought...:
Love is like falling....and falling is like this.
And I put that postcard down and fell asleep.
I have so much anger in me today...and I can't seem to think why. Well, of course there are many reasons, but they're so silly and pointless - therefore I will blame my current disposition on my lack of sleep.
Last night, after I posted my livejournal entry, I went out in my backyard and sat on a lawn chair. It's so dark back there - but it was so comforting all at the same time. The moon had came out from behind some of the houses nearby, outlining the tips of the roofs with a silver glow.
And I felt comfortable -- in the middle of a storm of anger and sorrow, and confusion and hope, I'd found a moment of stillness and peace.
And then of course, I didn't want to go back into the house....back up here, to my room. But eventually, I did - when the sun began to show it's face. And up here I came, crawling into my covers and staring at my ceiling fan, the blades moving so fast, but doing relatively nothing to help the air flow.
I wish that he would call me....give me some indication of what's going on in his life...give me the chance to take in his voice.
And then when my eyes were barely open -- I rolled over and my eyes focused on a postcard that he'd sent me so long ago....and I felt the inexplicable pull of the past, which had begun to draw me in anyway, despite my own inclinations...away from the moment...away from the drowsiness that was overtaking my body.
And that's when I had the thought...:
Love is like falling....and falling is like this.
And I put that postcard down and fell asleep.