(no subject)
Fortune cookie: An old love will come into your life, love will prosper.
That's incredibly scary. After hanging out with Jesse, coming home and reading that was kinda shocking....
But I don't know if he even wants to pursue anything. Because the convo's I've had with him since then have only been about life and whatnot............unless I missed hidden messages.
This really sucks. LoL. Not knowing - but wanting to so bad.
But really though, that boy is worth the wait.
Everyone always says that you can forget about someone, that what you feel will disappear and you won't be bothered by it ..... then why have I always felt this way for him? Always wondering how he was doing, and if he's happy with who he's with?
It's so natural, so easy, to be around him. Not having seen him for awhile didn't change anything...I still had the butterflies - but I wasn't nervous, I was comfortable and happy.
But I don't want to say anything just yet. I'm not going to see him, because of Trek, and I don't know what he would say if I brought this up. He doesn't want to be tied down to someone who he will barely see for 6 months
I'm sure he's into a girl that he and his cousin know...or something along those lines. But even if he did feel how I feel, would he trust me again? Especially after what I did to him.
I wish I could kick my own ass. LoL.
The dream that I had the other night - him telling me to get 'the fucking hell outta my life' and never see him again - scares me. I don't want it to turn out that way.
Ack..lol. If only I could tell him this. But I don't want to lose the friendship that's remained in tact for this long.
I want to like..hug him and hold him...and have him do the same -- but not if he doesn't feel the same. I don;t want a guy to lie about how he feels about me -- like Brett, like others.
He's definitely my soulmate in a friend way. He knows me...better than anyone. But there's this flickering candle inside of me, telling me that there's something more and that I'm just fooling myself by trying to say there isnt.
When he and I kissed at his place the other night....it's like...everything in the past was so stupid...and it just shows that no matter what, the outcome should be that Jesse and I are meant for each other..or at least, meant to try......
I love that boy, and I always have. Even when he told me to forget about him and go on to brett, EvEn then...he was always in the back of my mind.
I mean...I thought that I loved Brett.... all the memories were so happy, so fun and I remember being happy. But then I realized that those were the times that were spent with Brett AND Jesse..........................Jesse was why I wanted to be there.
I always have flashbacks to the time in Brett's car when Jesse and I were holding hands...me in the front seat, him behind me in the back. How whenever he touched my hand, my skin, it was as if something was growing inside of me...friendship, happiness, ...Love. Brett never knew...but I wish he had............because then I could have just pronounced my feelings for jesse to the world.
I'd give anything to have that back with him. Just him.
That's incredibly scary. After hanging out with Jesse, coming home and reading that was kinda shocking....
But I don't know if he even wants to pursue anything. Because the convo's I've had with him since then have only been about life and whatnot............unless I missed hidden messages.
This really sucks. LoL. Not knowing - but wanting to so bad.
But really though, that boy is worth the wait.
Everyone always says that you can forget about someone, that what you feel will disappear and you won't be bothered by it ..... then why have I always felt this way for him? Always wondering how he was doing, and if he's happy with who he's with?
It's so natural, so easy, to be around him. Not having seen him for awhile didn't change anything...I still had the butterflies - but I wasn't nervous, I was comfortable and happy.
But I don't want to say anything just yet. I'm not going to see him, because of Trek, and I don't know what he would say if I brought this up. He doesn't want to be tied down to someone who he will barely see for 6 months
I'm sure he's into a girl that he and his cousin know...or something along those lines. But even if he did feel how I feel, would he trust me again? Especially after what I did to him.
I wish I could kick my own ass. LoL.
The dream that I had the other night - him telling me to get 'the fucking hell outta my life' and never see him again - scares me. I don't want it to turn out that way.
Ack..lol. If only I could tell him this. But I don't want to lose the friendship that's remained in tact for this long.
I want to like..hug him and hold him...and have him do the same -- but not if he doesn't feel the same. I don;t want a guy to lie about how he feels about me -- like Brett, like others.
He's definitely my soulmate in a friend way. He knows me...better than anyone. But there's this flickering candle inside of me, telling me that there's something more and that I'm just fooling myself by trying to say there isnt.
When he and I kissed at his place the other night....it's like...everything in the past was so stupid...and it just shows that no matter what, the outcome should be that Jesse and I are meant for each other..or at least, meant to try......
I love that boy, and I always have. Even when he told me to forget about him and go on to brett, EvEn then...he was always in the back of my mind.
I mean...I thought that I loved Brett.... all the memories were so happy, so fun and I remember being happy. But then I realized that those were the times that were spent with Brett AND Jesse..........................Jesse was why I wanted to be there.
I always have flashbacks to the time in Brett's car when Jesse and I were holding hands...me in the front seat, him behind me in the back. How whenever he touched my hand, my skin, it was as if something was growing inside of me...friendship, happiness, ...Love. Brett never knew...but I wish he had............because then I could have just pronounced my feelings for jesse to the world.
I'd give anything to have that back with him. Just him.