Jungle Crack 7/7
Title: Jungle Crack 7/7
Rating: NC-17 overall
Genre: AU. Put Roy, Ed, Al, Hei, Winry, Russell, Fletcher, Shezka together. Mix and stir. Graphic scenes are all yaoi.
Pairing: Multiple
Length: 3, 354 this bit (24,000 words total)
Author: kalikamaxwell
Artist: cofie
Warning: Pictures are included in the fic. Not quite worksafe.
Summary: Alfons the unlucky explorer gets lost in the jungle and is captured by the veeeeery friendly and very skimpily clad natives of the Elric tribe. See cultures clash messily! See sexy boys wear loincloths, and sometimes take them off!
Parts 1-3.
Parts 4-5.
Parts 6-8.
Parts 9-11.
Parts 12-14.
Parts 15-17.
-18-
Days passed. Sex seemed allowed again and Alfons went to great lengths to keep the brothers away from him when Rose was anywhere near. They caught on quickly enough and took to taking him with them to ‘hunt’. Winry was no fool and never failed to stare and scowl when they shuffled back in the village empty-handed.
It was not an arrangement without problems: it wasn’t long before they happened to roll over a plant that caused unpleasant rashes in embarrassing places. Thankfully, Fletcher had a cure for that and he didn’t laugh at them. Despite such problems and the frequent bug bites on the ass, they carried on.
Rose remained blissfully unaware of all this-for now. Alfons was convinced it couldn’t last. She’d find out about the homosexuality in the village and it’d be horribly, horribly embarrassing. He was bracing himself for it and was all the more surprised when it didn’t occur.
It didn’t occur because rescue happened first.
Alfons thought he’d gone crazy when, returning from collecting roots with Alphonse, he found familiar faces talking to Rose. He stopped and blinked, but the apparitions didn’t vanish. A few words drifted to him and he understood Rose was telling them what had happened to her team.
He came closer, ventured, “Miss Paninya?” The large square man beside her could be none but Scar: the x-shaped scar on his face was a bit of a giveaway.
Paninya turned her dark eyes on him and started laughing. “I never thought I’d see you like this! What happened to your clothes?”
He had grown used to the loincloth, but now he wanted nothing more than to hide his bare flesh behind a tree. “Well, they took them,” he said defensively.
“Never fear, the rescue is here and soon you will be wearing pants again.” Paninya grinned wolfishly. “Not that it’s such a bad look on you. You lost weight too.”
Hiding behind a tree sounded better and better.
Scar heaved a large bag to the ground and pulled out a matching set of pants, shirt and underwear. The boots were a nice bonus. “We came prepared.”
Red with his newly returned shame, Alfons wiggled into the clothes on the spot. The rough material felt strange on his skin but he was glad for the shelter against Paninya’s gaze.
“I’m sorry,” Paninya told Rose, her expression grown serious. “I wish we had fresh clothes for you too but we didn’t expect to find anybody else.” She shook her head. “I wish we’d volunteered for your trip. Things wouldn’t have gone so badly if we’d been there. Scar and I can tackle a whole tribe of cannibals.”
“Things happen,” Rose said philosophically. “It’s nobody’s fault. I’m glad you’re here now. I badly want to go home.”
“And home is where you’re both going.” Paninya looked to Alfons. “Are you well enough to get going right away? Alex is awfully worried and your brother’s threatening to come find you himself.”
“Is he?” Alfons smiled. “He’d never. He’d die without his lab. Me, I’m good to go.”
“Right then. Just give me a minute to talk to the boss lady over there.”
Rolling her shoulders like to prepare for a fight, Paninya turned toward Winry, who waited with arms crossed. She wasn’t alone: Alphonse and Edward stood nearby, grasping their spears and nervously watching Scar, who in turn eyed them impassively. It dawned on Alfons that things could easily go wrong.
Paninya advanced. She was as dark as Winry was fair and, standing face to face like this, they made a striking image. “Hello, Leader. I thank you for receiving us.”
“You’ve come for Alfons, you said.”
“Yes.”
“He’s our blood now.”
“So you said. I’m sorry but I believe he didn’t understand the ritual. I’m sure he appreciated his stay here, but he has his own tribe and kin waiting for him.”
“You said you’re his mate.”
“That’s what I said, yes.”
There was a long silence, Winry searching Paninya’s face. Scar shifted and though he made no move toward the gun at his side, he seemed ready for battle. Alfons wished he understood but thought it wiser not to interrupt.
Winry reluctantly bowed her head. “I understand.”
“Thank you.” Turning to them, Paninya called, “Get your things, if you have any left. She says we can go, so let’s hurry before she changes her mind.”
Alfons fetched his backpack. He felt embarrassed, knowing everybody’s eyes were on him. Winry’s face was blank, but Edward and Alphonse looked displeased, staring at him reproachfully. He looked their way once, quickly averting his eyes; they made him feel like a bad guy for wanting to go home.
Their little group left hastily, trampling away in the jungle. Edward yelled something bitter-sounding at their backs and Alfons was compelled to ask Paninya for a translation he knew he wouldn’t like.
“He said ‘blood traitor’. “Don’t worry about it. They’re a little touchy about some things.”
The jungle swallowed them. Sunbeams couldn’t reach the ground here, the trees tall and thick and all fighting for the life-giving light. It was difficult to move in the jungle outside the pathways and Scar had to do occasional hacking to facilitate their progress.
Bugs swarmed on the ground, prompting Alfons to give Rose his boots: they looked weird worn with a dress and they were too big, but they provided protection. Alfons contented himself with watching where he put his feet; he’d grown reasonably good at identifying things on which he really shouldn’t walk.
Paninya, walking last, kept looking back. “I think I saw something.”
“Big and orange, right? It’s just Alphonse’s pet tiger. Don’t mind her.”
It felt like a dream, going back. He didn’t quite believe it at first, as they made their way through the jungle, first shadowed by Kitten, then accompanied by Roy and then all alone as they left Roy’s tribe’s territory and climbed in a long pirogue. It took several hours but to him it felt like a short and sudden trip.
Slowly, they left the forest behind. Buildings eventually appeared on either side of the river, the trees around them reduced to stumps. The open sky above felt strange and the clothes on his back clung to his skin, already wet with sweat.
They soon landed and entered the city on foot. Of a certainty, it was nowhere as civilized as the cities in his country of origin, but the houses looked like houses, people wore clothes and he understood their words. Home, almost.
He stumbled after Paninya, paying no attention to their route, until at last they entered a building and an office that were most familiar.
“Yo, Boss,” Paninya said by way of greetings. “Some people are here to see you.”
The mountain behind the desk rose. “Alfons Heiderich!”
“Sir,” he said, and anything else he might have wanted to say was brutally cut off as the human mountain attacked him, lifting him off the floor and crushing him.
“You’re safe, what a relief!” He was put down before asphyxiation did its work. Armstrong patted his shoulders, likely trying to beat him into the floor like a nail. “You look well for somebody who has been missing for weeks.”
“I… I was rescued and cared for by locals. They were very friendly.”
“They are wonderfully kind people, aren’t they? So noble, so proud.”
“Yes, they’re fascinating,” he agreed weakly.
Armstrong peered at him in fatherly-like concern. “You look tired. You should rest and gather your strength. Paninya, please lead him to a spare room.” The huge man’s attention shifted to the slight girl accompanying them and his expression turned sober and worried. “I was not expecting this. Rose, my dear, come here and sit down. I have a feeling you have things of some importance to tell me.”
Alfons was all too glad to escape. He wasn’t interested in talking to anyone. He followed Paninya, nodded vaguely in answer to her promise to bring him food and sat on the bed, less thrilled than he should have been. He was saved, wasn’t he?
-19-
Departure was scheduled for two weeks later. Alfons looked through his notebook and shook his head, thinking it all sounded so crazy, especially the few lines on the natives’ sexual lives… He had left out certain things, things that he would never share and were very private, thank you very much. But just thinking about those things… Was it wrong to miss it? Religion was adamantly against cocks and rear ends doing anything with each other but since he wasn’t a religious man, that wasn’t his answer. What his personal answer was, he wasn’t sure.
He tried to write a letter to his parents (a silly idea, since he would be there before any letter he might send) to distract himself, failing miserably. He glanced at the last letter he’d gotten from them and sighed; all they seemed concerned about was whether he’d rather marry Maria or Julia. He couldn’t even remember what either of them looked liked. His parents desperately wanted to find him a wealthy match because his older brother only cared about his studies and ignored their pressure. He wished he knew how to do the same; he didn’t want to marry anyone at all! He was afraid he might cave in; if he did, his wanderings were going to be cut short. Then again he told himself gloomily, this little misadventure would be the end of everything anyway. They wouldn’t pay for another trip after this disaster.
Days passed, long and boring. He thought in circles and came to no decision.
Paninya visited him every so often to check on him, often bringing him some food at the same time. “How are you feeling? Boss is a bit worried; you haven’t been eating much. You don’t have a fever, do you? There are some nasty bugs here.”
“I’m fine.” He stood by the window, glancing out at a city that now left him indifferent.
“It was rough on you, huh? You’ll be home soon, no worry.” She patted him on the shoulder.
“What about you?”
“What about me?” she repeated, confused.
“This isn’t your home, is it?”
“Eh, I like it fine here. Boss pays me well to keep an eye on things.”
“You speak the local language too.”
“Sort of. There are a bunch of dialects. I don’t know everything. But I can do fine with the nearest tribes. I pick up languages pretty fast.”
He abandoned the window, settling near her on the bed. “What did you tell Winry anyway? I was expecting them to make a fuss over me leaving, but they didn’t.”
Paninya grinned. “Oh, I said you were my man. With those people, that’s one of the only good reasons to break blood. I suspected you might have been coaxed into something like that. I needed an excuse so they didn’t feel they had to fight to keep you. They sure gave us some nasty glares, didn’t they? I understand why; you’re a pretty sweet guy to have around.”
“I’m a pretty useless guy to have around, actually,” he said, laughing. “They should have thanked you. I think I was driving them nuts.”
He wasn’t sure why he was laughing, so he stopped before it turned to tears. Paninya gave him an odd look but left the room without a fuss when he mumbled about having a nap.
He’d kept his necklace, out of a whim; it hung against his skin under his shirt. He idly played with it, wondered which animal’s teeth they were and who had killed it. Edward or Alphonse, probably. The thought made him smile.
In turn, his smile made him think.
When he was done thinking, he wrote a letter. When he was done with that task, he strode downstairs and to Armstrong’s office.
“I’m going back,” he announced, his tone firm and unyielding.
Armstrong kindly didn’t call him crazy. “The wet season is coming. It is far less pleasant than the dry season. It rains almost every day, the ground is a sea of mud and there are more bugs trying to bite you than you can kill. It’s dangerous: they carry many illnesses.”
“I’ll give it a try. If I don’t like it, you can bring me home next time you come. You said you’d return next year, didn’t you?”
“And your parents?”
“I wrote them a letter.”
Armstrong was apparently not one to argue with other people’s decisions. “I understand.”
“Thank you!” He’d been a little afraid Armstrong might bodily toss him into a crate to bring him home, thinking him mad. “I already made a list of supplies I’ll need to-”
Armstrong nodded to himself without listening, eyes closed. “In this situation, I have no choice.” He stretched himself tall, ripping off his shirt and declaring in a booming voice, “I shall accompany you in this adventure!”
“You…you’re not serious,” Alfons said, almost begging. “I thought your parents forbade you-”
Armstrong dropped a heavy arm around his shoulders and proceeded to squeeze the life out of him. “We should take advantage of our wild youth and enjoy it! My parents cannot disapprove of me protecting a dear friend!”
“I can’t…I can’t breathe…”
In the end, he couldn’t make Armstrong change his mind. He watched in greater and greater alarm as the man began organizing matters. People were notified. Letters were sent. Supplies were packed. Guides were called.
Alfons was bundled along like a piece of luggage and could only splutter incoherently as he was ushered into a pirogue.
Paninya was unabashedly amused. “Smile! You won’t be so lonely this time. We’ll have fun.”
He gave her a look. “You’re going to have to take your words back. We’re not together.”
“Oh? Do you have an eye on a local girl?”
He laughed nervously and wondered if it wouldn’t be better if he could hide behind her to keep the boys away from him. Not that he wanted to, but with so many ‘civilized’ people around, it was bound to be problematic.
Problematic? More like hellish.
This dramatic return was not turning out as nicely as he’d hoped.
-20-
Winry stared. After a moment, she spoke. “I’m sorry? You said the lot of you would like to be our guests?”
The dark-skinned one, whose name was Paninya, confirmed it.
Winry looked at them: beside Alfons and the woman with the strange name, there was a man with a scar in his face and someone who had more in common with mountains than humans. The scarred man showed no emotion, Alfons looked profoundly embarrassed and the other two were beaming goodwill at her. These people wanted to be guests in her village? She wondered if she should turn and consult the others-she knew they were all watching, the men prepared to defend her should the strangers prove dangerous-but no, this was her village and her decision.
She shifted and the tons of good-luck charms pilled around her neck jingled. She wasn’t sure she was pregnant yet-she was only a little late-but they were already weighting her down with all the charms they could make. Not that she minded…
Returning her mind to the issue at hand, she spoke carefully. “There’ll be work to be done. We’re hardly prepared to feed the lot of you. We can cope with one useless hunter, not four. If you can feed yourself and lend us a hand for chores, you will be tolerated. Can you?”
Paninya laughed. “It won’t be a problem, I promise. I know the boy’s a bit helpless, but the rest of us can cover.”
“In that case, it will be our pleasure to host you.” She didn’t see how she could do otherwise. Looking at Alfons, she frowned, “You bring us quite a bit of trouble, you.”
Paninya translated; Alfons looked further embarrassed and spoke an apology that needed no translation.
“I don’t know where to put all of you,” Winry sighed dramatically. “We need new buildings.” Secretly, she felt rather pleased. Alfons had liked her village so much that he’d brought friends.
The mountain-man flexed his enormous muscles. “Do not worry!” he spoke. “We shall build our own shelter!”
Winry stared again. The pronunciation was imperfect, but she understood. “I…see.”
Edward and Alphonse chose that moment to snatch Alfons away from the others, chatting excitedly to him. Alfons, strangely enough, looked panicked when they tugged at his clothes.
“Ah, yes,” the mountain-man said in his booming voice. “Pants are not the way of life here. I came prepared.” He suddenly ripped off his clothes to reveal his own loincloth. His comparatively tiny loincloth, which hardly seemed able to hide anything at all, muscles bursting from it in all directions. And the sparkles, oh, the sparkles, a pink scintillating sea of them surrounding the man like an aura of pink doom. Sunrays seemed to focus on the man, highlighting his glorious muscles.
The men around Winry moaned in fear or pain; she only whistled. “I had no idea outsiders could be so… Do you suppose he’s all proportionate, Schez?”
“I do wonder,” Schezka replied, hedging closed.
“My eyes, oh my eyes,” Russell groaned from the ground.
Roy wandered by as though he belonged there, trailed by no other than his best friend Maes. “Hello. I thought we’d come and meet the new stranger. We saw them go down the river.”
Edward had recovered enough to complain about Roy’s presence. “Didn’t we have Kitten chase you out just yesterday?”
“I believe she got tired of it.”
“It looks lively around here,” Maes cheerfully said. “Gracia sends you these, Winry. To help the baby grow strong.” He offered her the large basket full of ripe fruits that he held. “She’s sorry about Cornello’s questionable judgment.”
Winry took the basket. “Uh, thank you.”
Alphonse slipped by her, addressing Paninya in a worried whisper. “Are you and Alfons really married?”
“Nah. I doubt we’ll marry any time soon.”
Brightening considerably, Alphonse skipped away to help Alfons out of his strange clothes.
Paninya opened wide eyes and looked to Winry. “Ah, Leader? Are some of your boys especially fond of mine?”
“Yes, very fond.”
The mountain-man was listening. He nodded gravely then boomed at the sky. “Ah, the wonders of manly love! Only here are they fully understood and celebrated! Have no shame, Alfons Heiderich!”
Winry didn’t understand why Alfons stared with such stunned eyes before suddenly sitting on the ground and rocking back and forth. “You all knew! Why didn’t anybody tell me? Why?”
“Don’t worry about him,” Paninya advised. “He’s still new. Culture shock, you know.”
Feeling like her grip on the situation was weakening, Winry straightened and spoke loudly. “Well, don’t you all stand around doing nothing! The newcomers should begin working on their shelter. We’ll help as soon as we’re done with our other tasks. Roy, if you’re going to trespass on my territory, get to work too!”
Everybody scrambled to obey and Winry smiled. Things would work out for the best, she was sure of it. She grasped one of the many charms around her neck and began considering baby names. Many baby names.
-Epilogue-
Heiderich wrote a lot on ‘his’ tribe. He sent his journal home once it was filled up, for safe-keeping, and his brother had the brilliant idea to get it published; it became the most popular book ever and everybody with a lot of money wanted to go trample the jungle.
Armstrong, because he was very smart beneath all those sparkles, had already purchased the Amestris jungle and didn’t allow any of them to go get themselves killed. How in the world somebody could just go and purchase half a country, nobody really knew, but Armstrong had all the shiny papers and nobody wanted to argue with him and his sparkles.
So the wild Elrics live happy ever after in their jungle! Or almost. There was still Armstrong and the sparkles. So many sparkles that he eventually ended up king of the jungles and all feared him, even the crocodiles.
End
This is where I say plz check out my erotic M/M novel, it's only $5 and if you buy it, those crazy people may ask me to write another! >
Read the excerpt and buy the book here. Please? I'm #2 in the gay section and I want to be #1. ;_;
Rating: NC-17 overall
Genre: AU. Put Roy, Ed, Al, Hei, Winry, Russell, Fletcher, Shezka together. Mix and stir. Graphic scenes are all yaoi.
Pairing: Multiple
Length: 3, 354 this bit (24,000 words total)
Author: kalikamaxwell
Artist: cofie
Warning: Pictures are included in the fic. Not quite worksafe.
Summary: Alfons the unlucky explorer gets lost in the jungle and is captured by the veeeeery friendly and very skimpily clad natives of the Elric tribe. See cultures clash messily! See sexy boys wear loincloths, and sometimes take them off!
Parts 1-3.
Parts 4-5.
Parts 6-8.
Parts 9-11.
Parts 12-14.
Parts 15-17.
-18-
Days passed. Sex seemed allowed again and Alfons went to great lengths to keep the brothers away from him when Rose was anywhere near. They caught on quickly enough and took to taking him with them to ‘hunt’. Winry was no fool and never failed to stare and scowl when they shuffled back in the village empty-handed.
It was not an arrangement without problems: it wasn’t long before they happened to roll over a plant that caused unpleasant rashes in embarrassing places. Thankfully, Fletcher had a cure for that and he didn’t laugh at them. Despite such problems and the frequent bug bites on the ass, they carried on.
Rose remained blissfully unaware of all this-for now. Alfons was convinced it couldn’t last. She’d find out about the homosexuality in the village and it’d be horribly, horribly embarrassing. He was bracing himself for it and was all the more surprised when it didn’t occur.
It didn’t occur because rescue happened first.
Alfons thought he’d gone crazy when, returning from collecting roots with Alphonse, he found familiar faces talking to Rose. He stopped and blinked, but the apparitions didn’t vanish. A few words drifted to him and he understood Rose was telling them what had happened to her team.
He came closer, ventured, “Miss Paninya?” The large square man beside her could be none but Scar: the x-shaped scar on his face was a bit of a giveaway.
Paninya turned her dark eyes on him and started laughing. “I never thought I’d see you like this! What happened to your clothes?”
He had grown used to the loincloth, but now he wanted nothing more than to hide his bare flesh behind a tree. “Well, they took them,” he said defensively.
“Never fear, the rescue is here and soon you will be wearing pants again.” Paninya grinned wolfishly. “Not that it’s such a bad look on you. You lost weight too.”
Hiding behind a tree sounded better and better.
Scar heaved a large bag to the ground and pulled out a matching set of pants, shirt and underwear. The boots were a nice bonus. “We came prepared.”
Red with his newly returned shame, Alfons wiggled into the clothes on the spot. The rough material felt strange on his skin but he was glad for the shelter against Paninya’s gaze.
“I’m sorry,” Paninya told Rose, her expression grown serious. “I wish we had fresh clothes for you too but we didn’t expect to find anybody else.” She shook her head. “I wish we’d volunteered for your trip. Things wouldn’t have gone so badly if we’d been there. Scar and I can tackle a whole tribe of cannibals.”
“Things happen,” Rose said philosophically. “It’s nobody’s fault. I’m glad you’re here now. I badly want to go home.”
“And home is where you’re both going.” Paninya looked to Alfons. “Are you well enough to get going right away? Alex is awfully worried and your brother’s threatening to come find you himself.”
“Is he?” Alfons smiled. “He’d never. He’d die without his lab. Me, I’m good to go.”
“Right then. Just give me a minute to talk to the boss lady over there.”
Rolling her shoulders like to prepare for a fight, Paninya turned toward Winry, who waited with arms crossed. She wasn’t alone: Alphonse and Edward stood nearby, grasping their spears and nervously watching Scar, who in turn eyed them impassively. It dawned on Alfons that things could easily go wrong.
Paninya advanced. She was as dark as Winry was fair and, standing face to face like this, they made a striking image. “Hello, Leader. I thank you for receiving us.”
“You’ve come for Alfons, you said.”
“Yes.”
“He’s our blood now.”
“So you said. I’m sorry but I believe he didn’t understand the ritual. I’m sure he appreciated his stay here, but he has his own tribe and kin waiting for him.”
“You said you’re his mate.”
“That’s what I said, yes.”
There was a long silence, Winry searching Paninya’s face. Scar shifted and though he made no move toward the gun at his side, he seemed ready for battle. Alfons wished he understood but thought it wiser not to interrupt.
Winry reluctantly bowed her head. “I understand.”
“Thank you.” Turning to them, Paninya called, “Get your things, if you have any left. She says we can go, so let’s hurry before she changes her mind.”
Alfons fetched his backpack. He felt embarrassed, knowing everybody’s eyes were on him. Winry’s face was blank, but Edward and Alphonse looked displeased, staring at him reproachfully. He looked their way once, quickly averting his eyes; they made him feel like a bad guy for wanting to go home.
Their little group left hastily, trampling away in the jungle. Edward yelled something bitter-sounding at their backs and Alfons was compelled to ask Paninya for a translation he knew he wouldn’t like.
“He said ‘blood traitor’. “Don’t worry about it. They’re a little touchy about some things.”
The jungle swallowed them. Sunbeams couldn’t reach the ground here, the trees tall and thick and all fighting for the life-giving light. It was difficult to move in the jungle outside the pathways and Scar had to do occasional hacking to facilitate their progress.
Bugs swarmed on the ground, prompting Alfons to give Rose his boots: they looked weird worn with a dress and they were too big, but they provided protection. Alfons contented himself with watching where he put his feet; he’d grown reasonably good at identifying things on which he really shouldn’t walk.
Paninya, walking last, kept looking back. “I think I saw something.”
“Big and orange, right? It’s just Alphonse’s pet tiger. Don’t mind her.”
It felt like a dream, going back. He didn’t quite believe it at first, as they made their way through the jungle, first shadowed by Kitten, then accompanied by Roy and then all alone as they left Roy’s tribe’s territory and climbed in a long pirogue. It took several hours but to him it felt like a short and sudden trip.
Slowly, they left the forest behind. Buildings eventually appeared on either side of the river, the trees around them reduced to stumps. The open sky above felt strange and the clothes on his back clung to his skin, already wet with sweat.
They soon landed and entered the city on foot. Of a certainty, it was nowhere as civilized as the cities in his country of origin, but the houses looked like houses, people wore clothes and he understood their words. Home, almost.
He stumbled after Paninya, paying no attention to their route, until at last they entered a building and an office that were most familiar.
“Yo, Boss,” Paninya said by way of greetings. “Some people are here to see you.”
The mountain behind the desk rose. “Alfons Heiderich!”
“Sir,” he said, and anything else he might have wanted to say was brutally cut off as the human mountain attacked him, lifting him off the floor and crushing him.
“You’re safe, what a relief!” He was put down before asphyxiation did its work. Armstrong patted his shoulders, likely trying to beat him into the floor like a nail. “You look well for somebody who has been missing for weeks.”
“I… I was rescued and cared for by locals. They were very friendly.”
“They are wonderfully kind people, aren’t they? So noble, so proud.”
“Yes, they’re fascinating,” he agreed weakly.
Armstrong peered at him in fatherly-like concern. “You look tired. You should rest and gather your strength. Paninya, please lead him to a spare room.” The huge man’s attention shifted to the slight girl accompanying them and his expression turned sober and worried. “I was not expecting this. Rose, my dear, come here and sit down. I have a feeling you have things of some importance to tell me.”
Alfons was all too glad to escape. He wasn’t interested in talking to anyone. He followed Paninya, nodded vaguely in answer to her promise to bring him food and sat on the bed, less thrilled than he should have been. He was saved, wasn’t he?
-19-
Departure was scheduled for two weeks later. Alfons looked through his notebook and shook his head, thinking it all sounded so crazy, especially the few lines on the natives’ sexual lives… He had left out certain things, things that he would never share and were very private, thank you very much. But just thinking about those things… Was it wrong to miss it? Religion was adamantly against cocks and rear ends doing anything with each other but since he wasn’t a religious man, that wasn’t his answer. What his personal answer was, he wasn’t sure.
He tried to write a letter to his parents (a silly idea, since he would be there before any letter he might send) to distract himself, failing miserably. He glanced at the last letter he’d gotten from them and sighed; all they seemed concerned about was whether he’d rather marry Maria or Julia. He couldn’t even remember what either of them looked liked. His parents desperately wanted to find him a wealthy match because his older brother only cared about his studies and ignored their pressure. He wished he knew how to do the same; he didn’t want to marry anyone at all! He was afraid he might cave in; if he did, his wanderings were going to be cut short. Then again he told himself gloomily, this little misadventure would be the end of everything anyway. They wouldn’t pay for another trip after this disaster.
Days passed, long and boring. He thought in circles and came to no decision.
Paninya visited him every so often to check on him, often bringing him some food at the same time. “How are you feeling? Boss is a bit worried; you haven’t been eating much. You don’t have a fever, do you? There are some nasty bugs here.”
“I’m fine.” He stood by the window, glancing out at a city that now left him indifferent.
“It was rough on you, huh? You’ll be home soon, no worry.” She patted him on the shoulder.
“What about you?”
“What about me?” she repeated, confused.
“This isn’t your home, is it?”
“Eh, I like it fine here. Boss pays me well to keep an eye on things.”
“You speak the local language too.”
“Sort of. There are a bunch of dialects. I don’t know everything. But I can do fine with the nearest tribes. I pick up languages pretty fast.”
He abandoned the window, settling near her on the bed. “What did you tell Winry anyway? I was expecting them to make a fuss over me leaving, but they didn’t.”
Paninya grinned. “Oh, I said you were my man. With those people, that’s one of the only good reasons to break blood. I suspected you might have been coaxed into something like that. I needed an excuse so they didn’t feel they had to fight to keep you. They sure gave us some nasty glares, didn’t they? I understand why; you’re a pretty sweet guy to have around.”
“I’m a pretty useless guy to have around, actually,” he said, laughing. “They should have thanked you. I think I was driving them nuts.”
He wasn’t sure why he was laughing, so he stopped before it turned to tears. Paninya gave him an odd look but left the room without a fuss when he mumbled about having a nap.
He’d kept his necklace, out of a whim; it hung against his skin under his shirt. He idly played with it, wondered which animal’s teeth they were and who had killed it. Edward or Alphonse, probably. The thought made him smile.
In turn, his smile made him think.
When he was done thinking, he wrote a letter. When he was done with that task, he strode downstairs and to Armstrong’s office.
“I’m going back,” he announced, his tone firm and unyielding.
Armstrong kindly didn’t call him crazy. “The wet season is coming. It is far less pleasant than the dry season. It rains almost every day, the ground is a sea of mud and there are more bugs trying to bite you than you can kill. It’s dangerous: they carry many illnesses.”
“I’ll give it a try. If I don’t like it, you can bring me home next time you come. You said you’d return next year, didn’t you?”
“And your parents?”
“I wrote them a letter.”
Armstrong was apparently not one to argue with other people’s decisions. “I understand.”
“Thank you!” He’d been a little afraid Armstrong might bodily toss him into a crate to bring him home, thinking him mad. “I already made a list of supplies I’ll need to-”
Armstrong nodded to himself without listening, eyes closed. “In this situation, I have no choice.” He stretched himself tall, ripping off his shirt and declaring in a booming voice, “I shall accompany you in this adventure!”
“You…you’re not serious,” Alfons said, almost begging. “I thought your parents forbade you-”
Armstrong dropped a heavy arm around his shoulders and proceeded to squeeze the life out of him. “We should take advantage of our wild youth and enjoy it! My parents cannot disapprove of me protecting a dear friend!”
“I can’t…I can’t breathe…”
In the end, he couldn’t make Armstrong change his mind. He watched in greater and greater alarm as the man began organizing matters. People were notified. Letters were sent. Supplies were packed. Guides were called.
Alfons was bundled along like a piece of luggage and could only splutter incoherently as he was ushered into a pirogue.
Paninya was unabashedly amused. “Smile! You won’t be so lonely this time. We’ll have fun.”
He gave her a look. “You’re going to have to take your words back. We’re not together.”
“Oh? Do you have an eye on a local girl?”
He laughed nervously and wondered if it wouldn’t be better if he could hide behind her to keep the boys away from him. Not that he wanted to, but with so many ‘civilized’ people around, it was bound to be problematic.
Problematic? More like hellish.
This dramatic return was not turning out as nicely as he’d hoped.
-20-
Winry stared. After a moment, she spoke. “I’m sorry? You said the lot of you would like to be our guests?”
The dark-skinned one, whose name was Paninya, confirmed it.
Winry looked at them: beside Alfons and the woman with the strange name, there was a man with a scar in his face and someone who had more in common with mountains than humans. The scarred man showed no emotion, Alfons looked profoundly embarrassed and the other two were beaming goodwill at her. These people wanted to be guests in her village? She wondered if she should turn and consult the others-she knew they were all watching, the men prepared to defend her should the strangers prove dangerous-but no, this was her village and her decision.
She shifted and the tons of good-luck charms pilled around her neck jingled. She wasn’t sure she was pregnant yet-she was only a little late-but they were already weighting her down with all the charms they could make. Not that she minded…
Returning her mind to the issue at hand, she spoke carefully. “There’ll be work to be done. We’re hardly prepared to feed the lot of you. We can cope with one useless hunter, not four. If you can feed yourself and lend us a hand for chores, you will be tolerated. Can you?”
Paninya laughed. “It won’t be a problem, I promise. I know the boy’s a bit helpless, but the rest of us can cover.”
“In that case, it will be our pleasure to host you.” She didn’t see how she could do otherwise. Looking at Alfons, she frowned, “You bring us quite a bit of trouble, you.”
Paninya translated; Alfons looked further embarrassed and spoke an apology that needed no translation.
“I don’t know where to put all of you,” Winry sighed dramatically. “We need new buildings.” Secretly, she felt rather pleased. Alfons had liked her village so much that he’d brought friends.
The mountain-man flexed his enormous muscles. “Do not worry!” he spoke. “We shall build our own shelter!”
Winry stared again. The pronunciation was imperfect, but she understood. “I…see.”
Edward and Alphonse chose that moment to snatch Alfons away from the others, chatting excitedly to him. Alfons, strangely enough, looked panicked when they tugged at his clothes.
“Ah, yes,” the mountain-man said in his booming voice. “Pants are not the way of life here. I came prepared.” He suddenly ripped off his clothes to reveal his own loincloth. His comparatively tiny loincloth, which hardly seemed able to hide anything at all, muscles bursting from it in all directions. And the sparkles, oh, the sparkles, a pink scintillating sea of them surrounding the man like an aura of pink doom. Sunrays seemed to focus on the man, highlighting his glorious muscles.
The men around Winry moaned in fear or pain; she only whistled. “I had no idea outsiders could be so… Do you suppose he’s all proportionate, Schez?”
“I do wonder,” Schezka replied, hedging closed.
“My eyes, oh my eyes,” Russell groaned from the ground.
Roy wandered by as though he belonged there, trailed by no other than his best friend Maes. “Hello. I thought we’d come and meet the new stranger. We saw them go down the river.”
Edward had recovered enough to complain about Roy’s presence. “Didn’t we have Kitten chase you out just yesterday?”
“I believe she got tired of it.”
“It looks lively around here,” Maes cheerfully said. “Gracia sends you these, Winry. To help the baby grow strong.” He offered her the large basket full of ripe fruits that he held. “She’s sorry about Cornello’s questionable judgment.”
Winry took the basket. “Uh, thank you.”
Alphonse slipped by her, addressing Paninya in a worried whisper. “Are you and Alfons really married?”
“Nah. I doubt we’ll marry any time soon.”
Brightening considerably, Alphonse skipped away to help Alfons out of his strange clothes.
Paninya opened wide eyes and looked to Winry. “Ah, Leader? Are some of your boys especially fond of mine?”
“Yes, very fond.”
The mountain-man was listening. He nodded gravely then boomed at the sky. “Ah, the wonders of manly love! Only here are they fully understood and celebrated! Have no shame, Alfons Heiderich!”
Winry didn’t understand why Alfons stared with such stunned eyes before suddenly sitting on the ground and rocking back and forth. “You all knew! Why didn’t anybody tell me? Why?”
“Don’t worry about him,” Paninya advised. “He’s still new. Culture shock, you know.”
Feeling like her grip on the situation was weakening, Winry straightened and spoke loudly. “Well, don’t you all stand around doing nothing! The newcomers should begin working on their shelter. We’ll help as soon as we’re done with our other tasks. Roy, if you’re going to trespass on my territory, get to work too!”
Everybody scrambled to obey and Winry smiled. Things would work out for the best, she was sure of it. She grasped one of the many charms around her neck and began considering baby names. Many baby names.
-Epilogue-
Heiderich wrote a lot on ‘his’ tribe. He sent his journal home once it was filled up, for safe-keeping, and his brother had the brilliant idea to get it published; it became the most popular book ever and everybody with a lot of money wanted to go trample the jungle.
Armstrong, because he was very smart beneath all those sparkles, had already purchased the Amestris jungle and didn’t allow any of them to go get themselves killed. How in the world somebody could just go and purchase half a country, nobody really knew, but Armstrong had all the shiny papers and nobody wanted to argue with him and his sparkles.
So the wild Elrics live happy ever after in their jungle! Or almost. There was still Armstrong and the sparkles. So many sparkles that he eventually ended up king of the jungles and all feared him, even the crocodiles.
End
This is where I say plz check out my erotic M/M novel, it's only $5 and if you buy it, those crazy people may ask me to write another! >
Read the excerpt and buy the book here. Please? I'm #2 in the gay section and I want to be #1. ;_;