catch up
so I haven't been keeping up with my lj...
I'm trying to figure out where to begin really.
Relationship update: Plans to get together with Jarrod fell through and long story short we haven't talked in I'm guessing close to a month. I'm not broken up about it because I only met him once. I have started talking to my old middle/high school friend ethan. We were pretty good friends (not really close but good friends). He found me on facebook and said if we didn't hang out I wasn't cool (lol). So we hung out on Monday night at his brother and sister-in-laws house and watched Monday Night Football (they are die hard Eagles fans--Ethan doesn't really go for one team in particular but just likes football in general). It was really fun and I got to meet both of his brothers and Brandy (his sister-in-law) cracks me up and told Ethan he needed to bring me over more often. We've hung out a couple of times since then and we even went to see a Motorhead concert in Philly with his friend Brian (they had an extra ticket because his brother couldn't come). That was a total blast. That was the first time I got really truly drunk. Anyway, we're going to get together again soon to hang out and hopefully this will go in a good direction but I'm not going to push anything.
School update: I'm taking 3 classes this semester--physics, biology and chemistry. It's a lot of work but I love all of my classes and my classmates are pretty cool. I don't know all of them (class is too big and I don't really care to know all of them in all honesty--I'm only there for a semester). I've made 2 cool friends in my physics class, sean and henry. It's nice to walk in at 8.30 in the morning and have people say 'good morning kirsten! How's it going?' My chemistry lab partner is actually a guy I went to high school with. We saw each other before lab started the first day, remembered who each other were, and decided immediately we would be partners (it was good because then we didn't have to go through the awkward 'will you be my lab partner?' to some random person). I've definitely warmed up to my biology prof--and we've done way cool stuff in the bio labs.
Personal update: I've been doing really well actually for a while actually--up until today. For no real reason I had a sudden breakdown and fell apart completely at work today. It was so bad I had to practically run out of work (trying not to let any of my patients see my face because I was sobbing). My dad took me into the back hallway, held me for a min and made sure I was ok to drive home and told me to call him to make sure I got home ok. The breakdown was the worst one since last fall semester. I forgot to take my meds today (I've forgotten before but never had this reaction) but I've been feeling this breakdown happening for the past 2 days. Today was just the peak. It was really frustrating because it did happen in the middle of work and I tried to hold it off--and I did for a little bit--but holding it off only made it that much worse. By the time I finally had to leave the clinic I was hyper-ventilating, sobbing my eyes out, felt sick to my stomach, couldn't breathe because my chest was so tight, and almost passed out in the hallway with my dad because of the lack of air my body was getting. I had to sit in my car for over 5 mins before I was ok enough to drive and even then I probably shouldn't have--I was still sobbing and extremely light-headed and still couldn't get a deep breath in. I came home, took my meds, and passed out for 2 hours. I still have a really tight chest and feel like I can't truly get a really good deep breath and still feel like I'm on the edge of crashing again very soon. I talked to my parents at dinner about what happens during extreme highs and lows of being bipolar (which are called manic and manic depressive stages--look it up if you want to know more about them). I told them I would let them know when I start to feel one of the stages happening (they don't just happen suddenly, they build up--they peak obviously though) that way they know how to prepare for when it does reach its peak. Going back to being at work I tried to warn my dad I was about to crash and told him I needed to leave right then (I got worse every time I had to mention it--only to him once, wrote it down once, and once again to Shirley) but our big boss was there today so I think he was hesitant to let me up and leave with no warning to anyone. When I did leave I gave him a note (I wrote on the other side of the one I wrote earlier but never gave to him because he was with a patient) saying 'I had a breakdown. I'm leaving now. See you at home.' All in all I felt and still feel not in control, both of my emotions and mentally, and it's maddening. I feel like I can't get a grip on myself. It's frustrating to know that I can't do anything about it because I know why it does happen because I do have a mental disorder. I can't help that I have it and I can't stop having it--I can only control it as much as I can by taking meds.
Anyway, enough about that. On a happier note I'm going to see TSO again in November with Bridget. My brother Brad wants to come too!! (He's home by the way but I'll do that story later) So everything is going pretty well (with the exception of today of course).
I hope everyone else is doing well and I miss you all!!
Oh! I forgot to tell you that I got together with Matt Esseff Sunday and took him to where I used to work to watch the Eagles/Steelers game. It was really fun to catch up and we're going to hang out again soon since he only lives about 30 mins away (in Wilmington, DE).
Ok, again--hope all is well with you all and I miss you very much! Love you!
I'm trying to figure out where to begin really.
Relationship update: Plans to get together with Jarrod fell through and long story short we haven't talked in I'm guessing close to a month. I'm not broken up about it because I only met him once. I have started talking to my old middle/high school friend ethan. We were pretty good friends (not really close but good friends). He found me on facebook and said if we didn't hang out I wasn't cool (lol). So we hung out on Monday night at his brother and sister-in-laws house and watched Monday Night Football (they are die hard Eagles fans--Ethan doesn't really go for one team in particular but just likes football in general). It was really fun and I got to meet both of his brothers and Brandy (his sister-in-law) cracks me up and told Ethan he needed to bring me over more often. We've hung out a couple of times since then and we even went to see a Motorhead concert in Philly with his friend Brian (they had an extra ticket because his brother couldn't come). That was a total blast. That was the first time I got really truly drunk. Anyway, we're going to get together again soon to hang out and hopefully this will go in a good direction but I'm not going to push anything.
School update: I'm taking 3 classes this semester--physics, biology and chemistry. It's a lot of work but I love all of my classes and my classmates are pretty cool. I don't know all of them (class is too big and I don't really care to know all of them in all honesty--I'm only there for a semester). I've made 2 cool friends in my physics class, sean and henry. It's nice to walk in at 8.30 in the morning and have people say 'good morning kirsten! How's it going?' My chemistry lab partner is actually a guy I went to high school with. We saw each other before lab started the first day, remembered who each other were, and decided immediately we would be partners (it was good because then we didn't have to go through the awkward 'will you be my lab partner?' to some random person). I've definitely warmed up to my biology prof--and we've done way cool stuff in the bio labs.
Personal update: I've been doing really well actually for a while actually--up until today. For no real reason I had a sudden breakdown and fell apart completely at work today. It was so bad I had to practically run out of work (trying not to let any of my patients see my face because I was sobbing). My dad took me into the back hallway, held me for a min and made sure I was ok to drive home and told me to call him to make sure I got home ok. The breakdown was the worst one since last fall semester. I forgot to take my meds today (I've forgotten before but never had this reaction) but I've been feeling this breakdown happening for the past 2 days. Today was just the peak. It was really frustrating because it did happen in the middle of work and I tried to hold it off--and I did for a little bit--but holding it off only made it that much worse. By the time I finally had to leave the clinic I was hyper-ventilating, sobbing my eyes out, felt sick to my stomach, couldn't breathe because my chest was so tight, and almost passed out in the hallway with my dad because of the lack of air my body was getting. I had to sit in my car for over 5 mins before I was ok enough to drive and even then I probably shouldn't have--I was still sobbing and extremely light-headed and still couldn't get a deep breath in. I came home, took my meds, and passed out for 2 hours. I still have a really tight chest and feel like I can't truly get a really good deep breath and still feel like I'm on the edge of crashing again very soon. I talked to my parents at dinner about what happens during extreme highs and lows of being bipolar (which are called manic and manic depressive stages--look it up if you want to know more about them). I told them I would let them know when I start to feel one of the stages happening (they don't just happen suddenly, they build up--they peak obviously though) that way they know how to prepare for when it does reach its peak. Going back to being at work I tried to warn my dad I was about to crash and told him I needed to leave right then (I got worse every time I had to mention it--only to him once, wrote it down once, and once again to Shirley) but our big boss was there today so I think he was hesitant to let me up and leave with no warning to anyone. When I did leave I gave him a note (I wrote on the other side of the one I wrote earlier but never gave to him because he was with a patient) saying 'I had a breakdown. I'm leaving now. See you at home.' All in all I felt and still feel not in control, both of my emotions and mentally, and it's maddening. I feel like I can't get a grip on myself. It's frustrating to know that I can't do anything about it because I know why it does happen because I do have a mental disorder. I can't help that I have it and I can't stop having it--I can only control it as much as I can by taking meds.
Anyway, enough about that. On a happier note I'm going to see TSO again in November with Bridget. My brother Brad wants to come too!! (He's home by the way but I'll do that story later) So everything is going pretty well (with the exception of today of course).
I hope everyone else is doing well and I miss you all!!
Oh! I forgot to tell you that I got together with Matt Esseff Sunday and took him to where I used to work to watch the Eagles/Steelers game. It was really fun to catch up and we're going to hang out again soon since he only lives about 30 mins away (in Wilmington, DE).
Ok, again--hope all is well with you all and I miss you very much! Love you!