Michael's Poopy Adventure.
Note: Don't worry about the name "Crowley", that's me.
Posted: Tue Jan 11, 2005 8:58 pm Post subject: Crowley's poopy adventure.
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This is unfortunately based on a true story about today. "What's so special about today?", you may ask. Well, today is the day that your own Crowley actually had to use the school bathrooms to take a shit. I feel filthy, vile, disgusting, but it had to be done. Listen, children, for you will hear a story that will make you writhe with the disgusting truth of the public restroom. Before I begin, let us all hope and pray that yours truly did not catch something like AIDS or Hepatitis or Clamydia.
In the beginning of second period, it began. Those vile rumblings that marked the beginning of the most traumatic experience of my life. At first I marked it off as something was a little fishy about those strawberries I had last night and it would pass along with the few silent-but-deadlies soon to follow. But they wouldn't go away. They made silent reading time, in fact, quite noisy and I couldn'tt ake it anymore. I figured I could kill two birds with one stone by asking for a clinic pass. I get to go somewhere less embarassing and at the same time I don't have to learn about bananas. Seriously, nobody cares aboutt wo types, dancing bananas and banana phones.
Portable 12: the mark of relief-almost. The conversation that ensued with a rather fetching school nurse that made me that much ore ucomfortable went as follows:
Crowley:My stomache doesn't feel very good.
Nurse:What's wrong?
Crowley: Stomach ache. And I feel nauseous.
Nurse: Do you want to go home?
Crowley: How about I use the bathroom first?
Nurse: Um, the bathroom in here isn't built for number 2, use the one in the school.
Unimaginable. I had copme so close to the porcelain prize, but, yet, so far. I had to walk all the way back to the building. As I trudged back to the halls, I could see those hall moniters pointing and laughing at the way I'm walking. O, how I cursed them.
Lucky for me, I got to the bathroom in that beautiful ten minutes where nobody's supposed to be in the hall. Nobody should be subjected to having to shit with other people in the same room. I looked at three available bathrooms, went into the one that looked the cleanest, but, alas, it had no paper, so I just had to look for the only other one that wasn't clogged.
My salvation. After that long quest and about 60 squares of toilet paper to cover up the pissed-on seat, I finally could let it come out. And, much to my surprise, it was actually a fairly good poop. Not to long, not to short, and it didn't hurt coming out.
But the real question: is there any soap in the dispensers this time? I bring my hand to the slightly rusted pump and praised the lord. Out came that yellow antibacterial miracle, and I didn't worry when I ate lunch.
Epilogue: The period after that, I took a test. Got a 103 because I got extra credit. In lunch, I had a chicken sandwich and potatoes, and wasn't cut in line for once. In biology, we had to take a bunmch of notes, but it wasn't too bad: we got one of the teachers to drink sewer water.
Posted: Tue Jan 11, 2005 8:58 pm Post subject: Crowley's poopy adventure.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is unfortunately based on a true story about today. "What's so special about today?", you may ask. Well, today is the day that your own Crowley actually had to use the school bathrooms to take a shit. I feel filthy, vile, disgusting, but it had to be done. Listen, children, for you will hear a story that will make you writhe with the disgusting truth of the public restroom. Before I begin, let us all hope and pray that yours truly did not catch something like AIDS or Hepatitis or Clamydia.
In the beginning of second period, it began. Those vile rumblings that marked the beginning of the most traumatic experience of my life. At first I marked it off as something was a little fishy about those strawberries I had last night and it would pass along with the few silent-but-deadlies soon to follow. But they wouldn't go away. They made silent reading time, in fact, quite noisy and I couldn'tt ake it anymore. I figured I could kill two birds with one stone by asking for a clinic pass. I get to go somewhere less embarassing and at the same time I don't have to learn about bananas. Seriously, nobody cares aboutt wo types, dancing bananas and banana phones.
Portable 12: the mark of relief-almost. The conversation that ensued with a rather fetching school nurse that made me that much ore ucomfortable went as follows:
Crowley:My stomache doesn't feel very good.
Nurse:What's wrong?
Crowley: Stomach ache. And I feel nauseous.
Nurse: Do you want to go home?
Crowley: How about I use the bathroom first?
Nurse: Um, the bathroom in here isn't built for number 2, use the one in the school.
Unimaginable. I had copme so close to the porcelain prize, but, yet, so far. I had to walk all the way back to the building. As I trudged back to the halls, I could see those hall moniters pointing and laughing at the way I'm walking. O, how I cursed them.
Lucky for me, I got to the bathroom in that beautiful ten minutes where nobody's supposed to be in the hall. Nobody should be subjected to having to shit with other people in the same room. I looked at three available bathrooms, went into the one that looked the cleanest, but, alas, it had no paper, so I just had to look for the only other one that wasn't clogged.
My salvation. After that long quest and about 60 squares of toilet paper to cover up the pissed-on seat, I finally could let it come out. And, much to my surprise, it was actually a fairly good poop. Not to long, not to short, and it didn't hurt coming out.
But the real question: is there any soap in the dispensers this time? I bring my hand to the slightly rusted pump and praised the lord. Out came that yellow antibacterial miracle, and I didn't worry when I ate lunch.
Epilogue: The period after that, I took a test. Got a 103 because I got extra credit. In lunch, I had a chicken sandwich and potatoes, and wasn't cut in line for once. In biology, we had to take a bunmch of notes, but it wasn't too bad: we got one of the teachers to drink sewer water.