i wanna boy whos so drunk he doesnt talk.
your hands on me, pressing hard against your jeans, your tongue in my mouth, tryin to keep the words from coming. you didnt care to know who else may have been you before. i wanna lover i dont have to love. i wanna boy whos to sad to give a fuck. hey wheres the kid with the chemicals? i thought he said to meet him here but i'm not sure. i got the money if you got the time. you said it feels good, i said, i'll give it a try.
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i have to do homework. scholarship worries are stressin me out.
today i was sad and i cried before 1st hour just becuz. i was kinda ok,i was just thinking about stuff. and as we were sitting by the lockers, like usual. i must of just looked sad cuz ashley and christa were like, nella whats wrong? and i said nothing. and then amanda came and sat by me and just said, i read your journal this morning, that is all. and i thought about what i had written about hating myself and that made me cry. becuz sometimes i really do. i was very sad. i didnt really talk at all today at school unless i had to say something. i was completely silent in 3rd hr...shane wasnt there which was a good thing cuz i prolly woulda been mean to him. in fact, i was all ready to be mean to him. becuz he hurt me, so why should i be nice. i am spiteful and i hold grudges. bottomline.
i didnt talk in 4th hour either. or at lunch. i talked more in 5th hour tho to lori. mr P made a comment on how me and lori could be any closer, cuz we were at the same desk lol. and he was like, oh i've heard stories. i was like, uh oh lori our secrets out. lol. and then in 6th hr i just wanted to sleep. i slept when i came home though, so its all good.
i sleep a lot when i'm sad.