so my life right?
So yeah I had a great week. School is going well, Intervasity rocked. Wednesday after IV i went over to alex's and hung out there on his roof with julie, kasey, nick, and justin. It was fun. Im glad to have met kasey and julie they are really cool. Thursday I went to the on campus job fair, applied a few more places and went to class. Afterward Ryan and i hung out. it was great, i helped him set up his room, then we went to a cd store which was really cool. Then we walked around ODU, and came back to my room to watch a movie. After that I took him back to school, and got to see chris. chris walked me to my car and i headed back to my apartment. Then friday after class i headed home to stafford for the weekend. Pavle came to the states, from slovakia. it was great to see him and everyone else from home. I came back here sunday around 7:30-8 pm and just sat in my room and did nothing. I had a job interview today for panera bread at 10 this morning. which i got so i called childrens place and told them. spent the day alone thinking and basically hating myself. I have been such a terrible person lately that sometimes i cant even look at myself. Jon is dating someone who i hope he really likes, which is great. William misses amber so much that he is counting down the days til he sees her in december. Ryan is still dating holly, which dont get me wrong is great, Im glad he is happy with her but it just seems like everyone around me is paired off. and im the ugly one left standing alone. I have moved on from Ryan. and it feels great but now im ready to date and I feel like theres no-one out there for me. I sometimes feel so desperate for that connection that i find myself attracted to anyone. i know that God has a plan for me and that now must not be my time, but i really just want someone to love me for me, think that I am pretty, and that I am worthing of loving. I hate the choices that i have made this year. Jon Im sorry I lead you on, but im glad we are friends. Matt im sorry I was lead on by you, I wish we could still talk but i see why its good. Casey Im glad we can still be friends. Ryan Im glad you were there for me this summer but i wish you were here for me now. Im sorry that things worked out the way they did but I still need friends and I hope you all will be here for me. I feel bad that you all have to sit here and read through all this, but i really just needed to vent somewhere, and i didnt want to make any of you sit and listen to me cry out how bad i feel, and how much my life seems to blow right now, espically since most of you would just say "its okay kelly things will look up for you, just keep your head up and it will happen when the time is right." I know all of this but it doesnt really help how i feel. wow, as if i couldnt feel any worse alex has someone too. which i must say is a very awkward feeling, im happy for him but i feel like i am already loosing him. I cant even think straight. I think im gonna go lay down, and try to forget about all of this for now.