Holy shit.
good god, i haven't updated in like forever.
i don't really remember much of nov. all i can tell you was i was with dean. and yes we are still together. only day i really remember anything about is that nov. 11th. was military ball. sam won queen and ruby won king. that didn't go over so well. since all he did was cheat. tabitha was there and we didnt get along so well but whut else is new. hah! another great thing was that on the 23rd was dean and i's six months. & were still going. i will although update for the month of december.
[[Thursday: December 1st.]] --» The day didnt start off so well. I came home from school wit Tabitha and got to read a nice little convo between Dean and her friend Sarah. i didnt like the convo b.c it talked about how he missed her and wanted her and all this shit. well tabitha went home that night and called kim, dean's sister, about the whole thing and she called me. i was crying and everything talking to kim b.c i didnt wanna believe what was write there. well kim and his mom yelled at him when he came home and he called me and told me how it was all a lie and stuffs. well still being mad the way i was. i didnt care. i hated reading whut was in front of me. everyone left around 9ish seeing as it was, mike, my brother eddie, and cory. when they all left i went and got in the shower and i came back downstairs. i did sumthing i wish i never had done. i talked to dawn about it, and the whole time i was talking to dawn he was too. he begged her to please get me to forgive him b.c he couldnt loose me. he tried finding another way to get tabitha to leave him and i alone. so him and ron came up with "wonderful" plan to tell her he still wanted her and then to hurt her really bad. which didnt end up helping dean and i at all. finally dawn told dean whut i had done to myself so while dawns boyfriend, deans cousin / my brother, jay was there.. he grabbed a razor blade and decided to cut his wrists all up. theres three there. the first looks about maybe not even a cm thick. the second is a good 4 or 5 cms deep, and the third is maybe a cm and a half. still enough to hurt him. jay finally got him to call me and around 1245 he walked up my house to make things right with me. when he got there he asked me if he could see my legs and i said no, so he grabbed my legs and pulled them away from my chest to see them. he started crying and i looked right at him and at the time i was completly talking out my ass and i told him "id rather die then be here" and he showed me his wrists which made me cry harder. he huged me and when he went to hold hands with me, i wouldn't hold his hand back, and he started crying and was like "you won't even hold my hand". finally i talked to him about everything and got him to stop crying and he realized i took all my rings and his necklace off. and he went over to my desk and grabbed them and put the necklace around my neck. and then he put all my rings back on my fingers. when he ame to his last ring. it was his forever ring, and he asked me to stand up. and i wouldnt. so he asked me again and grabbed my hands and pulled me to my feet. and the best part of the night was that he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. and i was crying even harder (but good tears.) he told me that his forever ring will work until in jan. when i get my real one at the show. he huged me and we at on the coutch and he put his hand in his pocket and grabbed the razor and handed me it and was like "baby, take it from me". i took the razor and threw it in the trash. he left around twoish and i went to bed.
[[Friday: December 2nd.]] --» I went into school and Tabitha comes up to me and hands me her fone. in her fone is all this shit about he wants to fuck her and shit. and i didnt know that thats whut him and ron did. i called him scremaing saying he could be with tabitha and i was done with his shit and ill be there about 11:15ish to get my shit. and all this other stuff. well i get there and he tells me to go inside so i do, and we go downstairs and i let corea out and was petting her and the fone rang. it was tab and he started screamin about how she needed to die and shit. his exact words were "I HOPE YOU DIE TABITHA NOT AMBER I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON FUCKING BLOOD, I HOPE SOMEONE SNEAKS INTO YOUR HOUSE TONIGHT AND FUCKING SLITS YOUR GOD DAMN THROAT, I HOPE YOU SUFFOCATE IN YOUR SLEEP, AND I DEFANTLY HOPE YOU DROWN IN YOUR PATHETIC FUCKING TEARS YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYTHING I SAID TO YOU WAS A LIE. YOU NEED TO STOP FUCKING UP ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!". she started crying and went him earlier. when they hung up he threw the fone. he walked up the stairs and went into the kitchen. at first i wasnt sure whut he was doing and then, he walked downstairs and walked right past me and went into the bathroom. i knew right then and there he walked upstairs and grabbed a knife. i started crying and was like "DEAN GET THE FUCK OUT HERE AND DROP TI". but all he did was opent he door and held it in his hand. so i screamed again "GET THE FUCK OUT THE BATHROOM AND DROP THE MOTHERFUCKING KNIFE!!!". he walked out the door and dropped the knife on the floor and sta in front of me and started crying. i looked at him and i was like "dont ever grab a knife for that shit in front of me again, okay?" and he rooled over and picked up the knife. and i looked at him nd was like "drop the knife behind you and dont touch it or ima grab it." and he droped it behind him and let it lay there. so finally he got up and walked upstairs so i grabbed corea and we walked upstairs with him. well he wouldnt talk to me so i kissed corea goodbye and i yelled up the stairs "iloveyou goodbye!" and i went to walk out the door and he ran down the stairs and grabbed me and was like "baby...please dun go!" so i turned around and gave him a hug. and then he shut the door and asked me "how much money could i give you for you to kill me or find someone to do it?" and i was like "none". and then i asked him how crushed he'd be if i did that shit with nathan. he then asked me if id ever forgive him and i said i would but in time. we went outside for him to ctach his bus and i kissed him and he told me he loved me and when i said it back he started crying again. and he kissed me and went to walk to the bus stop.
later that night he came up and i was getting ready. we went up to the mall cuz he wanted to fight my ex shane, and i wanted to see my best friend jon. i found him and all this shit happened. dean got a lil weird about how jon came up behind me and grabbed me and gave me the biggest hug ever. we went home and layed down together and i fell asleep in his arms. which is like my fav thing to do.
[[Saturday: December 3rd.]] --» I worked from 3pm-10pmish. Nothing interesting but when I came home my baybah came up and we layed together and just goffed off.
[[Sunday: December 4th.]] --» my baby came up my house around like 10ish in the morning and stayed til about 7:30ish b.c he had band practice. he came back up around 9:15ish. and left at midnight. i fell asleep in his arms as i always do. of course when he leaves i flip and flop.
[[Monday: December 5th.]] --» he came up after i woke up til he had band practice. we just layed around and cuddled. it was nice to just be with him. i love him so much. its sicking to some people. oh well.
[[Tuesday: December 6th.]] --» right now i didnt go to school so im waiting for him to coem up like he promised. ima prolly call outta work cuz i dont feel like going. whut a shock right? oh well i dun care.
♥I love you, Dean♥
may 23rd, 2005 - always.
i don't really remember much of nov. all i can tell you was i was with dean. and yes we are still together. only day i really remember anything about is that nov. 11th. was military ball. sam won queen and ruby won king. that didn't go over so well. since all he did was cheat. tabitha was there and we didnt get along so well but whut else is new. hah! another great thing was that on the 23rd was dean and i's six months. & were still going. i will although update for the month of december.
[[Thursday: December 1st.]] --» The day didnt start off so well. I came home from school wit Tabitha and got to read a nice little convo between Dean and her friend Sarah. i didnt like the convo b.c it talked about how he missed her and wanted her and all this shit. well tabitha went home that night and called kim, dean's sister, about the whole thing and she called me. i was crying and everything talking to kim b.c i didnt wanna believe what was write there. well kim and his mom yelled at him when he came home and he called me and told me how it was all a lie and stuffs. well still being mad the way i was. i didnt care. i hated reading whut was in front of me. everyone left around 9ish seeing as it was, mike, my brother eddie, and cory. when they all left i went and got in the shower and i came back downstairs. i did sumthing i wish i never had done. i talked to dawn about it, and the whole time i was talking to dawn he was too. he begged her to please get me to forgive him b.c he couldnt loose me. he tried finding another way to get tabitha to leave him and i alone. so him and ron came up with "wonderful" plan to tell her he still wanted her and then to hurt her really bad. which didnt end up helping dean and i at all. finally dawn told dean whut i had done to myself so while dawns boyfriend, deans cousin / my brother, jay was there.. he grabbed a razor blade and decided to cut his wrists all up. theres three there. the first looks about maybe not even a cm thick. the second is a good 4 or 5 cms deep, and the third is maybe a cm and a half. still enough to hurt him. jay finally got him to call me and around 1245 he walked up my house to make things right with me. when he got there he asked me if he could see my legs and i said no, so he grabbed my legs and pulled them away from my chest to see them. he started crying and i looked right at him and at the time i was completly talking out my ass and i told him "id rather die then be here" and he showed me his wrists which made me cry harder. he huged me and when he went to hold hands with me, i wouldn't hold his hand back, and he started crying and was like "you won't even hold my hand". finally i talked to him about everything and got him to stop crying and he realized i took all my rings and his necklace off. and he went over to my desk and grabbed them and put the necklace around my neck. and then he put all my rings back on my fingers. when he ame to his last ring. it was his forever ring, and he asked me to stand up. and i wouldnt. so he asked me again and grabbed my hands and pulled me to my feet. and the best part of the night was that he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. and i was crying even harder (but good tears.) he told me that his forever ring will work until in jan. when i get my real one at the show. he huged me and we at on the coutch and he put his hand in his pocket and grabbed the razor and handed me it and was like "baby, take it from me". i took the razor and threw it in the trash. he left around twoish and i went to bed.
[[Friday: December 2nd.]] --» I went into school and Tabitha comes up to me and hands me her fone. in her fone is all this shit about he wants to fuck her and shit. and i didnt know that thats whut him and ron did. i called him scremaing saying he could be with tabitha and i was done with his shit and ill be there about 11:15ish to get my shit. and all this other stuff. well i get there and he tells me to go inside so i do, and we go downstairs and i let corea out and was petting her and the fone rang. it was tab and he started screamin about how she needed to die and shit. his exact words were "I HOPE YOU DIE TABITHA NOT AMBER I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON FUCKING BLOOD, I HOPE SOMEONE SNEAKS INTO YOUR HOUSE TONIGHT AND FUCKING SLITS YOUR GOD DAMN THROAT, I HOPE YOU SUFFOCATE IN YOUR SLEEP, AND I DEFANTLY HOPE YOU DROWN IN YOUR PATHETIC FUCKING TEARS YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYTHING I SAID TO YOU WAS A LIE. YOU NEED TO STOP FUCKING UP ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!". she started crying and went him earlier. when they hung up he threw the fone. he walked up the stairs and went into the kitchen. at first i wasnt sure whut he was doing and then, he walked downstairs and walked right past me and went into the bathroom. i knew right then and there he walked upstairs and grabbed a knife. i started crying and was like "DEAN GET THE FUCK OUT HERE AND DROP TI". but all he did was opent he door and held it in his hand. so i screamed again "GET THE FUCK OUT THE BATHROOM AND DROP THE MOTHERFUCKING KNIFE!!!". he walked out the door and dropped the knife on the floor and sta in front of me and started crying. i looked at him and i was like "dont ever grab a knife for that shit in front of me again, okay?" and he rooled over and picked up the knife. and i looked at him nd was like "drop the knife behind you and dont touch it or ima grab it." and he droped it behind him and let it lay there. so finally he got up and walked upstairs so i grabbed corea and we walked upstairs with him. well he wouldnt talk to me so i kissed corea goodbye and i yelled up the stairs "iloveyou goodbye!" and i went to walk out the door and he ran down the stairs and grabbed me and was like "baby...please dun go!" so i turned around and gave him a hug. and then he shut the door and asked me "how much money could i give you for you to kill me or find someone to do it?" and i was like "none". and then i asked him how crushed he'd be if i did that shit with nathan. he then asked me if id ever forgive him and i said i would but in time. we went outside for him to ctach his bus and i kissed him and he told me he loved me and when i said it back he started crying again. and he kissed me and went to walk to the bus stop.
later that night he came up and i was getting ready. we went up to the mall cuz he wanted to fight my ex shane, and i wanted to see my best friend jon. i found him and all this shit happened. dean got a lil weird about how jon came up behind me and grabbed me and gave me the biggest hug ever. we went home and layed down together and i fell asleep in his arms. which is like my fav thing to do.
[[Saturday: December 3rd.]] --» I worked from 3pm-10pmish. Nothing interesting but when I came home my baybah came up and we layed together and just goffed off.
[[Sunday: December 4th.]] --» my baby came up my house around like 10ish in the morning and stayed til about 7:30ish b.c he had band practice. he came back up around 9:15ish. and left at midnight. i fell asleep in his arms as i always do. of course when he leaves i flip and flop.
[[Monday: December 5th.]] --» he came up after i woke up til he had band practice. we just layed around and cuddled. it was nice to just be with him. i love him so much. its sicking to some people. oh well.
[[Tuesday: December 6th.]] --» right now i didnt go to school so im waiting for him to coem up like he promised. ima prolly call outta work cuz i dont feel like going. whut a shock right? oh well i dun care.
♥I love you, Dean♥
may 23rd, 2005 - always.