way too long...
So, yeah..
I think for the most part I am staying on track with school. I cant afford to mess up again. I have started to work on UW transfer applications, which are confusing as hell. Basically trying to see what all of the classes I have taken at SC would translate to at the UW so they kknow what I have been taking. It soo tedious. All of that is due in February I think.
Having Chris be in Kuwait is the most surreal thing. I don't know, its just not normal. It really gives you a different perspective on everything. I have been able to deal with all my anxiety better though lately. I hate being down about everything. It really sucks. Im kinda in a weird state of mind right now. Some times I feel myself teetering on the edge though. But I think the main thing keeping me from just falling into a miserable slump again is Chris. This whole thing is a learning process, and its so hard to keep up. And its nothing that some one can just tell you do. You really have to learn it all on your own. And if you cant keep up, then it will sure as hell ruin your relationship. There is a place and a time for crying and frustration, and I had to learn when those places and times were. And there is just such a fine line between feeling like you are spinning out of control and just being able to keep it together. Everything that you think you know about what to do in a conventional relationship is thrown out the window when you are dating some one waiting for an assignment in Kuwait. The fact that I have gotten used to the idea that I am not going to see him for another 5 months, and that I wont even have any communication with him for the next 2, scares me. No one would ever accept that into a normal relationship. But if I dont, I will only make things worse for the both of us. When I am stressed out, I take it out on him, tellin him that I am skipping school, and having panic attacks. Mainly because I feel like I have no one else to talk to. And its so easy to just open up an email and write all my furstrations down, click "send" and expect him to read it and some how make everything better. That only stresses him out. Because, think about it - if I am scared, hows he feeling, hes the one in the desert. But the point of this is that I have been alright for the last few weeks, which is nice. And I am glad that I have Chris's parents to talk to, and my own parents too. But I still wont really be happy untill I kiss Chris on that dock in San Diego on March 13...
I think for the most part I am staying on track with school. I cant afford to mess up again. I have started to work on UW transfer applications, which are confusing as hell. Basically trying to see what all of the classes I have taken at SC would translate to at the UW so they kknow what I have been taking. It soo tedious. All of that is due in February I think.
Having Chris be in Kuwait is the most surreal thing. I don't know, its just not normal. It really gives you a different perspective on everything. I have been able to deal with all my anxiety better though lately. I hate being down about everything. It really sucks. Im kinda in a weird state of mind right now. Some times I feel myself teetering on the edge though. But I think the main thing keeping me from just falling into a miserable slump again is Chris. This whole thing is a learning process, and its so hard to keep up. And its nothing that some one can just tell you do. You really have to learn it all on your own. And if you cant keep up, then it will sure as hell ruin your relationship. There is a place and a time for crying and frustration, and I had to learn when those places and times were. And there is just such a fine line between feeling like you are spinning out of control and just being able to keep it together. Everything that you think you know about what to do in a conventional relationship is thrown out the window when you are dating some one waiting for an assignment in Kuwait. The fact that I have gotten used to the idea that I am not going to see him for another 5 months, and that I wont even have any communication with him for the next 2, scares me. No one would ever accept that into a normal relationship. But if I dont, I will only make things worse for the both of us. When I am stressed out, I take it out on him, tellin him that I am skipping school, and having panic attacks. Mainly because I feel like I have no one else to talk to. And its so easy to just open up an email and write all my furstrations down, click "send" and expect him to read it and some how make everything better. That only stresses him out. Because, think about it - if I am scared, hows he feeling, hes the one in the desert. But the point of this is that I have been alright for the last few weeks, which is nice. And I am glad that I have Chris's parents to talk to, and my own parents too. But I still wont really be happy untill I kiss Chris on that dock in San Diego on March 13...