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today was a fantastic day. ask me why if you care to know. anyway, it was AMAZING! on days like this i remember why i love life. and sometimes i'm so bloody brilliant. free at last, free at last, thank god almighty...well, you know the rest!
Who else genuinely likes Lauren besides you, Jennie? I don't mean people who are scared/amused of/with her. I mean people who can stand to be humiliated by the way that she puts other people down in order to make herself feel like she has interacted socially or the way she misuses people's things or how she has no manners and complains about how victimized she is. Who likes that?
She never wanted to be anyone's friend. Or at least, she never tried as much as most people think she could have. She hasn't gone out into the social world and pushed herself enough to form relationships. When others challenge her on something she has the power to defend (anything--opinions, ideas,) she pulls into herself and says that no one understands. There are plenty of people who have been more hurt than she has and tons more who have the mental illnesses that she does. People would understand her if she stopped acting like an 8 year old and grew up. It hurts; however, it's necessary.
She is not caring. I say that with a confident opinion because I spent a hell of a lot of time with her. I have never felt any sort of true warmth from her. Janice moved out of her room because she wanted to get away from her. She told me herself. She couldn't live with Lauren. I don't know how I did. I don't know why.
I am not saying I am the best roommate.
I am just giving my opinion because I feel that Lauren might be interested, even though I "never really knew" her, which I can agree with.
But how can you be friends with someone, or want to be friends with someone, if you are too afraid to be yourself? If you are too concerned about picking apart other people and drawing attention to yourself, you will never form a meaningful relationship.
I think Lauren is a very hard-working and talented person. I think she has the capacity to be a good person--she just has never tried hard enough because she assumed people would come to her.
Since this is your journal, Lauren, I figure it would be tactful to say some things to you:
I hope you have a good time in college and that you learn a lot and that you enjoy the teachers. I am not sure if I will miss you all that much, and I am sure you won't miss me, but please know that I do want you to grow up and enjoy life.
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This was only part of the entry. The rest was stuff about home and parties and things you probably don't care about and never did.
In the entry:
"I hope Lauren gets possessed Linda Blair style and that the priests are too late in the exorcism.
I don't think I've ever wished that on anyone.
I hope everyone else has fun in college."
In Philip's comment:
wow, um, yeah, lauren's possession seems high on your priority list. pretty bitchy since you'll never see her again, and she obviously was off-balance because of the overly feminine environment of Caddo...seems like you could back off a little and wish her well. *shrugs* it couldn't hurt.
In my response:
First, the list was not in order of importance. I'd put the L&C program at the top if that were the case.
Second, I am thrilled to never see her again, and I more than positive that the feeling is mutual. I respect that I am not the best roommate.
Third, she was off-balance because she is sick. I realize that she has mental illnesses beyond her control.
Oh, but I do wish I were as victimized as Lauren!
I wish I could blame everything on my family and friends and environment! Lauren doesn't realize that her shit reeks as much as everyone else's. She thinks it's special. That's why she spreads it everywhere, so people can get really familiar with it--because that's the best way to make friends. No one else has a worse family! No one! No one understands!
I don't wish her well. I wish her life, experience, and their lovechild: maturity.
Those are not always pleasant things--the awkward pain that comes from "putting oneself out there" is what makes people grow from moody pre-teens who alienate everyone around them into relatively well-adjusted adults. If she had ever gone outside of her comfort zone (which is where she stagnates--telling everyone who is worried about her that she hates them and that they don't understand--like I said, her problems are worse than anyone else's,) she would probably have friends now or at least people who genuinely care about her and don't just tolerate her neuroses because she's such a lovable little bitch "once you get to know her."
I can agree that no one knew the real Lauren; however, no one knew the Lauren I knew.
It could hurt, Philip. I wish she'd grow up. That hurts.
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