Praying for a phoenix
Did I just lose my father?
It feels that way.
So many things I wish I could speak into his heart. All I can offer is the truth. When did God ever say that this was right? He never did. No, in fact what he thinks is confirmation from God is from something entirely separate from God (his best magic trick was convincing the world he does not exist). How is it that so much of the world falls under this trap? How is it that HE is so heavily crushed underneath the weight of it that he doesn't even know up from down anymore?
No, I'm not in it for anyone's approval. I'm not in it to combat loneliness. All I want is to walk in the truth. All I want is what God wants. I want the love that God has to offer this sad and desperate world. I want the love he has for me. In all forms. Desperately.
Is it a coincidence that this man comes from the very place my father fears and despises? He called it "enemy territory". Is this by chance? Is it by chance that my father prayed to God every day that this very thing would never happen to his children? No, I highly doubt it. God is in the business of answering prayers. Whether we want to hear his answer or not.
So father, here is your answer.
Be freed of this disease. Be freed of this generational curse. It can happen. I believe it will happen. You don't have to cry over me anymore. You don't have to cry because there is only room for happiness in this place. There is only room for love. And I love you. But if you truly love me you have to accept me. And if my life is called to be joined, you have to accept me, every part of me.
Every part of me.
I must regain my hope. Because this is where I must expect a miracle. This is not where it ends. It's not over, and I refuse to be sucked into that thought.
Father, hold on tight, because you're in for a surprise.
It feels that way.
So many things I wish I could speak into his heart. All I can offer is the truth. When did God ever say that this was right? He never did. No, in fact what he thinks is confirmation from God is from something entirely separate from God (his best magic trick was convincing the world he does not exist). How is it that so much of the world falls under this trap? How is it that HE is so heavily crushed underneath the weight of it that he doesn't even know up from down anymore?
No, I'm not in it for anyone's approval. I'm not in it to combat loneliness. All I want is to walk in the truth. All I want is what God wants. I want the love that God has to offer this sad and desperate world. I want the love he has for me. In all forms. Desperately.
Is it a coincidence that this man comes from the very place my father fears and despises? He called it "enemy territory". Is this by chance? Is it by chance that my father prayed to God every day that this very thing would never happen to his children? No, I highly doubt it. God is in the business of answering prayers. Whether we want to hear his answer or not.
So father, here is your answer.
Be freed of this disease. Be freed of this generational curse. It can happen. I believe it will happen. You don't have to cry over me anymore. You don't have to cry because there is only room for happiness in this place. There is only room for love. And I love you. But if you truly love me you have to accept me. And if my life is called to be joined, you have to accept me, every part of me.
Every part of me.
I must regain my hope. Because this is where I must expect a miracle. This is not where it ends. It's not over, and I refuse to be sucked into that thought.
Father, hold on tight, because you're in for a surprise.