Redemption Verse: Sunshine after the Rain
ok... first off I suck. Really... this has been done for... *scratches head* months??
I just keep forgetting to post it. If anyone was reading before I am sure they aren't now, but here goes anyway!
Title: Sunshine after the Rain
Series: The Redemption of Lost Souls though Love and Vengeance
Author: KliqzAngel
Prompt: #003 Sunrise
Characters/Pairing: Sam Winchester/Lindsey McDonald
Content: X-Over with Angel, Angst, AU SPN post season 4 and Angel for Not Fade Away and after, Pre-Slash, H/C, Broken!Sam, Comforting!Lindsey
Disclaimer: I don’t own either Sam or Lindsey.
Word Count: 1,218
Rating: PG-13
Song: Leap of Faith by Egypt Central
Summary: I need a friend to depend on/I need so much more/Another reason to live my life is knocking on my door
Master Post
Follows: Revelations
Now everything inside my life’s become a mystery
And all the things that I’ve held dear have lost reality
I cannot go I do not know if you are really here
Just let me know
I need a friend to depend on
I need so much more
Another reason to live my life is knocking on my door
I need to know if I can go
All the way down and back again
I need to know if I can take another leap of faith today
Someone tell me so I can figure it out
Something’s wrong nothing’s right
My life is filled with doubt
Lost the only really thing I’ve ever known
Lost it all and now my hope is gone
~ Leap of Faith by Egypt Central
Sam shifted slightly trying to find a comfortable position in the cramped space of Lindsey’s passenger seat. A couple hundred miles back he’d finally given up his position behind the wheel to Lindsey who pointed out it was in fact his truck and if Sam got them killed because he was too tired it wouldn’t do any of them any good. Every time Sam thought maybe he could get past all the things he’d done, all the things he’d been through and move on, everything came rushing back and he got lost all over again.
His head was such a mess he wasn’t sure he knew reality from illusion any longer. His heart hurt so bad he wasn’t sure he would survive another wrong step. He felt like he’d never gotten anything good in his life without in the end paying a price he couldn’t afford. Some days he was so far down that he couldn’t remember what the day light looked like, only knew it would hurt his eyes to see it because he'd been left in the dark so long. Some days he wished he was as evil as everyone wanted him to be. If he was his life would be so much easier, less painful. He’d never had a home he hadn’t had to leave. He'd never had a friend he hadn’t had to abandon. He’d never had a dream he hadn’t had to watch crumble at his feet. The only real person he’d ever been able to count on, he’d betrayed in the worst possible way. Truth was it was shame that kept him from dialing his brother’s number. Shame at what he’d become, shame at what he’d done, shame at his very presence in the world.
“Stop the truck,” Sam said softly, not even bothering to draw Lindsey’s attention. “Stop the TRUCK!” Sam shouted grabbing the wheel and yanking it to the side. It was only Lindsey’s driving skills that kept them upright and in the ditch. “What the fuck…!” Lindsey snapped, but before he could even work himself up into a good rage, Sam’s door was open and he was running out of the cab leaving the startled man gapping after him.
Sam had no idea where he was going. All he knew is that the ground flew by under his feet as he ran through the woods on the other side of the ditch he'd almost rolled them into. It was a good thing he wasn’t on a hunt because he had notion of where he was. Blindly he ran until he physically just couldn’t any longer, collapsing down at the edge of a clearing, fingers digging into the forest floor beneath his hands, body rocking back and forth, sobs coming from deep down inside in places Winchester’s didn’t admit existed. He wanted…
He just wanted and wanted and wanted and nothing good ever came from it, but he just didn’t know how to stop. He didn’t know how not to need less pain, more comfort, someone the world couldn’t take from him. His head was a mess. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t control his feelings. He was as if he was living his life on a roller coaster. He tried to fight, tried to hold onto his control, but like sand the harder he gripped it the faster it slipped through his fingers until there wasn’t any left.
When a hand touched his shoulder, Sam jumped and spun around, and it was only Lindsey’s quick reflexes that kept him from getting hit. “Jesus Sam, it’s just me man.” Huffing, trying to catch his breath, Lindsey eased down onto the ground eyeing Sam concerned at the wild look in his eyes. “Jesus, Sam.” He repeated carefully reaching out to take one of Sam’s hands in his carefully pulling until the younger man had wrapped himself around Lindsey letting loose the flood gates once more. Unfortunately for Lindsey he was all too familiar with what was going through Sam’s head, only he’d had to go through it alone. “It’s alright Sam.”
Minutes passed like hours, but eventually Sam was able to calm, sitting up and rubbing his eyes with his one free hand, Lindsey refusing to give up the other as he watched him, those blue eyes of his filled with worry and understanding. “Sorry,” Sam said finally, but quickly Lindsey shook his head. “Ain’t nothin’ to be sorry for, Sam.” Lindsey insisted softly rubbing a thumb over Sam’s knuckles.
“I don’t know what to do without them, without him,” Sam said softly, throat aching from the crying he’d done. “But I don’t know how to go back. I don’t know how to be the Sam they want me to be, but I don’t know how to be any other Sam either. I have no fuckin’ idea what I’m doin Linds. Not one goddamned clue. I feel like I’m drowning. I don’t belong there, with them anymore, but I don’t belong with anyone else either. I just… God I am so fucked up I can’t see anything but blackness everywhere I look. I don’t… I don’t even know who I am.”
“Then let’s find out.” Lindsey said softly and easily watching the sun coming up over Sam’s shoulder. “It’s a new day. S’as good a time as any to start new. Ain’t nothing matters anymore. The darkness is gone Sam. The sun’s comin’ up givin’ us another chance to get this shit right. Instead of us running to your past, maybe we need to find our future. An’ ya ain’t alone anymore, damnit. You got me. I’ve said it before, Sam, but I’m gonna say it again. I know, Sam. I know where you’re at. I know where you’ve been. Ain’t nothing good gonna come outta you beatin’ yourself up. Let’s head out into our future.”
“Call your damn brother, Sam. Tell him you’re sorry. Tell him you love him, and that you’re ok. ‘Cause there ain’t no way the words of some damn angel are gonna set his mind at ease. Tell him when he needs you all he’s gotta do is call, an’ then let’s just go… anywhere. Let’s make our OWN destiny. To hell with this heaven and hell crap. We ain’t no worse than any other person in this world an’ all we need Sam is each other. Shit, we got that son! Run away with me, Sam.”
Afraid to speak, Sam nodded then let himself be pulled up by Lindsey to start their long hike back to the truck. “Sam,” Lindsey started drawing Sam’s gaze as the older man squeezed the hand still in his. “The next goddamned time you decide to go on a fuckin’ cross country run can you do it somewhere that we can call a cab when you’re done? ‘Cause now we gotta hoof it back the 200 miles your golly green ass ran through the middle of the fuckin’ enchanted forest here. We’ll be lucky if we don’t end up in some damned Blair Witch shit. Fuckin’ Princess.”
Sam just shook his head grinning; feeling like maybe the world wasn’t so dark anymore. Maybe the sun really was coming up over his horizon and chasing the darkness away. Maybe, just maybe this time Sam Winchester would be allowed to keep his happy.
The End. (For now only. I promise there will be more, and hopefully it won't take almost 6 months this time. *face palm*)
I just keep forgetting to post it. If anyone was reading before I am sure they aren't now, but here goes anyway!
Title: Sunshine after the Rain
Series: The Redemption of Lost Souls though Love and Vengeance
Author: KliqzAngel
Prompt: #003 Sunrise
Characters/Pairing: Sam Winchester/Lindsey McDonald
Content: X-Over with Angel, Angst, AU SPN post season 4 and Angel for Not Fade Away and after, Pre-Slash, H/C, Broken!Sam, Comforting!Lindsey
Disclaimer: I don’t own either Sam or Lindsey.
Word Count: 1,218
Rating: PG-13
Song: Leap of Faith by Egypt Central
Summary: I need a friend to depend on/I need so much more/Another reason to live my life is knocking on my door
Master Post
Follows: Revelations
Now everything inside my life’s become a mystery
And all the things that I’ve held dear have lost reality
I cannot go I do not know if you are really here
Just let me know
I need a friend to depend on
I need so much more
Another reason to live my life is knocking on my door
I need to know if I can go
All the way down and back again
I need to know if I can take another leap of faith today
Someone tell me so I can figure it out
Something’s wrong nothing’s right
My life is filled with doubt
Lost the only really thing I’ve ever known
Lost it all and now my hope is gone
~ Leap of Faith by Egypt Central
Sam shifted slightly trying to find a comfortable position in the cramped space of Lindsey’s passenger seat. A couple hundred miles back he’d finally given up his position behind the wheel to Lindsey who pointed out it was in fact his truck and if Sam got them killed because he was too tired it wouldn’t do any of them any good. Every time Sam thought maybe he could get past all the things he’d done, all the things he’d been through and move on, everything came rushing back and he got lost all over again.
His head was such a mess he wasn’t sure he knew reality from illusion any longer. His heart hurt so bad he wasn’t sure he would survive another wrong step. He felt like he’d never gotten anything good in his life without in the end paying a price he couldn’t afford. Some days he was so far down that he couldn’t remember what the day light looked like, only knew it would hurt his eyes to see it because he'd been left in the dark so long. Some days he wished he was as evil as everyone wanted him to be. If he was his life would be so much easier, less painful. He’d never had a home he hadn’t had to leave. He'd never had a friend he hadn’t had to abandon. He’d never had a dream he hadn’t had to watch crumble at his feet. The only real person he’d ever been able to count on, he’d betrayed in the worst possible way. Truth was it was shame that kept him from dialing his brother’s number. Shame at what he’d become, shame at what he’d done, shame at his very presence in the world.
“Stop the truck,” Sam said softly, not even bothering to draw Lindsey’s attention. “Stop the TRUCK!” Sam shouted grabbing the wheel and yanking it to the side. It was only Lindsey’s driving skills that kept them upright and in the ditch. “What the fuck…!” Lindsey snapped, but before he could even work himself up into a good rage, Sam’s door was open and he was running out of the cab leaving the startled man gapping after him.
Sam had no idea where he was going. All he knew is that the ground flew by under his feet as he ran through the woods on the other side of the ditch he'd almost rolled them into. It was a good thing he wasn’t on a hunt because he had notion of where he was. Blindly he ran until he physically just couldn’t any longer, collapsing down at the edge of a clearing, fingers digging into the forest floor beneath his hands, body rocking back and forth, sobs coming from deep down inside in places Winchester’s didn’t admit existed. He wanted…
He just wanted and wanted and wanted and nothing good ever came from it, but he just didn’t know how to stop. He didn’t know how not to need less pain, more comfort, someone the world couldn’t take from him. His head was a mess. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t control his feelings. He was as if he was living his life on a roller coaster. He tried to fight, tried to hold onto his control, but like sand the harder he gripped it the faster it slipped through his fingers until there wasn’t any left.
When a hand touched his shoulder, Sam jumped and spun around, and it was only Lindsey’s quick reflexes that kept him from getting hit. “Jesus Sam, it’s just me man.” Huffing, trying to catch his breath, Lindsey eased down onto the ground eyeing Sam concerned at the wild look in his eyes. “Jesus, Sam.” He repeated carefully reaching out to take one of Sam’s hands in his carefully pulling until the younger man had wrapped himself around Lindsey letting loose the flood gates once more. Unfortunately for Lindsey he was all too familiar with what was going through Sam’s head, only he’d had to go through it alone. “It’s alright Sam.”
Minutes passed like hours, but eventually Sam was able to calm, sitting up and rubbing his eyes with his one free hand, Lindsey refusing to give up the other as he watched him, those blue eyes of his filled with worry and understanding. “Sorry,” Sam said finally, but quickly Lindsey shook his head. “Ain’t nothin’ to be sorry for, Sam.” Lindsey insisted softly rubbing a thumb over Sam’s knuckles.
“I don’t know what to do without them, without him,” Sam said softly, throat aching from the crying he’d done. “But I don’t know how to go back. I don’t know how to be the Sam they want me to be, but I don’t know how to be any other Sam either. I have no fuckin’ idea what I’m doin Linds. Not one goddamned clue. I feel like I’m drowning. I don’t belong there, with them anymore, but I don’t belong with anyone else either. I just… God I am so fucked up I can’t see anything but blackness everywhere I look. I don’t… I don’t even know who I am.”
“Then let’s find out.” Lindsey said softly and easily watching the sun coming up over Sam’s shoulder. “It’s a new day. S’as good a time as any to start new. Ain’t nothing matters anymore. The darkness is gone Sam. The sun’s comin’ up givin’ us another chance to get this shit right. Instead of us running to your past, maybe we need to find our future. An’ ya ain’t alone anymore, damnit. You got me. I’ve said it before, Sam, but I’m gonna say it again. I know, Sam. I know where you’re at. I know where you’ve been. Ain’t nothing good gonna come outta you beatin’ yourself up. Let’s head out into our future.”
“Call your damn brother, Sam. Tell him you’re sorry. Tell him you love him, and that you’re ok. ‘Cause there ain’t no way the words of some damn angel are gonna set his mind at ease. Tell him when he needs you all he’s gotta do is call, an’ then let’s just go… anywhere. Let’s make our OWN destiny. To hell with this heaven and hell crap. We ain’t no worse than any other person in this world an’ all we need Sam is each other. Shit, we got that son! Run away with me, Sam.”
Afraid to speak, Sam nodded then let himself be pulled up by Lindsey to start their long hike back to the truck. “Sam,” Lindsey started drawing Sam’s gaze as the older man squeezed the hand still in his. “The next goddamned time you decide to go on a fuckin’ cross country run can you do it somewhere that we can call a cab when you’re done? ‘Cause now we gotta hoof it back the 200 miles your golly green ass ran through the middle of the fuckin’ enchanted forest here. We’ll be lucky if we don’t end up in some damned Blair Witch shit. Fuckin’ Princess.”
Sam just shook his head grinning; feeling like maybe the world wasn’t so dark anymore. Maybe the sun really was coming up over his horizon and chasing the darkness away. Maybe, just maybe this time Sam Winchester would be allowed to keep his happy.
The End. (For now only. I promise there will be more, and hopefully it won't take almost 6 months this time. *face palm*)