On Vox: It's long and I'm not sorry.
I haven’t written much in….years. I think about it
sometimes, the total lack of recording of my own history (something only I can
both do and will later appreciate). I have thought about writing, and sit down
to read friends’ updates and end up just walking away from the computer. I
think I simply have been burned out with self-reflection. I have been so busy
trying desperately to shape my life into what I want it to be that I have had
little time to reflect on the process itself.
I just had the most amazing week of my life. Friends from all over the world flew into Dubrovnik for my wedding. We spent a week drinking, swimming, cliff diving, cooking, sailing to islands, eating and laughing, and then I had a wonderful wedding. I felt so loved. All of our cell phones were off, we did the old school “meet you at so and so at 730.” It has been so refreshing. I don’t get to see my best friends often, since one lives in Florida, one in Amsterdam and one in Norway. It was so great to have them all together with me, a few meeting for the first time. I forgot how positive they are, which must be why I love them so much. They are each just a force of life to be reckoned with, and are so refreshing to be around.
I need to bring more of that positivity into my life in DC. I am such a positive person, but if you let any negativity around yourself it has a way of eating away at your joy over time. A roomie that is moving out right now is very negative and usually angry about something, and it has really worn me down over the past year. I am so excited to have a new roommate (Bruno, from Brazil) and I hope he is half as joyous and positive as the friends I have been surrounded with this past week. Life is too short to not be surrounded with people that life you up.
The wedding was so perfect, and I am sure every bride feels that way. I am scaling the perfection by the happiness of the people there, my happiness, and the wonderful toasts and tears we received throughout the night. I had hired a random Croatian jazz band, and they play My Only Sunshine and When the Saint go Marching In! How perfect! We even had a Second Line in Croatia! We were on a terrace with a pool, and I can only be in a dress for so long, so by the end of the night we were all in swimsuits and swimming. It was so much fun. Oh, and the dancing!
Adrienne, my maid of honor, has been so quiet and shy our entire life. I expected her to give a short and flustered toast/speech, but instead she gave the best speech I have ever heard at a wedding! She was perfectly paced, and had written two pages! I got it from her to record here:
For My Best Friend…on her wedding day I have a TOAST, Some Memories --- a Few Words to Say
I'll start this story at OUR beginning…1995…the year we were 10. February 9th, to be precise….a memorable birthday for me, indeed Seemed another day at the farm to you then, But it turned out to be the beginning of A Whole New World for You & Me.
You dismissed me at first, another kid passing through In fact, you were mean, rolled your eyes & sneered, too But as we rode horses, our friendship grew We swam in the pool and bunked down at the farm, And so I discovered your personal charm.
We galloped our doggies over pillows and chairs, Pretended we were horses, jumping fences and snorting (Known to have rolled a few houses & other cavorting) We argued with Mareth, lived off macaroni & cheese We laughed and we fought, cried and confided We turned into good friends & I'll never forget it.
We dealt with our parents, boyfriends and school, And as far back as I can remember, you've never lost your cool. Your CONFIDENCE and Nerve, your Courage and Drive Inspired confidence in Others and made me feel pride. Amazed at your abilities, I've always looked up to you. And you've always been my beloved best friend.
YOU make Life easy & good to you. The spotlight is yours & you shine No matter how tough the ride, No matter how scary You always pull it off, like there's no burden to carry We know that's not true, but its one of the things I’ve always respected and admired about you.
Through middle school and high school you excelled at all things…ok, most things. Singing wasn't really your cup of tea, but boy could you dance. Remember the high school dance? You got out in front --- so embarrassing to me Then you forced me out there with you…I dreaded it then, but now look back with glee. And would I have done it without you? NOT A CHANCE
That's one more reason why you’ve always been my beloved best friend.
You nabbed the lead role in all of the plays You missed a lot of school - yet still made straight A's. Never mind the fact that I lacked Your FLARE Whatever happened to me, you were always there. You believed in me, Loved Me, and I could tell you Cared.
Just another reason why you're my beloved best friend.
Speaking to crowds is something you've always been better at than me. Quite honestly, I'm surprised you're not standing up here, right now, giving yourself this toast. It would have been a perfect poem, delivered eloquently and loud enough, with eye contact all round… But, once again, you've been good for me, Forcing Me to Overcome My Fears & Believing in Me And I thank you for that, my dear best friend.
Thank you, also, for always being by my side, getting me through the rough times, the good & the bad. Our experiences together have taught me so much…lessons I'll treasure, their value so true… I can hear your voice in my head, "Say YOU ARE RIGHT even when you know they're wrong" And "You Probably DO Know Better" when you know damn well that they don't! These are some things I'm sure you've taught James…if not, he's in trouble… Right, my dear friend?
Together at Jim's that incredible year Hard work, showing horses, confined to that TRAILER We've been through it ALL & been good for each other Your friendship is precious & I'll value it forever!
Nearing college graduation, you knew your direction. Top of your classes, you never flinched, rarely fretted. You knew what you wanted & had a plan how to get it. So, off to D.C. to seek fortunes & fames…& you got caught up with someone named JAMES!!!
You dabbled in some fellas that I knew were undeserving. But none of them were particularly unnerving. Then along came James & I heard a lift in your voice "He's such a great guy…" It wasn't long before I knew that he was your choice.
From the moment I met James, I saw the attraction… Kind. Smart. Respectful. Big muscles. And to top it all off, he knows your rightful place!
You’ve met your match, and I couldn’t be happier. I’ve got to wrap this up…Before it gets any sappier.
I wish you a fun, loving marriage and I know everyone agrees: Although you think you're in love now, through the years it'll grow And Many Years from now, I hope you'll look back on this, your wedding day, June 19th, and KNOW
It was the day you loved each other the LEAST.
Just remember one thing, as I know you will YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN MY VERY BEST FRIEND AND YOU ALWAYS WILL
….Cheers to Kristin and James!
Everything just meant so much to me. I can’t even express it. I am so happy.
Tonight we are in Mostar, which is basically a giant ruin. It was bombed the most during the war, and almost every building is still in shambles. I am debating working on this city for my dissertation. Tomorrow we go to Sarajevo, the other top contender. We are there for 3 days and I can’t wait. It is so great to just be traveling again, and with James at that. When I get back I have a ton of work, and two big events, and a lot of studying, but that is what life is all about.
I promise to write more. I promise it to myself.
36209_1458841104353_1033146779_31369727_4650949_n
Wednesday
I had a dream with my father in it last night. I haven’t dreamed of him in over a year. I was bickering with my mother about something, and he interjected and said, “Don’t you realize life is about being a positive influence and contributing to your community?” Then I was woken up. So, that’s that. Felt good to hear his voice again. I sometimes worry I will forget what he sounds like. After he died I remember waiting a couple weeks before I checked my saved messages on my phone. As I feared, I had no saved ones from him. Maybe it was for the best.
Originally posted on kristinj.vox.com
I just had the most amazing week of my life. Friends from all over the world flew into Dubrovnik for my wedding. We spent a week drinking, swimming, cliff diving, cooking, sailing to islands, eating and laughing, and then I had a wonderful wedding. I felt so loved. All of our cell phones were off, we did the old school “meet you at so and so at 730.” It has been so refreshing. I don’t get to see my best friends often, since one lives in Florida, one in Amsterdam and one in Norway. It was so great to have them all together with me, a few meeting for the first time. I forgot how positive they are, which must be why I love them so much. They are each just a force of life to be reckoned with, and are so refreshing to be around.
I need to bring more of that positivity into my life in DC. I am such a positive person, but if you let any negativity around yourself it has a way of eating away at your joy over time. A roomie that is moving out right now is very negative and usually angry about something, and it has really worn me down over the past year. I am so excited to have a new roommate (Bruno, from Brazil) and I hope he is half as joyous and positive as the friends I have been surrounded with this past week. Life is too short to not be surrounded with people that life you up.
The wedding was so perfect, and I am sure every bride feels that way. I am scaling the perfection by the happiness of the people there, my happiness, and the wonderful toasts and tears we received throughout the night. I had hired a random Croatian jazz band, and they play My Only Sunshine and When the Saint go Marching In! How perfect! We even had a Second Line in Croatia! We were on a terrace with a pool, and I can only be in a dress for so long, so by the end of the night we were all in swimsuits and swimming. It was so much fun. Oh, and the dancing!
Adrienne, my maid of honor, has been so quiet and shy our entire life. I expected her to give a short and flustered toast/speech, but instead she gave the best speech I have ever heard at a wedding! She was perfectly paced, and had written two pages! I got it from her to record here:
For My Best Friend…on her wedding day I have a TOAST, Some Memories --- a Few Words to Say
I'll start this story at OUR beginning…1995…the year we were 10. February 9th, to be precise….a memorable birthday for me, indeed Seemed another day at the farm to you then, But it turned out to be the beginning of A Whole New World for You & Me.
You dismissed me at first, another kid passing through In fact, you were mean, rolled your eyes & sneered, too But as we rode horses, our friendship grew We swam in the pool and bunked down at the farm, And so I discovered your personal charm.
We galloped our doggies over pillows and chairs, Pretended we were horses, jumping fences and snorting (Known to have rolled a few houses & other cavorting) We argued with Mareth, lived off macaroni & cheese We laughed and we fought, cried and confided We turned into good friends & I'll never forget it.
We dealt with our parents, boyfriends and school, And as far back as I can remember, you've never lost your cool. Your CONFIDENCE and Nerve, your Courage and Drive Inspired confidence in Others and made me feel pride. Amazed at your abilities, I've always looked up to you. And you've always been my beloved best friend.
YOU make Life easy & good to you. The spotlight is yours & you shine No matter how tough the ride, No matter how scary You always pull it off, like there's no burden to carry We know that's not true, but its one of the things I’ve always respected and admired about you.
Through middle school and high school you excelled at all things…ok, most things. Singing wasn't really your cup of tea, but boy could you dance. Remember the high school dance? You got out in front --- so embarrassing to me Then you forced me out there with you…I dreaded it then, but now look back with glee. And would I have done it without you? NOT A CHANCE
That's one more reason why you’ve always been my beloved best friend.
You nabbed the lead role in all of the plays You missed a lot of school - yet still made straight A's. Never mind the fact that I lacked Your FLARE Whatever happened to me, you were always there. You believed in me, Loved Me, and I could tell you Cared.
Just another reason why you're my beloved best friend.
Speaking to crowds is something you've always been better at than me. Quite honestly, I'm surprised you're not standing up here, right now, giving yourself this toast. It would have been a perfect poem, delivered eloquently and loud enough, with eye contact all round… But, once again, you've been good for me, Forcing Me to Overcome My Fears & Believing in Me And I thank you for that, my dear best friend.
Thank you, also, for always being by my side, getting me through the rough times, the good & the bad. Our experiences together have taught me so much…lessons I'll treasure, their value so true… I can hear your voice in my head, "Say YOU ARE RIGHT even when you know they're wrong" And "You Probably DO Know Better" when you know damn well that they don't! These are some things I'm sure you've taught James…if not, he's in trouble… Right, my dear friend?
Together at Jim's that incredible year Hard work, showing horses, confined to that TRAILER We've been through it ALL & been good for each other Your friendship is precious & I'll value it forever!
Nearing college graduation, you knew your direction. Top of your classes, you never flinched, rarely fretted. You knew what you wanted & had a plan how to get it. So, off to D.C. to seek fortunes & fames…& you got caught up with someone named JAMES!!!
You dabbled in some fellas that I knew were undeserving. But none of them were particularly unnerving. Then along came James & I heard a lift in your voice "He's such a great guy…" It wasn't long before I knew that he was your choice.
From the moment I met James, I saw the attraction… Kind. Smart. Respectful. Big muscles. And to top it all off, he knows your rightful place!
You’ve met your match, and I couldn’t be happier. I’ve got to wrap this up…Before it gets any sappier.
I wish you a fun, loving marriage and I know everyone agrees: Although you think you're in love now, through the years it'll grow And Many Years from now, I hope you'll look back on this, your wedding day, June 19th, and KNOW
It was the day you loved each other the LEAST.
Just remember one thing, as I know you will YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN MY VERY BEST FRIEND AND YOU ALWAYS WILL
….Cheers to Kristin and James!
Everything just meant so much to me. I can’t even express it. I am so happy.
Tonight we are in Mostar, which is basically a giant ruin. It was bombed the most during the war, and almost every building is still in shambles. I am debating working on this city for my dissertation. Tomorrow we go to Sarajevo, the other top contender. We are there for 3 days and I can’t wait. It is so great to just be traveling again, and with James at that. When I get back I have a ton of work, and two big events, and a lot of studying, but that is what life is all about.
I promise to write more. I promise it to myself.
36209_1458841104353_1033146779_31369727_4650949_n
Wednesday
I had a dream with my father in it last night. I haven’t dreamed of him in over a year. I was bickering with my mother about something, and he interjected and said, “Don’t you realize life is about being a positive influence and contributing to your community?” Then I was woken up. So, that’s that. Felt good to hear his voice again. I sometimes worry I will forget what he sounds like. After he died I remember waiting a couple weeks before I checked my saved messages on my phone. As I feared, I had no saved ones from him. Maybe it was for the best.
Originally posted on kristinj.vox.com