(no subject)
First of all just to 4 warn all of u that there will be some random venting in here because I need to get it all out.( so if ya don't like that stuff DON'T READ THIS!!!! So last night I went to hang out with some firends and it was really fun. My little brother gets pissed because he can't come with me. So he calls my mom on her cell and tells her that i am a jerk and I don't care about my family. I sware that my family things that I am doing drugs or drinking or something. And of course i am not cause that is not who i am. I am going to be me and if people do not like that then that is just to freakin bad!! Justin is freakin 10 and he thinks that he is 18. He gets away with everything and he always treats me like crap. My parents act like they don't care and they do nothing about it. Is it because they can't handle it? Well ya can't ignore it!!!! It just worries me cause I know that it is going to get worse. I think my parents just don't know what to do. Justin feels like he needs controll so he trys to controll everyone.
It also seems that I get all the crap from my family. It is always my fault when things don't work out. It is probably because I voice my opion and i don't keep it inside like others in my family. When there is a problem I tell people. The other thing is that people are hiding there feeling where u can't do that, u have to let them out. My brother(Jason) puts himself in this utopian world where he always tries to block out the bad things in life. U know what? People get hit with hard things in life and you just have to deal with it. Jason I kniow that is your way of dealing with stuff, but u need to do it in another way. Avoding it is just going to make it worse. The other thing is that we are not perfect, none of us are. My brother thinks that if u curse you are going to go to Hell or something. (DNA, Peggy knows what i am talking about) So my family thinks that I am choseing my friends over my family. The truth is that i just need a break from all of the at home drama. Things could be fixed if people would just forget about what happend in the past and just move the freak on! Another thing is you can not me one track minded. Gosh, people are being like that and it sucks.
So I am finally having fun with my life. I am doing what I enjoy doing and people just don't get that. So my parents think that they lost me. That is totally not it! I just need some space. I am also kinda freakin about finals and stuff too. I know that i could have done so much better, but I didn't. It is just taking me some time to find what I want to do with the rest of my life. I know that I really want to work with kids. I want to work at the hospital and help all those kids who are suffering from cancer. i also know that I love teaching sunday school and heloing out with church stuff. It is weird cause aI always thought that it would be cool to be a youth director and have my own youth group. I just don't know. But as for now i really need a job, jsut ti have extra money and I am tired of asking my parents for money all the time. Yes I do my fare share of work around the house and all of that stuff, but i want a job. I applyed for like 20 jobs on campus and have heard back from 0. I know it takes time and right now i just don't want to wait. i hate that waiting process.
Well on the upside of things, yesterday was pretty awesome. I know that Christmas in like 2 weeks away! Dang I can not believe it at all. It just doesn't seem like christmas yet. Yesterday it actually did. To me Christmas is about giving to others and making others happy. Isn't that what God would want us to do??? So i went with some friends to the friendly center to help volunter. We did some crafts with the little kids and it was awesome. Dang, Peggy and I make a great team. We were getting all kinds of kids to come to my table. During the craft this girl came up to me, randomly and gave me a huge adn said thanks, she was like 5. that is when i realized that is what christmas is all about. Just seeing the kids have a great time was awesome. Then later I got used again. I always get used with church stuff. I mean i love to help, but i feel that i am the in-between and I hate it!!!
Well the lat thing that i have to say is thank you to all of u that have been there for me. I love all of my friends dearly and I will always be there for u guys no matter what. It is u guys that are helping me get through the crazy times in life.
Sorry for writting so much and venting i just had too and i feels so much better! I am so looking forward to football and stuff this week!
Love ya guys!!
It also seems that I get all the crap from my family. It is always my fault when things don't work out. It is probably because I voice my opion and i don't keep it inside like others in my family. When there is a problem I tell people. The other thing is that people are hiding there feeling where u can't do that, u have to let them out. My brother(Jason) puts himself in this utopian world where he always tries to block out the bad things in life. U know what? People get hit with hard things in life and you just have to deal with it. Jason I kniow that is your way of dealing with stuff, but u need to do it in another way. Avoding it is just going to make it worse. The other thing is that we are not perfect, none of us are. My brother thinks that if u curse you are going to go to Hell or something. (DNA, Peggy knows what i am talking about) So my family thinks that I am choseing my friends over my family. The truth is that i just need a break from all of the at home drama. Things could be fixed if people would just forget about what happend in the past and just move the freak on! Another thing is you can not me one track minded. Gosh, people are being like that and it sucks.
So I am finally having fun with my life. I am doing what I enjoy doing and people just don't get that. So my parents think that they lost me. That is totally not it! I just need some space. I am also kinda freakin about finals and stuff too. I know that i could have done so much better, but I didn't. It is just taking me some time to find what I want to do with the rest of my life. I know that I really want to work with kids. I want to work at the hospital and help all those kids who are suffering from cancer. i also know that I love teaching sunday school and heloing out with church stuff. It is weird cause aI always thought that it would be cool to be a youth director and have my own youth group. I just don't know. But as for now i really need a job, jsut ti have extra money and I am tired of asking my parents for money all the time. Yes I do my fare share of work around the house and all of that stuff, but i want a job. I applyed for like 20 jobs on campus and have heard back from 0. I know it takes time and right now i just don't want to wait. i hate that waiting process.
Well on the upside of things, yesterday was pretty awesome. I know that Christmas in like 2 weeks away! Dang I can not believe it at all. It just doesn't seem like christmas yet. Yesterday it actually did. To me Christmas is about giving to others and making others happy. Isn't that what God would want us to do??? So i went with some friends to the friendly center to help volunter. We did some crafts with the little kids and it was awesome. Dang, Peggy and I make a great team. We were getting all kinds of kids to come to my table. During the craft this girl came up to me, randomly and gave me a huge adn said thanks, she was like 5. that is when i realized that is what christmas is all about. Just seeing the kids have a great time was awesome. Then later I got used again. I always get used with church stuff. I mean i love to help, but i feel that i am the in-between and I hate it!!!
Well the lat thing that i have to say is thank you to all of u that have been there for me. I love all of my friends dearly and I will always be there for u guys no matter what. It is u guys that are helping me get through the crazy times in life.
Sorry for writting so much and venting i just had too and i feels so much better! I am so looking forward to football and stuff this week!
Love ya guys!!