(no subject)
I guess I don't write here very often... I keep a journal for myself, but I don't write in that too much either. It isn't that I don't think about things - important and unimportant - it is that I just don't always write them down. Every evening I go over it all, everything that happens during the day, with David. At the end of Jane Eyre, when she's married Mr. Rochester, Jane says something along the lines of, we talk all day long, because talking together is just a more audible and animated way of thinking. I was reviewing that book for the AP, and that was the line that stuck out to me, that rang true with me. It might indicate that I should write about something else come Thursday, but we'll see what the prompt is.
Lit is a morning exam, right? Who wants to go for lunch after the test?
I should probably study more, for class and for the APs, but I figure that I'll do okay no matter what and Wellesley won't count them toward my distribution requirements for me anyways. In the end I'll probably even turn down the credit they give me for my AB Calc exam, because I'd rather restart in Calc 1 than Calc 2.
I am frustrated with prom... sort of. I might have a date, in which case, maybe I'm less frustrated. We'll see what his parents say, because he's a junior and supposed to take SATs the next morning, and prom, of course, doesn't wrap up until 1am and it's in Chantilly (right?) and he lives over near Springfield/Burke, so we'll see... I'd rather not be leaving at 10:30 or whatever to drive him home - I mean, we'd barely have arrived, depending on when we have dinner, and where. I'm sure you guys are sick of hearing me say this, but I wish that David were coming... And I feel awful because I know that right now, when he might be going as an alternate, not racing at IRAs, is when I need to suck it up and be more supportive, not less... I know he's taking it hard, so I try to be there for him, but at the end of the day I probably don't make it any easier on him because there's still the little girl inside of me that wants him to be there with me, dancing, and has a harder time letting go of him if he's going to be carrying oars, not rowing. Maybe it will all turn out fine in the end. I figure that if I expect to have fun with the girls (which I know I will) and not to have the most amazing, magical, wonderful night ever, it will be okay.
Thursday night I was definitely crying over prom. I went through a phase around lunchtime where I contemplated not going, but if nothing else I want an excuse to wear my dress - it is coppery-orange and really pretty. Fortunately that phase passed quickly. Unfortunately, it kept me distracted enough that I botched the Euro practice AP (and by botched I mean got a high four instead of a five). Mommy kept telling me that I needed to figure out what I wanted, but that I couldn't want something impossible. I guess it just hurts to know that what I really want isn't entirely impossible - it just won't happen for me. And I need to accept that, because it would be unfair of me to tell him that I didn't want him to try to race back into the boat - he wants that and I want what's going to make him happy in the end. So...
I just hope that Matt doesn't turn me down (I'm not sure whether to expect him to back out or not, because of those SATs)- because I don't have another guy in mind. A girl can only plan on being turned down so many times, right?
On the prom tangent - I am willing to look into making reservations if you guys will let me know what kind of food you (and your date) are willing to/would like to eat, and also about how much you'd like to pay per person. Keep in mind that if you are planning on appetizers, entrees, drinks and desserts, you would have a hard time eating at Friendly's for under $15.
I'm glad that Saturday's races felt good. On the way down my father asked me what our race plan was. I told him, and he said that, watching the race, we did everything to the stroke rate, with the 10s just where I'd said they'd be... It was a beautifully executed, well controlled pair of races. I liked them. The next couple weeks will be hard, but worthwhile, and then we get into championship racing.
It's hard to believe that the end of TJ Crew is coming so quickly (and really, that's probably bigger for me than the end of TJ - what I love about TJ, the people... it all goes back to the crew) But I think I'm ready. I think we're all ready. I'm glad we don't have a Henley like last year's boys... When we get up on Friday night at SRAs and give our senior speeches, I'll have two more races for TJ left in me... For the girls, and for myself. It sounds funny, but I stopped racing for Matt a long time ago. I race for you guys, for all my girls, for the team, for my friends. I'm not quite ready to go yet, but I like knowing that when the time comes, I will be.
On the crew tangent, please check your emails for information about an end of the season gift for Matt (and Debbie!)
Lit is a morning exam, right? Who wants to go for lunch after the test?
I should probably study more, for class and for the APs, but I figure that I'll do okay no matter what and Wellesley won't count them toward my distribution requirements for me anyways. In the end I'll probably even turn down the credit they give me for my AB Calc exam, because I'd rather restart in Calc 1 than Calc 2.
I am frustrated with prom... sort of. I might have a date, in which case, maybe I'm less frustrated. We'll see what his parents say, because he's a junior and supposed to take SATs the next morning, and prom, of course, doesn't wrap up until 1am and it's in Chantilly (right?) and he lives over near Springfield/Burke, so we'll see... I'd rather not be leaving at 10:30 or whatever to drive him home - I mean, we'd barely have arrived, depending on when we have dinner, and where. I'm sure you guys are sick of hearing me say this, but I wish that David were coming... And I feel awful because I know that right now, when he might be going as an alternate, not racing at IRAs, is when I need to suck it up and be more supportive, not less... I know he's taking it hard, so I try to be there for him, but at the end of the day I probably don't make it any easier on him because there's still the little girl inside of me that wants him to be there with me, dancing, and has a harder time letting go of him if he's going to be carrying oars, not rowing. Maybe it will all turn out fine in the end. I figure that if I expect to have fun with the girls (which I know I will) and not to have the most amazing, magical, wonderful night ever, it will be okay.
Thursday night I was definitely crying over prom. I went through a phase around lunchtime where I contemplated not going, but if nothing else I want an excuse to wear my dress - it is coppery-orange and really pretty. Fortunately that phase passed quickly. Unfortunately, it kept me distracted enough that I botched the Euro practice AP (and by botched I mean got a high four instead of a five). Mommy kept telling me that I needed to figure out what I wanted, but that I couldn't want something impossible. I guess it just hurts to know that what I really want isn't entirely impossible - it just won't happen for me. And I need to accept that, because it would be unfair of me to tell him that I didn't want him to try to race back into the boat - he wants that and I want what's going to make him happy in the end. So...
I just hope that Matt doesn't turn me down (I'm not sure whether to expect him to back out or not, because of those SATs)- because I don't have another guy in mind. A girl can only plan on being turned down so many times, right?
On the prom tangent - I am willing to look into making reservations if you guys will let me know what kind of food you (and your date) are willing to/would like to eat, and also about how much you'd like to pay per person. Keep in mind that if you are planning on appetizers, entrees, drinks and desserts, you would have a hard time eating at Friendly's for under $15.
I'm glad that Saturday's races felt good. On the way down my father asked me what our race plan was. I told him, and he said that, watching the race, we did everything to the stroke rate, with the 10s just where I'd said they'd be... It was a beautifully executed, well controlled pair of races. I liked them. The next couple weeks will be hard, but worthwhile, and then we get into championship racing.
It's hard to believe that the end of TJ Crew is coming so quickly (and really, that's probably bigger for me than the end of TJ - what I love about TJ, the people... it all goes back to the crew) But I think I'm ready. I think we're all ready. I'm glad we don't have a Henley like last year's boys... When we get up on Friday night at SRAs and give our senior speeches, I'll have two more races for TJ left in me... For the girls, and for myself. It sounds funny, but I stopped racing for Matt a long time ago. I race for you guys, for all my girls, for the team, for my friends. I'm not quite ready to go yet, but I like knowing that when the time comes, I will be.
On the crew tangent, please check your emails for information about an end of the season gift for Matt (and Debbie!)