(no subject)
Pardon me, but I'm going to rant now. It's too early in the fucking morning and I can't sleep because I had a horrible day. It started out great, don't get me wrong. I'm not one of those people who wake up in the morning thinking the worst of everything, wishing they were dead or bitch and complain befor they even brush their teeth. I'm actually quite a happy little fucker until someone comes along and plays with my God damned head. Don't do it. I don't like it and I won't stand for it.
I have this ''image'' I guess, the nice guy image. I'm the guy you come to when you need advice or have guy problems or girl problems. No problem. I like listening and I like even more to help out a friend in need. I'll never turn someone away when they need something, unless it's sperm, paternity tests or a marriage license. That's when I start to scream and run. I panic sometimes and I'm a spaz on occasion but I don't play games, I'll always be real with you and I'd never make you feel like a horrible person, unless of course you are infact a horrible person.
Now here is my situation...
A girl (we'll call her Betsy) decided a while ago to pursue me, and I was thrilled. I had sort of had my eye on her for a while just because I admired her and her work. So we started to see eachother and she told me that she wanted to be with me. Okay. I told her to wait, we hadn't known eachother that long or very well and I needed to get my head together. I went away to work for a few days (and by a few I mean four) and came back to see that she had told other guys the same exact thing. This other guy she had said this to got a girlfriend. Oh no. She is sad now. She cries. She is upset. So then she comes to me to tell me she loves me. That she's in love with me.
I CALL BULLSHIT.
You don't love me. You love the idea of me. You love the idea of having a fucking boyfriend. You love the idea of not being single. More importantly you love the idea of making someone else jealous. I hate being a pawn and I hate head games even more. I refuse to play them. Don't cry to me and tell me that you fucked up and how you screw up everything. I will not allow you to have a pity party. You're trying to march it right into my pants, THE ZIPPER IS CLOSED LADY.
Anyways, I hate having girls seem normal only to be twelve year old girls on the inside that think:
meanings
holding hands = bf gf teehee
a hug = he half humped me which means he wants sex which means he wants to be the daddy of my babies eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
a kiss = omg he loves me hokai!!one!!!11
he says VS. what the twelve year old hears
let's be friends = you're the only one for me
you're cute = omg let's do it
I really like you = he loves me. YAY
how about we make this official = let's get married
I need to wait and figure my shit out = i love you and you are the only one for me and i want to marry you i want you to be the mother of my children and we will have a gorgeous house (your choice of course) with a white picket fence and walk in closet just like you always wanted
GAH. So as you can see, I'm cranky. I'm cranky because she lied to me. 'Cause she decided to let others know about her feelings for this other man without letting me know. She hid it in hopes I wouldn't find out, so that if he didn't want her (HI HE DIDN'T) that I'd still want her. No. I don't play second fiddle.
When I'm with someone, I'm with them and only them. I don't date a girl until something better comes along. I date her because she is infact-- the best. I date her to make her feel like she's the only woman in the world that matters. She's my princess and she's my world and that's how it should be. I'm not Prince Charming and I'm not your Knight in shining Armor. I'm me. That should be good enough for you. If you want to be with me, it's only me. You'll want to be with me because of who I am, who I could be and who I want to be.
I'm done.
I have this ''image'' I guess, the nice guy image. I'm the guy you come to when you need advice or have guy problems or girl problems. No problem. I like listening and I like even more to help out a friend in need. I'll never turn someone away when they need something, unless it's sperm, paternity tests or a marriage license. That's when I start to scream and run. I panic sometimes and I'm a spaz on occasion but I don't play games, I'll always be real with you and I'd never make you feel like a horrible person, unless of course you are infact a horrible person.
Now here is my situation...
A girl (we'll call her Betsy) decided a while ago to pursue me, and I was thrilled. I had sort of had my eye on her for a while just because I admired her and her work. So we started to see eachother and she told me that she wanted to be with me. Okay. I told her to wait, we hadn't known eachother that long or very well and I needed to get my head together. I went away to work for a few days (and by a few I mean four) and came back to see that she had told other guys the same exact thing. This other guy she had said this to got a girlfriend. Oh no. She is sad now. She cries. She is upset. So then she comes to me to tell me she loves me. That she's in love with me.
I CALL BULLSHIT.
You don't love me. You love the idea of me. You love the idea of having a fucking boyfriend. You love the idea of not being single. More importantly you love the idea of making someone else jealous. I hate being a pawn and I hate head games even more. I refuse to play them. Don't cry to me and tell me that you fucked up and how you screw up everything. I will not allow you to have a pity party. You're trying to march it right into my pants, THE ZIPPER IS CLOSED LADY.
Anyways, I hate having girls seem normal only to be twelve year old girls on the inside that think:
meanings
holding hands = bf gf teehee
a hug = he half humped me which means he wants sex which means he wants to be the daddy of my babies eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
a kiss = omg he loves me hokai!!one!!!11
he says VS. what the twelve year old hears
let's be friends = you're the only one for me
you're cute = omg let's do it
I really like you = he loves me. YAY
how about we make this official = let's get married
I need to wait and figure my shit out = i love you and you are the only one for me and i want to marry you i want you to be the mother of my children and we will have a gorgeous house (your choice of course) with a white picket fence and walk in closet just like you always wanted
GAH. So as you can see, I'm cranky. I'm cranky because she lied to me. 'Cause she decided to let others know about her feelings for this other man without letting me know. She hid it in hopes I wouldn't find out, so that if he didn't want her (HI HE DIDN'T) that I'd still want her. No. I don't play second fiddle.
When I'm with someone, I'm with them and only them. I don't date a girl until something better comes along. I date her because she is infact-- the best. I date her to make her feel like she's the only woman in the world that matters. She's my princess and she's my world and that's how it should be. I'm not Prince Charming and I'm not your Knight in shining Armor. I'm me. That should be good enough for you. If you want to be with me, it's only me. You'll want to be with me because of who I am, who I could be and who I want to be.
I'm done.