...And when you're halfway up, you're neither up nor down.
Thursday again, and I'm posting. I still haven't figured out my computer settings to let me access LJ from my laptop. Laptop 5, kleahy 0. If you know, Please Help!
I had quite a roller coaster ride this weekend. Friday, I was so happy, excited, laughing, enjoying, then Sunday, I was bored and down in the dumps. On Friday, I felt like I could do anything, be anything; then Sunday, and Monday, a little, I felt like nothing was going to work out, nothing good was going happen. I know what caused these mood swings, but it doesn't make me happy. I was supposed to have a date Sunday night and something came up. I don't blame the guy, things happen, but I felt rejected. Also, I asked a friend of mine if I could read some of his writing, and he said no. Again, I don't blame him. There is very little of my writing, poetry and short stories and things, that I would let anybody read, but I felt rejected. So double rejection. But how sad of me, to let my mood be dictated by wether or not I see some guy, or read some guy's work. Not even the love of my life, or my best friend, or my mother, just random people that I'm talking to, in the beginning stages of getting to know. How sad to be sacrificed on the alter of acceptance, just another desperate cliche.
By Tuesday, I'd evened out some. I had some good counsel from my friends. N said not to analyze so much, to go with the flow. Not to read so much into things, and to keep things light. I said I didn't know if I was ready for a relationship, or if I had anything to bring to one. She said not to worry about being in a relationship now, just to date, have fun, and again go with the flow. If a relationship developed, great, if not, no worries. This advice makes a lot of sense. Applying it, however, whole other story...
Tuesday, I also did the drop by on D2. She'd been in the hospital Sunday, and I tried to bring her things Monday, and I missed her. So I took the stuff I'd brought out to her house in Washougal, and I ended up staying and talking for two plus hours. She said I should set myself up for success, that I should focus on what I wanted, and that if she could get her hands on P she'd strangle him. These are things she often tells me, they just fit in well with what N said, and I couldn't help but agree on the strangling. She also told me not to beat myself up so much, and that's true, I can be my own worst enemy. I felt a lot better after I left her, then I went and stuffed myself on breadsticks, so I felt worse. I hope I cheered her up at least a little.
Now, here it is, Thursday, and I'm not happy or sad, not up or down. I had quite a bit of caffeine this morning, so I'm a little jittery, but that's okay.
I have plans for Friday night, Saturday night, Tuesday afternoon, and next Friday. I am becoming a social butterfly. Which was the plan, but doesn't make me any less nervous about it. I want to go shopping. I want to buy clothes that will make me feel better about myself. Does anyone know where I can find those?
My bed exploded last night. Well, leaked anyway. It's a waterbed with tubes, and one of them got punctured. I looked under the bed and one of the flat wood braces, or slats was broken and poking up through the box spring. So the whole bed is toast, and I'm sleeping on my own couch until Sunday at least, possibly longer. So now I have plans for Sunday morning too, I'll be moving a bed.
When did I go from boring knitter/reader girl to moody crisis butterfly? And is the change positive or negative?
I had quite a roller coaster ride this weekend. Friday, I was so happy, excited, laughing, enjoying, then Sunday, I was bored and down in the dumps. On Friday, I felt like I could do anything, be anything; then Sunday, and Monday, a little, I felt like nothing was going to work out, nothing good was going happen. I know what caused these mood swings, but it doesn't make me happy. I was supposed to have a date Sunday night and something came up. I don't blame the guy, things happen, but I felt rejected. Also, I asked a friend of mine if I could read some of his writing, and he said no. Again, I don't blame him. There is very little of my writing, poetry and short stories and things, that I would let anybody read, but I felt rejected. So double rejection. But how sad of me, to let my mood be dictated by wether or not I see some guy, or read some guy's work. Not even the love of my life, or my best friend, or my mother, just random people that I'm talking to, in the beginning stages of getting to know. How sad to be sacrificed on the alter of acceptance, just another desperate cliche.
By Tuesday, I'd evened out some. I had some good counsel from my friends. N said not to analyze so much, to go with the flow. Not to read so much into things, and to keep things light. I said I didn't know if I was ready for a relationship, or if I had anything to bring to one. She said not to worry about being in a relationship now, just to date, have fun, and again go with the flow. If a relationship developed, great, if not, no worries. This advice makes a lot of sense. Applying it, however, whole other story...
Tuesday, I also did the drop by on D2. She'd been in the hospital Sunday, and I tried to bring her things Monday, and I missed her. So I took the stuff I'd brought out to her house in Washougal, and I ended up staying and talking for two plus hours. She said I should set myself up for success, that I should focus on what I wanted, and that if she could get her hands on P she'd strangle him. These are things she often tells me, they just fit in well with what N said, and I couldn't help but agree on the strangling. She also told me not to beat myself up so much, and that's true, I can be my own worst enemy. I felt a lot better after I left her, then I went and stuffed myself on breadsticks, so I felt worse. I hope I cheered her up at least a little.
Now, here it is, Thursday, and I'm not happy or sad, not up or down. I had quite a bit of caffeine this morning, so I'm a little jittery, but that's okay.
I have plans for Friday night, Saturday night, Tuesday afternoon, and next Friday. I am becoming a social butterfly. Which was the plan, but doesn't make me any less nervous about it. I want to go shopping. I want to buy clothes that will make me feel better about myself. Does anyone know where I can find those?
My bed exploded last night. Well, leaked anyway. It's a waterbed with tubes, and one of them got punctured. I looked under the bed and one of the flat wood braces, or slats was broken and poking up through the box spring. So the whole bed is toast, and I'm sleeping on my own couch until Sunday at least, possibly longer. So now I have plans for Sunday morning too, I'll be moving a bed.
When did I go from boring knitter/reader girl to moody crisis butterfly? And is the change positive or negative?