I made a clever disguise, became brilliant with lies & pretended that I loved everything I despised
So its been quite awhile LJ since Ive updated you...or read my friends rants on your pages. There seems to be some unnecessary drama in some peoples lives. Terrible to hear that. Truly. Well things could be worse. Take, for instance, my year thus far.
No shit, its only January 27th. But trust me, its still fuckin nuts.
Ch. 1 Financial Responisibilties.
Lets discuss. Put aside the moral financial responsibilities, like the money I owe my uncles girlfriend, or my lawyer, or well..seemingly everyone in the fuckin world. And lets look legal. In traffic tickets from 2008 alone I owe $952.40. I have to pay a good majority of that BY March 9th 2009. Fuck me. Now lets look at court costs, and all those bullshit fines that come with being charged with a felony...over $1000 I do believe. Yes, thankfully I have a job at the moment. And lets hope and pray that I get up on all my cash in time. For I have another suprise expense coming to me in the not too distant future.
Ch. 2 Relationships
For a year or so now, Ive been seeing this guy. Many of you may have met my dearest friend Blue Stacks aka Smoke. At the start it wasnt what it is now, and it shocks both of us that things turned out the way they did. It wasnt intended. In the present however, I dont know if there is a person I care about more than him. Ive busted my balls trying to make sure he and I were straight when all that shit went down hill last year. He makes me truly happy when Im with him, we fake-argue, play, wrestle (and I soooo fuckin win), and we generally just have a good time. Now things are starting to get complicated. A couple weeks ago I found out I was pregnant, dont know how far along I am, ill find that out on Thursday Im sure. Ive done the abortion thing already. I went blindly into it believing I was alot stronger than I was. It wasnt about strength as much as it was humanity. I mistook the two. To this day Im still heartbroken about it. But I did what I thought I needed to do. This one....well, I dont want to go through that again. Theres financial reprocussions to the situation I understand, I just dont know what exactly I expect myself to do just yet. Everyday is different, keep it, get rid of it...off and on. Mom doesnt want me to go down the road that she did. She wants more for me. But I dont want to regret this, and I dont want to feel the same pain that I felt a year ago.
My mom and I are closer than ever it seems. Without having to hide my addictions and things that are going on in my life it seems alot smoother. I used to cower when I heard her say my name. The Monster is woke and I would rush around the house trying to get her put together for work. Now, its a peaceful symbiatic relationship. I dont fuck with her, she doesnt fuck with me. Its all good.
Ch. 3 School
Short chapter. Tried to go to school...they revoked my financial aid....bastards!
Ch. 4 Mental Health
I gotta go see a psych on the 30th. Along with a therapist, and my caseworker. Should be interesting. I wont go into how Im fuckin nuts or anything. I think Ive shared too much already. Anxiety, Depression, and a whole lotta personalities seem to be key issues though. ill keep you posted when Im certifiably crazy.
No shit, its only January 27th. But trust me, its still fuckin nuts.
Ch. 1 Financial Responisibilties.
Lets discuss. Put aside the moral financial responsibilities, like the money I owe my uncles girlfriend, or my lawyer, or well..seemingly everyone in the fuckin world. And lets look legal. In traffic tickets from 2008 alone I owe $952.40. I have to pay a good majority of that BY March 9th 2009. Fuck me. Now lets look at court costs, and all those bullshit fines that come with being charged with a felony...over $1000 I do believe. Yes, thankfully I have a job at the moment. And lets hope and pray that I get up on all my cash in time. For I have another suprise expense coming to me in the not too distant future.
Ch. 2 Relationships
For a year or so now, Ive been seeing this guy. Many of you may have met my dearest friend Blue Stacks aka Smoke. At the start it wasnt what it is now, and it shocks both of us that things turned out the way they did. It wasnt intended. In the present however, I dont know if there is a person I care about more than him. Ive busted my balls trying to make sure he and I were straight when all that shit went down hill last year. He makes me truly happy when Im with him, we fake-argue, play, wrestle (and I soooo fuckin win), and we generally just have a good time. Now things are starting to get complicated. A couple weeks ago I found out I was pregnant, dont know how far along I am, ill find that out on Thursday Im sure. Ive done the abortion thing already. I went blindly into it believing I was alot stronger than I was. It wasnt about strength as much as it was humanity. I mistook the two. To this day Im still heartbroken about it. But I did what I thought I needed to do. This one....well, I dont want to go through that again. Theres financial reprocussions to the situation I understand, I just dont know what exactly I expect myself to do just yet. Everyday is different, keep it, get rid of it...off and on. Mom doesnt want me to go down the road that she did. She wants more for me. But I dont want to regret this, and I dont want to feel the same pain that I felt a year ago.
My mom and I are closer than ever it seems. Without having to hide my addictions and things that are going on in my life it seems alot smoother. I used to cower when I heard her say my name. The Monster is woke and I would rush around the house trying to get her put together for work. Now, its a peaceful symbiatic relationship. I dont fuck with her, she doesnt fuck with me. Its all good.
Ch. 3 School
Short chapter. Tried to go to school...they revoked my financial aid....bastards!
Ch. 4 Mental Health
I gotta go see a psych on the 30th. Along with a therapist, and my caseworker. Should be interesting. I wont go into how Im fuckin nuts or anything. I think Ive shared too much already. Anxiety, Depression, and a whole lotta personalities seem to be key issues though. ill keep you posted when Im certifiably crazy.