Blah blah BLAH.
I got to the point of drunked-ness where I CRY, tonight. Cry for an unexplainable reason. Maybe for my subconcious state of depression. OR maybe my state of depression that I manage to hide sooooo well! I cried in front of everyone. It was really embarrasing. Even he was there and I don't think he knew how to handle it, along with everyone else. Whatever. As with my usual update on the whole situtaion, he gave me not one, but two kisses on the cheek when saying goodnight to me, and I was ballsy enough to kiss him back. I told him to come by and say bye before he leaves for break. Josh told me that he's just fucking with my head. Who knows. I can't talk to him like I want to, need to, to get the closure or whatever I need. Manu made me feel somewhat good the other night by telling me about how they were talking last Tuesday night and he said something along the lines of me being awesome and it being crappy when you meet someone awesome and things don't work out as planned.
So depressed. I don't think anyone around this neck of the woods can really stand me anymore. Meaning, no one anywhere can stand me, not even myself.
Where'd I go wrong, seriously?
I need this Christmas break,
as much as it'll hurt.
I need to know,
as much as it may hurt.
December 18th has sucked.