let's revisit spring 2005, shall we?
I always find a good time to get depressed.. and that's when I'm alone and it's too late/early to call someone up to talk to them. But aie, I've put myself in a vicious cycle of failing quite similar to the one I put myself into last Spring term. I've become too embarrased to go to class because I've missed out on so much homework. And I've missed so many classes to try and make up all the missed homework. And when I decide I'm gonna not sleep all night to try and finish my homework, I get too distracted and depressed to do it, and so the cycle goes on.
I'm really not too sure of anything anymore, be it school, people, careers, lifestyles. I know that I hate my situation in school, but I'm still there, but hesitating about every little thing I need to do. I hate that I'm unemployed, but I can't do anything about it until I figure out my situation with school. I hate my body, I need to lose weight, I'm ashamed to look in the mirror half the time and I get constant reminders about how I need to lose weight from my mother who now has quite the nice body because she runs 30-40 minutes a day, every day of the week. If someone asked me what and where home is too me, I wouldn't know what to tell them. I don't feel like I belong anywhere. I would lean towards the dorm, nut getting lost in the moment like I always do on campus has brought me here, somewhere in this vicious cycle.
The only thing I'm really quite sure of right now is that I'm very much so in love with James. More so than the day before and the day before that.
BLAH.BLAH.
BL:AH.
ANXIIEeTTYYYYYY.
ANNNNNNXIIIETTTYYYYY.