Dissonance
There is a growing separation between who I am and what I am, and bridging the gap between the two just hasn't been happening. I would define who I am as who I think myself to be -- the cognitive piece, while what I am is what I've managed to project to others -- primarily the physical, worldly piece. The difference is that I've grown quite a bit in modality of thinking, but the things/people/situations surrounding me largely have remained the same.
There's an inertia that is happening -- as I grow unhindered mentally, I become more and more aware of what or who is holding me back physically/materialistically, and why. Largely with people the why is due to comfort of people like themselves, a sense of belonging that requires members of whatever group I'm being categorized in to not move away from the stable norm. Granted, these people keep me from falling off the other end via depression and whatnot, but once I start making real progress the negativity of where I'm headed becomes far more prominent. If I can get the rate of growth to move in sync I'll be alright, but the constant push forward plus the start stop reverse push is taxing at best.
Ultimately, it means I'll have to start dropping folk whom wish the best for me but in their actions make sure that it remains just a wish. I'm in the habit of dropping any material item that doesn't currently serve me and my goals, and I've started to do so with habits and commitments as well. People, friends, on the other hand, is something different. There is no lingering when I've decided a material item no longer helps me out -- I get rid of it through donation or trash and it is out of my life. Habits and commitments have lingering memories, but I can push those aside with a bit of will. People, however, can be persistent beyond willpower. There's emotions to consider as well, and the fact that I don't make friends easily in the first place. There's a risk that in my quest to move forward that I'll lose what keep me from falling away from everything if depression takes hold.
There's a saying that the Buddha will be the last person to evolve to the new world, or something like that. The inference is that every other person will go before him, but I'm beginning to sadly realize that is not the case. Every willing person will progress before the Buddha, but there will be those who wish to stay behind in their comfort, and there will be those who will say they want to evolve but will not.
When I succeed, I want to take as many people as I can into success with me. Sadly though, many whom currently struggle with me would rather continue to struggle for success than have it be a real possibility.
There's an inertia that is happening -- as I grow unhindered mentally, I become more and more aware of what or who is holding me back physically/materialistically, and why. Largely with people the why is due to comfort of people like themselves, a sense of belonging that requires members of whatever group I'm being categorized in to not move away from the stable norm. Granted, these people keep me from falling off the other end via depression and whatnot, but once I start making real progress the negativity of where I'm headed becomes far more prominent. If I can get the rate of growth to move in sync I'll be alright, but the constant push forward plus the start stop reverse push is taxing at best.
Ultimately, it means I'll have to start dropping folk whom wish the best for me but in their actions make sure that it remains just a wish. I'm in the habit of dropping any material item that doesn't currently serve me and my goals, and I've started to do so with habits and commitments as well. People, friends, on the other hand, is something different. There is no lingering when I've decided a material item no longer helps me out -- I get rid of it through donation or trash and it is out of my life. Habits and commitments have lingering memories, but I can push those aside with a bit of will. People, however, can be persistent beyond willpower. There's emotions to consider as well, and the fact that I don't make friends easily in the first place. There's a risk that in my quest to move forward that I'll lose what keep me from falling away from everything if depression takes hold.
There's a saying that the Buddha will be the last person to evolve to the new world, or something like that. The inference is that every other person will go before him, but I'm beginning to sadly realize that is not the case. Every willing person will progress before the Buddha, but there will be those who wish to stay behind in their comfort, and there will be those who will say they want to evolve but will not.
When I succeed, I want to take as many people as I can into success with me. Sadly though, many whom currently struggle with me would rather continue to struggle for success than have it be a real possibility.