Lost and alone
How does one “fit in” to a group, clique, society? What process do they have to go through? Is it a shared common ground? Is it Nature or Nurture? Do we have a set response determining where we will “fit in?”
I’ve always been a drifter, going from one group to the next. Making acquaintances but never staying around long enough to develop anything permanent. Its what I hate about myself the most, the fact that I am, when it is all said and done…a loner. Don’t worry those reading this, there’s nothing you can do about it, it is whom I am, I’ve accepted it.
Although, I must admit that I thought I had finally broken the cycle, thought I had found my niche. I am still very much comfortable here but after Monday night, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say that I “fit in” here in Alamosa. Sure I get along with people but I don’t feel like a member. They were sitting around the room, trading monologues stories about plays, things they’ve written and all I could do is sit there, listen and be excluded. I’ve no gift for words, nor art. Hell, I don’t even thing I’ve found my “gift” as of yet. By no-ones fault, you’ve all been doing this for far longer then the 2 years I’ve devoted to it. But it did hurt a little; to be able to sit there and watch, 2 of the most special people on this campus to me, carry on and leave me behind. Now I care for Kacey, more then I can say…more then anyone can say. She’s simply amazing and I don’t want to lose her but sure as I could rattle off stuff in my own “language” there’s no one here for me to relate to, or at the very least I haven’t found them.
I feel lost and alone, and it’s eating me apart.
I’ve always been a drifter, going from one group to the next. Making acquaintances but never staying around long enough to develop anything permanent. Its what I hate about myself the most, the fact that I am, when it is all said and done…a loner. Don’t worry those reading this, there’s nothing you can do about it, it is whom I am, I’ve accepted it.
Although, I must admit that I thought I had finally broken the cycle, thought I had found my niche. I am still very much comfortable here but after Monday night, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say that I “fit in” here in Alamosa. Sure I get along with people but I don’t feel like a member. They were sitting around the room, trading monologues stories about plays, things they’ve written and all I could do is sit there, listen and be excluded. I’ve no gift for words, nor art. Hell, I don’t even thing I’ve found my “gift” as of yet. By no-ones fault, you’ve all been doing this for far longer then the 2 years I’ve devoted to it. But it did hurt a little; to be able to sit there and watch, 2 of the most special people on this campus to me, carry on and leave me behind. Now I care for Kacey, more then I can say…more then anyone can say. She’s simply amazing and I don’t want to lose her but sure as I could rattle off stuff in my own “language” there’s no one here for me to relate to, or at the very least I haven’t found them.
I feel lost and alone, and it’s eating me apart.