(no subject)
I think I'm becomming less intelligent. This terrifies me. I feel like going down to the college campus and just talking to people, to see if I'm up to snuff. I just have this terrible feeling that I'm losing my touch, and now slang is slowly starting to become part of my active vocabulary...
Edit: AAAAAH! NO! I CANNOT BECOME STUPID! I MUST READ A BOOK! I AM OFFICIALLY FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS.
Imagine if you will, once priding yourself on being well spoken and deep in thought, only to come to the realization that now your largest desires are drinking and playing videogames. I blame moving to NY for this. I was stuck in a slummy town, with slummy people, and I had to stoop to their level or else face social ostracization (Oh GOD, I hope that's a word) And now, awake, at 5 in the morning, I have reached a moment in clarity. I am doing absolutely nothing with my life. The other day, I mentioned joining the military. I am too smart to join the military. Not to say all military people are unintelligent, I just feel when one attains a certain level of intelligence, they understand the concepts of war and military are silly ideas. That being said, I do not want to conform to the large killing machine that is the military. What I really want to do, is sit around with people who have decent vocabularies, read books, and drink wine, and essentially are cultured (one yogurt joke and I slay you) Because the saying goes "Surround yourself with saints and be saintly, surround yourself with sinners and be wicked." so why not apply the same concept to the scholarly? I wish to absorb intelligent conversation, and then become one who partakes in such discussions. I am so beyond scared right now of the reality that I'll likely never be accepted to another school, ever again. However, I think I should apply to a school anyway, so for the love of all things scholarly, I can at least have hopes. You know, I never do my work in school, I'm never motivated to. I do work for English, and Arts, and that's it. That's what I love. So maybe going to school part time for an english class and a photography class may be a good idea. God, writing more than a few sentences to describe how I feel is amazing. It's invigorating. I could elaborate, but why bother? I'm sure you've all had your moments when you've recognized how amazing language is.
I found this book, Walden Two. It's fiction, but written by a psychologist. I've been told it's good. I think I'm going to go have a cigarette and start reading.
Edit: AAAAAH! NO! I CANNOT BECOME STUPID! I MUST READ A BOOK! I AM OFFICIALLY FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS.
Imagine if you will, once priding yourself on being well spoken and deep in thought, only to come to the realization that now your largest desires are drinking and playing videogames. I blame moving to NY for this. I was stuck in a slummy town, with slummy people, and I had to stoop to their level or else face social ostracization (Oh GOD, I hope that's a word) And now, awake, at 5 in the morning, I have reached a moment in clarity. I am doing absolutely nothing with my life. The other day, I mentioned joining the military. I am too smart to join the military. Not to say all military people are unintelligent, I just feel when one attains a certain level of intelligence, they understand the concepts of war and military are silly ideas. That being said, I do not want to conform to the large killing machine that is the military. What I really want to do, is sit around with people who have decent vocabularies, read books, and drink wine, and essentially are cultured (one yogurt joke and I slay you) Because the saying goes "Surround yourself with saints and be saintly, surround yourself with sinners and be wicked." so why not apply the same concept to the scholarly? I wish to absorb intelligent conversation, and then become one who partakes in such discussions. I am so beyond scared right now of the reality that I'll likely never be accepted to another school, ever again. However, I think I should apply to a school anyway, so for the love of all things scholarly, I can at least have hopes. You know, I never do my work in school, I'm never motivated to. I do work for English, and Arts, and that's it. That's what I love. So maybe going to school part time for an english class and a photography class may be a good idea. God, writing more than a few sentences to describe how I feel is amazing. It's invigorating. I could elaborate, but why bother? I'm sure you've all had your moments when you've recognized how amazing language is.
I found this book, Walden Two. It's fiction, but written by a psychologist. I've been told it's good. I think I'm going to go have a cigarette and start reading.