four days of strange
jonghyun-centric, sad attempt at crack, pg for language
1520 w
unbeta'd :c
i don't know why but i'm dedicating this to teastallpanda
the terribly strange thing that shook them - jonghyun most of all - was the fact that one day, jonghyun fell asleep completely normally, safe and sound, warm and human, and woke up the next day as a welsh pony.
it took them a while to realize that the pony in jonghyun's bed was actually jonghyun, and then six further hours to discover that he was a welsh pony. (jinki was convinced that jonghyun had been a foal, and it had taken some general knowledge from kibum to point out how a kid horse was different from a pony and that jonghyun was most definitely a pony. minho, on the other hand, thought that the shortiness had stayed from human to horse form. kibum had to explain the facts of the matter to him, too.)
taemin spent those additional six hours taking various pictures of jonghyun. these included shots of jonghyun's mane, jonghyun's tail, his teeth, his hooves, and his stomach. the pictures were uploaded to a horse forum for identification. taemin was going to take a picture of jonghyun's butthole but was talked out of it by jinki. 'he needs peace and rest and privacy,' jinki explained, kindly, and jonghyun stamped a hoof in approval. taemin fed jonghyun salt instead of sugar later, in retaliation. jonghyun's brain seemed to remain human and wasn't able to sniff the difference between sugar and salt, and ended up writhing in a horsey mess on the floor. he also smashed in his mac.
he cried and shook his head and got distracted by the fact that his mane was long and smooth and glorious, remembered that he was sad and cried. again.
jinki stayed up, bags under his eyes growing baggier. 'i'm sorry,' jonghyun tried to nuzzle into his ear but ended up blowing his long nose into jinki's neck. 'i'm really sorry!' jonghyun desperately wanted to communicate as jinki gave him a long, desolate look and puttered about the room for tissues. he didn't find any so he ended up wiping his neck on his sleeve before resuming his position by jonghyun's right foot. right forefoot. right forehoof.
'you okay there, fellows?' minho peeked in, whispering.
jinki snored in response. jonghyun raised his head and shook his long, glorious mane in a resoundingly silent, welsh pony 'no'. the mane went into jinki's face and woke him up, yelling.
-
'this is not a good thing.' that was minho.
'perhaps we should tell the manager.' that was kibum.
'perhaps we should ride him.' minho again.
'sell him?' taemin suggested. 'then when he turns human, he can run back and then we'll have more money and hyung, too.'
'we don't know if he will ever turn human,' minho sighed. he didn't sound too dejected. taemin didn't feel very miserable either. for some strange reason, they were quietly accepting of this fact, as if they all knew that jonghyun was always to be the one transformed into a welsh pony. a destiny of some sort, although not a very grand one.
'where's jinki hyung?' kibum mumbled through a mouthful of jinki's cereal. taemin tried to psychoanalzye kibum's reaction to their dilemma, but it was too much effort so he gave up and took what kibum gave him: a slightly worried countenance and a jinki-hyung's-breakfast-food binge. then he recalled that he had been asked a question and that it would be a good idea to answer it.
'consoling jonghyun hyung.'
his tone was probably condescending, because minho widened his eyes at him. 'you'd also want consolation if you turned into a horse.'
'welsh pony,' kibum corrected minho. 'and yes, taemin. you would.'
'on the contrary,' taemin stood up, thoroughly irritated for no reason. 'i would whinny and neigh and run outside and create general havoc amongst the ignorant citizens of seoul.' he wandered towards the tv and turned it on.
'gallop,' kibum whispered, gently.
jinki emerged from jonghyun's room, hair upright and looking generally distraught. 'i saw jonghyun,' he commented.
minho nodded, sympathetically. 'we all have.'
'no, really. i saw him. he, he... transformed. now he's a lion.'
taemin dropped the remote control.
kibum fainted, milk splashing into his hair. a few cheerios jumped out the bowl and rolled to jinki's feet.
'kibum,' jinki said.
kibum unfainted and looked up, milk dripping down his face. 'yes?'
jinki stared at him and visibly gave up. 'never mind.'
-
jonghyun quite liked being a lion. his mane was gloriouser than ever, he was sexy, and his eyes were sexy, and his growl was sexy, and his fur was the color of gold. his tail was the only thing he had a problem with. he much preferred a hairy tail then a bald length of... stuff, and then a tuft of tail. that was very ungraceful. he raised his tail in front of his face and frowned at it, and taemin had understood the cause of his unrest at once. 'this tail suits a lion better than a pony's tail would,' he supplied, helpfully, and jonghyun let out a long, warm, lion sigh.
sleeping as a lion was more comfortable than as a pony. cats were simply meant to curl up on hearths, and pur, and roar, and - well, not roar. where had roar come from? oh, the fact that the other members had for some reason seen fit to throw his mac out. just because it was broken! unacceptable. he'd teach them all a lesson and wake them up the next day with his giant mighty fangs around their ankles. he wouldn't bite, of course, just make it look like that, and then he'd be king of the dorm and scare the manager.
-
unfortunately for jonghyun, he remained a lion for only a day. jonghyun woke up, on his pillow. on only his pillow. his body was small enough to fit on a pillow. his body was small enough to fit in kibum's palm. he knew this for a fact because:
'jonghyun?' kibum yawned, traipsing into the room. 'i know you're a lion and maybe you'll want to eat me but i just wanted to sleep next to you, and stuff, because i felt like - ' kibum opened his eyes and looked around the room, panic settling in on his features. 'jonghyun?'
jonghyun squeaked and sat up.
jonghyun squeaked and sat.
jonghyun squeaked and.
jonghyun squeaked.
'jonghyun,' kibum whispered, awed. 'you are a mouse.' and jonghyun was scooped up into kibum's palm, where he fit perfeclty.
he spent the rest of the day in minho's pocket, being fed butter biscuits for the most part, and a tiny wriggling worm for the rest. (in minho's defense the 'rest' only occurred once.)
-
jonghyun found himself face to face with a dog the next day. a very familiar dog, but she looked rather different from his strange new angle. 'hello,' the dog said. 'i'm roo.'
'i'm jonghyun,' he replied, and didn't take much notice of the fact that he could talk Dog until he padded past the mirror and caught his reflection. he pee'd on the carpet in shock, and his mess had to be cleaned by a close-to-tears jinki and an annoyed minho (jonghyun had ripped the pocket while he slept. jonghyun personally thought that that minho's fault, seeing as minho was irresponsible enough to leave jonghyun in there the whole night. jonghyun felt satisfied, like his life had purpose). jonghyun sat in jinki's lap for the rest of the afternoon, and conceded to kibum's coo'ing and petting later in the evening. taemin grew surprisingly soft and he and jonghyun and roo enjoyed a bedtime game of fetch.
-
when jonghyun woke up, he felt cold, humongous, and uncomfortable. his face was smushed into an old sweater, roo was fast asleep in front of him, and more than three quarters of his body was naked. in fact, he was completely naked.
'shit,' he croaked, and made his way to the bathroom. there he somehow managed to brush his teeth, wash his face, have a shower, poop, pee, flush the toilet, and not bother about letting the toilet lid down as usual because, well. no girls and all of that schmazzle.
then he traipsed to the room he shared with minho. 'minho,' he growled, shaking him up awake. 'help, i don't know what i am today.'
after five minutes of jonghyun's efforts, minho peered angrily at him from underneath his covers. 'you're human. put some clothes on.'
jonghyun fell back in shock by the very impact of minho's words. 'what?'
'your penis is disgracefully small. cover it.' then he turned around and went back to sleep.
jonghyun stared at his anatomy for some time. 'i have a penis,' he thought, over and over, before he grinned stupidly in appreciation of it, and minho, for making him realize the great and wonderful fact, and proceeded to clothe himself.
-
taemin had too much salt in his rice the next morning, and minho's boxers transformed into ultra-miniskirts. they were terribly livid and could not do anything about it, whilst jonghyun smiled blissfully at the ceiling, listening to jinki rant about how this shit had better not happen again.
1520 w
unbeta'd :c
i don't know why but i'm dedicating this to teastallpanda
the terribly strange thing that shook them - jonghyun most of all - was the fact that one day, jonghyun fell asleep completely normally, safe and sound, warm and human, and woke up the next day as a welsh pony.
it took them a while to realize that the pony in jonghyun's bed was actually jonghyun, and then six further hours to discover that he was a welsh pony. (jinki was convinced that jonghyun had been a foal, and it had taken some general knowledge from kibum to point out how a kid horse was different from a pony and that jonghyun was most definitely a pony. minho, on the other hand, thought that the shortiness had stayed from human to horse form. kibum had to explain the facts of the matter to him, too.)
taemin spent those additional six hours taking various pictures of jonghyun. these included shots of jonghyun's mane, jonghyun's tail, his teeth, his hooves, and his stomach. the pictures were uploaded to a horse forum for identification. taemin was going to take a picture of jonghyun's butthole but was talked out of it by jinki. 'he needs peace and rest and privacy,' jinki explained, kindly, and jonghyun stamped a hoof in approval. taemin fed jonghyun salt instead of sugar later, in retaliation. jonghyun's brain seemed to remain human and wasn't able to sniff the difference between sugar and salt, and ended up writhing in a horsey mess on the floor. he also smashed in his mac.
he cried and shook his head and got distracted by the fact that his mane was long and smooth and glorious, remembered that he was sad and cried. again.
jinki stayed up, bags under his eyes growing baggier. 'i'm sorry,' jonghyun tried to nuzzle into his ear but ended up blowing his long nose into jinki's neck. 'i'm really sorry!' jonghyun desperately wanted to communicate as jinki gave him a long, desolate look and puttered about the room for tissues. he didn't find any so he ended up wiping his neck on his sleeve before resuming his position by jonghyun's right foot. right forefoot. right forehoof.
'you okay there, fellows?' minho peeked in, whispering.
jinki snored in response. jonghyun raised his head and shook his long, glorious mane in a resoundingly silent, welsh pony 'no'. the mane went into jinki's face and woke him up, yelling.
-
'this is not a good thing.' that was minho.
'perhaps we should tell the manager.' that was kibum.
'perhaps we should ride him.' minho again.
'sell him?' taemin suggested. 'then when he turns human, he can run back and then we'll have more money and hyung, too.'
'we don't know if he will ever turn human,' minho sighed. he didn't sound too dejected. taemin didn't feel very miserable either. for some strange reason, they were quietly accepting of this fact, as if they all knew that jonghyun was always to be the one transformed into a welsh pony. a destiny of some sort, although not a very grand one.
'where's jinki hyung?' kibum mumbled through a mouthful of jinki's cereal. taemin tried to psychoanalzye kibum's reaction to their dilemma, but it was too much effort so he gave up and took what kibum gave him: a slightly worried countenance and a jinki-hyung's-breakfast-food binge. then he recalled that he had been asked a question and that it would be a good idea to answer it.
'consoling jonghyun hyung.'
his tone was probably condescending, because minho widened his eyes at him. 'you'd also want consolation if you turned into a horse.'
'welsh pony,' kibum corrected minho. 'and yes, taemin. you would.'
'on the contrary,' taemin stood up, thoroughly irritated for no reason. 'i would whinny and neigh and run outside and create general havoc amongst the ignorant citizens of seoul.' he wandered towards the tv and turned it on.
'gallop,' kibum whispered, gently.
jinki emerged from jonghyun's room, hair upright and looking generally distraught. 'i saw jonghyun,' he commented.
minho nodded, sympathetically. 'we all have.'
'no, really. i saw him. he, he... transformed. now he's a lion.'
taemin dropped the remote control.
kibum fainted, milk splashing into his hair. a few cheerios jumped out the bowl and rolled to jinki's feet.
'kibum,' jinki said.
kibum unfainted and looked up, milk dripping down his face. 'yes?'
jinki stared at him and visibly gave up. 'never mind.'
-
jonghyun quite liked being a lion. his mane was gloriouser than ever, he was sexy, and his eyes were sexy, and his growl was sexy, and his fur was the color of gold. his tail was the only thing he had a problem with. he much preferred a hairy tail then a bald length of... stuff, and then a tuft of tail. that was very ungraceful. he raised his tail in front of his face and frowned at it, and taemin had understood the cause of his unrest at once. 'this tail suits a lion better than a pony's tail would,' he supplied, helpfully, and jonghyun let out a long, warm, lion sigh.
sleeping as a lion was more comfortable than as a pony. cats were simply meant to curl up on hearths, and pur, and roar, and - well, not roar. where had roar come from? oh, the fact that the other members had for some reason seen fit to throw his mac out. just because it was broken! unacceptable. he'd teach them all a lesson and wake them up the next day with his giant mighty fangs around their ankles. he wouldn't bite, of course, just make it look like that, and then he'd be king of the dorm and scare the manager.
-
unfortunately for jonghyun, he remained a lion for only a day. jonghyun woke up, on his pillow. on only his pillow. his body was small enough to fit on a pillow. his body was small enough to fit in kibum's palm. he knew this for a fact because:
'jonghyun?' kibum yawned, traipsing into the room. 'i know you're a lion and maybe you'll want to eat me but i just wanted to sleep next to you, and stuff, because i felt like - ' kibum opened his eyes and looked around the room, panic settling in on his features. 'jonghyun?'
jonghyun squeaked and sat up.
jonghyun squeaked and sat.
jonghyun squeaked and.
jonghyun squeaked.
'jonghyun,' kibum whispered, awed. 'you are a mouse.' and jonghyun was scooped up into kibum's palm, where he fit perfeclty.
he spent the rest of the day in minho's pocket, being fed butter biscuits for the most part, and a tiny wriggling worm for the rest. (in minho's defense the 'rest' only occurred once.)
-
jonghyun found himself face to face with a dog the next day. a very familiar dog, but she looked rather different from his strange new angle. 'hello,' the dog said. 'i'm roo.'
'i'm jonghyun,' he replied, and didn't take much notice of the fact that he could talk Dog until he padded past the mirror and caught his reflection. he pee'd on the carpet in shock, and his mess had to be cleaned by a close-to-tears jinki and an annoyed minho (jonghyun had ripped the pocket while he slept. jonghyun personally thought that that minho's fault, seeing as minho was irresponsible enough to leave jonghyun in there the whole night. jonghyun felt satisfied, like his life had purpose). jonghyun sat in jinki's lap for the rest of the afternoon, and conceded to kibum's coo'ing and petting later in the evening. taemin grew surprisingly soft and he and jonghyun and roo enjoyed a bedtime game of fetch.
-
when jonghyun woke up, he felt cold, humongous, and uncomfortable. his face was smushed into an old sweater, roo was fast asleep in front of him, and more than three quarters of his body was naked. in fact, he was completely naked.
'shit,' he croaked, and made his way to the bathroom. there he somehow managed to brush his teeth, wash his face, have a shower, poop, pee, flush the toilet, and not bother about letting the toilet lid down as usual because, well. no girls and all of that schmazzle.
then he traipsed to the room he shared with minho. 'minho,' he growled, shaking him up awake. 'help, i don't know what i am today.'
after five minutes of jonghyun's efforts, minho peered angrily at him from underneath his covers. 'you're human. put some clothes on.'
jonghyun fell back in shock by the very impact of minho's words. 'what?'
'your penis is disgracefully small. cover it.' then he turned around and went back to sleep.
jonghyun stared at his anatomy for some time. 'i have a penis,' he thought, over and over, before he grinned stupidly in appreciation of it, and minho, for making him realize the great and wonderful fact, and proceeded to clothe himself.
-
taemin had too much salt in his rice the next morning, and minho's boxers transformed into ultra-miniskirts. they were terribly livid and could not do anything about it, whilst jonghyun smiled blissfully at the ceiling, listening to jinki rant about how this shit had better not happen again.