Hi! I'm...sorta a resident chatter who likes to give long comments to fanfics because I believe that since writers spend a long time writing, readers should make the effort to say what of the fic they like and what can be improved. Here it is: I like the way you structure your fic, revealing the ambiance and the sorrowful occasion (funeral), and building up the emotions till the middle where you reveal who is dead. Some of the words you use in the eulogy, and the details of the ceremony are well-thought of, and extremely apt, beautiful descriptions of Wolfram. Here comes the 'But...': I believe you require a beta. Some of the phrasings are awkward. Using the thesaurus does that. It's not your fault; you're not a native speaker (neither am I, but we learn). Secondly...I know it is difficult to let events previous to this one be known because you are trying to focus on the funeral...but having Ulrike telling us everything is...not the best way to convey the plot to readers (especially that part where she said Yuuri had been slightly too late). Instead of having Ulrike narrate everything, may be when Yuuri was going to the funeral he passed by a portrait of him and Wolfram painted after their wedding; may be Yuuri could be looking at his wedding ring and reminiscing; may be Yuuri could be thinking to himself, 'If only I came back earlier,' or 'If only I insisted that he go with me,'...things like that. Tell not by telling, but by actions, descriptions, thoughts, dialogues.
Anyways, that's all for now. I've talked too much. Please understand that I'm not attacking this or anything. Contrarily, I would love this to be better =) Of course, you can ask me to shut up, and I will.
Anyways, that's all for now. I've talked too much. Please understand that I'm not attacking this or anything. Contrarily, I would love this to be better =) Of course, you can ask me to shut up, and I will.
Off to read the next chapter =)
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