(FIC) For Pearljamz "Meant To Be" PT.3
Conrad sat twisting the watch around, looking at it from time to time as if warring with himself. The watchband was plain leather with a buckle that made it easy to get on and off if necessary, the face itself as plain as the band. Nothing too fancy or ostentatious. 'So Josak has taste after all,' he thought in amusement.
Finally he put it on, letting that speak for itself as he saw Josak smile, the relief plain (for those who knew him) to see. The easy smile told him that he'd been even more nervous than Conrad had been, something that made him chuckle. Who'd ever think Josak Gurrier, the cross-dressing spy, would be nervous about anything? If he could wear those outlandish clothes without batting an eye...
"You know, this has to be the strangest method of proposition ever," Conrad joked as Josak looked more embarrassed than he thought possible. Considering all the teasing Josak did, it was a curious thing for him to be embarrassed by someone else's teasing, and it amused Conrad so much he started chuckling. Soon enough both men were laughing, the tense moment past.
"Well it worked, didn't it?" Josak grinned as the awkward moment passed, both men comfortable with each other again.
Conrad nodded and smiled. He knew Josak wouldn't be in any hurry - it made him feel oddly comforted that there wouldn't be a mad rush to the bedroom. It wasn't that he was afraid - it was just that even with the proposition being accepted, there was still a little ways to go yet before he would be comfortable having sex with Josak. Or anyone else for that matter.
It seemed Josak recognised and accepted this. Or so Conrad thought until the man stood up.
"What sort of music do you have here?" he asked suddenly, catching Conrad off guard.
"Music? Oh, er...I think I have something..." Conrad stumbled, the question totally unexpected. He walked over to the stereo and began looking through the CDs and put one in, chuckling a little as the music came on. If he'd ever wanted some sort of sign, this had to be it - Love Me Tender from his favourite singer, Elvis Presley. He'd even sung it a few times at the local karaoke bar, although it made everyone groan.
Then Josak did something else unexpected, grabbing at his waist and pulling him close, starting to sway to the music. Startled, Conrad let him, pulling back a little to look at the red-head with surprise.
"What...what is this for?" he asked, a little troubled.
"Just a dance, Conrad," Josak replied, his eyes twinkling, his hands still firmly around Conrad's waist.
Conrad knew that it was more than just a dance to Josak but let it go, the music and the swaying letting him forget for a few moments that there was a world out there and not just the two of them in his apartment. A moment later he jumped a little, feeling hands on his bottom, gently caressing his ass. So this was why...
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Josak smiled as he felt Conrad's startled movements and continued to feel him up, his hands getting bolder the longer he went unchallenged. He had to admit it felt very good, but also realised he had to take it nice and slow to avoid scaring Conrad past redemption. Slowly he leaned in, ghosting his lips over the tanned skin of Conrad's neck, kissing him gently then pulling back again, hearing Conrad's sigh of pleasure as he did so.
"That felt nice, Josak," Conrad whispered, a smile in his voice.
"In that case," Josak replied, then leaned in again, this time kissing Conrad full on the lips, trying to remember not to use his tongue this time. That would come...this was merely to start off, he told himself firmly. He let his lips linger slightly longer than he probably should have, but it felt so good he was having trouble keeping to his original plan. There was the old adage that best laid plans never survived the first engagement, but this was different. It wasn't a battle as such, and plans changed depending on the situation.
Finally he pulled back, feeling slightly light-headed. It wasn't that he was out of breath from the kissing - it was the proximity to Conrad that was making his pulse race, his breathing slightly heavier than normal. He wondered if Conrad felt the same, but got a shock as Conrad pulled him closer and began to kiss him in return. Conrad wasn't the greatest kisser, he had to admit, but he learned fast, his tongue sliding along Josak's bottom lip and surprising him into opening his mouth.
'Who's kissing whom, here?' Josak thought, his eyes widening in surprise as Conrad's tongue slipped into his mouth and clumsily began exploring it, sliding roughly against his teeth and making him laugh involuntarily. At Conrad's indignant glare as he pulled back, Josak tried to explain.
"It tickled," he chuckled, his expression apologetic. Conrad didn't look very convinced so Josak tried to show him, pulling him closer again, and gently slid his tongue into Conrad's open mouth, exploring for himself. Conrad tasted...sweeter than expected, yet with a slightly bitter taste as well. He had to admit it fit the man as he withdrew, smiling.
"How was that?" he asked Conrad, who was looking slightly shell-shocked. Conrad nodded mutely, seemingly unable to speak. That was a sign that he'd gone far enough for one night, Josak felt, as he released Conrad and stood back from him. It seemed almost as if Conrad was going to protest, but thought better of it as Josak smiled in reassurance.
"I think that's enough for one night, don't you?" he asked softly. "I don't want to overdo it; there's always tomorrow."
Conrad nodded again and smiled a little hesitantly. It seemed as if the last few minutes had been a revelation of sorts for him and Josak felt almost sorry for him. Almost. If he weren't having so much fun being aroused by the man he intended to make his lover. He fought back the feelings that being this close and kissing Conrad had stirred up in himself and decided this was the time to make a strategic exit. If he didn't, he wouldn't be held accountable for his actions, Conrad being far too much of a temptation for him at the moment.
"Speaking of which, I think I'd better leave now - you have work in the morning right?" he said, his voice returning somewhat. He tried not to pay attention to the disappointed look on Conrad's face as he nodded to Josak's question. As he'd said a few moments before, there was always tomorrow and as it was Valentine's Day, there would be a lot going on, he would see to that. The plans he had set up for the evening meant they would need all the energy they could get, and that meant an early night.
At the door he kissed Conrad again, a lingering, promise-filled kiss, then left before his body could betray him. As it was, he was going to need a very cold shower.
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Conrad stared after Josak, totally bemused at everything that had just happened, music playing softly in the background. It seemed almost like he'd not been able to get a word in edgewise, although that wasn't entirely accurate - he just hadn't been able to say much of anything. It was his first kiss, and his first attempt at a kiss, and he wasn't sure it had been entirely successful, however much Josak claimed to enjoy it. Josak's laughter still smarted a bit; he'd have to practice a lot more to get it just right.
As he stood at the door, he came to the belated realisation that his body was...very excited. Aroused even. Conrad wasn't a stranger to arousal but the fact that it had been Josak's actions that had done this to him left him feeling a bit restless. He wasn't sure how he should feel; shouldn't he be feeling on top of the world right now? He'd never been in love before so didn't know how to react.
Conrad felt oddly alone as he went to the bedroom, still thinking of what had happened that night. It had been completely unexpected; welcome, yes, but unexpected all the same. He'd become used to being alone and it still confused him how quickly things had progressed with Josak. Not that he was complaining - it was nice to be appreciated and cared about. He just didn't know how to react to it.
After a while of introspection as he sat on his bed, the final realisation sunk in and Conrad smiled a little absently. He'd take things how they came, not expecting too much. Whatever would happen, would happen and he would just go with the flow. Once the decision was made, he felt a lot easier about things and soon fell into a deep sleep, having satisfied himself earlier. Conrad also felt confident that he wouldn't have to do it for much longer; Josak would be there to take care of it for him and that thought made him smile in anticipation.
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February 14 - Valentine's Day
We had our first kiss last night and I'm still reeling from it. I wonder how Conrad feels - personally I'm hoping he got a good night's sleep - he'll need it. Amazingly I didn't get much sleep; maybe I am worrying too much but I want this night to be as special as I can possibly make it. It's our first Valentine's Day ever, as well as our first one together as an acknowledged couple, so it should be special. Just hope I don't do anything to screw it up...
Josak stood nervously outside the shop where Conrad worked, waiting in the early evening twilight, a box under one arm and a single solitary rose in the opposite hand. He felt oddly out of place amongst the chattering couples so obviously in love, yet knew that it was merely a matter of time. Conrad would be getting off very soon...and then the rest of his plan would fall neatly into place. Or so he hoped.
Conrad appeared soon after, smiling as soon as he saw Josak waiting for him. It seemed he'd taken upon himself to bring Josak some gifts as well, though not of the same variety as he'd gotten for Conrad.
"Here, I bought you these from the shop. I hope you like them," Conrad said shyly, handing Josak a small wrapped package. Josak took that as an invitation to open it right there and then, his eyes opening wide as he saw the ruby earring and necklace set nestled in the small presentation box.
"Like them?" he demanded softly, throwing his arms around Conrad and hugging him. "I love them."
It was the most thoughtful gift anyone had ever given him and he would treasure them. A lot of thought had obviously gone into the simple gift, as well as a lot of money and he wasn't sure he should allow it, but a man could accept expensive gifts from his lover from time to time, couldn't he? That would be Josak's excuse anyway, he thought to himself in amusement as he offered his own simple gifts.
Conrad smiled and thanked him hesitantly, obviously still feeling a bit self-conscious and shy about the whole thing. He'd get used to it eventually, Josak knew. It wouldn't take him long as he was a practical man. He chose to ignore the more awkward stares they were receiving from people as they continued down the street towards Josak's apartment. Who cared what these Earth humans thought anyway - soon enough they'd be back in Shin Makoku where it didn't matter what the person's gender was. If it came to a fight, both men could hold their own anyway, so he wasn't going to worry about it.
As nothing happened on the way to the apartment, he relaxed, entering and tossing the keys onto the counter before throwing one arm around an obviously skittish Conrad. "Lighten up, Conrad," he teased, withdrawing his arm and gesturing to the sofa for Conrad to make himself comfortable. "It's not like I'm going to jump you..." Yet.
Conrad gave a weak smile and went to sit as he was directed, relaxing slightly as Josak brought tea out for them both. They talked for a while, Josak noticing that Conrad relaxed more and more as nothing happened. He really was nervous, Josak realised, and he'd have to do something about it before they could go any further.
"Conrad, really, you can relax. I won't hurt you," Josak tried his best to reassure him, hoping it would work. It would ruin the whole thing if Conrad was so tense.
"I know," Conrad replied softly, doing his best not to look away. Josak took a wild guess, figuring he was nervous because of it being his first time.
"You know, it's not like I'm that inexperienced. Not that I've got that much experience either, but you know what I mean," he went on when it appeared Conrad wasn't going to say any more. Josak was beginning to feel uncharacteristically tongue-tied, but finally reached a solution of sorts and stood up, smiling at Conrad's quizzical look.
"Here, let me do this for you," he said, a smile quirking up the corners of his mouth as he moved around the back of the sofa and began to massage Conrad's tense shoulders and neck. Soon Josak could feel the relaxation seep into the other man's muscles as Conrad leaned back into the fingers slowly and steadily kneading the tension from them, a small sigh coming from him. It made Josak feel a lot better knowing he was able to do this for Conrad - who knew when it might come in handy?
He was in the perfect position, he soon realised and began to move his hands slowly down Conrad's chest, his fingers teasing through the fabric of his shirt. At Conrad's startled gasp, Josak moved his hands back up again, then down, the movements seemingly at random, though he knew exactly what he was doing. Every movement was calculated and planned out before he did it, in order to maximise pleasure for them both.
Josak leaned over Conrad, his mouth next to the other man's ear. "Are you all relaxed now?" he whispered, feeling the shiver of pleasure his breathy voice gave Conrad, the man nodding slowly as the shiver passed.
"Oh yes," Conrad breathed, obviously trying to keep his body under control. Josak gave a small smile of triumph and patted his shoulder.
"I think we're ready now, don't you?" he replied softly, tugging gently on Conrad's shirt in order to get him up to follow him to the bedroom. Conrad stood up, putting his arms around Josak's waist as his back was turned and began to kiss his neck slowly, making Josak shiver himself.
"If you keep that up, we won't even make it to the bedroom," he teased, trying to turn around in Conrad's embrace to kiss him back. "I can promise you it'll be well worth it when we do...."
"In that case, lead on," Conrad's hoarse whisper was like music to Josak's ears as he took his hand and led him to the bedroom.
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February 14 - Valentine's Day
I can't believe it. The day has come, Josak accepted my gift and now we're at his place, about to make love. And it is love, despite what Earth humans may think of the concept. I respect him as both a friend and lover and who knows about the future. Possibly a future mate, should fate and Shinou decide for us. If not, I'll still treasure our time together, however long it lasts. I just know that today, here and now, I love him and he loves me. It's a very heady and scary feeling...
Conrad sat on the edge of the bed, looking up at Josak, who was slowly starting to remove his clothing. Something told him that it was bad form for a lover to allow that, making him stand up again and take the initiative. He slowly took over unfastening the buttons of Josak's shirt, then ran his hands down the exposed skin of his chest as Josak did the same for him.
It had often been said in Shin Makoku (though not where people thought Conrad could hear) that Conrad lacked the emotional depth to feel as most others did, but it wasn't true. He felt everything Josak did - from the gentle touches to the soft breath on his skin as Josak leaned in and began kissing his neck as soon as his shirt was off. It sent shivers down his spine and he wrapped his arms around Josak's waist as he melted into the kisses, throwing his head back as Josak nibbled gently on his neck.
"Josak," he gasped softly, pressing his body closer as the nips at his neck became slower and more sensual. An answering murmur and more insistent kisses made him growl softly and pull back in order to reciprocate. Josak's response was to push him down on the bed, following and resuming his ministrations on Conrad's neck. He moved lower a few moments later to his chest, making Conrad arch off the bed slightly as Josak's tongue teased his hardened nipples.
Conrad's arms tightened around Josak's back in reflex as the teasing became almost more than he could bear, one hand slipping down to Josak's trousers and removing his belt. Josak stopped what he was doing and sat up, unbuttoning his trousers and removing them quickly, then moved to Conrad, taking his trousers off as well, leaving them both naked in the warm air of Conrad's tiny apartment. Once the offending garments were removed, Josak moved over Conrad again, kissing his body and making him writhe in pleasure.
"Conrad," Josak whispered, his breath ghosting over Conrad's ear and making him squirm in anticipation. "Don't move, I'll be right back," he added, making Conrad stare at him in surprise as he got up and rummaged around in the pile of clothing on the floor beside the bed. Sitting up, Conrad watched as Josak drew a small tube from the pocket of his trousers and stood up, smiling at the expression on his face.
"It's just lube, don't worry," he commented, still chuckling. "I'll be gentle," he added in a softer tone, laying back down on the bed and pulling Conrad down with him, kissing him passionately.
When they broke apart, panting slightly, Conrad took the opportunity to set Josak straight. "I'm not as inexperienced as you seem to think," he retorted, keeping his expression light, despite the tone. "I am a soldier, remember, and this sort of thing happens a lot more than you'd think," not surprised when Josak nodded.
"While I may not have much direct experience," here he blushed slightly, "I'll bet I have more than my fair share of indirect experience." As he finished speaking, he drew a finger lightly down Josak's chest, enjoying the shiver that he could feel as well as see, running through his lover. It was his turn now to tease the other man.
Conrad continued to tease, Josak smiling as he knelt between Conrad's legs. his fingertips playing with Josak's nipples, then moving lower to tease the slightly hair-covered skin of his abdomen. "Keep doing that Conrad," Josak's voice was hoarse with arousal as Conrad's hands moved over his body.
Conrad's eyes widened as he saw Josak's erection, both aroused and surprised. He'd never knowingly brought about this kind of arousal to anyone, much less someone he had feelings for - it pleased him and made him nervous at the same time. Would he be up to Josak's expectations or would he be found lacking? He wasn't sure he wanted to find out, but Josak was too important to him to back out now.
He smiled hesitantly and began moving his hands lower, brushing the tip of Josak's erection with his hand a few times before getting the courage to wrap a hand around it and begin stroking him slowly. He saw and felt Josak stiffen, then gasp in pleasure as he felt the movements of Conrad's hand on him, moving in time with the stroking after a few moments before doing the same thing to Conrad, the stroking a little more firm and confident. Conrad faltered momentarily, his eyes half-closing in pure pleasure before he remembered what he was doing and began to stroke a little harder and quicker, hearing a moan from Josak in return.
It didn't take long before both men were heated enough to realise that something had better happen before they completely came undone. Conrad's breath was coming in panting gasps as Josak released him and reached for the tube, his eyes following the other man's movements. His breath quickened in anticipation when Josak's slick hands touched him just so - he knew without being told what was expected of him as he moved into place, allowing Josak more room to move and to touch him. By now he trusted Josak implicitly and would allow him to do anything he wanted, something he would always have trouble with for anyone else.
Josak, for his part, didn't abuse the trust placed in him, kissing Conrad gently as he pressed a finger into him, waiting until he relaxed before moving on. Conrad writhed as the pain-tinged pleasure surged through him. It wasn't as painful as expected, yet more painful, as paradoxical as that was. He forced himself to relax, kissing Josak back passionately, trying to lose himself in the feelings and the pain passed, turning exquisitely pleasureable as Josak touched something in him that made his nerves fire, his body arching into Josak's.
"By Shinou," Conrad gasped as the moment passed. "What was that?"
It seemed that despite their relative inexperience between them, Josak had managed to hit the right spot for Conrad without too much trouble. "That, my dear Conrad, was what it's all about," he smiled, breathing hard. His fingers continued to pleasure, although he didn't manage to hit the spot again until he was just about ready to give up and withdraw. The jolt it gave him felt well worth the time and trouble, Conrad thought as he fought to catch his breath, giving a loud groan of pure blissful pleasure.
Conrad was then puzzled when Josak coated his hand liberally with lube, his lover smiling as he put it aside. Josak gently placed his hand over Conrad's, encouraging him to stroke and coat him. He complied willingly once he got the point of the action, smiling as Josak's moans became more insistent as he stroked. The look on Josak's face spoke volumes, his lips parted slightly as he panted and his eyes half-lidded with desire. Maybe he wasn't as bad at this as he'd originally thought.
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Josak pushed Conrad's hands away, moved himself into position, and looked into Conrad's eyes. Beautiful, he thought, lowering himself to kiss as he gently slid himself into Conrad, catching the hiss of pain in his mouth as he did so.
"It's just temporary," he whispered, breaking the kiss as he slowly moved, giving Conrad a chance to get used to the sensations. When Conrad nodded, his eyes still showing pain, Josak waited just that little moment longer before beginning to withdraw, moving just as slowly as before. Now was not the time to rush things.
Once he'd almost completely withdrawn, he stopped, then thrust back in slowly, again giving Conrad time to get used to the feeling before repeating the actions a little faster and deeper than before. It didn't take long before Conrad began to move with him, his hips arching up against him and his legs going to around his back. Josak buried his head in Conrad's collarbone, his lips teasing their way across the skin, adding to the sensations Conrad was already experiencing as their bodies moved together in a rhythmic fashion.
Josak's arms began to tire sooner than he expected and he shifted his position slightly to relieve some of the pressure, giving Conrad a look of apology when he accidentally slid free of his lover's body. The groan of disappointment caught in his throat as Conrad gently took hold of him and guided him to the right place and they began the thrusting all over again, the need building up even quicker due to the interruption.
"Sorry 'bout that," Josak whispered apologetically, his voice hoarse with desire barely held in check. Conrad merely nodded in return, sweat sheening his body and making him almost glow in the low light of the bedroom. Their breathing sounded loud in the otherwise quiet room, almost making Josak wince, but soon he had other things to worry about. He was rapidly coming to the end of his endurance, and was close to release, but Conrad hadn't reached his climax yet, something Josak was determined he was going to get. He hadn't set this all up for Conrad to get nothing out of it; Josak wasn't going to give up just yet.
Giving it a little thought, he shifted again, this time minutely, trying his best to stimulate his lover's erection between their bodies and soon was rewarded with small cries of passion as Conrad's writhing body achieved release. A few more thrusts and Josak came as well, his body shuddering as he finally collapsed, unable to hold himself up any longer now that they'd both climaxed.
"Sorry," he apologised again, but Conrad merely smiled in return and shook his head.
"Don't worry about it," Conrad panted, still breathless from the orgasm that had rocked him.
While it wasn't particularly earth-shattering, it wasn't that bad either, Josak reckoned, considering their inexperience. It could have been worse, he thought sheepishly as he began to move off Conrad's sweat-dampened body, smiling as the man gave a small cry of protest.
"I don't know what kind of person you think I am, but I'm not some kind of sex-crazed maniac, you know," he teased his lover, his own breathing beginning to slow down from the gasping pants it had been just a few minutes before. "I can't keep this up all night."
Conrad laughed, Josak joining him as he lay beside the man, his arm thrown over his eyes. "You don't think?" Conrad teased him, raising himself onto an arm and looking down on his exhausted lover. "What makes you so sure I'm not?"
At that, both men laughed again, the very idea of it making Josak's sides hurt. After a while he realised they were both sweaty and sticky, not a nice sensation after the pleasure they'd been experiencing. He turned to Conrad, who appeared to have come to the same realisation.
"I think we're going to have to..." they both started at the same time, then chuckled as they'd both been about to say the same thing. Conrad nodded, a smile on his face that seemed to light up the whole room for Josak. It made him feel like he wanted to see that smile on his face permanently, and would do anything to keep it there. But first they'd have to get cleaned up.
"You can take your shower first, I'll go after you," he offered, not backing down when Conrad insisted Josak go first as the host.
"No Conrad, you go first. I can wait, and you're the guest," he pointed out, a gentle smile on his face.
When Conrad realised this was an argument he wasn't going to win, he padded quietly to the bathroom where moments later Josak heard the taps running and the sound of water rushing over skin. He envied the water then, envisioning the clear droplets on Conrad's skin. Almost without realising it, he walked to the bathroom, watching Conrad through the clear glass of the shower door, smiling when Conrad noticed him watching.
A small wave of Conrad's hand was all the acknowledgement Josak received, but it didn't matter. He had what he'd come for and there would be no looking back for either of them now. He could rest assured that whatever happened, Conrad was his and he was Conrad's. Fancy thoughts for a simple spy, Josak grinned to himself, but they were true for all that, and after giving Conrad a wave of his own, Josak made his way back to the bed to wait for his lover, secure in the feeling that for now, he loved, and was loved in return.
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THE END/FINI