[Fic] [Round 23] The Dancing Princesses, PG-13

[seamusog]

Author/Artist: seamusog
Characters/Pairings: Yuuri/Wolfram
Word Count: 5737
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Nudity, kissing
Theme/Prompt being used: Masquerade

Comments

[pliash]

Hmmm...I love the idea.(In fact, I adore fairy and folk tales; I once read the entire "Fairy" series at my local library (each book was several inches thick, with microscopic text, and was named after a specific colour--"Red Fairy," "Blue Fairy," "Black Fairy," etc.) And it was probably a good thing to divert from the whole "let's-save-Yuuri-from-whoever-the-hell-has-kidnapped-him-now" plot device, because it's been sucked dry. Multiple times. (Including the "enemy"'s desire for Yuuri's power.)

Unfortunately, "Yuuri-doesn't-want-to-dance-with-Wolfram" has also been picked clean; the concept of "dance" and its variations seems to be extremely popular in fanfiction, Kyou Kara Maoh! or otherwise (although I choose to read a lot of "romance," and balls are clearly situated in that category). Nonetheless, "masquerade" is a wonderful prompt; it runs through my imagination, tickling up an decorated vista of coloured fans and floor-length gowns and feathered masks like wind on wildfire. Sparkly things catch my eye :3

The only problem is that you had to tell me all of this. It reminds me a little of my own writing (well, the writing I did when I was younger; I don't really write anymore) in the way that some of my works were so vague that, though they were interesting to read, it was near impossible--or at least quite difficult--to understand exactly what was going on. An "enchantment" can be amplified tenfold if it's contrasted sharply with one's sense of normalcy (or, KKM-normalcy); and though you cleared the air near the end, when Yuuri and Wolfram are magically transported (?) back to Shin Makoku, it seemed to fall short of making the dream even...dreamier. If the goal was to envelop the reader into the same enchantment, it was accomplished--at least partway. It was only after you explained the process that I fully appreciated the way the piece was written.

[pliash]

It's an ambitious endeavour, and I'm not sure exactly what I'm trying to say here, but maybe the best way to go about it is to somehow get the reader to understand the beginning, fall into the magic in the middle, and realize that he or she has been bewitched in the end. Does that make any sense?

Oh, well, that's how I feel about it at the moment. Maybe it's just me? Don't get me wrong, I still like this piece--and it's not as if this should be polished to publishing standards, but I'm pretty sure that you possess a burgeoning ability that transcends the barely-there limits that may or may not restrict you now.

Urgh, but I do hate that particular fairytale. Somehow, no matter how devilish the lady, if she's the youngest daughter, in addition to being charming and beautiful (though insensitive and uncaring), a curious soldier will get catch in her clutches, and they somehow live happily ever after, with the kingdom in her right hand, and her lover in her left. The whole Wolfram sneaking into the palace and acting as a servant (though, why didn't the faeries sense that he wasn't of their land?), and ending up dancing with and marrying the king, reminds me of--hmm...what was it...the tale where a young girl infiltrates the castle and attends the balls in three different dresses (silver, gold, stars) that she draws from a walnut...? Hmm.

Anyway, I've blabbed for too long. Good luck with your future pieces :3

♥

[seamusog]

WOW!!! I mean WOW!

You're right, this is not up to publishing standards and I do hope to get there. I did take shortcuts here because I assumed normalcy is already established with the readers since I am taking off from a fiction I know they are more than familiar with.

I'll have to reread and reread your comments in the future when I seriously start tackling my original work. I've reread some of my drafts and they do still fall short. Writing fanfiction has certainly been educational, and I've been experimenting with different types of 'voices'. This fairytale one has been one of the easiest for me so far. And I really thank you for your wonderful feedback. It makes my experiments so much more useful when I get feedback like this.

[pliash]

Of course! It's perfectly fine to assume that normalcy is established with the readers--fanfiction is, more often than not, written with a specific audience in mind. The only thing is--though rare, I have read fanfiction that was completely outside of the fandoms I'm familiar with--and loved it. I had no idea what the canon plot was, nor how the canon characters acted, and yet I fell in love with the rewritten characters and the world that they lived in. Fiction--original or fanwork--should transcend categories.

I'm saying this with Harry Potter fanfiction in mind, but there were times when I found myself thoroughly enjoying a character that was reinvented by the author--in varies degrees depending on his or her tastes and biases. Many times, I found them more delightful and interesting than what they appeared to be in the original work. This is not to say that completely changing the character is acceptable, but drawing from what has been made available, and introducing a deeper aspect that may or may not have been minutely exposed in the original, and fleshing out the words into three-dimensional realities is completely fine. People often worship the original creators of the work (HP writers are notorious for this...so are bishounen-obsessed girls :3), but when you realize that who you're reading writes with more clarity and creativity than the maker...then damn, that's one bigass compliment. Always look to surpass if possible! "Sons outstripping their fathers."

Off track comment, but: one reason why my favourite character from HP is Draco Malfoy is because I see so much potential in him. One reason why I dislike Rowling is because she never taps into it. One reason why I love fanfiction is because there are so many writers in the fanbase that milk it for all it's worth. And every time I read a piece that amplifies his present and possible qualities, I fall in love with him all over again. In fact, I find it sad that it's easier for me to fall in love with fictional characters than "real people"; and no, I'm not talking about falling in love with perfection-personified (Edward from Twilight. UGH.)--though I'll admit that I'm superficial enough to place an importance on their looks--but rather messed-up confusing bastards like Roy Mustang from FMA (it's ridiculous, but my heartbeat seriously quickens when I see him ^^;), or with messed-up, selfish, racist, stubborn little brats like Wolfram (I always get so pissed off FOR him when Yuuri's off galavanting with Sara; and...but he's looks/acts so cute). And Wolfram doesn't even really have a "dark side"--ahem, Renge from Ouran. It might be because--I see ALL of them. I know their past, know their insecurities, know their weaknesses, know their more bitter qualities--and somehow, that makes them so much more wonderful in my eyes, even when I feel like smacking them upside the head for being jackasses and throttling them every time they're being ridiculously dense.

When I see them magnified and dissected in fanfiction, I swear little hearts and tweetybirds flutter around my head.

I don't understand why some people look down on fanfiction as "inferior"; it's such an effective stepping stone, and alternate, for original fiction. So many fanfiction writers kill themselves over writing for NaNoWriMo. Good for you for taking advantage of that.

As for feedback--although I love to leave feedback, most of the time I feel rushedrushedrushed and I don't have enough patience to sit down and tell the author what I'm feeling; it takes too damn long to do so (as you can tell). But when I do, I try to make it constructive. Leaving me a one or two word review on FF.Net about how my story was so "cute/wonderful/silly/hot/etc." doesn't help me, or anyone, as a writer. With the wrong people, it only fuels their ego. Nonsensical flames are the worst, and need to be on display and laughed at.

Anyway, I'm glad that my feedback will be something you'll turn back to in the future. Whatever happens, don't give up :) Good fanfiction deserves to be deified.

♥