Shocking Work Stories
Let's see, last night I took benadryl, ate an alcoholic desert, while already exhausted and tried to post rational replies to people. That went well. e_e
Today was for more exciting, in all the wrong ways!
First, I had a heart attack. No, no, not an infraction. Pay attention, people. I was double-casing, as has become the norm, and quite unexpectedly as I was quite calm and collected, had a series of palpitations. Predictably, my body responds to this cardiac distress by pumping my blood full of adrenaline which, y'know, in normal people causes the blood to beat harder and faster. It made my heart beat faster and weaker and before you know it, I was kneeling on the floor doing my best impression of a House guest star, because the cardiomyopathy was coming in full swing.
I am proud to say that everyone in the office responded appropriately. Supe stopped in the middle of a sentence to pick me up and escort me to a chair, with the firm instruction not to move. Puddin' fetched me water to stave off dehydration and shock. My coworkers picked up where I had left off without a fuss (and they usually do fuss, a great deal). Then I went into shock anyway and that's always vaguely entertaining but nice because I stay calm. I asked Supe to fetch me a sweater because I was freezing. After a while, I felt stable enough to walk around and decided to finish casing my own route. And delivered it.
*takes a bow*
Then I got bit by a dog. A resident recently acquired a bulldog puppy that hurls itself at the door whenever I deliver. Which is a problem because they have a mail slot and often leave the inner door open. So far, someone has always been around to rein in the dog. This time, I had to withhold the mail and started to leave, when the woman came out to fetch it. Sadly, the dog squeezed out past her and she didn't respond quickly enough, believing it meant to jump around and make a lot of noise.
I have a bit more experience in determining noisy from vicious and gave the dog a few warning shots as it lunged and circled. The woman didn't understand that yes, her cute widdle doggy was trying to bite me, until it got a mouthful of my raincoat and started pulling. She jumped into the fray and unfortunately, in the melee, I wound up with a wounded hand. I said, "Ow!" rather crossly, as she pinned the dog who crawled on her belly submissively, no doubt absolutely confused about the whole thing.
She ushered Zephyr inside, offering to call the police to file a report, but I told her I didn't need the police; I needed antiseptic and bandaids because my glove too the brunt of it. She was all flustered and escorted me inside, the dog locked in the basement (or so she thought), then fetched me a first aid kit. Like most owners, she had genuinely believed that her dog wouldn't bite.
Anyway, Zephyr escaped the basement, ran into the kitchen then made her best WTF face. Then she tried to intimidate me but I did a better job of it and she scuttled back and forth around the island in doggy anxiety because what was that horrible person doing inside the house? She was banished back into the basement while the woman kept making anxious apologetic noises. I don't figure she'll make that particular careless mistake again.
So, yeah, quite exciting.
Oh, and BTW, Carrier13 is out with a broken hand.
Today was for more exciting, in all the wrong ways!
First, I had a heart attack. No, no, not an infraction. Pay attention, people. I was double-casing, as has become the norm, and quite unexpectedly as I was quite calm and collected, had a series of palpitations. Predictably, my body responds to this cardiac distress by pumping my blood full of adrenaline which, y'know, in normal people causes the blood to beat harder and faster. It made my heart beat faster and weaker and before you know it, I was kneeling on the floor doing my best impression of a House guest star, because the cardiomyopathy was coming in full swing.
I am proud to say that everyone in the office responded appropriately. Supe stopped in the middle of a sentence to pick me up and escort me to a chair, with the firm instruction not to move. Puddin' fetched me water to stave off dehydration and shock. My coworkers picked up where I had left off without a fuss (and they usually do fuss, a great deal). Then I went into shock anyway and that's always vaguely entertaining but nice because I stay calm. I asked Supe to fetch me a sweater because I was freezing. After a while, I felt stable enough to walk around and decided to finish casing my own route. And delivered it.
*takes a bow*
Then I got bit by a dog. A resident recently acquired a bulldog puppy that hurls itself at the door whenever I deliver. Which is a problem because they have a mail slot and often leave the inner door open. So far, someone has always been around to rein in the dog. This time, I had to withhold the mail and started to leave, when the woman came out to fetch it. Sadly, the dog squeezed out past her and she didn't respond quickly enough, believing it meant to jump around and make a lot of noise.
I have a bit more experience in determining noisy from vicious and gave the dog a few warning shots as it lunged and circled. The woman didn't understand that yes, her cute widdle doggy was trying to bite me, until it got a mouthful of my raincoat and started pulling. She jumped into the fray and unfortunately, in the melee, I wound up with a wounded hand. I said, "Ow!" rather crossly, as she pinned the dog who crawled on her belly submissively, no doubt absolutely confused about the whole thing.
She ushered Zephyr inside, offering to call the police to file a report, but I told her I didn't need the police; I needed antiseptic and bandaids because my glove too the brunt of it. She was all flustered and escorted me inside, the dog locked in the basement (or so she thought), then fetched me a first aid kit. Like most owners, she had genuinely believed that her dog wouldn't bite.
Anyway, Zephyr escaped the basement, ran into the kitchen then made her best WTF face. Then she tried to intimidate me but I did a better job of it and she scuttled back and forth around the island in doggy anxiety because what was that horrible person doing inside the house? She was banished back into the basement while the woman kept making anxious apologetic noises. I don't figure she'll make that particular careless mistake again.
So, yeah, quite exciting.
Oh, and BTW, Carrier13 is out with a broken hand.