Trek, Through Goggles
Keith wired up the bike and it went vroom, so all is well. In other news, we turned on the TV tonight and lo and behold, it was Season 1 TNG. Specifically, it was that atrocious Ferengi episode. You know the one, where their ships get caught by the sparkly purple rays from that planet and they meet space moses? We're not sure what the plot was, aside from the bit where Data was such a dumbfuck he got stuck in a chinese finger trap. This was to prove to viewers that he was just as daft as the rest of the crew with their paper thin dialogue and explanations for the audience. The rest of the crew are so daft that Data always looked brilliant when he would state some super, blindingly obvious fact that even dipshit Troi could have figured out. (BTW, you can't stand too close to her because her gigantic eyelashes are just like deep sea clams - once Harry's caught, he'll never escape). Aw, damn, I mixed up my fandoms.
Anyway, they beam down to this rock planet that surprisingly has a breathable atmosphere (but you know they always did). Data fondles some rocks until Riker gets annoyed by the lack of attention, then they find Geordi playing comic relief while Worf has a bad hair day. Then these really ugly, spastic mimes on meth show up and start whipping them! OMG!!! And all the mens are caught, allowing for a politically correct feminist moment in which Tasha shows up and waves a dildo menacingly at the mimes, who are terrified of girl cooties. And of course she's all WTF are mimes doing on the glowy rock world, and tries to play some atari game with them. You know the one, where stuff bounces off the sides and you always miss?
Right, but at some point, giant moses head shows up and starts spouting gibberish but I sort of missed that part because both of us were laughing ourselves into hysterics over the Ferengi's spastic mime routine. And then Tasha did an aikido hold on one (which I recognized and demonstrated to Keith, later) which was okay but then she did this petulant kick thing like a frisky horse and we died. I have no idea what the hell moses was saying to Riker, though I gather we were supposed to be impressed by his tactical brilliance or something. Keith and I agreed that the entire exchange would have been better with a whinny sound effect.
And that's Star Trek according to me.
Anyway, they beam down to this rock planet that surprisingly has a breathable atmosphere (but you know they always did). Data fondles some rocks until Riker gets annoyed by the lack of attention, then they find Geordi playing comic relief while Worf has a bad hair day. Then these really ugly, spastic mimes on meth show up and start whipping them! OMG!!! And all the mens are caught, allowing for a politically correct feminist moment in which Tasha shows up and waves a dildo menacingly at the mimes, who are terrified of girl cooties. And of course she's all WTF are mimes doing on the glowy rock world, and tries to play some atari game with them. You know the one, where stuff bounces off the sides and you always miss?
Right, but at some point, giant moses head shows up and starts spouting gibberish but I sort of missed that part because both of us were laughing ourselves into hysterics over the Ferengi's spastic mime routine. And then Tasha did an aikido hold on one (which I recognized and demonstrated to Keith, later) which was okay but then she did this petulant kick thing like a frisky horse and we died. I have no idea what the hell moses was saying to Riker, though I gather we were supposed to be impressed by his tactical brilliance or something. Keith and I agreed that the entire exchange would have been better with a whinny sound effect.
And that's Star Trek according to me.