More Exciting Adventures, At Work
Aside from the 10+ hour days....
The Batty Old Lady Who Whines All the Time:
There's this retarded old woman who lives on my route. I've told you guys about her before - the one who can't possible use her mailbox but can't be bothered to put one up beside her door. So I stuff the mail in her storm door, every day and if she catches me, she says in a saccharine, patronizing voice that it's so nice of me. e_e They're called orders, you self-absorbed bint. Anyway, she calls to whine about something almost every day. The clerks quit asking me about her or whether they needed to take her seriously when I kept cutting them off with, "She's retarded. She has two brain cells and only uses one of them! Oh, pity my old feeble unloved self!"
Yesterday, she called the junior clerk to complain that her phone wasn't working, that she couldn't call medicaid, that she couldn't call her doctor or her assistants or her daughter and waugh waugh waugh. The clerk waited until her spiel wound down and asked, "So how are you calling us?" The batty old lady hung up.
Me vs Dog: Round... I dunno.
There is this house and there is this dog who so hates mail carriers that she even attack her owner's father before he retired. Yes. Anyway, the little girl was out and mumbled in typical, incoherent three year old speak, so nodded my head and said, "Okay." As I passed the corner of the house, I suddenly realized she had probably been warning me about the dog when about 120lbs of labrador retriever barreled into me at full charging speed. Tsk. That poor dog. How was she supposed to predict that this particular human being would not fall over, would not panic, but would pirouette into hanmi, causing her to stagger back in doggy surprise? Granted, I had dropped some mail and she had knocked my pepper spray loose onto the ground, but when she bared her teeth, snarling, hackles raised and growled at me, I growled right back, "Back off, bitch!" and pressed forward. She backed. Crouching down, maintaining eye contact, I picked up my pepper spray, shot her three times in the face and then fetched the mail. *sniff* Then the owner finally came out to shout at the dog and chase her back inside.
I also met this tiny guard chihuahua that licked my ankles, and a mop dog that wriggled around, thrilled to see the mailman. I also saw Buster Kitty again, for the first time since that cold snap last winter when I figured he had died. He's been adopted by the same folks who have been taking care of the black siamese. He wrapped himself around my hand and fell on my feet, while I explained to his adoptive family who he was.
The Batty Old Lady Who Whines All the Time:
There's this retarded old woman who lives on my route. I've told you guys about her before - the one who can't possible use her mailbox but can't be bothered to put one up beside her door. So I stuff the mail in her storm door, every day and if she catches me, she says in a saccharine, patronizing voice that it's so nice of me. e_e They're called orders, you self-absorbed bint. Anyway, she calls to whine about something almost every day. The clerks quit asking me about her or whether they needed to take her seriously when I kept cutting them off with, "She's retarded. She has two brain cells and only uses one of them! Oh, pity my old feeble unloved self!"
Yesterday, she called the junior clerk to complain that her phone wasn't working, that she couldn't call medicaid, that she couldn't call her doctor or her assistants or her daughter and waugh waugh waugh. The clerk waited until her spiel wound down and asked, "So how are you calling us?" The batty old lady hung up.
Me vs Dog: Round... I dunno.
There is this house and there is this dog who so hates mail carriers that she even attack her owner's father before he retired. Yes. Anyway, the little girl was out and mumbled in typical, incoherent three year old speak, so nodded my head and said, "Okay." As I passed the corner of the house, I suddenly realized she had probably been warning me about the dog when about 120lbs of labrador retriever barreled into me at full charging speed. Tsk. That poor dog. How was she supposed to predict that this particular human being would not fall over, would not panic, but would pirouette into hanmi, causing her to stagger back in doggy surprise? Granted, I had dropped some mail and she had knocked my pepper spray loose onto the ground, but when she bared her teeth, snarling, hackles raised and growled at me, I growled right back, "Back off, bitch!" and pressed forward. She backed. Crouching down, maintaining eye contact, I picked up my pepper spray, shot her three times in the face and then fetched the mail. *sniff* Then the owner finally came out to shout at the dog and chase her back inside.
I also met this tiny guard chihuahua that licked my ankles, and a mop dog that wriggled around, thrilled to see the mailman. I also saw Buster Kitty again, for the first time since that cold snap last winter when I figured he had died. He's been adopted by the same folks who have been taking care of the black siamese. He wrapped himself around my hand and fell on my feet, while I explained to his adoptive family who he was.