Agony- Chapter One
Agony
KKftKK
Chapter One
“How old were you when your father started raping you?”
The question was so direct that Alex was taken aback. She thought that she was getting help to deal with what had happened. She never thought that it would bring up all the pain again.
“He didn’t start until about eight months ago. Three days after I turned sixteen,” she answered after a moment of silence. She had to do this, she may as well tell the truth.
The rape crisis counsellor was a tall blonde woman with thick black-rimmed glasses. She spoke in a smooth but deep tone and her finely chiselled facial features and sharp green eyes made Alex slightly nervous.
“The first time it happened, what did you do? How did you react?”
Alex thought back and cringed at the memory. She had been playing a new game on her Playstation, and her father had just gotten home from a week long business trip. They were going to be spending the night celebrating her birthday, just the two of them, because her mother had to work late.
At first, the night went by just like any other. She’d cooked a tomato and basil pasta bake, with cheese caked on top and they ate, talking about Alex’s grades and what his trip had been all about.
They’d said good night with a quick hug, interrupted by Alex phone ringing, it was Jamie, her best friend. After a long conversation about the campaign that was going on with the senior class at school, and who they planned on voting for as school president, she hung-up, changing into a loose band shirt that fell to her knees and a pair of long stretch pyjama pants, she pulled down her bed covers, and climbed in.
There was nothing on TV that night, so she’d ended up slipping in a DVD, one of her favourite movies; 10 Things I Hate About You.
It was as Kat ran into Joey’s car that her door opened, and her father stood there with a strange look on his face.
“I didn’t know what to do. It was like he was another person; I begged for him to stop but… eventually I just lay there.”
She just looked at her, blonde hair falling into her face, which was brushed away instantly, “What about after, the next day at school, what happened?”
She didn’t remember much about the following few days, just that everyone who cared about her, her mother, Jamie, her old boyfriend Ray, were all asking what was wrong with her. Eventually, she just started lashing out.
“Everyone was asking too many questions at school. My best friend, Jamie, she was always following me around; she knew something was wrong, but I couldn’t tell her what. Eventually, I dealt with it by not talking to her, and started hanging out with a group that didn’t care if something was wrong. The only thing on their minds was where they were going to get the money for their next needle.”
Green eyes bored into her, “Did you turn to drugs?” she asked, but Alex had a feeling that she already knew the answer.
“At first, getting high was the only way that could help me deal. Shooting-up, sharing a bong with a couple of guys from the gang, it was another way for me to stay away from the house for long periods of time,” she paused, not knowing whether to go on, but decided she should, “After a while, one of the guys I’d started hanging out with, one of the few that was clean, told me how he dealt with his anger. Fighting.” She shook her head, remembering the first day that she’d spent with Marcus.
They’d driven for a few hours, pulled on balaclavas and stormed into an out of the way diner. Picking a fight with the biggest guy in the room, Alex had rendered him unconscious and had felt surprisingly tension free as they drove away from the place.
Over the following month or so, Alex and Marcus had done this many times, sometimes in diners, sometimes in malls, even in a park once. Alex found that the drugs were unnecessary when she had her fists connecting with someone’s face once a week to relieve all her anger.
“After that, I got off the drugs and used fighting to keep me sane. It worked better, and all I had to do was picture his face every time I fought someone.”
The counsellor leaned forward in her chair, uncrossing her legs and resting the legal pad on her knees. It was filled with notes. “Alex, do you blame yourself for what happened?”
Alex shrugged, not really sure to make of this question. She didn’t do this to herself, he did. But when she thought about, there was guilt there, guilt for causing so much trouble. “I blame myself for causing mom so much pain. For splitting them up.”
“What about moving out here? Do you think your mother did that for you?”
Alex shrugged again, she knew, for a fact, that her mother moved them to Toronto to get the both of them out of that house. But on the other hand, there was that new job offer which seemed to have a lot to do with their move too. After all, they could have just moved house.
“In a sense. I just wanted to get out of the house, but she wanted to get away completely. She grew-up here, she has connections here. We decided together that it would be best for both of us.”
“And what about your friends?”
This was an easy one, “I screwed things up with Jamie a long time ago. She’ll never forgive me for not going to her in my time of crisis. No one else there really mattered to me. Jamie and I have talked, and we decided to keep in touch. Maybe the move will bring us closer together.”
When she finished, there was a soft knock on the door and she lowered her head, as not to let the person at the door see her face. For some reason, she was ashamed of being a rape victim, and she didn’t want the people in this place to know anything about her. The move was a way for her to have a fresh start, in every sense of the word.
Getting close to anyone just wasn’t an option anymore.
“Sorry to interrupt. But Ms. Michalchuk is here, she seems to be pretty upset.”
There was no response from the counsellor, but Alex assumed she must have done something, because the door soon closed and the woman was gone.
“I’m sorry, Alex, I’m going to have to wrap it up early today, but I want you to answer one more question before you go.”
Alex nodded, looking up again.
“Is there anyone you trust anymore?”
Alex was amazed at how well this woman hit the nail on the head so accurately. If there was one real issue that was plaguing her since all of this had happened, it was her inability to trust anyone anymore. “No,” she answered simply before standing up and walking to the door.
“Please make an appointment for next week at the front desk, Alex. That trust issue is something we really have to work on.”
She numbly nodded, just walking out of the office and back out into the reception area. Walking up to the desk, her eyes fixed on her shoes, she didn’t realize where she was walking until she felt a faint jerk as her right shoulder was pushed back.
Looking up, she looked right into azure eyes, sparkling with unshed tears.
“Are you alright?” both she and the girl she’d run into asked at the same time, and it wasn’t until then that Alex realized that she too, had tears in her eyes.
A small smile made it’s way to each of their lips, and they nodded, “As good as I can be,” said Alex.
“Me too,” answered the girl.
She had to be about the same age as Alex was. She had a young baby face, blonde hair which was slightly wavy and hung down to her chest, and her smile, however forced, gave Alex hope again. “What happened? I mean,” she gestured around, “You’re in this place, so I guess I know that.”
The girl let out a breath of laughter, “I guess you’re right. My name’s Paige Michalchuk, are you new around here?”
“Yeah. I’m starting at Degrassi on Monday.”
“Maybe I’ll see you there then.”
Alex nodded, starting to turn away, but stopped when she felt a hand on her arm, “What’s your name?”
Turning back, a tear finally fell from her eyes. “Alex Jack-” she stopped, remembering her talk with her mother on the subject.
They were severing all ties to her father, the divorce would be finalized in a couple of months and he’d be in prison after the trial, or so they hoped. As far as they were concerned, Trevor Jackson didn’t exist.
“Nunez. Alex Nunez.”
KKftKK
Chapter One
“How old were you when your father started raping you?”
The question was so direct that Alex was taken aback. She thought that she was getting help to deal with what had happened. She never thought that it would bring up all the pain again.
“He didn’t start until about eight months ago. Three days after I turned sixteen,” she answered after a moment of silence. She had to do this, she may as well tell the truth.
The rape crisis counsellor was a tall blonde woman with thick black-rimmed glasses. She spoke in a smooth but deep tone and her finely chiselled facial features and sharp green eyes made Alex slightly nervous.
“The first time it happened, what did you do? How did you react?”
Alex thought back and cringed at the memory. She had been playing a new game on her Playstation, and her father had just gotten home from a week long business trip. They were going to be spending the night celebrating her birthday, just the two of them, because her mother had to work late.
At first, the night went by just like any other. She’d cooked a tomato and basil pasta bake, with cheese caked on top and they ate, talking about Alex’s grades and what his trip had been all about.
They’d said good night with a quick hug, interrupted by Alex phone ringing, it was Jamie, her best friend. After a long conversation about the campaign that was going on with the senior class at school, and who they planned on voting for as school president, she hung-up, changing into a loose band shirt that fell to her knees and a pair of long stretch pyjama pants, she pulled down her bed covers, and climbed in.
There was nothing on TV that night, so she’d ended up slipping in a DVD, one of her favourite movies; 10 Things I Hate About You.
It was as Kat ran into Joey’s car that her door opened, and her father stood there with a strange look on his face.
“I didn’t know what to do. It was like he was another person; I begged for him to stop but… eventually I just lay there.”
She just looked at her, blonde hair falling into her face, which was brushed away instantly, “What about after, the next day at school, what happened?”
She didn’t remember much about the following few days, just that everyone who cared about her, her mother, Jamie, her old boyfriend Ray, were all asking what was wrong with her. Eventually, she just started lashing out.
“Everyone was asking too many questions at school. My best friend, Jamie, she was always following me around; she knew something was wrong, but I couldn’t tell her what. Eventually, I dealt with it by not talking to her, and started hanging out with a group that didn’t care if something was wrong. The only thing on their minds was where they were going to get the money for their next needle.”
Green eyes bored into her, “Did you turn to drugs?” she asked, but Alex had a feeling that she already knew the answer.
“At first, getting high was the only way that could help me deal. Shooting-up, sharing a bong with a couple of guys from the gang, it was another way for me to stay away from the house for long periods of time,” she paused, not knowing whether to go on, but decided she should, “After a while, one of the guys I’d started hanging out with, one of the few that was clean, told me how he dealt with his anger. Fighting.” She shook her head, remembering the first day that she’d spent with Marcus.
They’d driven for a few hours, pulled on balaclavas and stormed into an out of the way diner. Picking a fight with the biggest guy in the room, Alex had rendered him unconscious and had felt surprisingly tension free as they drove away from the place.
Over the following month or so, Alex and Marcus had done this many times, sometimes in diners, sometimes in malls, even in a park once. Alex found that the drugs were unnecessary when she had her fists connecting with someone’s face once a week to relieve all her anger.
“After that, I got off the drugs and used fighting to keep me sane. It worked better, and all I had to do was picture his face every time I fought someone.”
The counsellor leaned forward in her chair, uncrossing her legs and resting the legal pad on her knees. It was filled with notes. “Alex, do you blame yourself for what happened?”
Alex shrugged, not really sure to make of this question. She didn’t do this to herself, he did. But when she thought about, there was guilt there, guilt for causing so much trouble. “I blame myself for causing mom so much pain. For splitting them up.”
“What about moving out here? Do you think your mother did that for you?”
Alex shrugged again, she knew, for a fact, that her mother moved them to Toronto to get the both of them out of that house. But on the other hand, there was that new job offer which seemed to have a lot to do with their move too. After all, they could have just moved house.
“In a sense. I just wanted to get out of the house, but she wanted to get away completely. She grew-up here, she has connections here. We decided together that it would be best for both of us.”
“And what about your friends?”
This was an easy one, “I screwed things up with Jamie a long time ago. She’ll never forgive me for not going to her in my time of crisis. No one else there really mattered to me. Jamie and I have talked, and we decided to keep in touch. Maybe the move will bring us closer together.”
When she finished, there was a soft knock on the door and she lowered her head, as not to let the person at the door see her face. For some reason, she was ashamed of being a rape victim, and she didn’t want the people in this place to know anything about her. The move was a way for her to have a fresh start, in every sense of the word.
Getting close to anyone just wasn’t an option anymore.
“Sorry to interrupt. But Ms. Michalchuk is here, she seems to be pretty upset.”
There was no response from the counsellor, but Alex assumed she must have done something, because the door soon closed and the woman was gone.
“I’m sorry, Alex, I’m going to have to wrap it up early today, but I want you to answer one more question before you go.”
Alex nodded, looking up again.
“Is there anyone you trust anymore?”
Alex was amazed at how well this woman hit the nail on the head so accurately. If there was one real issue that was plaguing her since all of this had happened, it was her inability to trust anyone anymore. “No,” she answered simply before standing up and walking to the door.
“Please make an appointment for next week at the front desk, Alex. That trust issue is something we really have to work on.”
She numbly nodded, just walking out of the office and back out into the reception area. Walking up to the desk, her eyes fixed on her shoes, she didn’t realize where she was walking until she felt a faint jerk as her right shoulder was pushed back.
Looking up, she looked right into azure eyes, sparkling with unshed tears.
“Are you alright?” both she and the girl she’d run into asked at the same time, and it wasn’t until then that Alex realized that she too, had tears in her eyes.
A small smile made it’s way to each of their lips, and they nodded, “As good as I can be,” said Alex.
“Me too,” answered the girl.
She had to be about the same age as Alex was. She had a young baby face, blonde hair which was slightly wavy and hung down to her chest, and her smile, however forced, gave Alex hope again. “What happened? I mean,” she gestured around, “You’re in this place, so I guess I know that.”
The girl let out a breath of laughter, “I guess you’re right. My name’s Paige Michalchuk, are you new around here?”
“Yeah. I’m starting at Degrassi on Monday.”
“Maybe I’ll see you there then.”
Alex nodded, starting to turn away, but stopped when she felt a hand on her arm, “What’s your name?”
Turning back, a tear finally fell from her eyes. “Alex Jack-” she stopped, remembering her talk with her mother on the subject.
They were severing all ties to her father, the divorce would be finalized in a couple of months and he’d be in prison after the trial, or so they hoped. As far as they were concerned, Trevor Jackson didn’t exist.
“Nunez. Alex Nunez.”