(no subject)
So, its funny how true it is that things that happen when we are young will mold us into the people we will someday become. Now, the question remains, is there anything that can be done about it? Is there a way to change that mold? Maybe just revamp it a little? I'm sure that that is an issue that scholars in the fields of psychology and psychiatry have been debating for years. Sometimes, I would imagine, there is more that needs to be done than coming to terms with that which troubles us. Sometimes, we need to change the way we are, or the way we have become due to that which cannot die within us (is anyone able to follow this so far?) Lemme give you an example...not too poignant, but a personal example, so that I can be more comfortable with the details.
(Now, I'm sure I've been drunk and reminiscent and told this story to many people, but, here it is, sober and ready for dissection:
Let me start by saying that I love my father. I love him VERY much, and have become pretty close with him over the last few years.
When me and my sisters were young...I'd say when I was somewhere between 8 and 9 and Kerry was 10-11 and Erin 12-13, my dad had this horfific temper. (we could have been younger, i don't really rememebr timelines all that well) For reasons that I am sure none of us remember, he used to get really angry and violent towards Erin or myself (never really Kerry, but I will get to that later)
So yeah, he would lash out, usually at Erin, for as I have already said, unknown reasons, and beat the hell out of her. In the living room, running after her down the hall, into the kitchen, into her bedroom, wherever she ran, it didn't matter. The house was small, there was no getting away from this crazy man that our father had suddenly become. Kerry would cry SO hard. She and I share a room then, so we'd be in there, and this craziness would be going on outside. I would try to comfort her for a few mintues, and my mom would come in too...I guess she had tried yelling at my dad to stop, and it did nothing. Kerry would beg me not to leave as I was pushing my way out the door, she'd yell at me not to go out there, to stay with her, but I couldn't...there were more important things to do....
Into the hallway, and on top of my dad's back I would fly. Beating on his head and shoulders with my little fists and yelling for him to stop...tears streaming down my face, I wanted to badly to help Erin, to make him stop hitting her. To make it all ok again...
Did I succeed? No, just ended up getting myself hit...and not so much sad, as ANGRY as HELL...
It was over...(and, I remind you here, that this was by no means a regular occurance, as best as I can remember - just something that happened once in a while---at least I hope it didn't happen too much - your memories fade of your young years for the most part...I really only remember a few instances, but I just have this feeling that there were more...anyway...not the point).
At this time, I draw your attention to a few small aspects of the personalities of myself and my sisters...Kerry, could she be more quiet or more fragile? Feerful, innocent, compassionate, non-confrontational Kerry...She has been known to cry if someone says something that offends her or makes her feel inadequate...
Erin, well, Erin is too much to get into...but on this level here, she will always look at herself as a vicitm, in some way or another...someone or something is ALWYAS out to get Erin in her mindset...Nothing will ever work out right, and no one will ever be there to help her...I think she feels alone a lot.
And then there's me...Everyone's hero...can't stand to see someone being treated unfairly. Need to save the world. and DON'T YOU DARE hurt someone I love, or demean them in ANY WAY!
Seem to all fit? Cause to me, this is a biased view...maybe it had nothing to do with how we turned out. But when I look at it, I see this parts of our personalities as being directly connected to this scenario.
*now, I am not ranting, really, nor am I complaining about this. As I said I love my father, and so do my sisters, although I think sometimes he tries to make all this up to Erin by going out of his way to baby her and help her out for the simplest things that she feels she cannot handle alone...Again, not the best course of action.
Anyway...Will Erin ever be able to change? Will Kerry ever be able to stand up for herself? Will I ever Let people fight there own battles?
*I have hope that the answer to these questions will be positive because of one thing, mainly anyway...
My loss of anger. Lets face it, I used to be the angriest person that ever lived. And somehow, I managed to get past that.
Gives me hope.
Maybe we just need a whole new set of exsperiences...Things that we can use to reinforce some of our other, more underdeveloped aspects of our personalities. And by saying this, I do not mean that I think that all these post-awareness of how screwed up we are-experiences need to be positive. By no means! The world is not perfect, and even in theory, it is unhealthy to imagine it to be so. Negative experiences can reinforce positive things in our psyche. Its just a matter of knowing how to deal with them this time.
~Dahl
(Now, I'm sure I've been drunk and reminiscent and told this story to many people, but, here it is, sober and ready for dissection:
Let me start by saying that I love my father. I love him VERY much, and have become pretty close with him over the last few years.
When me and my sisters were young...I'd say when I was somewhere between 8 and 9 and Kerry was 10-11 and Erin 12-13, my dad had this horfific temper. (we could have been younger, i don't really rememebr timelines all that well) For reasons that I am sure none of us remember, he used to get really angry and violent towards Erin or myself (never really Kerry, but I will get to that later)
So yeah, he would lash out, usually at Erin, for as I have already said, unknown reasons, and beat the hell out of her. In the living room, running after her down the hall, into the kitchen, into her bedroom, wherever she ran, it didn't matter. The house was small, there was no getting away from this crazy man that our father had suddenly become. Kerry would cry SO hard. She and I share a room then, so we'd be in there, and this craziness would be going on outside. I would try to comfort her for a few mintues, and my mom would come in too...I guess she had tried yelling at my dad to stop, and it did nothing. Kerry would beg me not to leave as I was pushing my way out the door, she'd yell at me not to go out there, to stay with her, but I couldn't...there were more important things to do....
Into the hallway, and on top of my dad's back I would fly. Beating on his head and shoulders with my little fists and yelling for him to stop...tears streaming down my face, I wanted to badly to help Erin, to make him stop hitting her. To make it all ok again...
Did I succeed? No, just ended up getting myself hit...and not so much sad, as ANGRY as HELL...
It was over...(and, I remind you here, that this was by no means a regular occurance, as best as I can remember - just something that happened once in a while---at least I hope it didn't happen too much - your memories fade of your young years for the most part...I really only remember a few instances, but I just have this feeling that there were more...anyway...not the point).
At this time, I draw your attention to a few small aspects of the personalities of myself and my sisters...Kerry, could she be more quiet or more fragile? Feerful, innocent, compassionate, non-confrontational Kerry...She has been known to cry if someone says something that offends her or makes her feel inadequate...
Erin, well, Erin is too much to get into...but on this level here, she will always look at herself as a vicitm, in some way or another...someone or something is ALWYAS out to get Erin in her mindset...Nothing will ever work out right, and no one will ever be there to help her...I think she feels alone a lot.
And then there's me...Everyone's hero...can't stand to see someone being treated unfairly. Need to save the world. and DON'T YOU DARE hurt someone I love, or demean them in ANY WAY!
Seem to all fit? Cause to me, this is a biased view...maybe it had nothing to do with how we turned out. But when I look at it, I see this parts of our personalities as being directly connected to this scenario.
*now, I am not ranting, really, nor am I complaining about this. As I said I love my father, and so do my sisters, although I think sometimes he tries to make all this up to Erin by going out of his way to baby her and help her out for the simplest things that she feels she cannot handle alone...Again, not the best course of action.
Anyway...Will Erin ever be able to change? Will Kerry ever be able to stand up for herself? Will I ever Let people fight there own battles?
*I have hope that the answer to these questions will be positive because of one thing, mainly anyway...
My loss of anger. Lets face it, I used to be the angriest person that ever lived. And somehow, I managed to get past that.
Gives me hope.
Maybe we just need a whole new set of exsperiences...Things that we can use to reinforce some of our other, more underdeveloped aspects of our personalities. And by saying this, I do not mean that I think that all these post-awareness of how screwed up we are-experiences need to be positive. By no means! The world is not perfect, and even in theory, it is unhealthy to imagine it to be so. Negative experiences can reinforce positive things in our psyche. Its just a matter of knowing how to deal with them this time.
~Dahl