2003-2008 Oh How The Years Fly By
So I was stupid and looked at my high school yearbook. Hartford High School Class of 2003, a class in which I was part of, but not really part of. Some part of me is sometimes curious to see if any of my former classmates even knew who I was, I remember being invisable most of high school. Looking at the yearbook and what I had written in by my picture I couldn't help but think back to when I truly did wish to make a Christian radio station in this area because, truthfully, those that exist here really do suck.
Now I look at my dreams and goals and find myself wishing to go into film and philosophy. Okay, so it's not a far strech from radio, but still. I want out of Vermont, out of New England, hell, I want out of the United States at times. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever achieve my dreams. It's strange, I was asked only a couple months ago what I was truly afraid of, more than anything. You know what my fear is? It's failing miserably in life, failing to even attempt to achieve my dreams and goals. I think what's even more frustrating is that I still haven't recovered all the confidance and enthusiasm that my sister sucked out of me back in May. Most of the time I just want to cry.
I watched everyone I knew in college graduate back on May 17th, I watched my best friend get married May 18th, and what is there of me? I have done nothing, I am going nowhere. My life really does just suck. It's not that I don't enjoy being single, most of the time I do, dispite spending most of my time in the company of my brother's friends. I sometimes do, however, wish I had someone here, in person, to confide in. My job has me trapped here until January so I'm stuck in the depressing black hole of my family home and a job which I find frustrating and infuriating.
Not to mention no friends of my own, all the ones I have are my brothers... and don't take me wrong, I love my brother and his friends dearly. I have adopted them as my younger brothers, but I will say it is kinda frustrating sometimes being the only girl in the group. @.@ Part of me really wishes I had branched out more in High School, made better friends with those whose pictures I looked at once again tonight. At least then I would have someone my own age to atleast talk to or hang out with.
Sometimes I just want human contact, in person, with someone my own age. Not two to three years younger. Especially times like tonight.
Now I look at my dreams and goals and find myself wishing to go into film and philosophy. Okay, so it's not a far strech from radio, but still. I want out of Vermont, out of New England, hell, I want out of the United States at times. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever achieve my dreams. It's strange, I was asked only a couple months ago what I was truly afraid of, more than anything. You know what my fear is? It's failing miserably in life, failing to even attempt to achieve my dreams and goals. I think what's even more frustrating is that I still haven't recovered all the confidance and enthusiasm that my sister sucked out of me back in May. Most of the time I just want to cry.
I watched everyone I knew in college graduate back on May 17th, I watched my best friend get married May 18th, and what is there of me? I have done nothing, I am going nowhere. My life really does just suck. It's not that I don't enjoy being single, most of the time I do, dispite spending most of my time in the company of my brother's friends. I sometimes do, however, wish I had someone here, in person, to confide in. My job has me trapped here until January so I'm stuck in the depressing black hole of my family home and a job which I find frustrating and infuriating.
Not to mention no friends of my own, all the ones I have are my brothers... and don't take me wrong, I love my brother and his friends dearly. I have adopted them as my younger brothers, but I will say it is kinda frustrating sometimes being the only girl in the group. @.@ Part of me really wishes I had branched out more in High School, made better friends with those whose pictures I looked at once again tonight. At least then I would have someone my own age to atleast talk to or hang out with.
Sometimes I just want human contact, in person, with someone my own age. Not two to three years younger. Especially times like tonight.