[Yama fic] Forbidden Love (Part 16)
Title: Forbidden Love
Pairing: Yama (Ohno x Sho)
Rating: PG-13
Genre: AU, antiquity, angst, romance, friendship
Disclaimer: Purely fictional, for entertainment only
Summary: Nino talked some sense into Prince Satoshi. But Satoshi's 'I love you' was no longer important to Sho, because.....
Part 16
Satoshi
“If even you have to leave me, if even you stopped conniving me, no longer watching my back, then - ” Holding him in my arms, I cried so hard that I couldn’t say out a complete sentence. “ - my life will only - only left with burden - left with endless acting and pain! How can you be willing to do that to me?” Would his life be slipped away from my hands like this? I stared at him in fear. “Talk to me! Open your eyes and say something!”
“Satoshi-kun, you - bring him here first!” Nino must be too shocked. He looked at me with empty hands.
“Nino, ” I said to him solemnly. “If he can’t be saved, let me go with him - ”
“You want to die? If you want to die, die on the battlefield! Don’t make a fuss like that! This is not the Prince Satoshi that I knew!” Nino’s voice became icy cold all of a sudden. I saw him swiftly applied acupuncture to Sho, grab him away from my embrace and put him on the bed. “I’ve always thought you’re the most rational person who always knows what he’s doing. Looks like I was wrong! Where is your ambition? I thought you wouldn’t be moved even if a mountain collapsed in front of you. That ‘you’, is probably dead.” Nino said while treating Sho’s wound, every sentence hit my heart.
“That ‘you’, probably died the day he came to the palace! Satoshi-kun, I’ve always respected your intelligence, your energy. Your calm can withstand any kind of pressure in the palace. To achieve your goal, you can do anything. Nobody would say you’re a villain, because that’s the only way to survive. Whenever I saw you, a forbearing but yet dazzling person, it made me feel that there’s still hope in the palace. But since when had you become so overcautious and fraught with uncertainty? Was it when you started falling for him? Don’t blame me for being so direct. If even I don’t dare to be so straightforward with you, no one else would. I’m not saying that you two are fine the way you were. Even I as a bystander feel exhausted seeing you loving like that! If you are already in love, why hold back and torture yourself?!” Nino paused a let out a sigh. “Come - ” His voice became softer. I followed him to the side of the bed.
“Look - seeing him like this, you feel miserable, right? But he must be as miserable as you are! Satoshi-kun, just go for your love! What does it matter if it were two men?! Do you know that if you say a word, I’d do anything for you without second thoughts? So will he!” Nino pointed to Sho. “If you say you want the king’s throne now, he would put on his armor and fight for you right away, ignoring the wound on his body! Satoshi-kun, I don’t want to see you struggling like this - really. Just follow your heart and do what you want to do - ”
“Nino - ” Other than this word, I couldn’t come up with anything to say. This man whom I grew up with, I had thought he is the most gentle person in the palace, forever full of sunshine. I never thought all his efforts were for my sake. We had unwittingly grown up and supported each other through all these years without even knowing it. But I got lost since I met Sho, and made him worried about me so much. “Nino, I - owe you too much. I feel so guilty.”
“You don’t need to feel guilty. Following you is my own choice, I will never regret that.” Nino had finished putting new bandages on Sho’s wound. “I am a physician, not a god. If you want him to live, give him an answer when he’s awake. There’s the only medicine he needs! I am going to rest now.” He then left the tent without looking back.
“Answer?” I looked at Sho. “Can I really give him the answer he wants?”
Sho
I don’t know how long I was unconscious. The silence around me was a little scary. I couldn’t believe I had said so much harsh words - I - must have gotten confused by the medications! He must be hurt by what I said. Actually, there are lots of things not under his control and he had to pay attention to the overall situation. I had known for a long time that he had done so much for me. How could I have blamed him?! I am the biggest idiot in this whole world! The dumbest, baddest idiot!
“Sho, are you awake?” It’s him?! And, his voice was as soft and gentle as talking to a lover?! “Do you know, I have been watching you for a whole night? Although your eyes are closed, I saw your eyeballs moving, so you must be awake. But, you don’t want to open your eyes? Still mad at me, blame me? I know you have been tolerating me for five years. What should I do?” His voice has mixed with a little sobbing.
“I am really confused, can’t think straight anymore. I can’t seem to follow the path that I had expected in my life anymore. I - have never - never dared to include you in planning my life. From the first moment I saw you, I was already constantly thinking how I can make you leave this prison unharmed! But the more I tried to protect you, the more harm I was doing to you. Sho, I am actually used to having you by my side long ago!
I love how you look at me innocently, speaking out what’s on your mind; I love how you’re always following me behind, and won’t leave me even if I don’t talk to you much; I love how you stuffed your mouth with food, but still want to talk to me with your mouth full; I love how you didn’t bother to hide your tears when you’re worried about me; I love when you’re holding my hands; I love when I hear your voice; I love - Sho, watching you a whole night, thinking of you a whole night - I realized, I love you so very much…..
But, Sho, I’m really scared that one day you will die because of me! Because of your love for me, you never flinched, you never know when to stop. Sometimes you have to learn to say ‘no’! Sho, the love I want is not for you to jump the cliff with me, but rather come to the cliff side to remember me every year, telling me you are alive and well…..”
Am I dreaming? Am I hearing those words in my dream? He’s confessing to me, isn’t he? What would be the result if I opened my eyes? Awaken from a beautiful dream and wait for judgment from reality? Or seeing a pair of eyes red and swollen from crying a sleepless night, on a somewhat bashful face?
I can’t help but grasp my hand closer to the wall tight. Pamper me some more, please! Being with you for five years, you’ve never pampered me before. Just a little more and I’ll open my eyes, OK? I told myself silently in my heart. But, what came next was just dead silence. For a long while, his voice was not heard anymore. Is that it?! Satoshi, why can’t you make me a little happier? I’ve waited for five years to hear you say you ‘love’ me!
“Satoshi!” I couldn’t bear the waiting any longer, and peaked open my eyes. But what I saw made me screamed in panic! He looked like he’s in great pain, both hands pressing on his stomach and sweats on his forehead. When he heard me calling, he raised his head and looked at me. He let out a smile unfamiliar to me - not perfunctory, not faking, just a relieved, happy smile that came from his heart. But this doesn’t fit well on his pale white face.
“Sho - I just - my stomach hurts - a little, no need to - worry.” He reached out his hand and hold on to mine. His fingers were cold, but with persistent strength. “I won’t hide anymore - this time - I won’t run away again. Sho - then - you’ll be happy - right?” His voice was getting more and more unstable, but he’s still looking at me, full of expectations. “Sho - I’m so sorry - took me so - long - to find the courage to say - I love you - ”
“Nino!” The moment I saw him passed out in front of my eyes, the words ‘I love you’ are not important anymore. What’s important is…..him…..
To be continued.....
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Pairing: Yama (Ohno x Sho)
Rating: PG-13
Genre: AU, antiquity, angst, romance, friendship
Disclaimer: Purely fictional, for entertainment only
Summary: Nino talked some sense into Prince Satoshi. But Satoshi's 'I love you' was no longer important to Sho, because.....
Part 16
Satoshi
“If even you have to leave me, if even you stopped conniving me, no longer watching my back, then - ” Holding him in my arms, I cried so hard that I couldn’t say out a complete sentence. “ - my life will only - only left with burden - left with endless acting and pain! How can you be willing to do that to me?” Would his life be slipped away from my hands like this? I stared at him in fear. “Talk to me! Open your eyes and say something!”
“Satoshi-kun, you - bring him here first!” Nino must be too shocked. He looked at me with empty hands.
“Nino, ” I said to him solemnly. “If he can’t be saved, let me go with him - ”
“You want to die? If you want to die, die on the battlefield! Don’t make a fuss like that! This is not the Prince Satoshi that I knew!” Nino’s voice became icy cold all of a sudden. I saw him swiftly applied acupuncture to Sho, grab him away from my embrace and put him on the bed. “I’ve always thought you’re the most rational person who always knows what he’s doing. Looks like I was wrong! Where is your ambition? I thought you wouldn’t be moved even if a mountain collapsed in front of you. That ‘you’, is probably dead.” Nino said while treating Sho’s wound, every sentence hit my heart.
“That ‘you’, probably died the day he came to the palace! Satoshi-kun, I’ve always respected your intelligence, your energy. Your calm can withstand any kind of pressure in the palace. To achieve your goal, you can do anything. Nobody would say you’re a villain, because that’s the only way to survive. Whenever I saw you, a forbearing but yet dazzling person, it made me feel that there’s still hope in the palace. But since when had you become so overcautious and fraught with uncertainty? Was it when you started falling for him? Don’t blame me for being so direct. If even I don’t dare to be so straightforward with you, no one else would. I’m not saying that you two are fine the way you were. Even I as a bystander feel exhausted seeing you loving like that! If you are already in love, why hold back and torture yourself?!” Nino paused a let out a sigh. “Come - ” His voice became softer. I followed him to the side of the bed.
“Look - seeing him like this, you feel miserable, right? But he must be as miserable as you are! Satoshi-kun, just go for your love! What does it matter if it were two men?! Do you know that if you say a word, I’d do anything for you without second thoughts? So will he!” Nino pointed to Sho. “If you say you want the king’s throne now, he would put on his armor and fight for you right away, ignoring the wound on his body! Satoshi-kun, I don’t want to see you struggling like this - really. Just follow your heart and do what you want to do - ”
“Nino - ” Other than this word, I couldn’t come up with anything to say. This man whom I grew up with, I had thought he is the most gentle person in the palace, forever full of sunshine. I never thought all his efforts were for my sake. We had unwittingly grown up and supported each other through all these years without even knowing it. But I got lost since I met Sho, and made him worried about me so much. “Nino, I - owe you too much. I feel so guilty.”
“You don’t need to feel guilty. Following you is my own choice, I will never regret that.” Nino had finished putting new bandages on Sho’s wound. “I am a physician, not a god. If you want him to live, give him an answer when he’s awake. There’s the only medicine he needs! I am going to rest now.” He then left the tent without looking back.
“Answer?” I looked at Sho. “Can I really give him the answer he wants?”
Sho
I don’t know how long I was unconscious. The silence around me was a little scary. I couldn’t believe I had said so much harsh words - I - must have gotten confused by the medications! He must be hurt by what I said. Actually, there are lots of things not under his control and he had to pay attention to the overall situation. I had known for a long time that he had done so much for me. How could I have blamed him?! I am the biggest idiot in this whole world! The dumbest, baddest idiot!
“Sho, are you awake?” It’s him?! And, his voice was as soft and gentle as talking to a lover?! “Do you know, I have been watching you for a whole night? Although your eyes are closed, I saw your eyeballs moving, so you must be awake. But, you don’t want to open your eyes? Still mad at me, blame me? I know you have been tolerating me for five years. What should I do?” His voice has mixed with a little sobbing.
“I am really confused, can’t think straight anymore. I can’t seem to follow the path that I had expected in my life anymore. I - have never - never dared to include you in planning my life. From the first moment I saw you, I was already constantly thinking how I can make you leave this prison unharmed! But the more I tried to protect you, the more harm I was doing to you. Sho, I am actually used to having you by my side long ago!
I love how you look at me innocently, speaking out what’s on your mind; I love how you’re always following me behind, and won’t leave me even if I don’t talk to you much; I love how you stuffed your mouth with food, but still want to talk to me with your mouth full; I love how you didn’t bother to hide your tears when you’re worried about me; I love when you’re holding my hands; I love when I hear your voice; I love - Sho, watching you a whole night, thinking of you a whole night - I realized, I love you so very much…..
But, Sho, I’m really scared that one day you will die because of me! Because of your love for me, you never flinched, you never know when to stop. Sometimes you have to learn to say ‘no’! Sho, the love I want is not for you to jump the cliff with me, but rather come to the cliff side to remember me every year, telling me you are alive and well…..”
Am I dreaming? Am I hearing those words in my dream? He’s confessing to me, isn’t he? What would be the result if I opened my eyes? Awaken from a beautiful dream and wait for judgment from reality? Or seeing a pair of eyes red and swollen from crying a sleepless night, on a somewhat bashful face?
I can’t help but grasp my hand closer to the wall tight. Pamper me some more, please! Being with you for five years, you’ve never pampered me before. Just a little more and I’ll open my eyes, OK? I told myself silently in my heart. But, what came next was just dead silence. For a long while, his voice was not heard anymore. Is that it?! Satoshi, why can’t you make me a little happier? I’ve waited for five years to hear you say you ‘love’ me!
“Satoshi!” I couldn’t bear the waiting any longer, and peaked open my eyes. But what I saw made me screamed in panic! He looked like he’s in great pain, both hands pressing on his stomach and sweats on his forehead. When he heard me calling, he raised his head and looked at me. He let out a smile unfamiliar to me - not perfunctory, not faking, just a relieved, happy smile that came from his heart. But this doesn’t fit well on his pale white face.
“Sho - I just - my stomach hurts - a little, no need to - worry.” He reached out his hand and hold on to mine. His fingers were cold, but with persistent strength. “I won’t hide anymore - this time - I won’t run away again. Sho - then - you’ll be happy - right?” His voice was getting more and more unstable, but he’s still looking at me, full of expectations. “Sho - I’m so sorry - took me so - long - to find the courage to say - I love you - ”
“Nino!” The moment I saw him passed out in front of my eyes, the words ‘I love you’ are not important anymore. What’s important is…..him…..
To be continued.....
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