Perigee Moon Lullaby
The moon's about a mile from my window
Her silver light is dancin' on my pane
I seem to find the answers as she's hangin' in the starlight..
Enchanted by the solace of the moon.
I'm finally giving myself the escape I've been waiting for. I've been thinking this whole time that it was impossible in this city, that the brief moments that weren't spent with other people didn't count because of my surroundings... Because of the brick and concrete and metal all around me... Because of the constant sound of traffic outside and random bursts of commotion from drunken neighbors getting on and off the elevators...
I realized tonight that all I really needed was a few candles, a guitar, a pen, and a notebook (oh, and a finger to press the off buttons on my phone, TV, and computer). This was the moment where I forgot about lines, I forgot about projects and papers, I forgot about jobs and how absolutely broke I am, I forgot about all my sickness and tiredness, I forgot about my "To Do" lists..
I needed to remember how easy it is to be alone! How comforting and reassuring it is to be reminded of your own strength, your OWN independence.
I've been such a hypocrite lately, preaching about how YOU need to be okay by yourself and be content alone before you will ever have a real shot with someone truly worth your while.. All the while, I've been crying and stressing and whining about wanting someone, "needing" someone even..
That is definitely not the KaCee Hudson that inspires. I accept weak moments and know that I am not Wonderwoman by any means. I do not desire to be a stone of a person but I know that I am a hell of a lot stronger than I've been acting lately, that I have a bit more confidence in myself than what I've been showing. ..God knows I didn't get myself to move half-way across the country to a city I'd only been to once, where I knew not a single person, to spend my nights crying within four walls over bad luck over and over again.
I know that now.
Life's too short to do that to myself.. To worry and plan so much.. to wonder myself to sleep and curse life in the morning.
Just have hope and move on!
I am going to learn how to appreciate my life again. Few people get to live through and experience the things that I have. What a stunning thought that is! People should recognize that more often; how unique and interesting their journeys would be to other people.. I think that's why I love autobiographies so much..
It's funny.. when you are aware of something, you "see" all kinds of signs you are looking for whether they are good or bad. ..I want to see the signs I wouldn't understand. I want to have them pointed out to me, have them circled in yellow marker by commentators with arrows and lines but keep the sound on mute. I want to be able to solve a mystery or even just follow some insanely wild scavenger hunt for the rest of my life. Maybe a scavenger hunt with a constant list of crazy people and adventures is what my life should be; forever searching for something untouched and beautiful over and over again.
Tonight I wanna groove! Let the music make you move.
I love it, I love it! Slow dancin' together..
Her silver light is dancin' on my pane
I seem to find the answers as she's hangin' in the starlight..
Enchanted by the solace of the moon.
I'm finally giving myself the escape I've been waiting for. I've been thinking this whole time that it was impossible in this city, that the brief moments that weren't spent with other people didn't count because of my surroundings... Because of the brick and concrete and metal all around me... Because of the constant sound of traffic outside and random bursts of commotion from drunken neighbors getting on and off the elevators...
I realized tonight that all I really needed was a few candles, a guitar, a pen, and a notebook (oh, and a finger to press the off buttons on my phone, TV, and computer). This was the moment where I forgot about lines, I forgot about projects and papers, I forgot about jobs and how absolutely broke I am, I forgot about all my sickness and tiredness, I forgot about my "To Do" lists..
I needed to remember how easy it is to be alone! How comforting and reassuring it is to be reminded of your own strength, your OWN independence.
I've been such a hypocrite lately, preaching about how YOU need to be okay by yourself and be content alone before you will ever have a real shot with someone truly worth your while.. All the while, I've been crying and stressing and whining about wanting someone, "needing" someone even..
That is definitely not the KaCee Hudson that inspires. I accept weak moments and know that I am not Wonderwoman by any means. I do not desire to be a stone of a person but I know that I am a hell of a lot stronger than I've been acting lately, that I have a bit more confidence in myself than what I've been showing. ..God knows I didn't get myself to move half-way across the country to a city I'd only been to once, where I knew not a single person, to spend my nights crying within four walls over bad luck over and over again.
I know that now.
Life's too short to do that to myself.. To worry and plan so much.. to wonder myself to sleep and curse life in the morning.
Just have hope and move on!
I am going to learn how to appreciate my life again. Few people get to live through and experience the things that I have. What a stunning thought that is! People should recognize that more often; how unique and interesting their journeys would be to other people.. I think that's why I love autobiographies so much..
It's funny.. when you are aware of something, you "see" all kinds of signs you are looking for whether they are good or bad. ..I want to see the signs I wouldn't understand. I want to have them pointed out to me, have them circled in yellow marker by commentators with arrows and lines but keep the sound on mute. I want to be able to solve a mystery or even just follow some insanely wild scavenger hunt for the rest of my life. Maybe a scavenger hunt with a constant list of crazy people and adventures is what my life should be; forever searching for something untouched and beautiful over and over again.
Tonight I wanna groove! Let the music make you move.
I love it, I love it! Slow dancin' together..