Crab Math
Three weeks ago, just shy of his two year anniversary with us, Zeus, the crab, passed away. Zeus never met a shell he didn’t want to try on and lived waaaay longer than the books foretold. He will be missed.
While no crab could ever fill his shell, we purchased two more crabs to fill the tank and keep Mr. Krabs company. Named Sui My (dim sum pork dumpling) and Bolt, they settled in nicely.
Then things got weird. Mr. Krabs started hanging out naked under the wood bridge. Being a rated G household, we couldn’t have a topless - or rather bottomless beach - in our kitchen, so we pushed Mr. Krabs' shell close to him and he hopped back in.
Two days ago, Sui My expired. These things happen. A crab coffin was procured and Nate reached into the tank and started moving the shells around to get Sui My out.
Let’s break for a little crab math here…
Mr. Krabs + Zeus = 2 crabs
Mr. Krabs - Zeus = 1 crab
Mr. Krabs + Sui My + Bolt = 3 crabs
Mr. Krabs + Bolt - Sui My = 3 crabs
3?
Murphy’s Law No. 457.2 states, as do several consulted crab manuals, along with being unable to determine the sex of a domesticated hermit crab, hermit crabs do not reproduce in captivity.
Pzak Law 32 states: Someone got busy in our tank because Nate produced one decomposing crab carcass, one Bolt, one Mr. Krabs and a little guy we’re now calling Cousin It.
I’m thinking Mr. Krabs might need a name change, eh?