J2 Fanfic: Deadline
So since series 3 of Torchwood, I've kinda got a bit swept along with the whole Jack/Ianto thing. Well, as usual I watch the millions of fan vids on YT to get my fix. While watching some I came across the most touching scene between the pair on a radio special called Deadline (hence the title)
I would recommend reading the fic first (cos otherwise it will give away the plot) and then go listen to the extract that inspired this fic. I just couldn't help but imagine a J2 version.
Deadline: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Y-hoSGgOEw
Title: Deadline
Genre: RPS
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2110
Summary: While Jared is lying unconscious in hospital, Jensen talks to him and prays for a miracle.
Beta'd: destiny393
The clock on the wall seemed to tick louder with every second, though he didn’t know how long he had been sitting there. He felt so helpless, so useless. The continuous beeping and humming of machines told him that his lover was stable, at least for the time being. Every now and again, his eyes would search the monitors for some sign that he would be alright. Some sign of life, something more significant than the rise and fall of the man’s chest.
At certain intervals a nurse would knock on the door before entering to check the patient’s stats. Most would smile encouragingly as they left, though he knew they just wanted to comfort him in some small way. As the hands on the clock ticked closer to 10pm, he knew it wouldn’t be long before another nurse came to examine the read outs from the numerous machines. Then, with a few minutes to the hour, there was a light tap at the door. He didn’t even lift his head this time to greet them, it was always the same.
As his eye lids began to get heavier and his head began to feel that much lighter, he knew he would soon have to sleep. He had been awake ever since he had received that dreaded call the morning before, and he refused to give into sleep, he didn’t want to give up his guard. The nurse flipped through the notes on her clipboard, comparing with the read outs from the machines. She scribbled down something on the pages. Then she cleared her throat:
“You know talking to him may help, some familiar voice...”
Jensen lifted his head, and stared at the nurse questioningly.
“They say that you should talk to them, that they are more perceptive of their surroundings than you think. Maybe it’s worth a try.” With that the nurse patted him on the shoulder lightly and left the room. Jensen looked up at Jared, trying to see past the cuts and bruises and wires and tubes. Sitting beside the bed, he took his lover’s hand in his, praying for him to pull through. Taking a deep sigh he opened his mouth to speak:
“I don’t know if you can hear me, I don’t know if you’re even aware that I am here.”
He paused, thinking about how ridiculous he must sound. But he didn’t really care, he felt so useless and if this was the only way he could help then he would continue.
“I expect this is just something the doctors tell us to do, to make us feel better. To make us feel like we are doing something, anything to help. I guess it’s to give us hope and purpose, something more than just waiting for that miracle, waiting for the never-ending nightmare to be over”
He squeezed Jared hand a little tighter, wishing he would squeeze back. He didn’t.
“I don’t really know what to say, I don’t know which words could possibly make this any better. I just hope that you can hear me. And whatever I say, whatever nonsense I spill, when you wake up cos I know you will. You’ve gotta promise me you won’t tell a soul, it stay between us.”
Even with Jared unconscious and a million miles away, Jensen still felt that edge of self-consciousness. It always seemed to be there, though it was fading each day thanks to Jared. He had been the only one in his entire life who could brush away the self doubt and that horrible uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. No one had managed to bring him out of himself like Jared had.
Jensen felt the tears brimming as he looked at Jared’s face: his now closed puppy dog eyes, a big purple bruise highlighting his left cheek bone, and a cut in his bottom lip.
“This must be the longest time I’ve ever looked at you and not seen you smile. You know how power you have when you walk into a room with that lopped-sided grin on your face. You know how much the fan girls go crazy for that, and you know what it does to me.”
He reached up, his forefinger teasing over Jared’s lips, careful to trace around the cut. Closing his eyes he thought back to the last time his had tasted those sweet lips. He could see it in his mind, could feel it in his heart, could taste it upon his own lips.
*They had both been standing in the kitchen, Jared ran around the kitchen counter to grab his car keys. Jensen took a sip of coffee from the mug he was holding. Jared was running late yet again. Why they gave him such early photo shoots was beyond comprehension. Just as Jared was about to bolt for the door, he turned on his heel and race back to Jensen.
“Almost forgot.”
And then he leaned down, to kiss him goodbye. Their lips moved together, so in sync. Closing his eyes Jensen thought only of Jared, no other thought ever crossed his mind when he kissed him like that, so intense, so loving. When Jared finally pulled away, Jensen drank in a breath of air. Begging his lungs to keep working, he looked up at Jared as he walked towards the door. Grabbing the handle and opening the door, Jared turned slightly to look back at his boyfriend.
“Well, I don’t want you to forget me.” And with a smile he closed the door behind him. *
Jensen smiled himself at the memory. Who would have thought that in a matter of hours after the scene had played out they would both be in hospital: one fighting for life, the other praying for a miracle. His smile began to fade. If only Jensen had made him stay a few minutes longer, would it have made a different? Jensen thought of the call he had received, thought of the wreck the SUV had been in, and thought of the mad rush the paramedics had been in to get Jared to the nearest hospital.
Jensen snapped back to the present, his eyes focusing on the still form before him. He had never seen Jared so still before, so lifeless. His chest would rise and fall, but barely. His shallow breathing would not allow for any more movement. Jensen hated to see him like this, hated himself for being so completely useless.
“I’ve watched you in your sleep, did you know that?” Jensen gave a small laugh, he felt so stupid. Jared wasn’t going to answer him, no matter how much he wanted him to, “Countless times, I’ve just woken up beside you in the middle of the night. And just laid awake, and watched you. Watched your eyes moving behind your eye lids, your smile spread across your face. So many times I’ve watched you dream. I would often wonder what you dream about, what thought’s could possibly cross your mind. “
Jensen treading his fingers through Jared’s, never wanting to break the hold he had on him or more importantly the hold Jared had on him.
“Ever since the first time I watched you sleeping, I’ve wondered what you dream of. I wondered if you were dreaming about me, I hoped you were dreaming about me. But let’s be honest, I’m sure your have more important things to dream about. “
Jensen could felt himself getting upset at the idea of Jared dreaming of more important things, of more important people.
“I hope I’ve made some kind of impression on your life, that I’ve meant something to you. Something more than a friend and lover. I hope I’ve somehow made your life better, more complete. And when you’re sleeping and dreaming, that you’re thinking about me, about us. Though I know, by the way you look at me sometimes, that you are a million miles away. That you’re thinking of how your life could have been, with Sandy. I’ve watched you when you’re sitting on the couch, the way your eyes become unfocused, when you’re thinking of her, of you and her. And then there are the times when I catch you at 2am, when I could almost swear that her name falls from your lips.”
Jensen looks up at the clock; it seemed to be so quiet when he was speaking. The clock read 10:40pm. It wouldn’t be too much longer before his hourly check. Turning back to Jared, Jensen continued to talk to him.
“I know that the thought crosses your mind, the one where you walk out the front door, the one where you don’t return. But you’re not gone yet, each time I think you’re going to leave you prove me wrong. And you’re not going now, not like this, I won’t let you. I know you’re coming back to me.”
The tears Jensen was holding back began to flow. He wiped away the salt droplets with his free hand. Then he lower his head to Jared’s hand, holding is close to his cheek. Even with all of the strange equipment surrounding them and the chemicals that were flowing through his veins, Jensen could only smell Jared. That scent that was significantly his.
“I know you’re coming back to me Jay, you have to. You can’t leave me here alone. I don’t know how to do any of this without you.”
He choked back the tears, trying desperately to will Jared back to consciousness.
“Jared please come back to me, please stay with me. I love you” Jensen cried unashamedly now. He didn’t care who heard him. He just wanted Jared back, safe and sound.
“J..Jen?”
Jensen looked up from where he’d laid his head, not believing for a second that his ears had heard correctly. He looked at Jared’s face, at the bruise that seemed to be getting more purple by the moment and then to his eyes. His eyes. Deep brown pools of an endless depth looked back at him.
“Jay?”
Jensen couldn’t believe it, was this even real? Or was his mind playing tricks on him at such a late hour.
“So... you love me.”
Jared forced a smile; Jensen knew it must have hurt for him to do so. And so he loved him even more for doing so. He was always so willing to comfort others, even if it meant hurting himself in the process.
Jensen smiled, he gave up trying to brush away the tears, there were too many. He stood up from the chair, never letting go of Jared’s hand to sit on the bed beside him. He placed himself carefully, not wanting any sudden movements to cause Jared any pain.
“Of course I love you.” His breath hitched as more tears fell over the edge. “I love you even more than I thought possible. Don’t you ever leave me.” Jared heard Jensen’s plea in the words and also the hidden threat behind them.
“I’ve missed you.” Jensen sighed as he twisted around on the bed so that they were facing the same way. Being careful of the tubes still attached to his lover’s body, Jensen manoeuvred himself so that he could put am arm around Jared. Jared allowed his head to fall upon Jensen’s chest.
“I haven’t missed you; you were with me all the time. I heard you, felt you; I knew you were with me Jen.”
Jensen rested his free hand upon Jared heart, the beat more regular, the one that he was used to hearing and feeling. He smiled weakly to himself. Jared was safe, he was in his arms, and he was going to stay with him. Forever he hoped.
Jensen felt the pull of sleep, the over whelming happiness that flooded his body was using up the last of his energy. He felt Jared breath on his neck as his wriggled himself into a more comfortable position. They fit together perfected, like their bodies were made for each other. As his eye lids closed of their own accord, Jensen knew everything would be already. Jared was with him, he didn’t need anything more, he had everything here.
At 11pm the nurse made the usual check. Before entering the room she peered through the glass in the door. She looked at the sight and smiled. Both men were asleep, the patient finally looking comfortable and well, as he snuggled in close to the other man. The lovers were loss to a world of sleep and dreams. And she knew from the slight smile upon both of their faces that they were dreaming of each other.
I would recommend reading the fic first (cos otherwise it will give away the plot) and then go listen to the extract that inspired this fic. I just couldn't help but imagine a J2 version.
Deadline: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Y-hoSGgOEw
Title: Deadline
Genre: RPS
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2110
Summary: While Jared is lying unconscious in hospital, Jensen talks to him and prays for a miracle.
Beta'd: destiny393
The clock on the wall seemed to tick louder with every second, though he didn’t know how long he had been sitting there. He felt so helpless, so useless. The continuous beeping and humming of machines told him that his lover was stable, at least for the time being. Every now and again, his eyes would search the monitors for some sign that he would be alright. Some sign of life, something more significant than the rise and fall of the man’s chest.
At certain intervals a nurse would knock on the door before entering to check the patient’s stats. Most would smile encouragingly as they left, though he knew they just wanted to comfort him in some small way. As the hands on the clock ticked closer to 10pm, he knew it wouldn’t be long before another nurse came to examine the read outs from the numerous machines. Then, with a few minutes to the hour, there was a light tap at the door. He didn’t even lift his head this time to greet them, it was always the same.
As his eye lids began to get heavier and his head began to feel that much lighter, he knew he would soon have to sleep. He had been awake ever since he had received that dreaded call the morning before, and he refused to give into sleep, he didn’t want to give up his guard. The nurse flipped through the notes on her clipboard, comparing with the read outs from the machines. She scribbled down something on the pages. Then she cleared her throat:
“You know talking to him may help, some familiar voice...”
Jensen lifted his head, and stared at the nurse questioningly.
“They say that you should talk to them, that they are more perceptive of their surroundings than you think. Maybe it’s worth a try.” With that the nurse patted him on the shoulder lightly and left the room. Jensen looked up at Jared, trying to see past the cuts and bruises and wires and tubes. Sitting beside the bed, he took his lover’s hand in his, praying for him to pull through. Taking a deep sigh he opened his mouth to speak:
“I don’t know if you can hear me, I don’t know if you’re even aware that I am here.”
He paused, thinking about how ridiculous he must sound. But he didn’t really care, he felt so useless and if this was the only way he could help then he would continue.
“I expect this is just something the doctors tell us to do, to make us feel better. To make us feel like we are doing something, anything to help. I guess it’s to give us hope and purpose, something more than just waiting for that miracle, waiting for the never-ending nightmare to be over”
He squeezed Jared hand a little tighter, wishing he would squeeze back. He didn’t.
“I don’t really know what to say, I don’t know which words could possibly make this any better. I just hope that you can hear me. And whatever I say, whatever nonsense I spill, when you wake up cos I know you will. You’ve gotta promise me you won’t tell a soul, it stay between us.”
Even with Jared unconscious and a million miles away, Jensen still felt that edge of self-consciousness. It always seemed to be there, though it was fading each day thanks to Jared. He had been the only one in his entire life who could brush away the self doubt and that horrible uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. No one had managed to bring him out of himself like Jared had.
Jensen felt the tears brimming as he looked at Jared’s face: his now closed puppy dog eyes, a big purple bruise highlighting his left cheek bone, and a cut in his bottom lip.
“This must be the longest time I’ve ever looked at you and not seen you smile. You know how power you have when you walk into a room with that lopped-sided grin on your face. You know how much the fan girls go crazy for that, and you know what it does to me.”
He reached up, his forefinger teasing over Jared’s lips, careful to trace around the cut. Closing his eyes he thought back to the last time his had tasted those sweet lips. He could see it in his mind, could feel it in his heart, could taste it upon his own lips.
*They had both been standing in the kitchen, Jared ran around the kitchen counter to grab his car keys. Jensen took a sip of coffee from the mug he was holding. Jared was running late yet again. Why they gave him such early photo shoots was beyond comprehension. Just as Jared was about to bolt for the door, he turned on his heel and race back to Jensen.
“Almost forgot.”
And then he leaned down, to kiss him goodbye. Their lips moved together, so in sync. Closing his eyes Jensen thought only of Jared, no other thought ever crossed his mind when he kissed him like that, so intense, so loving. When Jared finally pulled away, Jensen drank in a breath of air. Begging his lungs to keep working, he looked up at Jared as he walked towards the door. Grabbing the handle and opening the door, Jared turned slightly to look back at his boyfriend.
“Well, I don’t want you to forget me.” And with a smile he closed the door behind him. *
Jensen smiled himself at the memory. Who would have thought that in a matter of hours after the scene had played out they would both be in hospital: one fighting for life, the other praying for a miracle. His smile began to fade. If only Jensen had made him stay a few minutes longer, would it have made a different? Jensen thought of the call he had received, thought of the wreck the SUV had been in, and thought of the mad rush the paramedics had been in to get Jared to the nearest hospital.
Jensen snapped back to the present, his eyes focusing on the still form before him. He had never seen Jared so still before, so lifeless. His chest would rise and fall, but barely. His shallow breathing would not allow for any more movement. Jensen hated to see him like this, hated himself for being so completely useless.
“I’ve watched you in your sleep, did you know that?” Jensen gave a small laugh, he felt so stupid. Jared wasn’t going to answer him, no matter how much he wanted him to, “Countless times, I’ve just woken up beside you in the middle of the night. And just laid awake, and watched you. Watched your eyes moving behind your eye lids, your smile spread across your face. So many times I’ve watched you dream. I would often wonder what you dream about, what thought’s could possibly cross your mind. “
Jensen treading his fingers through Jared’s, never wanting to break the hold he had on him or more importantly the hold Jared had on him.
“Ever since the first time I watched you sleeping, I’ve wondered what you dream of. I wondered if you were dreaming about me, I hoped you were dreaming about me. But let’s be honest, I’m sure your have more important things to dream about. “
Jensen could felt himself getting upset at the idea of Jared dreaming of more important things, of more important people.
“I hope I’ve made some kind of impression on your life, that I’ve meant something to you. Something more than a friend and lover. I hope I’ve somehow made your life better, more complete. And when you’re sleeping and dreaming, that you’re thinking about me, about us. Though I know, by the way you look at me sometimes, that you are a million miles away. That you’re thinking of how your life could have been, with Sandy. I’ve watched you when you’re sitting on the couch, the way your eyes become unfocused, when you’re thinking of her, of you and her. And then there are the times when I catch you at 2am, when I could almost swear that her name falls from your lips.”
Jensen looks up at the clock; it seemed to be so quiet when he was speaking. The clock read 10:40pm. It wouldn’t be too much longer before his hourly check. Turning back to Jared, Jensen continued to talk to him.
“I know that the thought crosses your mind, the one where you walk out the front door, the one where you don’t return. But you’re not gone yet, each time I think you’re going to leave you prove me wrong. And you’re not going now, not like this, I won’t let you. I know you’re coming back to me.”
The tears Jensen was holding back began to flow. He wiped away the salt droplets with his free hand. Then he lower his head to Jared’s hand, holding is close to his cheek. Even with all of the strange equipment surrounding them and the chemicals that were flowing through his veins, Jensen could only smell Jared. That scent that was significantly his.
“I know you’re coming back to me Jay, you have to. You can’t leave me here alone. I don’t know how to do any of this without you.”
He choked back the tears, trying desperately to will Jared back to consciousness.
“Jared please come back to me, please stay with me. I love you” Jensen cried unashamedly now. He didn’t care who heard him. He just wanted Jared back, safe and sound.
“J..Jen?”
Jensen looked up from where he’d laid his head, not believing for a second that his ears had heard correctly. He looked at Jared’s face, at the bruise that seemed to be getting more purple by the moment and then to his eyes. His eyes. Deep brown pools of an endless depth looked back at him.
“Jay?”
Jensen couldn’t believe it, was this even real? Or was his mind playing tricks on him at such a late hour.
“So... you love me.”
Jared forced a smile; Jensen knew it must have hurt for him to do so. And so he loved him even more for doing so. He was always so willing to comfort others, even if it meant hurting himself in the process.
Jensen smiled, he gave up trying to brush away the tears, there were too many. He stood up from the chair, never letting go of Jared’s hand to sit on the bed beside him. He placed himself carefully, not wanting any sudden movements to cause Jared any pain.
“Of course I love you.” His breath hitched as more tears fell over the edge. “I love you even more than I thought possible. Don’t you ever leave me.” Jared heard Jensen’s plea in the words and also the hidden threat behind them.
“I’ve missed you.” Jensen sighed as he twisted around on the bed so that they were facing the same way. Being careful of the tubes still attached to his lover’s body, Jensen manoeuvred himself so that he could put am arm around Jared. Jared allowed his head to fall upon Jensen’s chest.
“I haven’t missed you; you were with me all the time. I heard you, felt you; I knew you were with me Jen.”
Jensen rested his free hand upon Jared heart, the beat more regular, the one that he was used to hearing and feeling. He smiled weakly to himself. Jared was safe, he was in his arms, and he was going to stay with him. Forever he hoped.
Jensen felt the pull of sleep, the over whelming happiness that flooded his body was using up the last of his energy. He felt Jared breath on his neck as his wriggled himself into a more comfortable position. They fit together perfected, like their bodies were made for each other. As his eye lids closed of their own accord, Jensen knew everything would be already. Jared was with him, he didn’t need anything more, he had everything here.
At 11pm the nurse made the usual check. Before entering the room she peered through the glass in the door. She looked at the sight and smiled. Both men were asleep, the patient finally looking comfortable and well, as he snuggled in close to the other man. The lovers were loss to a world of sleep and dreams. And she knew from the slight smile upon both of their faces that they were dreaming of each other.