Reflection
An explanation here...
Set-up Part One: I've never really practiced control over my facial expressions. It just wasn't high on my list of Stuff To Do.
Set-up Part Two: I have periodically been surprised over the years by people who have confessed to me that I intimidated them and they were honestly frightened of me or of seeing me angry. One of the loudest, angriest people I know (an ex-boss, in fact, from back when I was a college student) told me that he was afraid to see me angry.
I find this all puzzling because while I do have anger issues and have been known to get quite vociferous when frustrated, annoyed, or pissed-off (which I consider emotions below the level of anger; i.e., when I'm frustrated, I'm not angry per se), I've never been violent toward anyone. Well, actually, I think I punched Eric P. in the arm once after he dragged me over the couch and I experienced a tremendous amount of pain from a fabric staple that had come loose and scraped my abdomen as I was pulled across it. That was, um, 10 years ago now? A few years before that, I'd gone a little berserker on the phone at someone who was threating my life and that of my friends, but that was entirely verbal.
Upshot, years pass between the times when I get angry, actually well and truly angry, and I can count the total number of times on one hand that I feel like I actually hit that emotion.
Set-up Part Three: About a week ago, someone told me something. It was a legitimate complaint about my behavior and I felt bad (upset with myself) that I'd let it go far enough that he felt he had to speak up. He asked me to change the behavior. I acknowledged his criticism. Then we did something else and a few minutes later, he (unknowingly) undid a bunch of work I'd just done and I asked him to stop. He backed off and we had a weird non-communicating miscommunication and an uncomfortable day.
I saw him again today and we hashed out the issue (which went awkwardly because I was exhausted; once I calmed down, though, we were able to talk it through, which is a good step for me in handling conflict, one of my weak points). He'd made assumptions about my thoughts based on his reading of my facial expression (which he told me frightened him); based on my perception of his past behaviors, I'd made assumptions about his behavior being punitive (when they were actually in response to what he thought I was projecting).
Thus, my question: To those of you who've seen me upset: am I really so thunderously frightening looking?
Should I work on my unconscious facial expressions? If so, how would I do that, given that being upset is a pretty rare state for me?