(no subject)

[kjbake01]

It feels like I have turned a corner recently. As I've been rambling about school and life to my friend Chris I've started to realize that part of my desire to explain all these things is that a season of life is ending. I finally get to re-start college. I'm once again moving to a new town to learn new stuff with people who have no idea who I am. Only I get to be myself this time- I've spent a long time feeling bad about failing to meet the expectations of those around me in college (the first time), but I'm trying to get over having failed so many "tests" (I don't fail tests- ever) It has always been within my power to get an A on any test, so these failures, and my continued inability to do anything about it has worn a sore spot in me. I AM NOT A PERFORMER. I'VE NEVER BEEN A PERFORMER. I'M STILL NOT. I WON'T EVER BE. I'm still not sure why it was I was in louisville, but from here on it has more to do with Northeast Christian Church and John LaBarbera than anything that ever happened in the rest of the music building. It's wierd, but I'm starting to get used to just doing what I want and am good at, and not worrying about anyone else. But starting in the fall (and a little bit next week) I'll start having a large audience surrounding me again, and I'm not sure how I'll handle it.

I continue to ramble about theory in my hymnology class, and one of the rock n rollers who actually listens to me( yes folks! a real person!) I said some side thing about not being a talented musician- and he stopped me and said : you're a passionate musician. I'll take it. This choir tour (i'm in the blackest white gospel choir you've ever heard-) really helped confirm that to me.

enough already
I'm going to bed.