Fic for becroberts (3/3)
Part 2
Jin is not entirely sure when Kame had started to change, but he's sure things are different now. Kame had never been the most talkative one between them, but his silences are becoming more and more frequent.
Jin doesn't confront Kame about it, waiting to see what is going on and what is happening. He feels like there's a small crack between them as well, even if he's almost sure he's not the reason for Kame's lack of smiles and silence.
It's during one of the evening they spend on the balcony that Jin decides it might be better to talk about it, before things start to worsen even more.
"Kame, is everything okay?" he asks with caution, sitting on the chair. Kame's hands are placed on the rail in a gesture that Jin finds really familiar by now, and he doesn't turn to look at Jin when he talks. "Things aren't exactly going well at home." Kame tells him, and when Jin hears him uttering the word 'home', he feels like his heart sink a bit.
He knows he's being stupid, but there's a part of him that was hoping for Kame to consider Earth as his home, to consider Jin's place as his home.
To consider Jin as his home.
He tries not to think about it, telling himself it's only natural that Kame feels that way; after all, he had spent his whole life on Aldebaran, not to mention the fact that he should be the ruler of the star by now, instead of spending his days here, on Earth. No matter how much he tries, though, Jin can't chase away that bittersweet taste from his mouth.
"I… I have to take responsibility," Kame goes on, and his words are heavy like stones. Jin knows what Kame is trying to tell him, it's crystal clear, he's not stupid, but that doesn't mean he doesn't feel lost now. A part of him had always known that Kame would have to go back to Aldebaran, eventually, but he had always tried not to think about it, to lock that thought in the very back of his mind. "Everything's a mess there," Kame says again, and this time he turns to look at Jin with serious eyes, as if he was silently asking Jin if he understands what he's trying to say.
Jin bites his lower lip, frantically looking for a cigarette and trying not to choke on his breath.
"I understand," he replies, and it's true. He does understand, but he still doesn't want Kame to go. He doesn't want to let him go, to let go of the new found happiness of the last months, the new confidence he had found in himself thanks to Kame.
"I need to go back, Jin," Kame finally says, and Jin hums and nods, making clear that he understood. He takes a last drag from his cigarette before putting it in the ashtray and stands up, walking to his room.
That night, Jin sleeps alone in his bed for the first time in weeks, and it feels cold and empty.
The projector lies switched off on the floor.
***
For the next couple of days, all Jin does is go to work and lock himself in his room. He doesn't talk to Kame, and if Kame tries to start talking to him, Jin dismisses the whole thing telling him he has something to do. He knows that Kame is aware that there's nothing Jin has to do, but he never says anything, sighing and letting Jin hide in his room.
The truth is that Jin knows Kame's right, that he needs to go back to Aldebaran and try to make things work there. He knows it, but he can't help worrying about Kame's safety once he'll go back. Plus, there's his selfish side that wants Kame to stay here with him forever.
Jin feels like the biggest jerk on Earth for avoiding Kame so much, but he knows he would ask him to stay if they talked, and so he tries his best to avoid the topic (or any other topic, anyway). He knows perfectly that Kame would be troubled if Jin asked him to stay, that Kame would actually take into consideration the idea, and Jin doesn't want it. As much as he wants Kame with him, he also wants Kame to be happy, and he knows it wouldn't be the case if Kame didn't take his chance to make things better for his people.
So, Jin just keeps quiet, looking longingly at Kame when the latter doesn't notice.
Time ticks by faster than usual.
***
When Jin wakes up on his first free day after a whole week, he thinks it'll be difficult to avoid Kame for the entire day. He sighs as he gets up from his bed, reaching for his hoodie and pulling it on; it's chilly in the house, and Jin doesn't understand if it's because of the weather or because he feels cold inside.
In the moment when he opens the door of his room, Jin hears Kame's voice, but soon notices how he's talking with someone. It doesn't take him long to remember where he had already heard that voice, and when he realizes Yuichi might be in his living room, he hurries there, stumbling against the door frame and silently cursing.
Kame is standing in the middle of the living room, his rucksack placed on the floor next to him, while the only other objects he had brought with him when he had moved in are laying on the couch. Jin looks at him from the doorway, a quiet gasp making his presence known. Kame turns and looks at him with a soft smile on his lips, passing a hand through his hair and staying silent, as if he didn't know what to say. He then walks slowly to the window, looking outside, and Jin approaches him, nodding slightly at Yuichi, who's standing in the corner of the room.
"Hey," Kame greets him softly, smiling a bit, and the more Jin looks at him the more he feels like crying. He doesn't want to, though, because he knows that if he cried, Kame would be troubled, and Jin doesn't want that.
It's sudden, but Jin finds himself in Kame's arms before he even greets him back, and Kame's hugging him so tightly that Jin wants to cry even more. He sniffs a couple of times, closes his prickling eyes and rests his forehead on Kame's shoulder before he hugs Kame back.
In the other corner of the room, Yuichi shifts his weight from one leg to the other, lowering his gaze and looking at the floor, trying to leave them a bit of time.
"I don't want you to go," Jin whispers, and Kame tightens his grip.
"I know," he answers, and hearing his voice, Jin can't restrain himself anymore and starts to cry. "But I have to."
Jin nods, sniffing and trying to calm down, but it's almost impossible, because he can't erase from his mind the thought that he'll never be able to see Kame, ever again. There won't be any more evenings spent on the balcony, nor story-telling under the blankets at night, with the ceiling being their own personal starry sky. All in all, there won't be Kame anymore, and Jin is not sure he'll be able to survive.
It hurts so much that stopping his tears is impossible, and it also hurts a bit more when Kame detaches himself from the hug and looks at him, smiling fondly. Kame passes his thumbs under Jin's eyes, wiping the tears away, but it only results in Jin sobbing some more.
"I have to take on my responsibilities," Kame whispers, and Jin nods again, slightly this time. "And you have to do it too," he adds.
Jin clutches Kame's shirt, his head low as his tears keep rolling down his cheeks. It's the first time in ages that he feels like that, and it's scary, because he doesn't know what he should do, what he's supposed to do.
"Jin, look at me," Kame tells him, and Jin lifts his head to look at him. Kame is so gorgeous that it hurts him. "You'll be okay."
Jin really wants to believe Kame's words, but right now he just can't, because it's like his whole world is shattering into tiny, little pieces, and he's not sure he'll be able to recollect them all and put them back in their right place. Everything seems so difficult right now.
"What if I won't?" Jin asks, and Kame smiles at him.
"I am sure you will."
Jin shakes his head slightly, his hands still gripping the front of Kame's shirt, and Kame grabs his shoulders and shakes him a bit. "You will!"
When Jin lifts his gaze to look at Kame, he feels lost in the depths of Kame's eyes, and sniffs again, biting his lower lip. He needs to tell him.
"Kame," he starts, looking straight at Kame's eyes. "I… I …"
He doesn't manage to finish his sentence though, because Kame hushes him by placing a finger on his lips, and Jin doesn't try again. "I know," Kame tells him, smiling gently at him, and Jin can read love in his eyes.
"Kame, we need to go now." Yuichi's voice comes from the corner of the room, unsure of interrupting them, and Kame nods, while Jin feels like choking on his own breath. How stupid he had been, not talking to Kame for days. If only he had known that those were going to be their last days together. If only he could have just behaved normally and tried to make the best out of the time they still had together.
Jin hates himself now for wasting the last days they could have enjoyed together, but there's now nothing he can do anymore. He slowly lets go of Kame's shirt, looking at both Kame and Yuichi.
Kame steps close to the couch, gathering his belongings and putting the rucksack on his shoulder before approaching Jin again.
"Thank you, Jin," he says, softly kissing Jin's cheek, and Jin wants to cry again.
By the time he lifts his gaze once again, Kame is gone and the room has fallen silent.
Jin covers his mouth with his hands, trying to quiet his sobbing, but he just can't. He lets himself slide down against the wall until he finds himself sitting on the floor, with his arms folded on his knees. He lays his forehead on his arms and starts to cry again.
He has never felt so alone before.
***
It's dark when Jin gets up from the floor; he's not sure how many hours have passed since the last time he had seen Kame, but that's not what matters now.
His home feels cold and empty now that he's alone once again, and Jin thinks he had been so stupid thinking things might have worked between them. He shouldn't have fall in love, he thinks, and he shouldn't have grown so attached to Kame. Maybe things would have been easier then.
Still, falling in love with Kame had been the easiest thing ever for Jin, and he's not sure he would have been able to avoid it, not even if he tried. There's nothing he can do now anyway, and his mind can't stop going back to the nice moments they have spent together. The more Jin thinks these moments will never come back, the more he wants to disappear.
When he stands up, Jin glances through the window, and the sky has a reddish nuance; he remembers how he had seen something similar the night Kame had arrived on Earth.
Jin drags himself into his room after a few minutes, food being the last of his thoughts, and drops onto the bed. When he turns his gaze and lets it shift around the room, finding memories of Kame everywhere, he sees the projector laying on the floor.
Jin realizes that the object is the only material thing he still has that links him to Kame.
***
When Jin makes his way to the café's kitchen the next day, taking his apron from the hanger and tying it around his waist, Yamamoto-san soon notices there's something wrong with him; the dark bags under his eyes are speaking clearly, and the man tries to approach him as soon as he can.
Jin is fast though, and slips away from him before Yamamoto-san can even start to ask, telling him that he needs to prepare the sponge cake and chop the fruits. Yamamoto-san looks at Jin and says nothing, sighing and letting Jin get away from him.
It works for half of the day, with Jin saying he has something to do every time his boss tries to approach him, and disappearing as far as he can from the man.
It's clear that there's something bothering him, and it's not even difficult to guess what it is, so Yamamoto-san knows that Jin's only trying to avoid questions while keeping his mind busy from thinking about what is hurting him. The man would really like to be able to help him, but he knows there's nothing he can do.
A broken heart is difficult to heal and it requires time.
When a loud yelp comes from the kitchen, followed by the sound of something metallic falling on the floor and some curses, Yamamoto-san hurries to check on Jin, and finds him on the floor. There are a couple of baking trays on the ground next to him, and the sponge cake is laying on the floor.
Jin is shaking, his fists clenched, and he seems to be unable to calm down.
"Jin, are you okay?" Yamamoto-san asks, stretching his hand to help him stand up. "Did you burn yourself?"
Jin shakes his head, angrily taking the sponge cake from the floor and shoving it into the bin.
"It's ok, we can do it again," Yamamoto-san tries to encourage, but it doesn't seem to help Jin at all.
Jin's shaking in anger, and he keeps on rambling about how stupid he is, about how he had just made a glaring mistake he shouldn't have. When Yamamoto-san places his hand on Jin's shoulder, trying to console him, Jin jumps in surprise, turning to face the man with wide open eyes.
Yamamoto-san thinks he had never seen him like this; Jin looks exactly like a trapped animal.
"Jin, go home and sleep for a while," Yamamoto-san whispers to him, but Jin just shakes his head. "I have work to do." He explains, but Yamamoto-san insists. Jin doesn't listen to him to, picking up all the ingredients to start baking some more sponge cake, unless Yamamoto-san grabs his arm and forces Jin to look at him.
"Jin, go home," he repeats, and Jin is breathing hard now, looking at Yamamoto-san's eyes. "It's an order. I don't want you here in this condition. Go home and take some rest."
It's not actually true that Yamamoto-san doesn't want Jin around, but he wants him to feel better, if not good, and if ordering him around is what it takes to make Jin go home, then he has no other choice.
Jin looks at him, and there's surprise written all over his face, because Yamamoto-san had never spoken to him with that tone before, not even a single time. "Go home Jin," Yamamoto-san repeats for a last time, and Jin unties his apron, places it on the metallic counter of the kitchen, takes his jacket and storms out of the café.
***
Jin spends the whole day cleaning his house more than he has ever done in his whole life. It's not that his place had been dirty before, but it's the only thing he can come up with to try to clear his mind for a while and stop thinking about Kame, Kame, Kame. Baking is not an option right now, because even entering the kitchen reminds him of all the times he had baked something for Kame to taste.
Jin hates the fact that he can't even bake now to feel better, since it's the only thing apart from music that had always been able to cheer him up on every occasion. Now it's different though, because he's able to link Kame to everything he does and thinks, to every breath he takes, and it hurts so bad that he just wants to go to sleep and close the world outside of his mind for a while.
Sleep doesn't come though, so even if Jin tries, in the end he finds himself sitting on the balcony, a cigarette between his fingers and his gaze locked on Aldebaran.
He wonders how Kame is doing and what he's doing, if things are going a bit better and if he's safe. He wonders how much time had actually passed on the star since Kame left Earth, and Jin realizes that even if it was only yesterday, it seems like centuries already. He wonders if Kame will forget him or if he'll stop thinking about him from time to time, if he'll recall what they used to have and the sleepless nights cuddling under their own personal sky in Jin's bedroom.
Wherever he is, Jin really hopes Kame is happy, even if it is without him.
***
It almost comes as a revelation during one of the nights that Jin spends on his balcony, smoking a couple of cigarettes before going to sleep and looking at Aldebaran. He realizes that no matter how much he wishes for Kame to be back, time still ticks by, and he realizes how Kame was right in telling him to take on his own responsibilities, just like he was going to do by going back to Aldebaran.
Jin thinks over and over again on Kame's words, realizing how much the guy had an impact on his self esteem. He's not really confident in himself yet, but he knows that he has made huge steps forward in reaching a decent grade of self esteem, and if he stops to think about it, deep inside of himself he knows that Kame has not taken that away with him.
Lighting up a cigarette, Jin thinks that he feels a bit better now. He still misses Kame, and that's a wound he's not sure he'll be able to get over, but he feels better in regard to himself. He wishes Kame was there, just so he could tell him exactly how grateful he is, because sometimes Jin feels like his heart is going to explode if he doesn't express what he's feeling.
No matter how many nights Jin spends looking at Aldebaran and at the fake starry sky projected on the ceiling of his room, he knows Kame won't be back. It's a heartbreaking thought, and sometimes the pain is so strong that he can barely sleep, but Jin wants to react to that.
And make Kame proud of him.
***
"I want to take care of this café," Jin suddenly says during the closing time, and Yamamoto-san stops his ministrations and looks at him, his surprised expression slowly turning into a big smile.
"What made you change your mind?" the man asks, genuinely curious.
He has noticed how Jin's actions and thoughts are more resolute now, after the initial days of breakdown. Yamamoto-san knows what has happened; he has lived long enough to be able to understand things by now, not to mention all the time he has spent with Jin in the past years, and he cares as if the guy was his own son. Then, there's the lack of Kame in the café, which speaks loud and clearly in Yamamoto-san's eyes.
"Not that I'm not glad that you changed your mind," the man adds when Jin turns to look at him. "I'm just curious."
Jin smiles at him with one of his soft smiles that Yamamoto-san had not seen in the past weeks, and somehow things seem to go back into their usual place with that single gesture.
"I asked the stars," he simply replies, resuming his tasks and adding nothing else, but the smile doesn't disappear from his lips. Yamamoto-san looks proudly at him, knowing that, after all, his café will be in good hands.
***
Yamamoto-san still spends a lot of his time at the café, but Jin's now the one in charge of everything. The old man makes sure to help him out at the beginning, explaining everything he needs to know, especially on the bureaucratic side of the business. It's not easy at the beginning, and Jin spends several sleepless nights sitting on the floor of his living room, submerged by documents and sheets of paper, trying to understand exactly how to calculate all the expenses by dividing them in different categories.
The business is still passing through a difficult time, but Jin's determined to find a solution; he doesn't really want it to disappear. It's his home, it's Yamamoto-san's life, the memory of his wife and everything he has built in his life. It's the place where Jin can be himself with no restrictions, and it's also the place where he met Kame.
Kame.
When Jin stops to think about him, he wonders how he is doing. He asks himself the same old questions almost every day, even now that the winter has turned to spring and then summer, and summer had slipped away, leaving his place to autumn. Jin loves autumn, and he wishes he could take Kame for a walk, looking at the warm colors of the dead leaves with him.
From where he's sitting on the floor of his living room, his back laying against the couch, Jin turns his head and looks outside of the window, peeking at Aldebaran. It almost seems like a dream now, but Jin know everything had been real, and even if the strong pain is now subsiding, there's still a permanent ache in his chest. Jin guesses he'll have to get used to it.
Sighing, he goes back to his efforts, whishing he was more suited to this kind of stuff. Jin groans, ruffling his hair, but doesn't give up; he has a purpose in life now. Before taking the decision to carry on with Yamamoto-san's business, Jin had searched several times for his purpose in life, without managing to find the correct path.
Now he knows better though; he feels like he's grown up more and more in the recent months, and he still thinks that it's mostly because of Kame. Jin wishes he could see him at least once, even just a single time to let him know everything he wasn't able to say before. He just would like to have a last, single chance.
Jin groans, trying not to let himself get distracted by thinking about Kame; it's not easy, and it also happens quite often, but he really needs to finish his work now, or else he won't be able to sleep before he needs to be at work again.
In fact, things are not like before anymore; he's not a simple worker now, he's the one in charge of everything, and even if Yamamoto-san is still the owner, the old man is letting Jin do everything now, because he won't be able to when he won't be there anymore, and he really wants Jin to learn everything he has to teach him.
They never talked about it, but Yamamoto-san had made it clear enough that he intends to leave the café to Jin after his death, and even if Jin doesn't want to think about it now -because the thought alone of Yamamoto-san not being around anymore is so sad that he doesn't want to take it into consideration-, Jin knows it will eventually happen, and so he decides to give his very best. That's why, after a very short cigarette break on the balcony, with Aldebaran keeping him company in the sky, Jin goes back to the documents until the sun is almost rising.
***
Things slowly start to get a little better at the café after a while; there's no apparent reason, and Jin hopes that maybe people have realized how nice and cozy the atmosphere there really is. The place is not deserted anymore, and there are days when Jin can barely make it by himself, splitting himself between the kitchen and the café.
No matter how tiring it is, he likes it. Better said, he loves it; he's glad the café is coming back to life, and he doesn't care if he has to run from a table to the kitchen and back, barely having a moment for himself. He keeps on smiling at the customer, greeting them with real enthusiasm and smiling delightedly when he sees them smiling after eating a piece of cake.
It makes him proud of himself.
Jin's also glad he manages fine alone, because even if the business is starting to grow again, they still can't afford to hire someone. Yamamoto-san had offered him several times his help, but Jin had always refused, telling him that he should just enjoy his free time now, and not worry about the café. He knows it's not easy for the old man, so if he decides to spend the whole day at the café, Jin lets him do. After all, the café had been Yamamoto-san's life, but he also wants the man to enjoy his time as much as he can now that he doesn't need to be there every day, and they often finds themselves arguing about it in a joking manner.
Jin loves the atmosphere there.
***
"We should try!" Ueda tells Jin while they drink a beer, sitting on the floor of Jin's living room, and he's obviously excited.
Jin snorts, covering the background music of the old album they are listening to. "I'm not sure this would be the right solution," he tells Ueda, taking a sip of beer and staring at his friend.
"I don't think it would work," he adds soon after, and Ueda scoffs. "Oh, c'mon Jin! It's worth a try!"
Jin looks at his friend again, and thinks that maybe there's a small, tiny little chance that he's right. Or, at least, he wishes so, because if he doesn't find a way to put the café firmly back on its tracks he's not sure for how long he'll be able to keep it alive and going.
"But I can't pay people," Jin sighs after a while, and Ueda kicks him slightly in the shin from his position. "I'll do it, you don't need to pay me."
"I don't want you to do it for free," Jin tells him with resolution, but Ueda glances at him. "Jin, you never had problems scrounging lunches when we were students."
Jin chuckles, embarrassed then, scratching his nape and looking at the floor; he still remembers how he and Ueda used to have lunch together and how he often asked Ueda to pay for him as well, since he was his sempai. He had always done it jokingly, but most of the times Ueda had agreed, groaning at him. They both remember their lunches filled with music-talk and laughter, and Jin sometimes wishes he could go back to when things were simpler.
Since Jin doesn't say anything at all, Ueda slaps his hands on his own thighs, standing up from the floor and placing the empty beer bottle on the coffee table. "It's settled then," he says, patting Jin's shoulder. "Just let me know when and I'll be there!"
Then, Ueda slips silently to the front door, puts on his shoes and after a brief farewell, disappears into the night.
***
Jin takes care of the flyer; it's nothing fancy, but they are nice, and he really hopes they'll attract someone, because he can't think of any other solution for making the business rise and shine again.
He's glad Ueda had decided to help him in this; he still doesn't know if it'll work out, but Jin really hopes so. He likes the idea, more than likes it, he loves the idea, so he really wishes for everything to go in the right direction. It doesn't matter if it'll be slow, he still has time. He'll wait and be patient, but he really wants things to go well now, at least on the business side.
Jin sighs, placing on the wooden counter of the café the flyers for the following week; it's obvious that it's the work of an amateur, but Jin hopes that Ueda's name next to the words 'acoustic session' and the date will be enough.
He piles the flyers next to the cash register and hangs one on the door of the biggest cupboard. He loves the idea of acoustic sessions in his café, so he really hopes things will work out; it would be a nice way to put the café back on its tracks, merging Jin's two passions together.
Then he goes back to the counter, picks up a different flyer and looking at it, sighs deeply. He doesn't really want to find another roommate, not now that Kame had lived with him for several months. He doesn't want anyone else to use the room that used to be Kame's, or just live there with him. The thought alone saddens him no end, but it's also true that his job still doesn't allow him to live alone again, given the café's income.
Jin's torn; he doesn't want someone else to live with him where he had lived with Kame but, at the same time and for the same reason, he doesn't want to leave his apartment. He loved it before getting to know Kame, now it's all he has that links him to him. Every corner of the apartment is filled with Kame, the memories of him, his laughter, and Jin doesn't want to let go of his memories and feelings. He already had to let go of Kame, he doesn't really want to lose everything else as well.
Sometimes, during the nights, Jin sits on the couch and looks at the kitchen, remembering Kame's laughter when he used to experiment with cakes, letting Kame taste everything. Some other times, he pretends Kame's sleeping next to him in his bedroom, the ceiling lit up with stars.
Jin doesn't want to let go of all this.
Sighing, he tapes the flyer so that it hangs from the counter, secretly hoping for no one to ask him about it; that way he doesn't have to make any other choice after all.
***
Ueda finds Jin smoking outside in the back alley of the café; he's clearly nervous as hell, and Ueda wants to laugh at him a bit for being like that, but he knows what's going on with Jin, so he doesn't.
"I'm ready," he says instead, and Jin looks at him, crushing the cigarette's butt under his heel.
"Ok, you can start then."
Ueda smiles at him, mimicking a military salute, and Jin chuckles. For a brief moment, he feels like they're in high school once again, when things were easier even when they seemed not.
Yamamoto-san smiles at Jin when they go back in the café; he should have gone away for a trip, but when Jin had told him about Ueda's idea, he had decided to postpone his trip in order to be there. Jin still can't understand what's the big deal, because it's not like the fate of the café is going to be determined in this single evening.
Still, when he finally comes back and sees the small crowd in the room, a natural smile makes its way on his lips, as he turns to look at Yamamoto-san, who waves at him from behind the counter.
It's not a huge crowd, but it's probably more customers than they have had in the past three weeks, so Jin guesses it's okay. Most of the crowd is comprised of young people, and somehow Jin is glad about it; he would really love if his café, as he has finally started to call it, was a place for young people as well.
Ueda sits on the high stool placed on the opposite side of the room, in front of the counter; he takes his guitar on his lap and looks at Jin, smiling, before his fingers start to caress the strings in a fast arpeggio, tapping his left foot to the beat on the footstool.
Jin looks at his friend playing from behind the counter, where he has joined Yamamoto-san. When he turns to look at the man, he sees something that he can only interpret as peacefulness in his eyes, as if the man knows things are going to be alright from now on. Jin really wishes it'll be like that.
He doesn't have much time to think about it though, because people keep on coming to the counter for orders in a steady rhythm, and Jin has work to do. He loves looking at the crowd gathered in the café, seeing people smiling while they enjoy Ueda's music. It's nice and it feels warm.
It's like everything is exactly where it should be, except that Kame is not here.
***
The evening ends way to soon in Jin's opinion, and when the café is empty and closed, he's left alone in there with Ueda, who's gathering his stuff, and stays there to keep Jin company and talk a bit with him. They talk about the acoustic session, about how people had received Ueda's music and how much Jin had enjoyed looking at all those smiling faces. He tells Ueda how happy he had been in hearing several people complimenting the café, saying they would be back for sure. It makes Jin happy, it makes him almost proud of himself.
Still, there's a hint of melancholy in his eyes that doesn't go unnoticed by Ueda, and Ueda really wishes he would be able to help Jin somehow, but he knows there's nothing he can do about it. No one can.
"I told you it was going to be okay," Ueda winks at him, and Jin laughs. "I had fun playing here" he adds then, and Jin smiles at him, widely.
"Thank you," he says after a moment, and he's thanking Ueda not only for the evening, but also for coping with him after Kame had left, because Jin knows he's not been the best company out there since then.
Ueda pats his shoulder and smiles, walking to the door.
"My pleasure," he calls back, before he hangs his guitar case over his shoulder and walks away.
***
When Jin finally arrives back home, after a couple of hours more spent at the café in order to have it ready for the next day, he sits on the couch, and falls asleep in the very same moment his head hits the headrest.
For the first time in a very long time, he doesn't look up the sky that night.
***
Actually, starting from the day after the acoustic session there are more customers than usual at the café, and Jin can't help being happy about it. Things maybe will change and grow in a more decent manner from now on. He's glad about it for several reasons; first of all for Yamamoto-san, because it's obvious that the man had hoped for the business to rise again.
It's not only that, though; Jin also feels proud of himself now that his efforts are paying off. He's glad things are going well, and he feels strangely good. Having more work also means that he has less time to think about stuff, that automatically brings him to not have time to think about Kame. At least not too much.
In fact, no matter how many months have passed already since Kame left, Jin still can't stop thinking about him. Sometimes, when he's having a bad day, thinking about Kame is soothing. Some other times, it is absolutely horrible, because the thought that he'll never be able to see him again is always there, settled in as his heart's companion, and Jin knows it. It's impossible to think about Kame without the awareness that everything between them ended the day Kame left.
Sometimes Jin thinks that everything might have only been a dream, because the feelings and the emotions he had felt when Kame had been there with him are something he can no longer have back. Everything seems dry and muted now, compared to how it was back then. Everything is muffled, his feelings are muffled. What had always managed to make Jin smile wide when Kame was there, now only manages to paint a small smile on his lips.
The only amplified feeling Jin has nowadays is melancholy; that's the only one that is stronger than before, always. It's like it smashed against the walls of an empty room, bouncing against the walls and echoing through the space and Jin's heart, louder and louder every time.
Jin knows he should try to stop thinking about Kame, or that, at least, he should try to let him go, but it's not easy. He feels like in those months, Kame had changed him a lot, and he feels grateful. He's less self conscious now, and his self-confidence has increased as well, but he still feels incomplete, even more than before. He had thought that Kame was that something that he had always missed, and he still thinks so, so the awareness that he'll always feel incomplete is not helping him that much.
Not to mention the fact that the thought alone of knowing that he'll never be able to hear Kame's laughter ever again is tormenting him. Jin really wishes they would at least be able to get in touch from time to time, even if he knows that that would only make things more difficult for him. He's sure he wouldn't be able to let Kame go if he had the chance to talk to him once again, because he knows himself well enough.
All Jin can do, is think that things are good as they are now, even when he always has a tiny little voice in his mind telling him he's wrong.
Sometimes, he feels like his feelings are being scattered all around like autumn leaves blown away by wind.
***
The day had been quite busy at work, and since Jin hadn't managed to sleep really well during the night, he can't wait for the closing time. There's still a bit of time left, but it's fine; he has managed to go through the whole day, so he knows he can hang in there some more.
The café is not crowded, but there's enough people to keep Jin occupied with both the counter and the kitchen, and it feels nice. It's nice to have the smell of the cakes floating around the café, as much as it's nice to hear the light chatter and laughter of the people sitting at the tables.
Since the night of the acoustic session, the number of customers has increased and so far things are going better. At the beginning, Jin was worried that it would have only been temporary, for some days after that evening. Apparently it's not, so Jin, and with him Yamamoto-san, still have the hope that things will eventually go back as they were when Jin had first stepped in that café a long time before.
The acoustic sessions are now a weekly appointment at the café; most of the times Ueda's the one in charge, but there have been times, though not that often, where Jin had played, if Yamamoto-san was there to take care of the counter and the customers.
Jin had refused at first, but both Yamamoto-san and Ueda had insisted so much that, in the end, Jin had given up and accepted that he was going to play.
It had been scary at first, all the eyes of the customers on him, waiting for him to make some mistake or, simply, looking at him and waiting for his songs. He had felt under pressure, and it had been so different to the times when he played with Ueda at school.
It had also been very different from the times he used to play guitar for Kame during the rainy evenings, and playing while thinking about Kame had somehow made him feel slightly better. It's strange, because when Jin thinks about Kame he usually feels melancholy wash all over him; sometimes he feels like he's floating into it, as if it was the ocean.
That one time when he had played in the café, though, had been different; for the first time after months, he had been able to smile when thinking about Kame. It's not that things are not painful anymore, but somehow Jin feels that, with time, he'll be able to think about Kame with a smile on his lips, he knows he will try.
Sometimes Jin has the feeling that he thinks like that more to convince and reassure himself than because he's actually convinced about it, but it helps him, and he's positive he'll reach that point sooner or later. He only needs to be patient and wait, hoping that he won't get lost along his road to reach his serenity.
In case he will lose his route, he knows he'll be able to go back to the right one with the help of his friends.
And the stars.
***
It's almost closing time finally, and the café is empty. Jin guesses no one will come in now, but he still waits before starting to arrange things for the next day and to clean the counter. It's happened before that someone had came in at the last minute, and it had warmed Jin's heart to see the expression on that girl's eyes when she told him she was happy that the café was still open.
He lazily sits behind the counter, mentally preparing a list of ingredients he needs to buy soon to restock their ingredients, and outside the rain starts to fall, droplets tapping against the windows.
It's after a while that the wind chime hanging above the door tells Jin someone's entered. He thinks the customer has probably come in only to find a shelter from the rain, but that's not important.
"Welcome!" Jin greets politely and smiling, turns towards the door. His smile disappears in the exact moment he sees Kame standing there, and his lips curl to form a surprised 'o'; no sound escapes from his mouth.
Kame smiles fondly at him, and Jin blinks several times. 'This is not possible' he keeps on thinking. He thinks it might be his imagination, since he's very tired, but then Kame takes some steps forward and slightly caresses his arm over above the counter before walking to his favorite table in the corner of the room.
Jin looks at him from behind the counter, afraid that Kame might disappear in the blink of an eye.
Kame doesn't though; he takes off his black coat and places it on the other chair, waiting, and Jin looks at the clock. It's closing time now, and he walks to the door, pulling down the shutters and locking the door, still in awe.
Then, he walks behind the counter and pours some black coffee in a cup, placing it on the tray. He takes a small plate and places there the last slice of strawberry roll. He takes a last glance at Kame before taking the tray in his shaking hands and walking to him.
He's finding it difficult to breathe, and he feels like his world has stopped spinning only to start moving faster when Kame looks up at him, smiling.
Kame looks better, Jin notices. The dark circles under his eyes are gone and overall he looks more serene than Jin has ever seen him.
Jin almost knocks over the cup of coffee when he places it in front of Kame, because his hands are shaking so much and he can't stop them.
There are so many things he wants to ask Kame, so many things he wants to say, but he feels like he's unable to talk, his voice blocked in his throat no matter how hard he tries. His heart is beating faster and faster as each minute passes by, and when Kame places his hand on Jin's, Jin feels like he could explode like a supernova.
"Is the room still available?" Kame asks him, and Jin looks confused until Kame chuckles and points at the flyer hanging from the counter.
Jin follows Kame's finger and then looks back at Kame. "Yes," he breathes out. "Yes, it is still available."
He still can't believe Kame is right there, in front of his eyes, smiling at him as if he had left only that morning to go to work.
It doesn't matter though, because it is real, and Kame is there now, and that's all that's important.
***
"Everything's the same," Kame says when they step inside Jin's home, and Jin smiles.
They're both drenched due to the rain that is now stronger and more violent than before. When Jin looks at Kame, he notices how there's not even a hint of regret or melancholy, as there used to be during the rainy evenings.
Jin disappears into the bathroom and comes back soon with two towels, handing one to Kame. He takes his time toweling his hair, looking at Kame as he does the same; Jin feels warmth spreading through his body as he watches Kame, a feeling of intimacy crawling up his spine, and everything seems brighter and better now.
No one dares to speak for a while, until Jin disappears in the kitchen and comes back after a while with two mugs of hot chocolate. Autumn is slowly dying, washed away by the rain, and being there, sitting on the couch with Kame next to him, makes him feel peaceful.
The silence is not awkward, and when Kame takes Jin's hand in his own, everything seems to fit into its right place, as if the planet and the stars had finally aligned as they were supposed to.
There's only one thing bugging Jin; he's really glad Kame's back, more glad than he could possibly explain, but he wonders for how long Kame will be here, because even if Jin is glowing in happiness right now, he's not sure he'd manage to survive another 'goodbye'.
Kame slowly places his head on Jin's shoulder, staring at the wall in front of them and folding his legs under him on the couch.
"I'm glad that I'm back," he whispers, and Jin shifts even closer to him, trying to catch all the warmth spreading from Kame's body.
"I'm glad you're back." he says, and he hears Kame smile against his shoulder, through the fabric of his hoodie and on his skin.
"How are things on Aldebaran?" Jin asks him after a while, and Kame straightens his back and takes a sip from his mug.
"It's okay now. We managed to get things under control once again." Kame explains briefly, and Jin nods.
He really wants to ask Kame why he's here and for how long, but somehow his words seem to be stuck in his throat once again. Jin's not even sure he wants to have an answer, because Kame will need to go back soon; he needs to guide his people after all.
"I abdicated," Kame suddenly says, as if he was able to read Jin's mind, and Jin turns to look at him with eyes opened wide.
"Why? How…?"
Jin has to fumble with words before he manages to ask, and he sees Kame smiling as he looks in front of him.
"I missed you."
Jin's world stops once again while he stares at Kame, who smiles back at him. He's not sure this is the answer to his questions, but he doesn't care now, he doesn't care anymore. All he cares about now is that Kame's there, next to him, and that he feels good once again. Everything else can just disappear in a black hole and Jin wouldn't even notice.
"My brother Yuya will manage to properly guide his people from now on," Kame adds then, and Jin looks at him.
"'His'?"
Kame nods.
"I won't go back to rule Aldebaran anymore, Jin."
Jin's breath disappears for a moment; Kame is really planning on staying there with him on the Earth instead? Just because of him?
"But Kame, this… this would mean you won't be able to see your friends and family anymore," Jin rambles, and Kame has to squeeze his arm to make him stop. Jin is an overflowing river of words now, telling Kame that is not fair, that he's really happy he's there, but that it's not fair for him, for his family and friends, for his people, for his star, and Kame snorts.
"It's okay Jin," he says, his fingers drawing abstract patterns on the back of Jin's hand. "I'll go back from time to time. Like a vacation or something. You should come too."
Jin laughs before he looks at Kame, and sees a serious expression painted on his face.
"Are you sure about that?" Jin watches Kame, trying to detect every single emotion that is surfacing from Kame's eyes, but finds nothing remotely similar to regret, and then Kame smiles, he smiles and it reaches his eyes for the first time in ages, and Jin feels all the love for him in the world overwhelming him.
"Yes, I am."
Jin hugs him, inhaling deeply Kame's scent.
"I am back," he hears Kame say, and Jin closes his eyes.
"Welcome home, Kazuya."
Jin is not entirely sure when Kame had started to change, but he's sure things are different now. Kame had never been the most talkative one between them, but his silences are becoming more and more frequent.
Jin doesn't confront Kame about it, waiting to see what is going on and what is happening. He feels like there's a small crack between them as well, even if he's almost sure he's not the reason for Kame's lack of smiles and silence.
It's during one of the evening they spend on the balcony that Jin decides it might be better to talk about it, before things start to worsen even more.
"Kame, is everything okay?" he asks with caution, sitting on the chair. Kame's hands are placed on the rail in a gesture that Jin finds really familiar by now, and he doesn't turn to look at Jin when he talks. "Things aren't exactly going well at home." Kame tells him, and when Jin hears him uttering the word 'home', he feels like his heart sink a bit.
He knows he's being stupid, but there's a part of him that was hoping for Kame to consider Earth as his home, to consider Jin's place as his home.
To consider Jin as his home.
He tries not to think about it, telling himself it's only natural that Kame feels that way; after all, he had spent his whole life on Aldebaran, not to mention the fact that he should be the ruler of the star by now, instead of spending his days here, on Earth. No matter how much he tries, though, Jin can't chase away that bittersweet taste from his mouth.
"I… I have to take responsibility," Kame goes on, and his words are heavy like stones. Jin knows what Kame is trying to tell him, it's crystal clear, he's not stupid, but that doesn't mean he doesn't feel lost now. A part of him had always known that Kame would have to go back to Aldebaran, eventually, but he had always tried not to think about it, to lock that thought in the very back of his mind. "Everything's a mess there," Kame says again, and this time he turns to look at Jin with serious eyes, as if he was silently asking Jin if he understands what he's trying to say.
Jin bites his lower lip, frantically looking for a cigarette and trying not to choke on his breath.
"I understand," he replies, and it's true. He does understand, but he still doesn't want Kame to go. He doesn't want to let him go, to let go of the new found happiness of the last months, the new confidence he had found in himself thanks to Kame.
"I need to go back, Jin," Kame finally says, and Jin hums and nods, making clear that he understood. He takes a last drag from his cigarette before putting it in the ashtray and stands up, walking to his room.
That night, Jin sleeps alone in his bed for the first time in weeks, and it feels cold and empty.
The projector lies switched off on the floor.
***
For the next couple of days, all Jin does is go to work and lock himself in his room. He doesn't talk to Kame, and if Kame tries to start talking to him, Jin dismisses the whole thing telling him he has something to do. He knows that Kame is aware that there's nothing Jin has to do, but he never says anything, sighing and letting Jin hide in his room.
The truth is that Jin knows Kame's right, that he needs to go back to Aldebaran and try to make things work there. He knows it, but he can't help worrying about Kame's safety once he'll go back. Plus, there's his selfish side that wants Kame to stay here with him forever.
Jin feels like the biggest jerk on Earth for avoiding Kame so much, but he knows he would ask him to stay if they talked, and so he tries his best to avoid the topic (or any other topic, anyway). He knows perfectly that Kame would be troubled if Jin asked him to stay, that Kame would actually take into consideration the idea, and Jin doesn't want it. As much as he wants Kame with him, he also wants Kame to be happy, and he knows it wouldn't be the case if Kame didn't take his chance to make things better for his people.
So, Jin just keeps quiet, looking longingly at Kame when the latter doesn't notice.
Time ticks by faster than usual.
***
When Jin wakes up on his first free day after a whole week, he thinks it'll be difficult to avoid Kame for the entire day. He sighs as he gets up from his bed, reaching for his hoodie and pulling it on; it's chilly in the house, and Jin doesn't understand if it's because of the weather or because he feels cold inside.
In the moment when he opens the door of his room, Jin hears Kame's voice, but soon notices how he's talking with someone. It doesn't take him long to remember where he had already heard that voice, and when he realizes Yuichi might be in his living room, he hurries there, stumbling against the door frame and silently cursing.
Kame is standing in the middle of the living room, his rucksack placed on the floor next to him, while the only other objects he had brought with him when he had moved in are laying on the couch. Jin looks at him from the doorway, a quiet gasp making his presence known. Kame turns and looks at him with a soft smile on his lips, passing a hand through his hair and staying silent, as if he didn't know what to say. He then walks slowly to the window, looking outside, and Jin approaches him, nodding slightly at Yuichi, who's standing in the corner of the room.
"Hey," Kame greets him softly, smiling a bit, and the more Jin looks at him the more he feels like crying. He doesn't want to, though, because he knows that if he cried, Kame would be troubled, and Jin doesn't want that.
It's sudden, but Jin finds himself in Kame's arms before he even greets him back, and Kame's hugging him so tightly that Jin wants to cry even more. He sniffs a couple of times, closes his prickling eyes and rests his forehead on Kame's shoulder before he hugs Kame back.
In the other corner of the room, Yuichi shifts his weight from one leg to the other, lowering his gaze and looking at the floor, trying to leave them a bit of time.
"I don't want you to go," Jin whispers, and Kame tightens his grip.
"I know," he answers, and hearing his voice, Jin can't restrain himself anymore and starts to cry. "But I have to."
Jin nods, sniffing and trying to calm down, but it's almost impossible, because he can't erase from his mind the thought that he'll never be able to see Kame, ever again. There won't be any more evenings spent on the balcony, nor story-telling under the blankets at night, with the ceiling being their own personal starry sky. All in all, there won't be Kame anymore, and Jin is not sure he'll be able to survive.
It hurts so much that stopping his tears is impossible, and it also hurts a bit more when Kame detaches himself from the hug and looks at him, smiling fondly. Kame passes his thumbs under Jin's eyes, wiping the tears away, but it only results in Jin sobbing some more.
"I have to take on my responsibilities," Kame whispers, and Jin nods again, slightly this time. "And you have to do it too," he adds.
Jin clutches Kame's shirt, his head low as his tears keep rolling down his cheeks. It's the first time in ages that he feels like that, and it's scary, because he doesn't know what he should do, what he's supposed to do.
"Jin, look at me," Kame tells him, and Jin lifts his head to look at him. Kame is so gorgeous that it hurts him. "You'll be okay."
Jin really wants to believe Kame's words, but right now he just can't, because it's like his whole world is shattering into tiny, little pieces, and he's not sure he'll be able to recollect them all and put them back in their right place. Everything seems so difficult right now.
"What if I won't?" Jin asks, and Kame smiles at him.
"I am sure you will."
Jin shakes his head slightly, his hands still gripping the front of Kame's shirt, and Kame grabs his shoulders and shakes him a bit. "You will!"
When Jin lifts his gaze to look at Kame, he feels lost in the depths of Kame's eyes, and sniffs again, biting his lower lip. He needs to tell him.
"Kame," he starts, looking straight at Kame's eyes. "I… I …"
He doesn't manage to finish his sentence though, because Kame hushes him by placing a finger on his lips, and Jin doesn't try again. "I know," Kame tells him, smiling gently at him, and Jin can read love in his eyes.
"Kame, we need to go now." Yuichi's voice comes from the corner of the room, unsure of interrupting them, and Kame nods, while Jin feels like choking on his own breath. How stupid he had been, not talking to Kame for days. If only he had known that those were going to be their last days together. If only he could have just behaved normally and tried to make the best out of the time they still had together.
Jin hates himself now for wasting the last days they could have enjoyed together, but there's now nothing he can do anymore. He slowly lets go of Kame's shirt, looking at both Kame and Yuichi.
Kame steps close to the couch, gathering his belongings and putting the rucksack on his shoulder before approaching Jin again.
"Thank you, Jin," he says, softly kissing Jin's cheek, and Jin wants to cry again.
By the time he lifts his gaze once again, Kame is gone and the room has fallen silent.
Jin covers his mouth with his hands, trying to quiet his sobbing, but he just can't. He lets himself slide down against the wall until he finds himself sitting on the floor, with his arms folded on his knees. He lays his forehead on his arms and starts to cry again.
He has never felt so alone before.
***
It's dark when Jin gets up from the floor; he's not sure how many hours have passed since the last time he had seen Kame, but that's not what matters now.
His home feels cold and empty now that he's alone once again, and Jin thinks he had been so stupid thinking things might have worked between them. He shouldn't have fall in love, he thinks, and he shouldn't have grown so attached to Kame. Maybe things would have been easier then.
Still, falling in love with Kame had been the easiest thing ever for Jin, and he's not sure he would have been able to avoid it, not even if he tried. There's nothing he can do now anyway, and his mind can't stop going back to the nice moments they have spent together. The more Jin thinks these moments will never come back, the more he wants to disappear.
When he stands up, Jin glances through the window, and the sky has a reddish nuance; he remembers how he had seen something similar the night Kame had arrived on Earth.
Jin drags himself into his room after a few minutes, food being the last of his thoughts, and drops onto the bed. When he turns his gaze and lets it shift around the room, finding memories of Kame everywhere, he sees the projector laying on the floor.
Jin realizes that the object is the only material thing he still has that links him to Kame.
***
When Jin makes his way to the café's kitchen the next day, taking his apron from the hanger and tying it around his waist, Yamamoto-san soon notices there's something wrong with him; the dark bags under his eyes are speaking clearly, and the man tries to approach him as soon as he can.
Jin is fast though, and slips away from him before Yamamoto-san can even start to ask, telling him that he needs to prepare the sponge cake and chop the fruits. Yamamoto-san looks at Jin and says nothing, sighing and letting Jin get away from him.
It works for half of the day, with Jin saying he has something to do every time his boss tries to approach him, and disappearing as far as he can from the man.
It's clear that there's something bothering him, and it's not even difficult to guess what it is, so Yamamoto-san knows that Jin's only trying to avoid questions while keeping his mind busy from thinking about what is hurting him. The man would really like to be able to help him, but he knows there's nothing he can do.
A broken heart is difficult to heal and it requires time.
When a loud yelp comes from the kitchen, followed by the sound of something metallic falling on the floor and some curses, Yamamoto-san hurries to check on Jin, and finds him on the floor. There are a couple of baking trays on the ground next to him, and the sponge cake is laying on the floor.
Jin is shaking, his fists clenched, and he seems to be unable to calm down.
"Jin, are you okay?" Yamamoto-san asks, stretching his hand to help him stand up. "Did you burn yourself?"
Jin shakes his head, angrily taking the sponge cake from the floor and shoving it into the bin.
"It's ok, we can do it again," Yamamoto-san tries to encourage, but it doesn't seem to help Jin at all.
Jin's shaking in anger, and he keeps on rambling about how stupid he is, about how he had just made a glaring mistake he shouldn't have. When Yamamoto-san places his hand on Jin's shoulder, trying to console him, Jin jumps in surprise, turning to face the man with wide open eyes.
Yamamoto-san thinks he had never seen him like this; Jin looks exactly like a trapped animal.
"Jin, go home and sleep for a while," Yamamoto-san whispers to him, but Jin just shakes his head. "I have work to do." He explains, but Yamamoto-san insists. Jin doesn't listen to him to, picking up all the ingredients to start baking some more sponge cake, unless Yamamoto-san grabs his arm and forces Jin to look at him.
"Jin, go home," he repeats, and Jin is breathing hard now, looking at Yamamoto-san's eyes. "It's an order. I don't want you here in this condition. Go home and take some rest."
It's not actually true that Yamamoto-san doesn't want Jin around, but he wants him to feel better, if not good, and if ordering him around is what it takes to make Jin go home, then he has no other choice.
Jin looks at him, and there's surprise written all over his face, because Yamamoto-san had never spoken to him with that tone before, not even a single time. "Go home Jin," Yamamoto-san repeats for a last time, and Jin unties his apron, places it on the metallic counter of the kitchen, takes his jacket and storms out of the café.
***
Jin spends the whole day cleaning his house more than he has ever done in his whole life. It's not that his place had been dirty before, but it's the only thing he can come up with to try to clear his mind for a while and stop thinking about Kame, Kame, Kame. Baking is not an option right now, because even entering the kitchen reminds him of all the times he had baked something for Kame to taste.
Jin hates the fact that he can't even bake now to feel better, since it's the only thing apart from music that had always been able to cheer him up on every occasion. Now it's different though, because he's able to link Kame to everything he does and thinks, to every breath he takes, and it hurts so bad that he just wants to go to sleep and close the world outside of his mind for a while.
Sleep doesn't come though, so even if Jin tries, in the end he finds himself sitting on the balcony, a cigarette between his fingers and his gaze locked on Aldebaran.
He wonders how Kame is doing and what he's doing, if things are going a bit better and if he's safe. He wonders how much time had actually passed on the star since Kame left Earth, and Jin realizes that even if it was only yesterday, it seems like centuries already. He wonders if Kame will forget him or if he'll stop thinking about him from time to time, if he'll recall what they used to have and the sleepless nights cuddling under their own personal sky in Jin's bedroom.
Wherever he is, Jin really hopes Kame is happy, even if it is without him.
***
It almost comes as a revelation during one of the nights that Jin spends on his balcony, smoking a couple of cigarettes before going to sleep and looking at Aldebaran. He realizes that no matter how much he wishes for Kame to be back, time still ticks by, and he realizes how Kame was right in telling him to take on his own responsibilities, just like he was going to do by going back to Aldebaran.
Jin thinks over and over again on Kame's words, realizing how much the guy had an impact on his self esteem. He's not really confident in himself yet, but he knows that he has made huge steps forward in reaching a decent grade of self esteem, and if he stops to think about it, deep inside of himself he knows that Kame has not taken that away with him.
Lighting up a cigarette, Jin thinks that he feels a bit better now. He still misses Kame, and that's a wound he's not sure he'll be able to get over, but he feels better in regard to himself. He wishes Kame was there, just so he could tell him exactly how grateful he is, because sometimes Jin feels like his heart is going to explode if he doesn't express what he's feeling.
No matter how many nights Jin spends looking at Aldebaran and at the fake starry sky projected on the ceiling of his room, he knows Kame won't be back. It's a heartbreaking thought, and sometimes the pain is so strong that he can barely sleep, but Jin wants to react to that.
And make Kame proud of him.
***
"I want to take care of this café," Jin suddenly says during the closing time, and Yamamoto-san stops his ministrations and looks at him, his surprised expression slowly turning into a big smile.
"What made you change your mind?" the man asks, genuinely curious.
He has noticed how Jin's actions and thoughts are more resolute now, after the initial days of breakdown. Yamamoto-san knows what has happened; he has lived long enough to be able to understand things by now, not to mention all the time he has spent with Jin in the past years, and he cares as if the guy was his own son. Then, there's the lack of Kame in the café, which speaks loud and clearly in Yamamoto-san's eyes.
"Not that I'm not glad that you changed your mind," the man adds when Jin turns to look at him. "I'm just curious."
Jin smiles at him with one of his soft smiles that Yamamoto-san had not seen in the past weeks, and somehow things seem to go back into their usual place with that single gesture.
"I asked the stars," he simply replies, resuming his tasks and adding nothing else, but the smile doesn't disappear from his lips. Yamamoto-san looks proudly at him, knowing that, after all, his café will be in good hands.
***
Yamamoto-san still spends a lot of his time at the café, but Jin's now the one in charge of everything. The old man makes sure to help him out at the beginning, explaining everything he needs to know, especially on the bureaucratic side of the business. It's not easy at the beginning, and Jin spends several sleepless nights sitting on the floor of his living room, submerged by documents and sheets of paper, trying to understand exactly how to calculate all the expenses by dividing them in different categories.
The business is still passing through a difficult time, but Jin's determined to find a solution; he doesn't really want it to disappear. It's his home, it's Yamamoto-san's life, the memory of his wife and everything he has built in his life. It's the place where Jin can be himself with no restrictions, and it's also the place where he met Kame.
Kame.
When Jin stops to think about him, he wonders how he is doing. He asks himself the same old questions almost every day, even now that the winter has turned to spring and then summer, and summer had slipped away, leaving his place to autumn. Jin loves autumn, and he wishes he could take Kame for a walk, looking at the warm colors of the dead leaves with him.
From where he's sitting on the floor of his living room, his back laying against the couch, Jin turns his head and looks outside of the window, peeking at Aldebaran. It almost seems like a dream now, but Jin know everything had been real, and even if the strong pain is now subsiding, there's still a permanent ache in his chest. Jin guesses he'll have to get used to it.
Sighing, he goes back to his efforts, whishing he was more suited to this kind of stuff. Jin groans, ruffling his hair, but doesn't give up; he has a purpose in life now. Before taking the decision to carry on with Yamamoto-san's business, Jin had searched several times for his purpose in life, without managing to find the correct path.
Now he knows better though; he feels like he's grown up more and more in the recent months, and he still thinks that it's mostly because of Kame. Jin wishes he could see him at least once, even just a single time to let him know everything he wasn't able to say before. He just would like to have a last, single chance.
Jin groans, trying not to let himself get distracted by thinking about Kame; it's not easy, and it also happens quite often, but he really needs to finish his work now, or else he won't be able to sleep before he needs to be at work again.
In fact, things are not like before anymore; he's not a simple worker now, he's the one in charge of everything, and even if Yamamoto-san is still the owner, the old man is letting Jin do everything now, because he won't be able to when he won't be there anymore, and he really wants Jin to learn everything he has to teach him.
They never talked about it, but Yamamoto-san had made it clear enough that he intends to leave the café to Jin after his death, and even if Jin doesn't want to think about it now -because the thought alone of Yamamoto-san not being around anymore is so sad that he doesn't want to take it into consideration-, Jin knows it will eventually happen, and so he decides to give his very best. That's why, after a very short cigarette break on the balcony, with Aldebaran keeping him company in the sky, Jin goes back to the documents until the sun is almost rising.
***
Things slowly start to get a little better at the café after a while; there's no apparent reason, and Jin hopes that maybe people have realized how nice and cozy the atmosphere there really is. The place is not deserted anymore, and there are days when Jin can barely make it by himself, splitting himself between the kitchen and the café.
No matter how tiring it is, he likes it. Better said, he loves it; he's glad the café is coming back to life, and he doesn't care if he has to run from a table to the kitchen and back, barely having a moment for himself. He keeps on smiling at the customer, greeting them with real enthusiasm and smiling delightedly when he sees them smiling after eating a piece of cake.
It makes him proud of himself.
Jin's also glad he manages fine alone, because even if the business is starting to grow again, they still can't afford to hire someone. Yamamoto-san had offered him several times his help, but Jin had always refused, telling him that he should just enjoy his free time now, and not worry about the café. He knows it's not easy for the old man, so if he decides to spend the whole day at the café, Jin lets him do. After all, the café had been Yamamoto-san's life, but he also wants the man to enjoy his time as much as he can now that he doesn't need to be there every day, and they often finds themselves arguing about it in a joking manner.
Jin loves the atmosphere there.
***
"We should try!" Ueda tells Jin while they drink a beer, sitting on the floor of Jin's living room, and he's obviously excited.
Jin snorts, covering the background music of the old album they are listening to. "I'm not sure this would be the right solution," he tells Ueda, taking a sip of beer and staring at his friend.
"I don't think it would work," he adds soon after, and Ueda scoffs. "Oh, c'mon Jin! It's worth a try!"
Jin looks at his friend again, and thinks that maybe there's a small, tiny little chance that he's right. Or, at least, he wishes so, because if he doesn't find a way to put the café firmly back on its tracks he's not sure for how long he'll be able to keep it alive and going.
"But I can't pay people," Jin sighs after a while, and Ueda kicks him slightly in the shin from his position. "I'll do it, you don't need to pay me."
"I don't want you to do it for free," Jin tells him with resolution, but Ueda glances at him. "Jin, you never had problems scrounging lunches when we were students."
Jin chuckles, embarrassed then, scratching his nape and looking at the floor; he still remembers how he and Ueda used to have lunch together and how he often asked Ueda to pay for him as well, since he was his sempai. He had always done it jokingly, but most of the times Ueda had agreed, groaning at him. They both remember their lunches filled with music-talk and laughter, and Jin sometimes wishes he could go back to when things were simpler.
Since Jin doesn't say anything at all, Ueda slaps his hands on his own thighs, standing up from the floor and placing the empty beer bottle on the coffee table. "It's settled then," he says, patting Jin's shoulder. "Just let me know when and I'll be there!"
Then, Ueda slips silently to the front door, puts on his shoes and after a brief farewell, disappears into the night.
***
Jin takes care of the flyer; it's nothing fancy, but they are nice, and he really hopes they'll attract someone, because he can't think of any other solution for making the business rise and shine again.
He's glad Ueda had decided to help him in this; he still doesn't know if it'll work out, but Jin really hopes so. He likes the idea, more than likes it, he loves the idea, so he really wishes for everything to go in the right direction. It doesn't matter if it'll be slow, he still has time. He'll wait and be patient, but he really wants things to go well now, at least on the business side.
Jin sighs, placing on the wooden counter of the café the flyers for the following week; it's obvious that it's the work of an amateur, but Jin hopes that Ueda's name next to the words 'acoustic session' and the date will be enough.
He piles the flyers next to the cash register and hangs one on the door of the biggest cupboard. He loves the idea of acoustic sessions in his café, so he really hopes things will work out; it would be a nice way to put the café back on its tracks, merging Jin's two passions together.
Then he goes back to the counter, picks up a different flyer and looking at it, sighs deeply. He doesn't really want to find another roommate, not now that Kame had lived with him for several months. He doesn't want anyone else to use the room that used to be Kame's, or just live there with him. The thought alone saddens him no end, but it's also true that his job still doesn't allow him to live alone again, given the café's income.
Jin's torn; he doesn't want someone else to live with him where he had lived with Kame but, at the same time and for the same reason, he doesn't want to leave his apartment. He loved it before getting to know Kame, now it's all he has that links him to him. Every corner of the apartment is filled with Kame, the memories of him, his laughter, and Jin doesn't want to let go of his memories and feelings. He already had to let go of Kame, he doesn't really want to lose everything else as well.
Sometimes, during the nights, Jin sits on the couch and looks at the kitchen, remembering Kame's laughter when he used to experiment with cakes, letting Kame taste everything. Some other times, he pretends Kame's sleeping next to him in his bedroom, the ceiling lit up with stars.
Jin doesn't want to let go of all this.
Sighing, he tapes the flyer so that it hangs from the counter, secretly hoping for no one to ask him about it; that way he doesn't have to make any other choice after all.
***
Ueda finds Jin smoking outside in the back alley of the café; he's clearly nervous as hell, and Ueda wants to laugh at him a bit for being like that, but he knows what's going on with Jin, so he doesn't.
"I'm ready," he says instead, and Jin looks at him, crushing the cigarette's butt under his heel.
"Ok, you can start then."
Ueda smiles at him, mimicking a military salute, and Jin chuckles. For a brief moment, he feels like they're in high school once again, when things were easier even when they seemed not.
Yamamoto-san smiles at Jin when they go back in the café; he should have gone away for a trip, but when Jin had told him about Ueda's idea, he had decided to postpone his trip in order to be there. Jin still can't understand what's the big deal, because it's not like the fate of the café is going to be determined in this single evening.
Still, when he finally comes back and sees the small crowd in the room, a natural smile makes its way on his lips, as he turns to look at Yamamoto-san, who waves at him from behind the counter.
It's not a huge crowd, but it's probably more customers than they have had in the past three weeks, so Jin guesses it's okay. Most of the crowd is comprised of young people, and somehow Jin is glad about it; he would really love if his café, as he has finally started to call it, was a place for young people as well.
Ueda sits on the high stool placed on the opposite side of the room, in front of the counter; he takes his guitar on his lap and looks at Jin, smiling, before his fingers start to caress the strings in a fast arpeggio, tapping his left foot to the beat on the footstool.
Jin looks at his friend playing from behind the counter, where he has joined Yamamoto-san. When he turns to look at the man, he sees something that he can only interpret as peacefulness in his eyes, as if the man knows things are going to be alright from now on. Jin really wishes it'll be like that.
He doesn't have much time to think about it though, because people keep on coming to the counter for orders in a steady rhythm, and Jin has work to do. He loves looking at the crowd gathered in the café, seeing people smiling while they enjoy Ueda's music. It's nice and it feels warm.
It's like everything is exactly where it should be, except that Kame is not here.
***
The evening ends way to soon in Jin's opinion, and when the café is empty and closed, he's left alone in there with Ueda, who's gathering his stuff, and stays there to keep Jin company and talk a bit with him. They talk about the acoustic session, about how people had received Ueda's music and how much Jin had enjoyed looking at all those smiling faces. He tells Ueda how happy he had been in hearing several people complimenting the café, saying they would be back for sure. It makes Jin happy, it makes him almost proud of himself.
Still, there's a hint of melancholy in his eyes that doesn't go unnoticed by Ueda, and Ueda really wishes he would be able to help Jin somehow, but he knows there's nothing he can do about it. No one can.
"I told you it was going to be okay," Ueda winks at him, and Jin laughs. "I had fun playing here" he adds then, and Jin smiles at him, widely.
"Thank you," he says after a moment, and he's thanking Ueda not only for the evening, but also for coping with him after Kame had left, because Jin knows he's not been the best company out there since then.
Ueda pats his shoulder and smiles, walking to the door.
"My pleasure," he calls back, before he hangs his guitar case over his shoulder and walks away.
***
When Jin finally arrives back home, after a couple of hours more spent at the café in order to have it ready for the next day, he sits on the couch, and falls asleep in the very same moment his head hits the headrest.
For the first time in a very long time, he doesn't look up the sky that night.
***
Actually, starting from the day after the acoustic session there are more customers than usual at the café, and Jin can't help being happy about it. Things maybe will change and grow in a more decent manner from now on. He's glad about it for several reasons; first of all for Yamamoto-san, because it's obvious that the man had hoped for the business to rise again.
It's not only that, though; Jin also feels proud of himself now that his efforts are paying off. He's glad things are going well, and he feels strangely good. Having more work also means that he has less time to think about stuff, that automatically brings him to not have time to think about Kame. At least not too much.
In fact, no matter how many months have passed already since Kame left, Jin still can't stop thinking about him. Sometimes, when he's having a bad day, thinking about Kame is soothing. Some other times, it is absolutely horrible, because the thought that he'll never be able to see him again is always there, settled in as his heart's companion, and Jin knows it. It's impossible to think about Kame without the awareness that everything between them ended the day Kame left.
Sometimes Jin thinks that everything might have only been a dream, because the feelings and the emotions he had felt when Kame had been there with him are something he can no longer have back. Everything seems dry and muted now, compared to how it was back then. Everything is muffled, his feelings are muffled. What had always managed to make Jin smile wide when Kame was there, now only manages to paint a small smile on his lips.
The only amplified feeling Jin has nowadays is melancholy; that's the only one that is stronger than before, always. It's like it smashed against the walls of an empty room, bouncing against the walls and echoing through the space and Jin's heart, louder and louder every time.
Jin knows he should try to stop thinking about Kame, or that, at least, he should try to let him go, but it's not easy. He feels like in those months, Kame had changed him a lot, and he feels grateful. He's less self conscious now, and his self-confidence has increased as well, but he still feels incomplete, even more than before. He had thought that Kame was that something that he had always missed, and he still thinks so, so the awareness that he'll always feel incomplete is not helping him that much.
Not to mention the fact that the thought alone of knowing that he'll never be able to hear Kame's laughter ever again is tormenting him. Jin really wishes they would at least be able to get in touch from time to time, even if he knows that that would only make things more difficult for him. He's sure he wouldn't be able to let Kame go if he had the chance to talk to him once again, because he knows himself well enough.
All Jin can do, is think that things are good as they are now, even when he always has a tiny little voice in his mind telling him he's wrong.
Sometimes, he feels like his feelings are being scattered all around like autumn leaves blown away by wind.
***
The day had been quite busy at work, and since Jin hadn't managed to sleep really well during the night, he can't wait for the closing time. There's still a bit of time left, but it's fine; he has managed to go through the whole day, so he knows he can hang in there some more.
The café is not crowded, but there's enough people to keep Jin occupied with both the counter and the kitchen, and it feels nice. It's nice to have the smell of the cakes floating around the café, as much as it's nice to hear the light chatter and laughter of the people sitting at the tables.
Since the night of the acoustic session, the number of customers has increased and so far things are going better. At the beginning, Jin was worried that it would have only been temporary, for some days after that evening. Apparently it's not, so Jin, and with him Yamamoto-san, still have the hope that things will eventually go back as they were when Jin had first stepped in that café a long time before.
The acoustic sessions are now a weekly appointment at the café; most of the times Ueda's the one in charge, but there have been times, though not that often, where Jin had played, if Yamamoto-san was there to take care of the counter and the customers.
Jin had refused at first, but both Yamamoto-san and Ueda had insisted so much that, in the end, Jin had given up and accepted that he was going to play.
It had been scary at first, all the eyes of the customers on him, waiting for him to make some mistake or, simply, looking at him and waiting for his songs. He had felt under pressure, and it had been so different to the times when he played with Ueda at school.
It had also been very different from the times he used to play guitar for Kame during the rainy evenings, and playing while thinking about Kame had somehow made him feel slightly better. It's strange, because when Jin thinks about Kame he usually feels melancholy wash all over him; sometimes he feels like he's floating into it, as if it was the ocean.
That one time when he had played in the café, though, had been different; for the first time after months, he had been able to smile when thinking about Kame. It's not that things are not painful anymore, but somehow Jin feels that, with time, he'll be able to think about Kame with a smile on his lips, he knows he will try.
Sometimes Jin has the feeling that he thinks like that more to convince and reassure himself than because he's actually convinced about it, but it helps him, and he's positive he'll reach that point sooner or later. He only needs to be patient and wait, hoping that he won't get lost along his road to reach his serenity.
In case he will lose his route, he knows he'll be able to go back to the right one with the help of his friends.
And the stars.
***
It's almost closing time finally, and the café is empty. Jin guesses no one will come in now, but he still waits before starting to arrange things for the next day and to clean the counter. It's happened before that someone had came in at the last minute, and it had warmed Jin's heart to see the expression on that girl's eyes when she told him she was happy that the café was still open.
He lazily sits behind the counter, mentally preparing a list of ingredients he needs to buy soon to restock their ingredients, and outside the rain starts to fall, droplets tapping against the windows.
It's after a while that the wind chime hanging above the door tells Jin someone's entered. He thinks the customer has probably come in only to find a shelter from the rain, but that's not important.
"Welcome!" Jin greets politely and smiling, turns towards the door. His smile disappears in the exact moment he sees Kame standing there, and his lips curl to form a surprised 'o'; no sound escapes from his mouth.
Kame smiles fondly at him, and Jin blinks several times. 'This is not possible' he keeps on thinking. He thinks it might be his imagination, since he's very tired, but then Kame takes some steps forward and slightly caresses his arm over above the counter before walking to his favorite table in the corner of the room.
Jin looks at him from behind the counter, afraid that Kame might disappear in the blink of an eye.
Kame doesn't though; he takes off his black coat and places it on the other chair, waiting, and Jin looks at the clock. It's closing time now, and he walks to the door, pulling down the shutters and locking the door, still in awe.
Then, he walks behind the counter and pours some black coffee in a cup, placing it on the tray. He takes a small plate and places there the last slice of strawberry roll. He takes a last glance at Kame before taking the tray in his shaking hands and walking to him.
He's finding it difficult to breathe, and he feels like his world has stopped spinning only to start moving faster when Kame looks up at him, smiling.
Kame looks better, Jin notices. The dark circles under his eyes are gone and overall he looks more serene than Jin has ever seen him.
Jin almost knocks over the cup of coffee when he places it in front of Kame, because his hands are shaking so much and he can't stop them.
There are so many things he wants to ask Kame, so many things he wants to say, but he feels like he's unable to talk, his voice blocked in his throat no matter how hard he tries. His heart is beating faster and faster as each minute passes by, and when Kame places his hand on Jin's, Jin feels like he could explode like a supernova.
"Is the room still available?" Kame asks him, and Jin looks confused until Kame chuckles and points at the flyer hanging from the counter.
Jin follows Kame's finger and then looks back at Kame. "Yes," he breathes out. "Yes, it is still available."
He still can't believe Kame is right there, in front of his eyes, smiling at him as if he had left only that morning to go to work.
It doesn't matter though, because it is real, and Kame is there now, and that's all that's important.
***
"Everything's the same," Kame says when they step inside Jin's home, and Jin smiles.
They're both drenched due to the rain that is now stronger and more violent than before. When Jin looks at Kame, he notices how there's not even a hint of regret or melancholy, as there used to be during the rainy evenings.
Jin disappears into the bathroom and comes back soon with two towels, handing one to Kame. He takes his time toweling his hair, looking at Kame as he does the same; Jin feels warmth spreading through his body as he watches Kame, a feeling of intimacy crawling up his spine, and everything seems brighter and better now.
No one dares to speak for a while, until Jin disappears in the kitchen and comes back after a while with two mugs of hot chocolate. Autumn is slowly dying, washed away by the rain, and being there, sitting on the couch with Kame next to him, makes him feel peaceful.
The silence is not awkward, and when Kame takes Jin's hand in his own, everything seems to fit into its right place, as if the planet and the stars had finally aligned as they were supposed to.
There's only one thing bugging Jin; he's really glad Kame's back, more glad than he could possibly explain, but he wonders for how long Kame will be here, because even if Jin is glowing in happiness right now, he's not sure he'd manage to survive another 'goodbye'.
Kame slowly places his head on Jin's shoulder, staring at the wall in front of them and folding his legs under him on the couch.
"I'm glad that I'm back," he whispers, and Jin shifts even closer to him, trying to catch all the warmth spreading from Kame's body.
"I'm glad you're back." he says, and he hears Kame smile against his shoulder, through the fabric of his hoodie and on his skin.
"How are things on Aldebaran?" Jin asks him after a while, and Kame straightens his back and takes a sip from his mug.
"It's okay now. We managed to get things under control once again." Kame explains briefly, and Jin nods.
He really wants to ask Kame why he's here and for how long, but somehow his words seem to be stuck in his throat once again. Jin's not even sure he wants to have an answer, because Kame will need to go back soon; he needs to guide his people after all.
"I abdicated," Kame suddenly says, as if he was able to read Jin's mind, and Jin turns to look at him with eyes opened wide.
"Why? How…?"
Jin has to fumble with words before he manages to ask, and he sees Kame smiling as he looks in front of him.
"I missed you."
Jin's world stops once again while he stares at Kame, who smiles back at him. He's not sure this is the answer to his questions, but he doesn't care now, he doesn't care anymore. All he cares about now is that Kame's there, next to him, and that he feels good once again. Everything else can just disappear in a black hole and Jin wouldn't even notice.
"My brother Yuya will manage to properly guide his people from now on," Kame adds then, and Jin looks at him.
"'His'?"
Kame nods.
"I won't go back to rule Aldebaran anymore, Jin."
Jin's breath disappears for a moment; Kame is really planning on staying there with him on the Earth instead? Just because of him?
"But Kame, this… this would mean you won't be able to see your friends and family anymore," Jin rambles, and Kame has to squeeze his arm to make him stop. Jin is an overflowing river of words now, telling Kame that is not fair, that he's really happy he's there, but that it's not fair for him, for his family and friends, for his people, for his star, and Kame snorts.
"It's okay Jin," he says, his fingers drawing abstract patterns on the back of Jin's hand. "I'll go back from time to time. Like a vacation or something. You should come too."
Jin laughs before he looks at Kame, and sees a serious expression painted on his face.
"Are you sure about that?" Jin watches Kame, trying to detect every single emotion that is surfacing from Kame's eyes, but finds nothing remotely similar to regret, and then Kame smiles, he smiles and it reaches his eyes for the first time in ages, and Jin feels all the love for him in the world overwhelming him.
"Yes, I am."
Jin hugs him, inhaling deeply Kame's scent.
"I am back," he hears Kame say, and Jin closes his eyes.
"Welcome home, Kazuya."