fic for paintasmile & iitsmeghan (2/4)

[formation_akame]

Part 1



Part 2: Look About The Stars

Jin looked up, as the door opened.

"Akanishi-san, are you ready?"

He nodded and got up from the couch. Other than that, there were just a small table and two chairs in the room.

His assistant came in, too.

"Jin, we have ten minutes left. Did you remember the schedule for tonight?"

Jin nodded at him. He was tall and had short, brunette hair, full lips and kind eyes. Nakamaru Yuichi had become a kind of a friend over the years, but eventually, he was Jin's assistant and during work, that was more than clear.

Nakamaru was the one who had Jin's schedule memorised perfectly and he could come up with every kind of solution if anything didn't work out as planned.

"Yeah, you told me a hundred times already", Jin said. "Everything's clear."

Nakamaru nodded. "You'll have ten minutes after the concert. We'll get you to the back entrance and a car will wait there to get you out of the venue, before the fans leave."

"Fine", Jin just said.

"All your package has been brought to a hotel already and we will-"

"No", Jin interrupted and buried his hands in his pockets. "Let them put the package into the car. I'll tell the driver where to go."

"What? Jin, that's impossible. You can't just go off like that." Nakamaru made a step towards him. "What, if we anyone sees you, find out where you stay? I can't take responsibility for that."

Jin smiled slightly. "Fine, I will."

Nakamaru stared at him for a moment. "But-"

"I have to get to the stage now", Jin just said and walked past his assistant.

It was about time, Jin thought. It was about time to bury the past and move on.

Since he had left home to go to Tokyo and pursue his career as a singer, he had come back for several times. Not to Tarumae, but at least to Sapporo.

Five years had passed and whenever he had held a concert in Sapporo, Jin had watched out for that one person.

Possibly, just maybe, Kazuya would be in the audience and watch him. Maybe he was waiting outside to get a chance to talk to Jin for just a moment. Maybe at the hotel.

But each time, Jin had looked out for him and he had never seen Kazuya.

Of course, he knew it was foolish to even look out, to even just think of those possibilities. But, he had still hoped for it to happen.

For Kazuya to suddenly show up.

But Kazuya apparently never cared to come and see him.

Why would he anyways, Jin thought, as he was on standby behind the stage.

They had broken up that day - Kazuya had said clearly that he didn't want them to keep up their relationship under those circumstances.

Kazuya had been right; Jin knew that. It would have been difficult to maintain a love under such circumstances.

But still, he could just not forget Kazuya. And Jin needed a chance to make sure that, after all, the break-up had been the right decision.

He had to meet Kazuya.

As he got out on stage, all lights were pointed at him and thunderous applause came over him. Music started; every step on stage had been planned and was choreographed.

Tonight, he would come home for the first time in five years.

And maybe, just maybe, Kazuya would be there.

Still waiting for him.

His mother cried, when she opened the door for him that night.

Jin embraced her and held her tightly, before she led him inside and he met the rest of his family.

He hadn't been home in five years. Of course, they had had contact over all this time, but Jin had barely ever seen them. Once, they had come to see him in Tokyo and another time, he had met up with his brother in Sapporo, when he had held a concert there.

He had always excused it with being busy, but truth had been that Jin had always been afraid of meeting Kazuya.

Now, Jin was ready to meet him and to face reality - no matter what it might looked like.

"Are you hungry?" His mother came into the living room, carrying a tray.

Jin wasn't, but there was no way on earth he would reject a meal his mother had cooked. He thanked her and started eating.

"Delicious", he commented happily.

"And you will only stay tomorrow?" His father watched him with concern.

Jin nodded. "I'll hold another concert in Sapporo the day after tomorrow and will take a plane to Osaka straight afterwards."

"But you'll stay another night?"

Jin nodded. "I'll spend the whole day here and someone is going to pick me up Friday morning to bring me back to Sapporo."

They kept on sitting together for a while longer, until his father excused himself to go to bed.

That night, Jin slept in his old room. He had almost forgotten, what it had looked like, but his parents hadn't changed much in here. Everything was still there.

His bed, even the linen he had always used. The walls still had the same colour and at his door, there was a poster of his favourite soccer player from back then.

For his desk, his mother had bought folders and had put in all his school materials. There was a pin board at the wall above with memories from the days he had spent here.

Jin remembered that he had taken a lot from that board, when he had moved away, but there were still a few photos, cards and other things left.

For a while, he stood in front of it and looked at the photos that showed him with friends, his family, in different places.

And with Kazuya.

Kazuya was on so many of them and looked just like Jin always remembered him. Dark hair, with tips that reached his shoulders, brown eyes and that wide smile of his.

Turning away, Jin stripped off his clothes and crawled into his bed. It was spring, so his mother had chosen a thinner blanket. Jin smiled at that and closed his eyes.

He had often shared this bed with Kazuya. They had slept next to each other here, and also with each other. It felt strange to remember those times now.

Kazuya probably shared his bed with someone else by now. He probably had even forgotten about Jin.

Jin opened his eyes and stared at the wall across from his bed.

There was no way. Every memory of his childhood included Kazuya. There was absolutely no way he could ever forget and just like that, there simply was no way that Kazuya could ever forget Jin.

How would one forget their first best friend, their first love? That was impossible.

With that on mind, Jin fell asleep.

He had had strange dreams that night.

Jin frowned, as he sat at the table the next morning. His brother sat next to him and his mother was making breakfast.

He had dreamt about that island they had been to, when he had turned sixteen. They had kissed for the very first time that summer and Jin could still remember those feelings, that excitement, the sensations of experiencing that completely new feeling.

He had dreamt of Kazuya's kisses and of everything they had shared from that summer on.

It had been intense - everything about that love between them had been intense and just so perfect.

Jin remembered that golden haze over the sea, as they had watched the sunset on that island. Never again had he seen something like that. But now, after that dream, he suddenly felt that everything about Kazuya and him had been like that.

What they had shared had had that golden glimmer, too.

Shaking his head, Jin laughed gently and made his brother give him an asking look.

After breakfast, he decided for a walk.

Nothing in this place had changed. Everything was still the way he remembered it.

Wearing dark shades, a hat and his hoodie, Jin walked to the school. He had spent a good time here, held so many memories of this place.

He wondered, how everyone was doing, what all the other people of his class were doing by now. If they had jobs, if they were still around; some of them had probably married.

Jin kept walking for another hour. Some people threw him looks, some didn't even notice him.

Before school ended, he wanted to be back home, because he was sure that the only people who would recognise him for sure, were those high school girls.

However, he had another stop on his walk and he had known from the beginning that it would end right there.

Standing in front of Kazuya's home, Jin stared at the house for a moment, before he took a deep breath and took the few steps to the front door.

Preparing for what would happen next, Jin took a deep breath. He felt his heartbeat sped up in his chest.

This was the time. Now, he would find out what exactly that goodbye had been at that time.

It had probably never really been a goodbye.

He rang the bell and waited.

Nothing inside the house moved. Jin felt his heart drop a bit, as he realised that no one was home.

He'd try again later, Jin told himself and turned to get back home. He didn't even dare throwing a look back at the house.

In the evening, he had dinner with his family and his mother told him about every single friend of his high school times.

"And do you remember Miwako-chan?" His mother gestured with her chopsticks. "She just got married last month. She was such a pretty bride!"

Jin smiled, nodding. "I can imagine."

"Kousuke-kun moved to Tokyo, too. He is working for a huge company there, but he sometimes comes visiting his parents. His mother told me he has a girlfriend in Tokyo now and wants to introduce her next time he visits."

Jin had no idea who Kousuke was, but they had probably gone to school together.

"How about Kame", he finally asked. "Is he still here?"

His mother exchanged a short look with her husband, then, she shrugged. "He left when he was eighteen."

Jin looked up from his meal. "What do you mean?"

"He finished high school and left straight after that to study in Sapporo. I don't think he's been here after that."

Jin lowered his head again and nodded. "I see."

"We thought you guys kept in contact?" His mother frowned slightly. "After all, you were best friends."

"We've lost contact after a while", Jin lied.

"Hm, what a pity. He was such a lovely boy."

Jin laughed and changed the topic again.

He should have known, Jin thought. Kazuya wouldn't have stayed here forever, just waiting for Jin to return for one day to see him.

He had been foolish to even just imagine it.

It had been a farewell back then.

Even though it had felt - just a bit, a tiny little bit - like a promise.

He would just forget about it.

Going back home had been a good decision and finding that nothing held him in that place anymore had relieved Jin a lot. Had Kazuya been there, he would have felt strings attaching him to that place.

Like this, he was still the same as before. He could follow his dream, could do what he wanted without having to watch out for anyone.

It was just what he had wanted.

Convinced, Jin took a deep breath and sipped from his water. Nakamaru sat at the small table and went through papers, while Jin got ready for the show.

"We finish at quarter to eleven", Nakamaru said then. "I have the ticket for your flight to Osaka. We'll take you straight to the airport."

Jin nodded, before he turned to Nakamaru. "I want to add another song."

Nakamaru looked up with a frown. "The setlist is set, Jin."

Jin rolled his eyes. "Take one out. I have a song I want to play."

Laughing slightly, Nakamaru shook his head. "What's gotten into you lately? We can't change the setlist at this point."

Jin closed his mouth and pressed his lips together. He knew that. He had no idea why he had had that sudden idea.

Nakamaru got up and opened the door for Jin. "Let's go."

Jin followed him through the backstage area and then, waited for his sign to get on stage.

From the very first moment he entered it, something felt different. Jin looked through the hall, while he performed the opening song, trying to figure out what was different from two days ago, when he last stood here.

Everything went smooth, but for the whole concert, Jin felt that something was terribly off, that something just felt so different.

During his pause, he peeked outside, looked through the audience.

Of course, there was no way to make out a single face and he scolded himself foolish for even looking.

But, he just had to trust his gut feeling.

"We're changing the setlist", he said and turned to one of the staff. "I am going to sing Kokoro no Yukue as the last song of the encore."

Nakamaru came rushed over. "Jin, no way."

Jin gave him a glance. "I'll sing that song."

"That's from before you debuted, Jin. No one is going to want to listen to that song."

For a moment, Jin stilled. "There's probably a single person out there who would want to hear that song. That's enough." He turned and made his way back to the stage to give his encore.

As he had finished two more songs, Jin took a deep breath. "This is a song I wrote a long time ago. It's a sad song, but please don't miss the positive message", he said, before the song started playing.

He sang of memories, rain, the skies and the stars. He sang of a golden horizon, a perfect summer and a first love. And Jin hoped that it would reach out, that somewhere, Kazuya would probably hear him and that he'd know that Jin had never forgotten.

The song ended and the lights turned low. Jin looked up from his microphone and stared through the hall for a last time, before he left the stage.

"Seriously, you're so troublesome", Nakamaru murmured and tugged Jin along. He had all of Jin's things ready and guided him through the backstage area.

"We'll miss your plane if you don't hurry up a bit, Jin."

Jin bit his lip. "Can't we just -"

"No, I guess, you had enough freedom for tonight."

Jin pouted. He knew Nakamaru didn't mean it in a bad way. He did have a lot of freedom, actually, but he also knew that whenever he broke out of a schedule, he caused a lot of problems for the staff and especially for Nakamaru.

"A car should be here any minute", Nakamaru pointed out and peeked through the exit. "There are already a few girls waiting, so you have to get in quickly."

Jin nodded and stayed quiet.

"Okay, now. Hurry." Nakamaru pulled him through the exit and it just took a few seconds, before Jin was inside the car.

He looked out of the window and saw a handful of girls a few metres away, jumping slightly.

The car started moving and at that moment, Jin saw someone round a corner and his eyes widened.

Dark hair, with tips reaching his shoulders, brown eyes, a slim figure. He was out of breath and stared at the car, as if he could just look right through the shaded windows, seeing Jin behind them.

"Kazuya", Jin murmured.

He almost lost sight of him, as the car sped up.

"Wait", Jin said and leaned closer to the window. "Stop!"

"Keep going", Nakamaru just said and pulled Jin back. "What's gotten into you?"

"I need to go back, Yuichi." Jin tried to get another glimpse at Kazuya, but he had lost sight of him. "He came to see me."

"Two thousand people came to see you tonight, Jin. And you'll miss your plane, should we make another stop." Nakamaru's phone rang. "And there's just no time. Got it?"

Jin didn't answer, as Nakamaru picked up his mobile phone. He just kept staring out of the window, saw lights passing and tried to ignore the awful pain in his chest.

He had been so close.

Kazuya had been there. He had watched Jin; he had heard the song. He must have heard it.

And he had come to see Jin.

He wondered, what it had been like, if he and Kazuya had actually met. If had stopped this car to get out and face Kazuya.

What would Kazuya have said? Had he understood that Jin had written that song just for him?

This was so wrong, Jin thought. Getting a damn plane shouldn't be more important than meeting Kazuya and yet, here he was, being led to the machine through a VIP entrance.

Here he was, he thought later on, as he sat in the plane, high up over the clouds.

Leaving Kazuya's town.

Again.

A/N: Kokoro no Yukue is Japanese and translated as "Circumstances of the Heart".

Part 3