fic for fadingfromdawn (1/2)
Title: Lifestyle of the Rich and Famous
By: reddorozette
Pairing: Akame
Word count: 15,157
Rating: PG-13
Genre/Warnings: angst, romance, AU (what if). Mild sexual content, drug usage
Notes: I can't believe I managed to finish this. (And I can't believe it turned out so long, that was never my intention XD) Anyway, I did my best and hopefully it's enough... although I have a feeling that this is a huge fail but, well. Thanks to all of you who listened to my endless whining about how much this sucks and how I'll never finish this (8D). My deepest gratitude goes to my followers on Twitter and all the other ever-so-patient friends.
Summary: When a shared dream shatters, Kame and Jin are faced with a dilemma - how can they keep their relationship alive when life keeps pulling them in different directions?
Jin scans the room nervously, shifting a little closer to his best friend. All the other people who auditioned at the same time seem pretty nervous as well, some of them sitting in silence, biting their fingernails, while some chat and laugh loudly as if to cover their panic; Jin is part of the former group, sitting in complete silence with his hands shaking a little. His heart is racing a hundred miles per hour while he anxiously waits to hear the results; this particular moment will determine the course of his life, his future. He wants to become a Johnny's Junior so badly that his insides ache, and it's surreal to think that his dream could be only moments away from coming true; he can't even wrap his mind around it, really.
He's glad beyond words to have his best friend by his side; they've always shared this dream, even if Jin's always wanted it just a little bit more. Thinking that they might make their debut in the entertainment industry together is something that has crossed his mind a lot lately, and the more he thinks about it, the more he wants it to happen; him and Kame, performing on the same stage... yeah, that would definitely be much better than going at it alone.
Jin is attacked by a sudden urge to grab Kame's hand, but he knows that it wouldn't be exactly appropriate, at least not in other people's eyes and especially not when in the presence of a bunch of young guys who probably dread the existence of gays to their very core. Not that Jin would be sure of his sexual orientation at the age of fourteen but, gay or not, grabbing another guy's hand is gay, no matter how you look at it.
His mom's always had a bit of a problem with how close he is to Kame, though. Jin once heard her parents talking about it, her mom saying that the relationship Jin and Kame share is more like one between two girls, that apparently it's not allowed for boys to hug and hold hands and whatnot - but to him, it's always been a part of who he is. He doesn't understand why he should let his gender determine how he should or shouldn't act.
But Kame, well... Kame is younger, more insecure and unsure of himself. He's easily influenced by other people's words and never aims for anything less than perfection; he's the straight A student, the child who never disobeys his parents, the overachiever and perfectionist who never gives up on what he starts.
Jin smiles a little when he imagines Kame as an idol, ordering people around, aiming for nothing else than absolute perfection in his performances - be it singing, acting or dancing.
"What're you smirking about?" Kame asks suspiciously, and Jin is quick to get rid of the smirk on his face, looking back at the other with a completely neutral expression.
"Nothing," Jin replies with an indifferent shrug, then quickly changes the subject when he sees Kame opening his mouth for another question. "When do you think they're gonna announce who's getting through and who isn't? I'm getting a little nervous here."
Kame is still looking at him with a tinge of suspicion, and Jin tries his best to keep his expression as normal as possible; after a while Kame seems to give up, heaving a sigh, and scans the room just like Jin did a moment ago.
"I don't know. Hopefully soon, though, I'm not -"
But Jin never hears the rest of his sentence as Kame is interrupted by Johnny Kitagawa himself; the man enters the room with such an aura of authority that the people inside silence immediately, stumbling up to their feet. Jin and Kame follow the example, glancing at one another anxiously before directing their attention at Johnny.
"First and foremost," Johnny starts, his eyes moving systemically over the room from one person to another, "I would like to thank each and every one of you for taking interest in my agency."
Jin's knees start shaking, but he tries to ignore it. This is it. This is the moment that will determine the rest of his life.
"I will call the names out in a random order," Johnny says and Jin freezes, holding his breath. "Once your name has been called, please report yourself here -" he points at the assistant on his right, "- and you will be given further instructions."
Kame's eyes find Jin's, and he mouths 'good luck' with a warm smile. Johnny starts calling names, one after another, and Jin watches as the guys suppress delighted screams and bounce to the assistant, wide smiles stretched over their faces. Jin waits impatiently, growing just a little more anxious every time Johnny calls someone else's name; with sweaty palms, he clutches the front of his short as if to that way calm down the wild beating of his heart.
Half of the people are already swarming around the assistant; the other half, however, is standing in complete silence, each of them wearing an expression of deep disappointment. They all know that there are only a few names left.
"... Kamenashi Kazuya."
Kame gasps loudly, his eyes wide and round; he spins around to meet Jin's equally surprised expression, and for a moment the two of them just stare at each other, not knowing what to say. Then Jin somehow manages to snap out of it and rasps "Kame, assistant, go, now", his incoherent words accompanied by a friendly push. Kame drags his feet to the assistant, still looking as if he had seen a ghost, while Jin stares at his back without being able to feel or do anything.
Johnny keeps calling out names and each time Jin doesn't hear his, something inside him seems to die a little, until -
"The rest of you, thank you. Do feel free to try again."
Wait, what? Jin stares at Johnny in shock, feeling as if someone would have stabbed a knife through his chest. That's it? It's over?
He takes a deep, shaky breath; the room starts spinning and he closes his eyes, a hand brought to cover his mouth while he staggers backwards to take support from the wall. The disappointment turns into physical nausea, twirling in his stomach, aching and twisting his insides into an unbearably tight knot. His dream is literally shattering, turning into dust, and he isn't comforted by the option of a second chance; everyone knows that once you fail one audition, is unlikely that you should pass the next one.
It's not gonna happen. His dream of performing on the same stage with Kame, it will never come true. Never.
His eyes find Kame's over the room, and even more than the disappointment, he can't stand the look on his best friend's face; apologetic, helpless, pitying, with an unspoken question in his brown orbs, but one that Jin can clearly hear without it having to be asked aloud.
What's gonna happen next?
Kame is walking towards him, and for the first time in his life Jin doesn't want him to. He wants Kame to turn around, to not look at him with such a pitiful expression; he doesn't want the other one's sympathy, neither his words of consolation - he doesn't need any of it, not right now, not at this moment of disappointment.
"Hey, you... you okay?" Kame asks when he reaches Jin, placing a hand on his best friend's shoulder. "I'm really sorry, Jin, I know how much you wanted this."
Jin gives a strained smile and shakes his head dismissively. "Don't you worry about me right now, I'll be fine. I can always try again, right?"
Jin knows he's not exactly what one would call a good liar and, indeed, Kame's eyes are filled with doubt; he doesn't look convinced at all.
"Look," Jin says, trying to keep the annoyance away from his voice while he speaks, "Of course this stings a little, but not like this will kill me or anything so you just worry about you, okay? You made it! This is your dream, so instead of crying over how I failed, we should celebrate."
Kame's expression softens a little and the victorious smile that's been lurking in his eyes the entire time finally shows on his face; he's shining, wrapped up in an aura of happiness when he pulls Jin into a tight hug. "Thanks, Jin."
Jin mutters something incoherent in a reply and pushes the other one gently away, trying not to look too bitter when he says: "Let's go, baka. Mom baked us a cake."
Four years later
Jin enters the café, drenched and exhausted, locks of hair glued to his face. Once again he curses his bad luck and the fact that he can't find a decent job; if he had one, he would have money to take the bus like normal people and avoid being soaked to the skin.
"Jin, here!" a shout comes from the back of the café; he looks in the direction of the sound to see Kame waving at him happily, two steaming cups of coffee on the table in front of him. Jin flashes a smile and starts making his way through the space, trying hard not to leave too much water behind him as he does.
"Oh god, you're soaked!" Kame says worriedly, offering him a napkin. "You'll catch a cold."
Jin sits down opposite the other, rolling his eyes, and stares at the napkin in Kame's hand incredulously. "I'm afraid that's not gonna help me much, though."
Kame sighs and puts the napkin back down. "I see someone's in a good mood..."
"I just drove eight kilometers in pouring rain," Jin snaps, wrapping his fingers appreciatively around the coffee cup. "Please excuse me for being a little grumpy."
A short silence ensues, during which Jin sips on his drink, immediately soothed by the feeling of the hot liquid streaming down his throat.
"So, how are things?" Kame ask, his voice betraying the worry he's trying to hide.
"Everything's fine," Jin replies bluntly, looking at the other from over the rim of his cup. "Still working at McDonald's but that's just temporary. I have a job interview next week."
Kame's eyes lighten up. "Music stuff?"
"No," Jin says, trying to ignore how the joy disappears from Kame's face at the sound of the negative reply. "Movie stuff. Assisting and such, nothing too fancy but pays the rent."
"That's... good, then."
Jin finishes half of his coffee in one gulp and asks: "And you? How are things?"
"Well..." Kame starts hesitantly, looking nervous all of a sudden. "I have some news, actually. We're gonna perform."
Jin raises an eyebrow. "What do you mean perform, isn't that what you've been doing the entire time?"
"No, I mean... as a group," Kame replies, dropping his gaze on the surface of the table. "The five of us are gonna hold our first concert as KAT-TUN."
Jin tries to ignore the sting of jealousy but finds it impossible; before he can even attempt to control it, it's burning in full flame. He tries to keep it away from his face, at least - the last thing he needs is a fight over something like this. Kame doesn't deserve his childish envy. Kame's been working hard to achieve this, and... yeah. He should be happy for him. Kame is his best friend, after all.
Friends support one another despite feelings of jealousy.
... Right?
"Wow," Jin breathes out, concentrating hard on not letting the envy show on his face. "That's amazing, Kazu, I'm... I'm speechless. Congratulations."
He hears the insincerity in his voice but desperately, desperately hopes that Kame doesn't; and from the looks of it, his wish is fulfilled. Kame raises his head, looking Jin in the eyes, but he doesn't seem offended or annoyed; on the contrary, he seems to have bought Jin's I'm-genuinely-happy-for-you act, his face in a bright smile.
"Thank you," Kame says, his smile only widening by the second. "It's unreal, huh? We couldn't believe it the first time we heard it. It seems just... so weird. They're even planning to release a DVD! We'd be the first group to do that before debut, how insane is that..."
Jin can feel his smile becoming more and more strained to the point of his lips starting to ache. "Yeah, that's... wow."
He finishes his coffee in one gulp. It burns his throat but he can barely notice it as all his energy goes to maintaining a jealous-free expression; Kame is rambling on endlessly about their plans for the future, about things that Johnny has said about them, about how much people expect them to succeed - and the more Jin listens, the harder it becomes to control his negative feelings.
In the last four years, he has begun to hate himself more and more. He just can't bring himself to be sincerely happy for Kame's success; of course he is happy, happy that Kame's dreams are all coming true one by one, but he's also bitter because his aren't. He works long hours on bad salary while going to various auditions in an attempt to pursue his dream, only to have people tell him that he really isn't that great and they don't want to take the risk. Not to mention that the more years pass by, the older Jin becomes, and therefore also becomes less likely to attract anyone's attention.
"Entertainment business is cruel that way." That's what Kame's friend, a member of KAT-TUN, Ueda Tatsuya said to him once. He was trying to cheer him up after yet another failed audition - unsuccessfully so, obviously.
Jin glances at the clock not-so-discreetly, and Kame notices it, silencing immediately; he looks a little hurt, but tries to disguise it as something else.
"Am I boring you?" Kame teases, although it sounds more like an accusation.
"No, of course not," Jin replies with a faint smile, "No, I'm just running late, actually. I promised to take an extra shift tonight... and I gotta run home and take a shower before that."
"Oh," Kame says emotionlessly. "You should go then. We can catch up later."
"Yeah," Jin says, getting up. "Let me know how things work out, okay? And remember to send me a ticket to your first show."
Kame nods, and Jin waves him goodbye, muttering his usual 'ciao' before spinning around and the moment he does, his fake smile disappears; each step he takes away from Kame feels like an eternity, like walking away from him in a larger sense of the expression. He doesn't even bother to pretend that he isn't in a hurry to get away from the other.
Maybe he should.
Maybe that'd be for the best. Kame needs a friend, not someone who has to pretend to smile, pretend to be happy for him; Kame deserves something better, something so much better than Jin can ever offer him.
... in every sense of the sentence.
Jin's feelings for Kame haven't been those of only purely a friend in a long, long time, but he has never confessed it; he doesn't have the courage and besides, what would be the point? He doesn't want to risk it, doesn't want to complicate the situation - it's complicated enough as it is, with them slowly drifting apart while Kame spends his time making his dreams come true.
And on the off chance that Kame actually feels the same... Even more, what would be the point? They barely have time to meet as it is, and if they started dating it would only put unnecessary pressure on their relationship.
Jin sighs, grabbing his bike from where it's leaning against the wall.
It's still raining.
***
"Hey Jin... Uh, well... I just called to ask how you're doing, I guess. Haven't heard back from you."
There's a long silence, and Jin listens to it numbly, his eyes on the phone. Every single day when he comes home, there's at least one voicemail from Kame, inquiring what's up, followed by endless rambling about what KAT-TUN is currently doing; but Jin never, ever calls him back, never even lets him know that he's received all the messages. He doesn't want to. That's what he decided, and that's how it's gonna be.
The message continues.
"I guess I have to be the one to mention the elephant in the room then, huh? I mean... Jin, what's up? You don't return my calls, don't answer the door, you didn't come to our concert... I'm just starting to get worried, okay? I called your mom but she said you visited her last week, which means that you're still alive at least so... Are you -" a loud sound of laughter and random, distant babbling interrupts Kame at the crucial question and Jin smiles a little as the other continues: "- wait, Maru, I'm leaving a voicemail message, shut up - anyway, sorry about that, I was meaning to ask... are you mad at me or something? Because that's the only explanation I can come up with and, yeah... Call me when you get this, please?"
For a moment Jin considers calling Kame back - he owns him at least an explanation, and Kame sure as hell deserves one, too - but he can't do that, no matter how much he tries to muster up the courage. It's been weeks since they last talked.
So, he contents on doing what he always does when he gets home after an exhausting day of work: he grabs his guitar and lets his fingers dance, play the notes they want to play, that they feel like playing in that particular moment. Whenever he comes up with a song of his own, he never plans it beforehand; he just lets out whatever feelings there are inside him, allows them to flow freely.
He's completely lost in the music when, suddenly but not unexpectedly, the doorbell rings and interrupts him. He raises his head lazily, glancing at the door, very well aware of who's behind it; that's why he sits completely still, careful not to make a sound, and waits for Kame to go away.
"Jin?" Kame calls, then bangs at the door a little too loudly than usually; he sounds impatient. "Come on, I know you're there."
Jin heaves a frustrated sigh and decides to speak up, even if just to make Kame leave. "You really are thick, Kazuya. I'm ignoring you, so go away."
"I'm not going anywhere until you explain what's going on."
"What's going on?" Jin echoes, then gets up on his feet and stomps angrily to the door. "What's going on is that I'm trying to ignore you, but you keep showing up at my doorstep like an annoying, persistent bug. Not to mention all the millions of messages that clog my voicemail."
There's a moment of silence, and then Kame says, with a perfectly neutral tone: "I'm not buying that."
"Well, that's your problem, not mine."
"I know you," Kame says. "I know you well enough to realize that you're just putting up some sort of ridiculous act so could you please just open the door, let me in and explain what the heck made you like this?"
Jin sighs. He can feel a headache lurking around the corner, ready to attack him any minute. He hesitates, his hand on the doorknob, and finally - though still extremely reluctant - opens the door.
Kame flashes a smile at him, pushes through the door, almost knocking Jin off his feet as he does, and slumps down onto the couch, putting his feet on the table. He pats the free space beside him, gesturing Jin to sit down as well, but he ignores it; instead, he slams the door close and positions himself somewhere near the bookshelf, as far away from Kame as possible - which in itself is a difficult task, seeing as his living room is barely bigger than a large closet.
"So, you care to tell me what's going on?" Kame asks, his observant eyes on Jin's face.
Jin shifts. "I told you already, didn't I? Nothing is going on."
"Look, Jin," Kame says, taking a deep breath; it's amazing how adult-like he can appear at times, given he's only sixteen and most of the guys his age are busy being annoying teenagers. "I'm not stupid, okay? I know something's going on and I might even have a bit of a clue of what it's about, so..."
"Do enlighten me," Jin says grumpily, crossing his arms across his chest. "You know how much I love your theories."
Kame ignores the sarcasm, looking at the other with a hint of seriousness that's rarely been seen in his eyes. "I saw your face that day at Johnny's, when you failed the audition. Even though we never talk about that day, even though you refuse to so much as mention it, I know it hurt you. I know it... changed things."
"Sure it did," Jin snaps; he chooses to ignore most of the other one's words, determined not to let any emotion other than annoyance show on his face. "It changed everything, Kame, but that has nothing to do with me, nothing to do with how things are now. Nothing."
Kame raises an incredulous eyebrow. "You sure?"
Jin is in desperate need of a change of subject; he doesn't want to talk about this, not now, not when confronted all of a sudden like this - he doesn't know what to say or how to say it, doesn't want to attack the other one just because he's frustrated that his life isn't going the way he'd want it to.
He has to come up with something... anything...
He takes a deep, shaky breath and closes the distance between them with a few steps (like said earlier, his apartment issmall). Kame looks at him with a pair of inquiring eyes, opening his mouth to say something, but Jin raises his hand as a gesture for Kame to be quiet; and he does, for once, now looking even more confused than before.
Jin can't help but smile as he gazes into Kame's brown orbs; it's almost a nonexistent smile, something that barely lifts the corners of his mouth, but a smile nonetheless. All he's felt for the past few months is pain, annoyance, anger; but now, at the sight of Kame's face, he suddenly remembers what it's like to feel something else as well, something warm and soothing, something that doesn't threaten to destroy him.
He sits beside Kame, a little closer than he originally intended, not taking his eyes off the other one's face.
"There's something I need to tell you," Jin says, cursing it how his voice his quivering, and how insecure he sounds; it's not like him to act this way, and they both know it, a look of concern filling Kame's face. He opens his mouth again, but Jin is quick to prevent him from saying anything by placing his finger on Kame's lips.
"Not now," he says softly, his thoughts racing as he thinks of what to do, what to say. How should he say it? How could he ever express his feelings? He wants to back out but, knowing there's no chance of doing that, he finally finds himself doing the unthinkable; to both of their surprise, he leans closer; the finger on Kame's mouth is replaced by Jin's lips.
I'm kissing him. Jin realizes it through his blurry mind - he's kissing Kame, Kame, finally, after all these years of wanting to do it.
First Kame is as stiff as a stone. Unmoving, just lips pressed against one another, it can't even be called a kiss - Jin knows that, but he doesn't want to move, doesn't want to draw away. He's too embarrassed about having to explain it later because Kame clearly, painfully obvious, doesn't feel the same.
Or so he thinks, until Kame suddenly - probably surprising even himself - returns the kiss and it's Jin's turn to be surprised.
Everything seems to melt away at that moment, every bit of coherence and everything else except for the two of them; Jin can't believe it's happening, that he's actually kissing Kame and Kame is kissing him back, clearly honestly wanting to do it, maybe even having longed to do it...
He brings a hand to the side of Kame's face, his fingers caressing the soft skin underneath, his lips moving unhurriedly against Kame's. The kiss is sweet, tender, filled with affection; there's a tingling feeling in Jin's stomach, like that of a million butterflies fluttering their wings at the same time. He's never kissed like that - never kissed anyone actually, at least not like this, when it can actually be called a kiss and it feels this good, this right, like it's meant to be.
And then, just when Jin thinks he might faint from happiness, the kiss comes to an end; they pull away from one another but never too far away, their foreheads resting against one another, lips nearly touching.
Neither of them seems to know what to say; they just stay there, perfectly still, breathing a little more heavily than usually - but then again, maybe nothing should be said, not in this moment.
Not right now.
Six years later
If Jin ever had to talk about the most depressing moments of his life, he wouldn't know which one to choose. There are so many of them, so many times when reality came crashing down on him, squishing him like he would have been nothing but a meaningless bug on the ground; so many moments when all he wanted to do was to give up, right there and then, and let go of his dreams. After six long years of working as an assistant in several different movie and music video projects, he doubts anything better will ever come his way; maybe it's his destiny to reach nothing better than this - maybe he's only supposed to be a person who helps great things happen but never gets credited for them.
And, of course, he has one role that's supposed to be more important than any other. It's the role of a faithful, forever-patient boyfriend.
But it's becoming harder and harder, too. The first years of their relationship were easy; it was nothing but mornings of fresh coffee and nights of passionate sex, cuddling and kissing and feeling invincible - believing, quite naively so, that nothing could break them up. Or perhaps it was just the sweet oblivion of not even considering the option, who knows.
At that time, it was easier for Jin to ignore his bitter feelings too. He was never jealous of Kame's success back then, never allowed it to get between them; he always thought his time would come one day, so there was no point in ruining what they had because of petty stuff like jealousy. But then...
Things started changing, slowly but surely, from the moment that Kame started acting in Nobuta wo Produce. His popularity rose, and so did his workload; his name was the one on everyone's lips, and more and more things were expected of him until, at one point, Jin was concerned that his boyfriend wouldn't be able to take it all. Kame would come to him at all hours of the day, exhausted, and say things such as "I'm sorry I haven't called you back, it's just that things have been really hectic lately" and "I know I missed our date last night but you have to understand, everything's so crazy right now". At first, Jin forced himself to understand.
Then he stopped.
And then happened what turned out to be the final blow of their relationship: KAT-TUN's debut. Debut single, debut album, even DVD - suddenly KAT-TUN was everywhere Jin looked, a painful reminder of just how long the distance between him and Kame was. Even now, as Jin thinks about it, his insides hurt.
More drama roles, singles and albums; concert tours, talk shows, magazine appearances, the list goes on endlessly to this very day. That's all Jin has now, the only thing that still reminds him of Kame's existence.
He tries calling Kame - maybe, this time, he's lucky and they get to talk for even five minutes. Just five minutes. That's enough.
But, like always, he's disappointed to be directed straight to the man's voicemail.
"Hey there, superstar," Jin says, feeling empty as always for having yet another conversation with Kame's answering machine. "Just wanted to check how you're doing. Hope you're fine." He pauses for a moment, staring numbly outside where a bunch of kids are playing soccer. "Just... call me back, okay? I... I mean, we haven't seen each other in weeks and the last time we talked - I can't even remember when, so just... call me."
Almost immediately after ending the call, just when he's about to throw his phone into a wall, someone calls him; he glances at the screen in excitement, but it's short-lived, as he notices it's only a call from work, probably someone wondering where he is.
"Hello?" Jin answers the phone, knowing just how numb he sounds, but not bothering to do anything about it.
"I have good news, Akanishi!" he hears the happy voice of his employer. "You better be sitting 'cause this'll send you flying to the floor."
"Yeah, yeah, I'm sitting."
He hears his employer drawing a shaky inhale of air. "Matsuura is interested in you, Akanishi. He wants to meet you."
"Matsuura who?" Jin asks indifferently, his full attention somewhere entirely else than in the phone call.
"MAX MATSUURA, THE PRESIDENT OF AVEX?" his employer shouts, and Jin moves the phone away from his ear, afraid the volume will deafen him. Then, slowly, the information starts sinking in.
"Wait, what? The record company?" Jin says, his eyes wide with shock. "You mean... the company?"
"Well what else could I be talking about? Of course the company, Akanishi!"
Everything slows down for a minute; he stares ahead, following things moving around him in slow motion, and tries to comprehend what's happening - he's waited for ten years, ten long, underpaid, agonizingly slow years... and now what? Max Matsuura, the president of Avex, wants to meet him?
"You still there?"
Jin lets out a completely uncontrolled sound, something between a whimper and a squeal. "HE WANTS TO MEET ME?"
"Yes!" his employer squeals. "I set up a meeting for Thursday, so you have three days to prepare for it. He just wants an interview, maybe a song too but we'll see about that - but you know, just in case, pick your best composition and prepare to perform it to him."
Jin doesn't know what to say - is there something that he can say, overall, in this situation? He just agrees to whatever his employer says, nodding his head, trying to wrap his mind around what's happening.
This is his chance - the chance.
A week later
Everyone already recognizes him at Johnny's Entertainment, so it isn't that difficult for him to go and see Kame whenever he wants; now, too, after not hearing back from the man, it's more than easy for him to make his way through the building and into KAT-TUN's dressing room.
"Hey guys," Jin calls hesitantly from the door; Maru and Ueda look up from whatever they're doing and Junno throws a quick glance at him, too engrossed in his videogame to respond with more than a distracted 'Hello'. Maru and Ueda, however, greet him properly and even smile at him, going through the usual patterns of small talk before Jin finally gets to ask about Kame.
Maru and Ueda glance at each other, which Jin takes as a bad omen, before Maru finally replies.
"I... don't know where he is, actually," he says, not looking Jin directly in the eyes as he speaks. "Haven't seen him in a while now, we're on a break."
So they do have breaks too, huh, Jin thinks to himself bitterly, and then says: "You have no idea at all? Because I kind of have good news for him."
Maru shifts, and Ueda lowers his gaze on the surface of the table; even Junno, previously so concentrated on his game, seems to grow a little quieter, looking a little less enthusiastic and child-like while he sits on the floor, cross-legged.
"Guys, what's going on?" Jin asks with suspicion in his voice. "And before you say 'nothing' -" he pauses and looks at Maru, "- I have to tell you that I'm not taking that for an answer."
Maru and Ueda look at one another, and even Junno looks away from his game; the three of them exchange various of discreet glances which, in turn, annoys Jin incredibly much. Just when he's about to snap at the three, Koki comes through the door on the other side of the room, exhausted-looking, like he would have stayed up many nights in a row. He spots Jin on the doorstep and freezes, his face draining of colour.
"Jin, hey!" Koki says in an unusually high-pitched voice, shifting his weight from one foot to another. "What's up?"
"Apparently something is up," Jin replies. "Something that you guys don't wanna tell me about... and you probably have your reasons, I get that, but I'm dating him and I think that gives me the right to know if something's going on."
Koki steps closer, looking at his band mates as if for support before he lies his eyes back on Jin's face and says: "Well... we just didn't want to worry you, okay? Because it's probably nothing -"
"What is probably nothing?" Jin interrupts, fear creeping in as he looks at the worried faces before him.
"Come and see for yourself, will you?" Koki says, and Jin nods - a little hesitant, though - following Koki through the backdoor. They wander through long corridors in heavy, ominous silence, and soon Jin can no longer recognize where they are; he's never been in this part of the building. Koki leads him to a door with a 'private room, no entrance' sign on it, and looks at Jin with eyes filled with sympathy.
"He's here, resting," Koki mutters, opening the door. They enter a small, dark room with a mattress and some blankets in the corner; on the mattress, there's Kame.
Jin's jaw drops. He's never seen the other in such a poor physical condition; he's nothing but skin and bone, his slender body curled up in a ball as he rests under a blanket. He's restless, muttering in his sleep, his fingers and legs twitching constantly and his forehead creased in a frown, like he'd be having a nightmare. There's a bluish tone on his pale skin, and his lips are chapped; every now and then a strong shudder runs through him, shaking his entire body like he'd be running a very high fever.
Maybe he is running a fever - it'd make sense. Maybe he caught the flu in the middle of a work day, and his co-members didn't want to send him home alone, so they just found him a temporary place to rest in...
Just that it doesn't make sense, not at all; his flu theory fails to explain far too many aspects of the mystery.
Jin blinks a few times, trying to recover from his state of shock, and walks to Kame with slow, careful steps. He kneels down beside the mattress and, after a moment of hesitation, brings a hand on the side of the man's face; just that before he even has a chance to properly touch the other, Kame shudders violently and flinches away, a quiet whimper escaping past his lips.
A cold, unpleasant feeling tingles somewhere in the pit of Jin's stomach as he turns around to look at Koki - and the latter, being a lot smarter than people give him credit for, looks back at him with a pair of understanding eyes and answers Jin's unspoken question with a low, slightly broken voice.
"He's using."
A strong wall of denial seems to build up in Jin's mind; he stares at Koki, shaking his head, as if that way rejecting the information.
"No. He wouldn't - I know him, he'd never do something like that, ever -"
"Look at his arms," Koki interrupts him firmly, nodding in Kame's direction. "Look for needle marks."
And after a moment of hesitation, scared out of his mind, Jin gently takes a hold of Kame's arm; again, the man shudders and tries to wince away - only this time Jin's prepared, his grip tighter and stronger than before. He flips Kame's arm around, terrified as he sees just how fragile and thin it is, and starts doing what Koki told him to. When he spots the first needle mark his heart stops for a second and when it starts pumping again, the rhythm is painfully heavy and fast, making him feel like he'd be choking.
It can't be happening. Not Kame of all people, and not now.
"Are you sure he's okay?" Jin says, trying to fight off the waves of panic. "He doesn't look too good, are you sure he hasn't OD'd or -"
"You think we'd just toss him here if he OD'd?" Koki cuts in, slightly irritated. "He has withdrawal symptoms. He's been clean for three days."
Jin likes the sound of that; maybe it's childish of him but he can't help but think that maybe, maybe, Kame's able to go through it on his own, maybe nothing too extreme is needed, just maybe everything will be alright...
His head is spinning.
"But... why?" Jin mutters weakly. "I don't get it... He has everything he's ever hoped for... A successful career, a loving family, and -" he's about to add 'me' but feels that it might sound too conceited, "- and basically just everything one needs for a good life. I don't get it."
Koki looks uncomfortable all of a sudden, averting his gaze from Jin's face to look at the opposite wall instead - though Jin's quite certain the man isn't looking at anything in particular. "Well, Jin... maybe that's it."
"What do you mean?" Jin asks with a frown, still holding Kame's hand, though gentler now that he's checked Koki's story to be true.
"Like you said, you don't get it," Koki says with a little scared edge, as if afraid to voice his thoughts. "Despite having what seems to be quite a good relationship, the two of you still live in different worlds and he... well, he knows that."
Jin's eyes narrow as a sudden rage awakens inside him; he knows he's probably overreacting but Koki's words hit a spot, a very sore and painful spot, one that's almost destroyed his happiness with Kame so many times.
"You're saying that his is my fault," Jin says angrily, and although he tries to keep his comment as a mere statement, there's a hint of accusation in his voice. Koki looks a bit puzzled, but still doesn't look straight at Jin, his gaze wandering about the room.
"I never said that," Koki says a little too calmly. "You're just assuming things, making things up. I never said anything of the sort."
"But you think that," Jin states, trying to keep his voice from quivering. "You don't have to say it aloud when it's written all over your face."
Koki shifts, awkward, but finally looks Jin in the eyes again. "Come on, Akanishi, don't be this way. Kame is responsible for his own decisions and everyone knows it."
Jin turns away from the other, his eyes on Kame. He doesn't want to talk about the subject anymore, not now, not at this moment, and therefore he changes the subject - perhaps not very subtly, but the situation is of such importance that he really doesn't care.
"So I'm guessing he's here because Johnny has no clue," Jin says, actively pushing his own feelings aside; he needs to take care of Kame first.
"Yeah," Koki replies quietly, "We bring him here whenever he's feeling a little under the weather, and... then we just tell he's sick, or something."
"Why don't you just take him straight home?"
Koki bites his lip. "Because he doesn't have one anymore."
At first Jin feels like shouting out a very incredulous 'what', but as he stops to think about it for a moment (not wanting to wake Kame up) it doesn't seem like such a hard thing to believe after all, not when drugs are involved. It makes sense, sadly.
"What about his folks?" Jin asks quite calmly; it seems to take Koki by surprise, as the man probably expected a stronger reaction to follow his news.
"They don't want anything to do with him."
Jin nods; knowing Kame's family, this piece of information doesn't really amaze him either. "Where has he been staying, then?"
"Most of the time we have absolutely no clue where he is," Koki sighs; this time it's almost too apparent on his face, the pain and heartache, everything he's gone through to protect his friend. "But whenever he happens to show his face in front of us, one of us takes him home... mostly me, though. Just that he always finds a way to disappear again."
"Aren't people getting suspicious?" Jin asks; without noticing, he's began to caress Kame's hand in soft circles. "As good of a job you've done hiding this, it's... huge. I mean, someone's bound to notice, right?"
Koki smiles a bit sadly and suddenly, Jin notices just how much older he looks; it's like the burden would have added to his years.
"We don't really care anymore," Koki says, "Not now when we've finally realized that this isn't just a phase. We just want him to get better."
A silence descends upon the room, a silence during which Jin doesn't know what to say, how to respond. He's dying to express his gratitude, to tell Koki just how much he appreciates all the work they've been doing, but he doesn't know how to put his feelings into words; it seems like quite he impossible task, given everything. Instead, he turns his attention back to Kame, wrapping his arms around the man and lifting him up as carefully as he can manage; needlessly so, apparently, as the man seems to be completely out of it for a change.
"I'll take him to my place," Jin says firmly and quietly. "If anyone asks, he's really sick and I'm taking him to the hospital, okay?"
Koki nods and then says, frowning: "It might be better if you go through the back door to avoid a public scene. You have a car?"
"No," Jin says, for the first time in his life not embarrassed to admit it aloud. "I took the bus."
"You can take mine," Koki offers. "I'll show you where it is."
Jin doesn't know what to say; he hates it how bad he is with words, how he seems to never know how to speak up his mind. Koki is fussing about the door, opening it and making sure that no one's in the corridor, and then he starts leading Jin to the back door. Carrying Kame is like carrying an infant; he barely weighs anything.
Jin pulls him a little closer to his chest.
To their great relief and surprise, they are able to make their way to Koki's car uninterrupted; not a soul seems to be at that part of the building, so they are spared from curious eyes and worried questions. Jin doesn't really feel like dealing with any of that right now; he's got enough on his mind, plus he definitely hasn't recovered from the amount of information yet.
Finally, after several attempts and a lot of annoyed grunts, Kame is safely resting on the back seat of the car. He turns in his sleep - or whatever unconscious state he's in - but that's the only sign of life he's showed during the entire process. Jin closes the door quietly and turns to Koki, the man's face reflecting exactly what Jin's feeling; exhaustion, helplessness and agony.
Koki hands him the keys. "Don't worry about returning it, okay?"
Jin nods, fumbling the keys nervously in his palm while he tries to force himself to say 'thank you' in a way that shows his sincerity; but, without even exaggerating, he really isn't that great with even such simple words. However, just when he's about to just blurt something out even if it doesn't end up sounding good enough, lifting his gaze up to meet Koki's eyes, he realizes there's no need for words; there is a silent, mutual understanding between the two of them and as odd as it is, he can sense that Koki understands him, and receives his gratitude even without him having to say it aloud.
"I think I should get going now," Jin says with a faint, broken smile. "We don't want him to wake up in the car while I'm driving, do we?"
Koki gives a clearly forced smile. "Yeah... hey, let us know how everything goes, okay?"
"Of course."
***
The exhausting day is slowly turning into night; light is fading away and the city grows quieter by the minute, the roar of traffic now only a gentle, distant drone. Jin has been sitting on the edge of his bed for the past couple of hours, his observant and caring eyes on Kame's sleeping figure; he's determined not to eat or sleep before the man wakes up. Not that he could sleep even if he tried, though.
When complete darkness has descended upon the city and Jin is on the verge of falling asleep, Kame finally wakes up. He groans and rolls to his back, accidentally hitting Jin with his hand, yet he doesn't even seem to notice it, and seems confused as he gazes at his surroundings through half-lidded eyes. Jin reckons his mind must still be clouded by the endless hours of sleep.
"Morning, sunshine," Jin greets softly. "About time you woke up."
Kame seems to have quite the hard time spotting the source of sound; his eyes keep wandering from one point to another until, gradually, he manages to focus his gaze on the figure beside him.
"Jin...?"
Jin nods and flashes a soothing smile; true enough, there's a part of him that just wants to shout at Kame and preferably direct a few very hostile glares at him, but he decides to settle with something a little less aggressive for now. Kame is obviously in no better shape than when Jin picked him up, so he'd rather take no chances - who knows what might happen if he pushed the other one too hard.
Kame's expression is what appears to be a combination of shame and irritation. He tries to stumble up to a sitting position only to fall back on the bed; by the looks of it, he's too nauseous and dizzy to sit up. He closes his eyes, his knuckles white as he grasps the sheets underneath him.
"I never wanted you to find out this way," Kame mutters feebly, his words barely audible even in the quietness of the room. He looks so fragile, lying there on Jin's huge bed, the skin stretched over his bones, thin and pale. No matter how much Jin tries to fight against it, the sight triggers his protective side and he feels all the anger and frustration melt away, almost as if they would have never existed in the first place.
"We can talk about it later, okay?" Jin says in a voice so soft and gentle he doesn't even recognize it to be his. "Let's take care of you first."
Kame sneers, opening his eyes to direct them at the other. "And how exactly are you planning to take care of me, Jin?" A faint, playful smirk appears on his face. "Because I have a few suggestions -"
"I won't have sex with you, idiot," Jin snaps, his eyes narrowing. "That's the last thing on my mind right now, believe me. Besides, I'm afraid that if I touch you, you'll shatter into pieces or something..."
His words are quick to wipe off the smile on Kame's face; he averts his gaze from Jin and looks at the ceiling instead.
"When was the last time you ate something?" Jin asks worriedly, reaching his hand out to touch the side of Kame's face. The man gives no reply, nor does he react to Jin's touch; he just lies there with his eyes on the ceiling, his lips in a slight pout.
Jin hesitates, unsure of how to proceed. Hell, how did he ever think he could manage this? He has no experience in the matter whatsoever, and Kame - well, Kame is Kame. He's never felt his hopeless... someone he loves is in danger, and he has no idea how to help him.
"I'm gonna make you a sandwich," Jin finally says, determined to do something at least, even if it doesn't quite seem like enough. "You need to eat something, you look like a skeleton."
And he leaves the room, rushing to the kitchen, where he starts almost frantically preparing a sandwich. Bread, tuna, tomatoes, salad... He goes through his fridge systematically, adding a little bit of everything he can find.
It'll have to do for now, a simple sandwich, until he figures out the next move.
Part Two
By: reddorozette
Pairing: Akame
Word count: 15,157
Rating: PG-13
Genre/Warnings: angst, romance, AU (what if). Mild sexual content, drug usage
Notes: I can't believe I managed to finish this. (And I can't believe it turned out so long, that was never my intention XD) Anyway, I did my best and hopefully it's enough... although I have a feeling that this is a huge fail but, well. Thanks to all of you who listened to my endless whining about how much this sucks and how I'll never finish this (8D). My deepest gratitude goes to my followers on Twitter and all the other ever-so-patient friends.
Summary: When a shared dream shatters, Kame and Jin are faced with a dilemma - how can they keep their relationship alive when life keeps pulling them in different directions?
Jin scans the room nervously, shifting a little closer to his best friend. All the other people who auditioned at the same time seem pretty nervous as well, some of them sitting in silence, biting their fingernails, while some chat and laugh loudly as if to cover their panic; Jin is part of the former group, sitting in complete silence with his hands shaking a little. His heart is racing a hundred miles per hour while he anxiously waits to hear the results; this particular moment will determine the course of his life, his future. He wants to become a Johnny's Junior so badly that his insides ache, and it's surreal to think that his dream could be only moments away from coming true; he can't even wrap his mind around it, really.
He's glad beyond words to have his best friend by his side; they've always shared this dream, even if Jin's always wanted it just a little bit more. Thinking that they might make their debut in the entertainment industry together is something that has crossed his mind a lot lately, and the more he thinks about it, the more he wants it to happen; him and Kame, performing on the same stage... yeah, that would definitely be much better than going at it alone.
Jin is attacked by a sudden urge to grab Kame's hand, but he knows that it wouldn't be exactly appropriate, at least not in other people's eyes and especially not when in the presence of a bunch of young guys who probably dread the existence of gays to their very core. Not that Jin would be sure of his sexual orientation at the age of fourteen but, gay or not, grabbing another guy's hand is gay, no matter how you look at it.
His mom's always had a bit of a problem with how close he is to Kame, though. Jin once heard her parents talking about it, her mom saying that the relationship Jin and Kame share is more like one between two girls, that apparently it's not allowed for boys to hug and hold hands and whatnot - but to him, it's always been a part of who he is. He doesn't understand why he should let his gender determine how he should or shouldn't act.
But Kame, well... Kame is younger, more insecure and unsure of himself. He's easily influenced by other people's words and never aims for anything less than perfection; he's the straight A student, the child who never disobeys his parents, the overachiever and perfectionist who never gives up on what he starts.
Jin smiles a little when he imagines Kame as an idol, ordering people around, aiming for nothing else than absolute perfection in his performances - be it singing, acting or dancing.
"What're you smirking about?" Kame asks suspiciously, and Jin is quick to get rid of the smirk on his face, looking back at the other with a completely neutral expression.
"Nothing," Jin replies with an indifferent shrug, then quickly changes the subject when he sees Kame opening his mouth for another question. "When do you think they're gonna announce who's getting through and who isn't? I'm getting a little nervous here."
Kame is still looking at him with a tinge of suspicion, and Jin tries his best to keep his expression as normal as possible; after a while Kame seems to give up, heaving a sigh, and scans the room just like Jin did a moment ago.
"I don't know. Hopefully soon, though, I'm not -"
But Jin never hears the rest of his sentence as Kame is interrupted by Johnny Kitagawa himself; the man enters the room with such an aura of authority that the people inside silence immediately, stumbling up to their feet. Jin and Kame follow the example, glancing at one another anxiously before directing their attention at Johnny.
"First and foremost," Johnny starts, his eyes moving systemically over the room from one person to another, "I would like to thank each and every one of you for taking interest in my agency."
Jin's knees start shaking, but he tries to ignore it. This is it. This is the moment that will determine the rest of his life.
"I will call the names out in a random order," Johnny says and Jin freezes, holding his breath. "Once your name has been called, please report yourself here -" he points at the assistant on his right, "- and you will be given further instructions."
Kame's eyes find Jin's, and he mouths 'good luck' with a warm smile. Johnny starts calling names, one after another, and Jin watches as the guys suppress delighted screams and bounce to the assistant, wide smiles stretched over their faces. Jin waits impatiently, growing just a little more anxious every time Johnny calls someone else's name; with sweaty palms, he clutches the front of his short as if to that way calm down the wild beating of his heart.
Half of the people are already swarming around the assistant; the other half, however, is standing in complete silence, each of them wearing an expression of deep disappointment. They all know that there are only a few names left.
"... Kamenashi Kazuya."
Kame gasps loudly, his eyes wide and round; he spins around to meet Jin's equally surprised expression, and for a moment the two of them just stare at each other, not knowing what to say. Then Jin somehow manages to snap out of it and rasps "Kame, assistant, go, now", his incoherent words accompanied by a friendly push. Kame drags his feet to the assistant, still looking as if he had seen a ghost, while Jin stares at his back without being able to feel or do anything.
Johnny keeps calling out names and each time Jin doesn't hear his, something inside him seems to die a little, until -
"The rest of you, thank you. Do feel free to try again."
Wait, what? Jin stares at Johnny in shock, feeling as if someone would have stabbed a knife through his chest. That's it? It's over?
He takes a deep, shaky breath; the room starts spinning and he closes his eyes, a hand brought to cover his mouth while he staggers backwards to take support from the wall. The disappointment turns into physical nausea, twirling in his stomach, aching and twisting his insides into an unbearably tight knot. His dream is literally shattering, turning into dust, and he isn't comforted by the option of a second chance; everyone knows that once you fail one audition, is unlikely that you should pass the next one.
It's not gonna happen. His dream of performing on the same stage with Kame, it will never come true. Never.
His eyes find Kame's over the room, and even more than the disappointment, he can't stand the look on his best friend's face; apologetic, helpless, pitying, with an unspoken question in his brown orbs, but one that Jin can clearly hear without it having to be asked aloud.
What's gonna happen next?
Kame is walking towards him, and for the first time in his life Jin doesn't want him to. He wants Kame to turn around, to not look at him with such a pitiful expression; he doesn't want the other one's sympathy, neither his words of consolation - he doesn't need any of it, not right now, not at this moment of disappointment.
"Hey, you... you okay?" Kame asks when he reaches Jin, placing a hand on his best friend's shoulder. "I'm really sorry, Jin, I know how much you wanted this."
Jin gives a strained smile and shakes his head dismissively. "Don't you worry about me right now, I'll be fine. I can always try again, right?"
Jin knows he's not exactly what one would call a good liar and, indeed, Kame's eyes are filled with doubt; he doesn't look convinced at all.
"Look," Jin says, trying to keep the annoyance away from his voice while he speaks, "Of course this stings a little, but not like this will kill me or anything so you just worry about you, okay? You made it! This is your dream, so instead of crying over how I failed, we should celebrate."
Kame's expression softens a little and the victorious smile that's been lurking in his eyes the entire time finally shows on his face; he's shining, wrapped up in an aura of happiness when he pulls Jin into a tight hug. "Thanks, Jin."
Jin mutters something incoherent in a reply and pushes the other one gently away, trying not to look too bitter when he says: "Let's go, baka. Mom baked us a cake."
Four years later
Jin enters the café, drenched and exhausted, locks of hair glued to his face. Once again he curses his bad luck and the fact that he can't find a decent job; if he had one, he would have money to take the bus like normal people and avoid being soaked to the skin.
"Jin, here!" a shout comes from the back of the café; he looks in the direction of the sound to see Kame waving at him happily, two steaming cups of coffee on the table in front of him. Jin flashes a smile and starts making his way through the space, trying hard not to leave too much water behind him as he does.
"Oh god, you're soaked!" Kame says worriedly, offering him a napkin. "You'll catch a cold."
Jin sits down opposite the other, rolling his eyes, and stares at the napkin in Kame's hand incredulously. "I'm afraid that's not gonna help me much, though."
Kame sighs and puts the napkin back down. "I see someone's in a good mood..."
"I just drove eight kilometers in pouring rain," Jin snaps, wrapping his fingers appreciatively around the coffee cup. "Please excuse me for being a little grumpy."
A short silence ensues, during which Jin sips on his drink, immediately soothed by the feeling of the hot liquid streaming down his throat.
"So, how are things?" Kame ask, his voice betraying the worry he's trying to hide.
"Everything's fine," Jin replies bluntly, looking at the other from over the rim of his cup. "Still working at McDonald's but that's just temporary. I have a job interview next week."
Kame's eyes lighten up. "Music stuff?"
"No," Jin says, trying to ignore how the joy disappears from Kame's face at the sound of the negative reply. "Movie stuff. Assisting and such, nothing too fancy but pays the rent."
"That's... good, then."
Jin finishes half of his coffee in one gulp and asks: "And you? How are things?"
"Well..." Kame starts hesitantly, looking nervous all of a sudden. "I have some news, actually. We're gonna perform."
Jin raises an eyebrow. "What do you mean perform, isn't that what you've been doing the entire time?"
"No, I mean... as a group," Kame replies, dropping his gaze on the surface of the table. "The five of us are gonna hold our first concert as KAT-TUN."
Jin tries to ignore the sting of jealousy but finds it impossible; before he can even attempt to control it, it's burning in full flame. He tries to keep it away from his face, at least - the last thing he needs is a fight over something like this. Kame doesn't deserve his childish envy. Kame's been working hard to achieve this, and... yeah. He should be happy for him. Kame is his best friend, after all.
Friends support one another despite feelings of jealousy.
... Right?
"Wow," Jin breathes out, concentrating hard on not letting the envy show on his face. "That's amazing, Kazu, I'm... I'm speechless. Congratulations."
He hears the insincerity in his voice but desperately, desperately hopes that Kame doesn't; and from the looks of it, his wish is fulfilled. Kame raises his head, looking Jin in the eyes, but he doesn't seem offended or annoyed; on the contrary, he seems to have bought Jin's I'm-genuinely-happy-for-you act, his face in a bright smile.
"Thank you," Kame says, his smile only widening by the second. "It's unreal, huh? We couldn't believe it the first time we heard it. It seems just... so weird. They're even planning to release a DVD! We'd be the first group to do that before debut, how insane is that..."
Jin can feel his smile becoming more and more strained to the point of his lips starting to ache. "Yeah, that's... wow."
He finishes his coffee in one gulp. It burns his throat but he can barely notice it as all his energy goes to maintaining a jealous-free expression; Kame is rambling on endlessly about their plans for the future, about things that Johnny has said about them, about how much people expect them to succeed - and the more Jin listens, the harder it becomes to control his negative feelings.
In the last four years, he has begun to hate himself more and more. He just can't bring himself to be sincerely happy for Kame's success; of course he is happy, happy that Kame's dreams are all coming true one by one, but he's also bitter because his aren't. He works long hours on bad salary while going to various auditions in an attempt to pursue his dream, only to have people tell him that he really isn't that great and they don't want to take the risk. Not to mention that the more years pass by, the older Jin becomes, and therefore also becomes less likely to attract anyone's attention.
"Entertainment business is cruel that way." That's what Kame's friend, a member of KAT-TUN, Ueda Tatsuya said to him once. He was trying to cheer him up after yet another failed audition - unsuccessfully so, obviously.
Jin glances at the clock not-so-discreetly, and Kame notices it, silencing immediately; he looks a little hurt, but tries to disguise it as something else.
"Am I boring you?" Kame teases, although it sounds more like an accusation.
"No, of course not," Jin replies with a faint smile, "No, I'm just running late, actually. I promised to take an extra shift tonight... and I gotta run home and take a shower before that."
"Oh," Kame says emotionlessly. "You should go then. We can catch up later."
"Yeah," Jin says, getting up. "Let me know how things work out, okay? And remember to send me a ticket to your first show."
Kame nods, and Jin waves him goodbye, muttering his usual 'ciao' before spinning around and the moment he does, his fake smile disappears; each step he takes away from Kame feels like an eternity, like walking away from him in a larger sense of the expression. He doesn't even bother to pretend that he isn't in a hurry to get away from the other.
Maybe he should.
Maybe that'd be for the best. Kame needs a friend, not someone who has to pretend to smile, pretend to be happy for him; Kame deserves something better, something so much better than Jin can ever offer him.
... in every sense of the sentence.
Jin's feelings for Kame haven't been those of only purely a friend in a long, long time, but he has never confessed it; he doesn't have the courage and besides, what would be the point? He doesn't want to risk it, doesn't want to complicate the situation - it's complicated enough as it is, with them slowly drifting apart while Kame spends his time making his dreams come true.
And on the off chance that Kame actually feels the same... Even more, what would be the point? They barely have time to meet as it is, and if they started dating it would only put unnecessary pressure on their relationship.
Jin sighs, grabbing his bike from where it's leaning against the wall.
It's still raining.
***
"Hey Jin... Uh, well... I just called to ask how you're doing, I guess. Haven't heard back from you."
There's a long silence, and Jin listens to it numbly, his eyes on the phone. Every single day when he comes home, there's at least one voicemail from Kame, inquiring what's up, followed by endless rambling about what KAT-TUN is currently doing; but Jin never, ever calls him back, never even lets him know that he's received all the messages. He doesn't want to. That's what he decided, and that's how it's gonna be.
The message continues.
"I guess I have to be the one to mention the elephant in the room then, huh? I mean... Jin, what's up? You don't return my calls, don't answer the door, you didn't come to our concert... I'm just starting to get worried, okay? I called your mom but she said you visited her last week, which means that you're still alive at least so... Are you -" a loud sound of laughter and random, distant babbling interrupts Kame at the crucial question and Jin smiles a little as the other continues: "- wait, Maru, I'm leaving a voicemail message, shut up - anyway, sorry about that, I was meaning to ask... are you mad at me or something? Because that's the only explanation I can come up with and, yeah... Call me when you get this, please?"
For a moment Jin considers calling Kame back - he owns him at least an explanation, and Kame sure as hell deserves one, too - but he can't do that, no matter how much he tries to muster up the courage. It's been weeks since they last talked.
So, he contents on doing what he always does when he gets home after an exhausting day of work: he grabs his guitar and lets his fingers dance, play the notes they want to play, that they feel like playing in that particular moment. Whenever he comes up with a song of his own, he never plans it beforehand; he just lets out whatever feelings there are inside him, allows them to flow freely.
He's completely lost in the music when, suddenly but not unexpectedly, the doorbell rings and interrupts him. He raises his head lazily, glancing at the door, very well aware of who's behind it; that's why he sits completely still, careful not to make a sound, and waits for Kame to go away.
"Jin?" Kame calls, then bangs at the door a little too loudly than usually; he sounds impatient. "Come on, I know you're there."
Jin heaves a frustrated sigh and decides to speak up, even if just to make Kame leave. "You really are thick, Kazuya. I'm ignoring you, so go away."
"I'm not going anywhere until you explain what's going on."
"What's going on?" Jin echoes, then gets up on his feet and stomps angrily to the door. "What's going on is that I'm trying to ignore you, but you keep showing up at my doorstep like an annoying, persistent bug. Not to mention all the millions of messages that clog my voicemail."
There's a moment of silence, and then Kame says, with a perfectly neutral tone: "I'm not buying that."
"Well, that's your problem, not mine."
"I know you," Kame says. "I know you well enough to realize that you're just putting up some sort of ridiculous act so could you please just open the door, let me in and explain what the heck made you like this?"
Jin sighs. He can feel a headache lurking around the corner, ready to attack him any minute. He hesitates, his hand on the doorknob, and finally - though still extremely reluctant - opens the door.
Kame flashes a smile at him, pushes through the door, almost knocking Jin off his feet as he does, and slumps down onto the couch, putting his feet on the table. He pats the free space beside him, gesturing Jin to sit down as well, but he ignores it; instead, he slams the door close and positions himself somewhere near the bookshelf, as far away from Kame as possible - which in itself is a difficult task, seeing as his living room is barely bigger than a large closet.
"So, you care to tell me what's going on?" Kame asks, his observant eyes on Jin's face.
Jin shifts. "I told you already, didn't I? Nothing is going on."
"Look, Jin," Kame says, taking a deep breath; it's amazing how adult-like he can appear at times, given he's only sixteen and most of the guys his age are busy being annoying teenagers. "I'm not stupid, okay? I know something's going on and I might even have a bit of a clue of what it's about, so..."
"Do enlighten me," Jin says grumpily, crossing his arms across his chest. "You know how much I love your theories."
Kame ignores the sarcasm, looking at the other with a hint of seriousness that's rarely been seen in his eyes. "I saw your face that day at Johnny's, when you failed the audition. Even though we never talk about that day, even though you refuse to so much as mention it, I know it hurt you. I know it... changed things."
"Sure it did," Jin snaps; he chooses to ignore most of the other one's words, determined not to let any emotion other than annoyance show on his face. "It changed everything, Kame, but that has nothing to do with me, nothing to do with how things are now. Nothing."
Kame raises an incredulous eyebrow. "You sure?"
Jin is in desperate need of a change of subject; he doesn't want to talk about this, not now, not when confronted all of a sudden like this - he doesn't know what to say or how to say it, doesn't want to attack the other one just because he's frustrated that his life isn't going the way he'd want it to.
He has to come up with something... anything...
He takes a deep, shaky breath and closes the distance between them with a few steps (like said earlier, his apartment issmall). Kame looks at him with a pair of inquiring eyes, opening his mouth to say something, but Jin raises his hand as a gesture for Kame to be quiet; and he does, for once, now looking even more confused than before.
Jin can't help but smile as he gazes into Kame's brown orbs; it's almost a nonexistent smile, something that barely lifts the corners of his mouth, but a smile nonetheless. All he's felt for the past few months is pain, annoyance, anger; but now, at the sight of Kame's face, he suddenly remembers what it's like to feel something else as well, something warm and soothing, something that doesn't threaten to destroy him.
He sits beside Kame, a little closer than he originally intended, not taking his eyes off the other one's face.
"There's something I need to tell you," Jin says, cursing it how his voice his quivering, and how insecure he sounds; it's not like him to act this way, and they both know it, a look of concern filling Kame's face. He opens his mouth again, but Jin is quick to prevent him from saying anything by placing his finger on Kame's lips.
"Not now," he says softly, his thoughts racing as he thinks of what to do, what to say. How should he say it? How could he ever express his feelings? He wants to back out but, knowing there's no chance of doing that, he finally finds himself doing the unthinkable; to both of their surprise, he leans closer; the finger on Kame's mouth is replaced by Jin's lips.
I'm kissing him. Jin realizes it through his blurry mind - he's kissing Kame, Kame, finally, after all these years of wanting to do it.
First Kame is as stiff as a stone. Unmoving, just lips pressed against one another, it can't even be called a kiss - Jin knows that, but he doesn't want to move, doesn't want to draw away. He's too embarrassed about having to explain it later because Kame clearly, painfully obvious, doesn't feel the same.
Or so he thinks, until Kame suddenly - probably surprising even himself - returns the kiss and it's Jin's turn to be surprised.
Everything seems to melt away at that moment, every bit of coherence and everything else except for the two of them; Jin can't believe it's happening, that he's actually kissing Kame and Kame is kissing him back, clearly honestly wanting to do it, maybe even having longed to do it...
He brings a hand to the side of Kame's face, his fingers caressing the soft skin underneath, his lips moving unhurriedly against Kame's. The kiss is sweet, tender, filled with affection; there's a tingling feeling in Jin's stomach, like that of a million butterflies fluttering their wings at the same time. He's never kissed like that - never kissed anyone actually, at least not like this, when it can actually be called a kiss and it feels this good, this right, like it's meant to be.
And then, just when Jin thinks he might faint from happiness, the kiss comes to an end; they pull away from one another but never too far away, their foreheads resting against one another, lips nearly touching.
Neither of them seems to know what to say; they just stay there, perfectly still, breathing a little more heavily than usually - but then again, maybe nothing should be said, not in this moment.
Not right now.
Six years later
If Jin ever had to talk about the most depressing moments of his life, he wouldn't know which one to choose. There are so many of them, so many times when reality came crashing down on him, squishing him like he would have been nothing but a meaningless bug on the ground; so many moments when all he wanted to do was to give up, right there and then, and let go of his dreams. After six long years of working as an assistant in several different movie and music video projects, he doubts anything better will ever come his way; maybe it's his destiny to reach nothing better than this - maybe he's only supposed to be a person who helps great things happen but never gets credited for them.
And, of course, he has one role that's supposed to be more important than any other. It's the role of a faithful, forever-patient boyfriend.
But it's becoming harder and harder, too. The first years of their relationship were easy; it was nothing but mornings of fresh coffee and nights of passionate sex, cuddling and kissing and feeling invincible - believing, quite naively so, that nothing could break them up. Or perhaps it was just the sweet oblivion of not even considering the option, who knows.
At that time, it was easier for Jin to ignore his bitter feelings too. He was never jealous of Kame's success back then, never allowed it to get between them; he always thought his time would come one day, so there was no point in ruining what they had because of petty stuff like jealousy. But then...
Things started changing, slowly but surely, from the moment that Kame started acting in Nobuta wo Produce. His popularity rose, and so did his workload; his name was the one on everyone's lips, and more and more things were expected of him until, at one point, Jin was concerned that his boyfriend wouldn't be able to take it all. Kame would come to him at all hours of the day, exhausted, and say things such as "I'm sorry I haven't called you back, it's just that things have been really hectic lately" and "I know I missed our date last night but you have to understand, everything's so crazy right now". At first, Jin forced himself to understand.
Then he stopped.
And then happened what turned out to be the final blow of their relationship: KAT-TUN's debut. Debut single, debut album, even DVD - suddenly KAT-TUN was everywhere Jin looked, a painful reminder of just how long the distance between him and Kame was. Even now, as Jin thinks about it, his insides hurt.
More drama roles, singles and albums; concert tours, talk shows, magazine appearances, the list goes on endlessly to this very day. That's all Jin has now, the only thing that still reminds him of Kame's existence.
He tries calling Kame - maybe, this time, he's lucky and they get to talk for even five minutes. Just five minutes. That's enough.
But, like always, he's disappointed to be directed straight to the man's voicemail.
"Hey there, superstar," Jin says, feeling empty as always for having yet another conversation with Kame's answering machine. "Just wanted to check how you're doing. Hope you're fine." He pauses for a moment, staring numbly outside where a bunch of kids are playing soccer. "Just... call me back, okay? I... I mean, we haven't seen each other in weeks and the last time we talked - I can't even remember when, so just... call me."
Almost immediately after ending the call, just when he's about to throw his phone into a wall, someone calls him; he glances at the screen in excitement, but it's short-lived, as he notices it's only a call from work, probably someone wondering where he is.
"Hello?" Jin answers the phone, knowing just how numb he sounds, but not bothering to do anything about it.
"I have good news, Akanishi!" he hears the happy voice of his employer. "You better be sitting 'cause this'll send you flying to the floor."
"Yeah, yeah, I'm sitting."
He hears his employer drawing a shaky inhale of air. "Matsuura is interested in you, Akanishi. He wants to meet you."
"Matsuura who?" Jin asks indifferently, his full attention somewhere entirely else than in the phone call.
"MAX MATSUURA, THE PRESIDENT OF AVEX?" his employer shouts, and Jin moves the phone away from his ear, afraid the volume will deafen him. Then, slowly, the information starts sinking in.
"Wait, what? The record company?" Jin says, his eyes wide with shock. "You mean... the company?"
"Well what else could I be talking about? Of course the company, Akanishi!"
Everything slows down for a minute; he stares ahead, following things moving around him in slow motion, and tries to comprehend what's happening - he's waited for ten years, ten long, underpaid, agonizingly slow years... and now what? Max Matsuura, the president of Avex, wants to meet him?
"You still there?"
Jin lets out a completely uncontrolled sound, something between a whimper and a squeal. "HE WANTS TO MEET ME?"
"Yes!" his employer squeals. "I set up a meeting for Thursday, so you have three days to prepare for it. He just wants an interview, maybe a song too but we'll see about that - but you know, just in case, pick your best composition and prepare to perform it to him."
Jin doesn't know what to say - is there something that he can say, overall, in this situation? He just agrees to whatever his employer says, nodding his head, trying to wrap his mind around what's happening.
This is his chance - the chance.
A week later
Everyone already recognizes him at Johnny's Entertainment, so it isn't that difficult for him to go and see Kame whenever he wants; now, too, after not hearing back from the man, it's more than easy for him to make his way through the building and into KAT-TUN's dressing room.
"Hey guys," Jin calls hesitantly from the door; Maru and Ueda look up from whatever they're doing and Junno throws a quick glance at him, too engrossed in his videogame to respond with more than a distracted 'Hello'. Maru and Ueda, however, greet him properly and even smile at him, going through the usual patterns of small talk before Jin finally gets to ask about Kame.
Maru and Ueda glance at each other, which Jin takes as a bad omen, before Maru finally replies.
"I... don't know where he is, actually," he says, not looking Jin directly in the eyes as he speaks. "Haven't seen him in a while now, we're on a break."
So they do have breaks too, huh, Jin thinks to himself bitterly, and then says: "You have no idea at all? Because I kind of have good news for him."
Maru shifts, and Ueda lowers his gaze on the surface of the table; even Junno, previously so concentrated on his game, seems to grow a little quieter, looking a little less enthusiastic and child-like while he sits on the floor, cross-legged.
"Guys, what's going on?" Jin asks with suspicion in his voice. "And before you say 'nothing' -" he pauses and looks at Maru, "- I have to tell you that I'm not taking that for an answer."
Maru and Ueda look at one another, and even Junno looks away from his game; the three of them exchange various of discreet glances which, in turn, annoys Jin incredibly much. Just when he's about to snap at the three, Koki comes through the door on the other side of the room, exhausted-looking, like he would have stayed up many nights in a row. He spots Jin on the doorstep and freezes, his face draining of colour.
"Jin, hey!" Koki says in an unusually high-pitched voice, shifting his weight from one foot to another. "What's up?"
"Apparently something is up," Jin replies. "Something that you guys don't wanna tell me about... and you probably have your reasons, I get that, but I'm dating him and I think that gives me the right to know if something's going on."
Koki steps closer, looking at his band mates as if for support before he lies his eyes back on Jin's face and says: "Well... we just didn't want to worry you, okay? Because it's probably nothing -"
"What is probably nothing?" Jin interrupts, fear creeping in as he looks at the worried faces before him.
"Come and see for yourself, will you?" Koki says, and Jin nods - a little hesitant, though - following Koki through the backdoor. They wander through long corridors in heavy, ominous silence, and soon Jin can no longer recognize where they are; he's never been in this part of the building. Koki leads him to a door with a 'private room, no entrance' sign on it, and looks at Jin with eyes filled with sympathy.
"He's here, resting," Koki mutters, opening the door. They enter a small, dark room with a mattress and some blankets in the corner; on the mattress, there's Kame.
Jin's jaw drops. He's never seen the other in such a poor physical condition; he's nothing but skin and bone, his slender body curled up in a ball as he rests under a blanket. He's restless, muttering in his sleep, his fingers and legs twitching constantly and his forehead creased in a frown, like he'd be having a nightmare. There's a bluish tone on his pale skin, and his lips are chapped; every now and then a strong shudder runs through him, shaking his entire body like he'd be running a very high fever.
Maybe he is running a fever - it'd make sense. Maybe he caught the flu in the middle of a work day, and his co-members didn't want to send him home alone, so they just found him a temporary place to rest in...
Just that it doesn't make sense, not at all; his flu theory fails to explain far too many aspects of the mystery.
Jin blinks a few times, trying to recover from his state of shock, and walks to Kame with slow, careful steps. He kneels down beside the mattress and, after a moment of hesitation, brings a hand on the side of the man's face; just that before he even has a chance to properly touch the other, Kame shudders violently and flinches away, a quiet whimper escaping past his lips.
A cold, unpleasant feeling tingles somewhere in the pit of Jin's stomach as he turns around to look at Koki - and the latter, being a lot smarter than people give him credit for, looks back at him with a pair of understanding eyes and answers Jin's unspoken question with a low, slightly broken voice.
"He's using."
A strong wall of denial seems to build up in Jin's mind; he stares at Koki, shaking his head, as if that way rejecting the information.
"No. He wouldn't - I know him, he'd never do something like that, ever -"
"Look at his arms," Koki interrupts him firmly, nodding in Kame's direction. "Look for needle marks."
And after a moment of hesitation, scared out of his mind, Jin gently takes a hold of Kame's arm; again, the man shudders and tries to wince away - only this time Jin's prepared, his grip tighter and stronger than before. He flips Kame's arm around, terrified as he sees just how fragile and thin it is, and starts doing what Koki told him to. When he spots the first needle mark his heart stops for a second and when it starts pumping again, the rhythm is painfully heavy and fast, making him feel like he'd be choking.
It can't be happening. Not Kame of all people, and not now.
"Are you sure he's okay?" Jin says, trying to fight off the waves of panic. "He doesn't look too good, are you sure he hasn't OD'd or -"
"You think we'd just toss him here if he OD'd?" Koki cuts in, slightly irritated. "He has withdrawal symptoms. He's been clean for three days."
Jin likes the sound of that; maybe it's childish of him but he can't help but think that maybe, maybe, Kame's able to go through it on his own, maybe nothing too extreme is needed, just maybe everything will be alright...
His head is spinning.
"But... why?" Jin mutters weakly. "I don't get it... He has everything he's ever hoped for... A successful career, a loving family, and -" he's about to add 'me' but feels that it might sound too conceited, "- and basically just everything one needs for a good life. I don't get it."
Koki looks uncomfortable all of a sudden, averting his gaze from Jin's face to look at the opposite wall instead - though Jin's quite certain the man isn't looking at anything in particular. "Well, Jin... maybe that's it."
"What do you mean?" Jin asks with a frown, still holding Kame's hand, though gentler now that he's checked Koki's story to be true.
"Like you said, you don't get it," Koki says with a little scared edge, as if afraid to voice his thoughts. "Despite having what seems to be quite a good relationship, the two of you still live in different worlds and he... well, he knows that."
Jin's eyes narrow as a sudden rage awakens inside him; he knows he's probably overreacting but Koki's words hit a spot, a very sore and painful spot, one that's almost destroyed his happiness with Kame so many times.
"You're saying that his is my fault," Jin says angrily, and although he tries to keep his comment as a mere statement, there's a hint of accusation in his voice. Koki looks a bit puzzled, but still doesn't look straight at Jin, his gaze wandering about the room.
"I never said that," Koki says a little too calmly. "You're just assuming things, making things up. I never said anything of the sort."
"But you think that," Jin states, trying to keep his voice from quivering. "You don't have to say it aloud when it's written all over your face."
Koki shifts, awkward, but finally looks Jin in the eyes again. "Come on, Akanishi, don't be this way. Kame is responsible for his own decisions and everyone knows it."
Jin turns away from the other, his eyes on Kame. He doesn't want to talk about the subject anymore, not now, not at this moment, and therefore he changes the subject - perhaps not very subtly, but the situation is of such importance that he really doesn't care.
"So I'm guessing he's here because Johnny has no clue," Jin says, actively pushing his own feelings aside; he needs to take care of Kame first.
"Yeah," Koki replies quietly, "We bring him here whenever he's feeling a little under the weather, and... then we just tell he's sick, or something."
"Why don't you just take him straight home?"
Koki bites his lip. "Because he doesn't have one anymore."
At first Jin feels like shouting out a very incredulous 'what', but as he stops to think about it for a moment (not wanting to wake Kame up) it doesn't seem like such a hard thing to believe after all, not when drugs are involved. It makes sense, sadly.
"What about his folks?" Jin asks quite calmly; it seems to take Koki by surprise, as the man probably expected a stronger reaction to follow his news.
"They don't want anything to do with him."
Jin nods; knowing Kame's family, this piece of information doesn't really amaze him either. "Where has he been staying, then?"
"Most of the time we have absolutely no clue where he is," Koki sighs; this time it's almost too apparent on his face, the pain and heartache, everything he's gone through to protect his friend. "But whenever he happens to show his face in front of us, one of us takes him home... mostly me, though. Just that he always finds a way to disappear again."
"Aren't people getting suspicious?" Jin asks; without noticing, he's began to caress Kame's hand in soft circles. "As good of a job you've done hiding this, it's... huge. I mean, someone's bound to notice, right?"
Koki smiles a bit sadly and suddenly, Jin notices just how much older he looks; it's like the burden would have added to his years.
"We don't really care anymore," Koki says, "Not now when we've finally realized that this isn't just a phase. We just want him to get better."
A silence descends upon the room, a silence during which Jin doesn't know what to say, how to respond. He's dying to express his gratitude, to tell Koki just how much he appreciates all the work they've been doing, but he doesn't know how to put his feelings into words; it seems like quite he impossible task, given everything. Instead, he turns his attention back to Kame, wrapping his arms around the man and lifting him up as carefully as he can manage; needlessly so, apparently, as the man seems to be completely out of it for a change.
"I'll take him to my place," Jin says firmly and quietly. "If anyone asks, he's really sick and I'm taking him to the hospital, okay?"
Koki nods and then says, frowning: "It might be better if you go through the back door to avoid a public scene. You have a car?"
"No," Jin says, for the first time in his life not embarrassed to admit it aloud. "I took the bus."
"You can take mine," Koki offers. "I'll show you where it is."
Jin doesn't know what to say; he hates it how bad he is with words, how he seems to never know how to speak up his mind. Koki is fussing about the door, opening it and making sure that no one's in the corridor, and then he starts leading Jin to the back door. Carrying Kame is like carrying an infant; he barely weighs anything.
Jin pulls him a little closer to his chest.
To their great relief and surprise, they are able to make their way to Koki's car uninterrupted; not a soul seems to be at that part of the building, so they are spared from curious eyes and worried questions. Jin doesn't really feel like dealing with any of that right now; he's got enough on his mind, plus he definitely hasn't recovered from the amount of information yet.
Finally, after several attempts and a lot of annoyed grunts, Kame is safely resting on the back seat of the car. He turns in his sleep - or whatever unconscious state he's in - but that's the only sign of life he's showed during the entire process. Jin closes the door quietly and turns to Koki, the man's face reflecting exactly what Jin's feeling; exhaustion, helplessness and agony.
Koki hands him the keys. "Don't worry about returning it, okay?"
Jin nods, fumbling the keys nervously in his palm while he tries to force himself to say 'thank you' in a way that shows his sincerity; but, without even exaggerating, he really isn't that great with even such simple words. However, just when he's about to just blurt something out even if it doesn't end up sounding good enough, lifting his gaze up to meet Koki's eyes, he realizes there's no need for words; there is a silent, mutual understanding between the two of them and as odd as it is, he can sense that Koki understands him, and receives his gratitude even without him having to say it aloud.
"I think I should get going now," Jin says with a faint, broken smile. "We don't want him to wake up in the car while I'm driving, do we?"
Koki gives a clearly forced smile. "Yeah... hey, let us know how everything goes, okay?"
"Of course."
***
The exhausting day is slowly turning into night; light is fading away and the city grows quieter by the minute, the roar of traffic now only a gentle, distant drone. Jin has been sitting on the edge of his bed for the past couple of hours, his observant and caring eyes on Kame's sleeping figure; he's determined not to eat or sleep before the man wakes up. Not that he could sleep even if he tried, though.
When complete darkness has descended upon the city and Jin is on the verge of falling asleep, Kame finally wakes up. He groans and rolls to his back, accidentally hitting Jin with his hand, yet he doesn't even seem to notice it, and seems confused as he gazes at his surroundings through half-lidded eyes. Jin reckons his mind must still be clouded by the endless hours of sleep.
"Morning, sunshine," Jin greets softly. "About time you woke up."
Kame seems to have quite the hard time spotting the source of sound; his eyes keep wandering from one point to another until, gradually, he manages to focus his gaze on the figure beside him.
"Jin...?"
Jin nods and flashes a soothing smile; true enough, there's a part of him that just wants to shout at Kame and preferably direct a few very hostile glares at him, but he decides to settle with something a little less aggressive for now. Kame is obviously in no better shape than when Jin picked him up, so he'd rather take no chances - who knows what might happen if he pushed the other one too hard.
Kame's expression is what appears to be a combination of shame and irritation. He tries to stumble up to a sitting position only to fall back on the bed; by the looks of it, he's too nauseous and dizzy to sit up. He closes his eyes, his knuckles white as he grasps the sheets underneath him.
"I never wanted you to find out this way," Kame mutters feebly, his words barely audible even in the quietness of the room. He looks so fragile, lying there on Jin's huge bed, the skin stretched over his bones, thin and pale. No matter how much Jin tries to fight against it, the sight triggers his protective side and he feels all the anger and frustration melt away, almost as if they would have never existed in the first place.
"We can talk about it later, okay?" Jin says in a voice so soft and gentle he doesn't even recognize it to be his. "Let's take care of you first."
Kame sneers, opening his eyes to direct them at the other. "And how exactly are you planning to take care of me, Jin?" A faint, playful smirk appears on his face. "Because I have a few suggestions -"
"I won't have sex with you, idiot," Jin snaps, his eyes narrowing. "That's the last thing on my mind right now, believe me. Besides, I'm afraid that if I touch you, you'll shatter into pieces or something..."
His words are quick to wipe off the smile on Kame's face; he averts his gaze from Jin and looks at the ceiling instead.
"When was the last time you ate something?" Jin asks worriedly, reaching his hand out to touch the side of Kame's face. The man gives no reply, nor does he react to Jin's touch; he just lies there with his eyes on the ceiling, his lips in a slight pout.
Jin hesitates, unsure of how to proceed. Hell, how did he ever think he could manage this? He has no experience in the matter whatsoever, and Kame - well, Kame is Kame. He's never felt his hopeless... someone he loves is in danger, and he has no idea how to help him.
"I'm gonna make you a sandwich," Jin finally says, determined to do something at least, even if it doesn't quite seem like enough. "You need to eat something, you look like a skeleton."
And he leaves the room, rushing to the kitchen, where he starts almost frantically preparing a sandwich. Bread, tuna, tomatoes, salad... He goes through his fridge systematically, adding a little bit of everything he can find.
It'll have to do for now, a simple sandwich, until he figures out the next move.
Part Two