I can't go through that again.
Had a mini meltdown and psychological breakdown. Too me a little while to figure what it was but I think I have it pinned down. Elly revealed to me that she had been having tooth pain for about a week and she was afraid that it was an infection that may have traveled to her nasal passages cause her sinuses were bothering her too. The first emotion I felt was anger because I had recently had read an article about woman who had similar tooth pain and died because the infection traveled her brain causing lesions. Plus I went through a very rough period back in 2008-2009 when my Dad developed lesions after and infection in his lungs traveled to his heart and then to the brain. The thought of that happening again to someone I care about absolutely terrifies me. Words can't express how frightening the thought of that is. I'm really not sure I could go through that again without losing my mind. As a result I was very emotional later when Elly was trying to talk me out of cashing in recyclables cause I like to wait for three weeks worth to pile up before taking them in and apparently my Dad has expressed a frustration with seeing the bags laying around in front of the door or in the back of the car but I don't know where else to store them. Yes it would be easier to just stick them in the recycling bin in the complex but it would defeat my purpose. I'm cashing them in to save up some extra cash, give myself a sense of purpose and accomplishment, and to do something for myself which is part of my therapy. My therapist wants me to make a decision for myself everyday and stick to it without allowing anybody or anything else to affect me. Something that makes me happy, cashing in the recyclables makes actually makes me happy. Weird yes I know. Sure, there are other things I do but this is one of them. I also got angry when Elly got a call from her friend Sandra who was having a crisis and she dropped everything to go help her despite the pain she was in. I'm still trying to figure that one out. I really should have been proud that she was being so compassionate enough that she was willing to go help out a friend despite her own discomfort but for some reason I felt as if I was being abandoned and after she left I retreated to the bedroom and cried a little bit. Then after dinner Elly wanted to take a drive down to 7Eleven for cigarettes. I still very out of sorts and really didn't want to go but I had some Red Box movies to return and Elly refused to do so for me. I was angry and resentful cause I felt as if she was forcing me to go out at a time when I really didn't feel up to it. I don't force her to go out when she doesn't feel up to it as much as I would like to sometimes. I shared my feelings with her but it didn't go further than just telling her how I felt. We argue less now that we express our feelings rather than repressing or holding back. Later that evening I gave Elly my Vicodin. I don't make a habit of sharing prescription meds but it was a low dosage and she was in quite a bit of pain and she can't contact her doctor until Monday. I didn't however expect her to take two. When she came to bed she woke me up coming in the bedroom door, kinda grinned, and informed me that she was stoned. I shook my head and didn't fuss. The next day she was still a little loopy after getting up but soon was feeling pain again so I gave her more Vicodin, only one this time mind you. I know was feeling a sore throat which was getting progressively worse despite the constant intake of fluids and got to the point where I took a Vicodin cause I felt miserable. Doesn't take the pain away but makes it bearable, and yes if it still hurts Monday I will contact the doctor to make sure it isn't strep. When I get sore throats they usually only hurt for a day and than other symptoms set in. I've only had strep once but it was also the only time I had a sore throat for multiple days. Well Elly's tooth pain got so worse that I finally took her to the ER tonight and they were surprisingly fast. She wanted to just pull the tooth but the ER doc said she wasn't qualified to do that. The sent her home with some liquid Lidocaine for instant pain relief which Elly said numb the pain to a throbbing and the pharmacist came over with a prescription for antibiotics and Vicodin. Nothing more can be done until Monday. A quick stop for sustenance at Taco Bell and back home where I've taken another Vicodin for sore throat pain am seriously considering sleep after finishing my glass of water.