yeah, this really fucking sucks
So I went to California two weeks ago for my grandfather's funeral (6/28/2023), and it fucking sucked. I'm so very fucking furious that I wasn't given the opportunities my little sister was to go out there. I had asked so many fucking times, but because of my brain injury, my requests just weren't seen as viable. I'm so god damn angry, and sad. The worst is that I was saying how I wished I had been able to go out there more, and my sister was like "oh, why didn't you? They paid for Eric & I to go." Saying it like it's something I should have known. Which is FUCKING BULLSHIT. How the fuck should I have known they would pay for me to go out there? I had sure fucking asked enough fucking times, and tried to balance my finances enough that I could pay for myself to get out there. I didn't realize they were paying for traveling. If I had known that, I would have gone out there at least half a dozen times in the last few years. FUCK, it just makes me so fucking angry. I had wanted to speak to Iichan about what he did in World War II. And then, for the funeral, I did something - I forgot what exactly, I'll have to look it up tomorrow. Oh, I went over my memories with him, which I don't remember exactly right now. Maybe I'll watch the funeral later. Eugh, the whole fucking thing just pisses me off so fucking much. And makes me so sad. I think besides my immediate family (mom, dad, sister), I was closest to him. So yeah, that really fucking sucks.
Niich has been doing better. He's enjoying his new job - he's a manager at our local grocery store (Food Lion) now. I like him. That sounds kind of dumb to say, but he's a really good guy. He's still learning how to "do" life, but he's been self-sufficient before, and he's a smart dude. I'm trying to think of negatives about him, and it's tough. Umm... he's sweaty/hot in bed. He's like a little sweat box haha. And I'm not a huge fan of how he takes my car sometimes, even though I think some of the times that I get annoyed with him for having it, I had given him permission to take it. I know I must be pretty frustrating for him; he has to repeat shit so fucking often. I get frustrated with me, sometimes I really don't understand how anyone can stay with me & put up with constantly repeating the same fucking thing over and over again to me. Oh, he's having an issue with getting a new license. I don't remember what the details of it were, but I know we went to the DMV today. Don't remember/didn't write down what happens next. And I know I'm going to have to ask Niich, & he'll probably get a little pissed at me for forgetting. Maybe I'll remember tonight while I'm sleeping. Hah. Yeah right.
Shit is frustrating. I feel bad for Niich, that he has to put up with repeating himself over & over & over. Oh, I guess the one negative I have for him is he doesn't seem like he's ever done a fantastic job at adulting. We went to the doctor's for him a few months ago, and I had to walk him through what to say - he needed to tell the doctor what was wrong, not go into his life story. And he had his car repossessed before he met me - he needs to take care of that financial fiasco. We went to the DMV yesterday because he needs his license renewed. I have no idea what happened, though. I didn't write any notes because I was driving. In hindsight, I guess when we do stuff together, he should drive, so I can write notes.
Eugh. It's 4:30am & I just wrote a long message to a dead ex - Brandon. I guess I'll copy paste it here, then log off & possibly go to sleep for the night. I don't know, I might just pull an allnighter since it's already 5:15am & I have work from 2pm to 6pm today for some reason.
"Hey B. I met someone new, and I’ve been dating them for about 3 months now. They’re a lot of fun, and I feel like if you were still around, you’d be up for hanging out with us at some point. They were living in Williamsburg when we met, but live with me now. I still think of you a lot, and I wish life had gotten better for us both before you left it, but things are kind of better for me with this new dude. Idk."
Whatevs. Now I'm a little sad, cuz I was just looking through all of me & B's old messages bleh.
Possibly sleep now? Maybe not? I mean, I work today from 2pm to 6pm, so that's an early shift. If I fall asleep right now, I guess I could get like 7 hours of sleep, but what are the chances of that? I guess I'll just lie down & see if I can sleep quickly.