Back at home...
It's weird not to have journaled a lot recently. I was just so used to writing so much at that psychiatric hospital, and now I haven't written anything in the past couple days. I mean, I've been busy getting my journal onto the computer, but that's really no excuse to not update everyone on my status as of late.
I've had an interesting couple of days. On Sunday, I just kind of relaxed - my family is very careful not to make me stressed out at all. Lizz came over later in the evening. We had fondu, which I love. Lizz's mom was in the hospital because of chest pains, and Lizz was a little emotionally distraught because of that. She stayed for a little while anyways, and we watched a Simpsons episode. We are now official - she's my girlfriend! :-D So that was an exciting Christmas Eve present. I had written a note to her when I was in the hospital, and she read it when she came over.
Anyways, on Monday, I was the first one in the house to wake up. I woke up at around 8, and went through my stocking first. I got a couple cool things in my stocking - some sushi bandaids, a keychain thing that I can keep my drugs in, and some golf gloves. Couple other things too, mostly candy. I don't especially like sweet things most of the time, but I'm sure there will be a time when I'm craving candy. Then everyone in the house woke up, and we opened presents.
I got quite a haul this year. Topping the list was a brand new Gravity longboard. It's really hot, and really comfortable to skateboard on. I also got a new printer, some clothes, some cd's, and a couple computer things. So yea, it was a pretty good Christmas. And relaxing, too. Usually my grandparents come over, and we have a formal dinner with them. My parents told them that they were picking me up from Fairfax on Christmas, though, so they didn't come over.
For the rest of the day, I just kind of relaxed. Even though it was raining, I went out and tried my new longboard at the highschool parking lot around here. It's so much fun. Lizz was going to come over, but I was too tired, and I knew she was tired too. She had driven up to Fredericksburg to visit family, and was driving back when I started feeling tired; around 8 o'clock.
Let's see. Yesterday... I worked a lot on getting my novel on to the computer, and then I went out to stop by my grandparent's house on my way to see Lizz and go ice-skating. My grandparents are doing alright. I know that they're a stressor in my life, but I like being the "Golden Child." I like that I'm the one who convinces them to manage their property - valued at $4.6 million. It fills me with a sense of... pride? Hmm, some emotion, something that has to do with feeling valued.
After stopping by there, I went out to go to the mall - Lizz worked until 6:45, so I just walked around the mall a bit. There were some really good sales - I ended up spending like $50 on clothes. I got a nice shirt, some pajama bottoms, and a thermal shirt. Very comfortable, and very nicely priced. Then Lizz got off work, and we went to her house so she could get socks. Lol, she tried to race me home and I kind of kicked her ass. I <3 my car. And I love driving again.
Then we went ice-skating. It was a lot of fun! But I'll never be a professional ice skater. I was just starting to get the hang of it a little bit when they closed. It was fun though, it was a good Christmas thing to do, and I liked hanging out with Lizz.
We went to her house after that, got some Starbucks, and then went back to her house. Heh, then we "broke in" her new car, right in front of her house. I was a little worried about having sex - I hadn't tried doing anything, even masturbating, with these drugs. But it was fine, even though I didn't finish. I think that's the remnants of the Celexa in my system. And I think I've kind of noticed my sexual libido is a little less than normal. I used to jack off like at least once a day, and now I just don't. I wonder if things will change, or what will happen.
I guess I haven't really noted my psychological state in the last couple days. It's been... fluctuating. As I said, I've been waking up early in the mornings, usually around 7:30-8:30am. Then I take the Effexor, and by around 10 or 11, I kind of fully wake up. At first, I would get really twitchy in the afternoons, and I would have to take some Vistaril to calm myself down. But it's gotten a lot better. When my parents picked me up on Saturday, I was reallly twitchy; it's especially noticeable when I am drinking something, because my hand is so twitchy and you can see the liquid kind of shaking. But as I said, it's gotten a lot better. I didn't take any Vistaril at all yesterday. But it was odd; in the evening, I kind of felt somewhat off. I don't know how to describe it. I felt like the drugs were trying to mute my intelligence somewhat. I think that's how I described it to Lizz. And I was just kind of out of it. I was at American Eagle, and I walked right by Lizz. And my pupils were enormous last night. But after ice skating, I felt a lot better, and definitely more awake. I'm not sure what the drug is doing to me, but it is keeping me from sliding back into suicide idealization, so that's a definite plus.
Now I'm going to go back to transcribing this journal on to the computer. Lizz and Jason both said it was very interesting, and slightly disturbing. That's cool - I think it can be a seller. I really have to work on finding an agent though. I'll try doing that today.
I've had an interesting couple of days. On Sunday, I just kind of relaxed - my family is very careful not to make me stressed out at all. Lizz came over later in the evening. We had fondu, which I love. Lizz's mom was in the hospital because of chest pains, and Lizz was a little emotionally distraught because of that. She stayed for a little while anyways, and we watched a Simpsons episode. We are now official - she's my girlfriend! :-D So that was an exciting Christmas Eve present. I had written a note to her when I was in the hospital, and she read it when she came over.
Anyways, on Monday, I was the first one in the house to wake up. I woke up at around 8, and went through my stocking first. I got a couple cool things in my stocking - some sushi bandaids, a keychain thing that I can keep my drugs in, and some golf gloves. Couple other things too, mostly candy. I don't especially like sweet things most of the time, but I'm sure there will be a time when I'm craving candy. Then everyone in the house woke up, and we opened presents.
I got quite a haul this year. Topping the list was a brand new Gravity longboard. It's really hot, and really comfortable to skateboard on. I also got a new printer, some clothes, some cd's, and a couple computer things. So yea, it was a pretty good Christmas. And relaxing, too. Usually my grandparents come over, and we have a formal dinner with them. My parents told them that they were picking me up from Fairfax on Christmas, though, so they didn't come over.
For the rest of the day, I just kind of relaxed. Even though it was raining, I went out and tried my new longboard at the highschool parking lot around here. It's so much fun. Lizz was going to come over, but I was too tired, and I knew she was tired too. She had driven up to Fredericksburg to visit family, and was driving back when I started feeling tired; around 8 o'clock.
Let's see. Yesterday... I worked a lot on getting my novel on to the computer, and then I went out to stop by my grandparent's house on my way to see Lizz and go ice-skating. My grandparents are doing alright. I know that they're a stressor in my life, but I like being the "Golden Child." I like that I'm the one who convinces them to manage their property - valued at $4.6 million. It fills me with a sense of... pride? Hmm, some emotion, something that has to do with feeling valued.
After stopping by there, I went out to go to the mall - Lizz worked until 6:45, so I just walked around the mall a bit. There were some really good sales - I ended up spending like $50 on clothes. I got a nice shirt, some pajama bottoms, and a thermal shirt. Very comfortable, and very nicely priced. Then Lizz got off work, and we went to her house so she could get socks. Lol, she tried to race me home and I kind of kicked her ass. I <3 my car. And I love driving again.
Then we went ice-skating. It was a lot of fun! But I'll never be a professional ice skater. I was just starting to get the hang of it a little bit when they closed. It was fun though, it was a good Christmas thing to do, and I liked hanging out with Lizz.
We went to her house after that, got some Starbucks, and then went back to her house. Heh, then we "broke in" her new car, right in front of her house. I was a little worried about having sex - I hadn't tried doing anything, even masturbating, with these drugs. But it was fine, even though I didn't finish. I think that's the remnants of the Celexa in my system. And I think I've kind of noticed my sexual libido is a little less than normal. I used to jack off like at least once a day, and now I just don't. I wonder if things will change, or what will happen.
I guess I haven't really noted my psychological state in the last couple days. It's been... fluctuating. As I said, I've been waking up early in the mornings, usually around 7:30-8:30am. Then I take the Effexor, and by around 10 or 11, I kind of fully wake up. At first, I would get really twitchy in the afternoons, and I would have to take some Vistaril to calm myself down. But it's gotten a lot better. When my parents picked me up on Saturday, I was reallly twitchy; it's especially noticeable when I am drinking something, because my hand is so twitchy and you can see the liquid kind of shaking. But as I said, it's gotten a lot better. I didn't take any Vistaril at all yesterday. But it was odd; in the evening, I kind of felt somewhat off. I don't know how to describe it. I felt like the drugs were trying to mute my intelligence somewhat. I think that's how I described it to Lizz. And I was just kind of out of it. I was at American Eagle, and I walked right by Lizz. And my pupils were enormous last night. But after ice skating, I felt a lot better, and definitely more awake. I'm not sure what the drug is doing to me, but it is keeping me from sliding back into suicide idealization, so that's a definite plus.
Now I'm going to go back to transcribing this journal on to the computer. Lizz and Jason both said it was very interesting, and slightly disturbing. That's cool - I think it can be a seller. I really have to work on finding an agent though. I'll try doing that today.